How do you survive 13 yr old girls?

[deleted account] ( 18 moms have responded )

My oldest daughter turned 13 in April and her attitude has reached a record level. Evidently, she is lovely with anyone but s....for which I am profoundly grateful. However, I am at a loss with how to handle her now. SHe locks herself in her room, doesn't listen, blatently ignores requests, argues constantly, blames everyone else, is only happy when she gets her own way, and pretty much hates the fact that I wake up on a daily basis. I just don't know what to do. I want to have a good relationship with her, but don't want her to forget that I'm the mother and she's still the kid.

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Denise - posted on 09/12/2009

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My daughter started getting snippy with me when she was 11yrs old. Well, she is 17 and still has her moments. For the most part I am always in her face. Basically, I didn't give her a chance to be alone. That's when you have to pay the most attention to them, as people. It's no longer going to be the routine of daily life. You have to get her to trust that you are not going anywhere that she can come to you about anything without you passing judgement. All my daughter's life I have been preaching morals to her now it's time for her to act. No matter what she has done, and she has messed up I am always there for her to pick up the pieces. Needless to say we are not only mother and daughter, but also best friends. Now I am the fun mom who all the kids feel comfortable around. They respect me and try to do the right things. I also have one 18yr old stepson, one almost 17yr old daughter, then there's my 17yr old daughter, one 9 yr old daughter and one 8yr old daughter.

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Mrs Sylvia - posted on 01/22/2013

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my daughter is 13 soon 14 i am always buying her things but she says i dont. i am there at school to sort out problems and take her for councilling. still its not enough i had her at 40 so am an embarassing old mum at 54 now. she tells me she wishes i was young like her friends mums and to back off all her friends have smoked got drunk etc had sex at 12 i might add. am i just a old dinosaur or am i wrong to care and protect her. i dont want her to be pregnant at 14 or have a std but apparently im wrong. she speaks to me like rebbish and swears all the time she has turned into a nightmare i blame secondry school wher they all think its the norm to act this way help where to i begin to put it right. my other 2 children who are in their 30s wernt like this.

[deleted account]

I have been through it recently. My daughter at 12 ant 13 had this god awful attitude about everything and listen to nothing. Her verbal abuse to my husband,siblins and I were terrible. We as a family sat her down and had a long discussion about her behavior and attitude and asked her opinion on how we can help to keep her from becoming this way and she also had to listen to what we felt she should do to control her attitude. We eventually came to a compromise. It has gotten alot better after that. Until she started dating that is............

Lisa - posted on 09/13/2009

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oh dear....and here I was, thinking I was the only 1 in the world with a daughter, aged 13, April born, disrespectful, no ears, thinks shes 18, do wat she wants, wen she wants, snuck out at night and returned at 2am, wagged school......and so much more.
Its not an easy task being a mum 2 a teen, BUT with consequences, consistency and that amazing strength we seem to have... we seem to get through each day and stay resonably sain. Anyone out there who has sum kind of magical remidy to help us hav a less stressful time with these teens, is a bloody genius! lol. PLEASE help us all. I'm serious...Im surprised I havn't had a breakdown yet!!!

Mary - posted on 09/12/2009

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LOL, yep, I hear that!! At that point I tell him when I want whatever done BY and I walk away. Later on I'll call him on talking back to me and how he has responsibilities that he is expected to do, whether they are something that just pops up or not. My 13 year old is my harder one though. I do often wonder how we've acheived so much when we know so little! We are amazing women!! eh!?

Lori - posted on 09/12/2009

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Wow, I have a 13 year old boy and that all sounds so familiar. He argues constantly! Everything can be debated in his mind. He will spend 20 minutes telling me why he can't do something I asked him to do that would take 2 seconds. According to him I know nothing and Its amazing Im still alive since he thinks I'm so stupid! It can be very frustrating!

Mary - posted on 09/12/2009

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Denise, I know what that's like, I'm enjoying being friends with my son at 18, his friends feel the same way around me that your daughters friends feel. It's such a great feeling to have that and know that you've done good! Great job!!!! Keep up the great work =0)

Mary - posted on 09/12/2009

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First what is a "scene" kid??? Never heard of that, I live in New Jersey, is it not in this area?
I have an 18, almost 19 year old and a 13, almost 14 year old...both sons though. I had a very hard time between 12-16 with my older and found that taking away priviledges helped but talking to him helped a lot. I am a single mom and I sometimes feel that I am more of a friend sometimes, as I read in one of the posts. I have found that talking to them helps, I tell them what I accept as far as helping out and respect but they talk about how they feel and what they want. With my younger one, I find that just telling him he needs to take a run or ride his bike to blow off steam helps a lot. I turn off the tv to get attention when they're really "out of touch." Most of what I"m getting is how unfair I am that I make them leave their iPods and cell phones downstairs when they go to bed. I find they don't need to be on the phone or internet after bed hours, life will go on I tell them! lol Talking is good..open communication but also they need to know who's in charge too. Good Luck! Mary

Reesha - posted on 09/12/2009

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I have a 13 year old and it's tough. She's a good girl on the whole - works hard at school, helps out at home, doesn't particularly shout or slam doors, doesn't swear at us (although sometimes, the way she looks at me, she might as well)!! But, boy, can she argue?! From the minute she could talk, she had the art of argument!! She's very good at sucking me in to arguments, I generally win, then spitting me out and leaving me feeling guilty. It's all good fun!

Jamie - posted on 09/11/2009

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My daughter will be 13 in February. She is just starting her attitudes. I have two adult boys and if I had her first, I probably wouldn't have any more. It's not easy but I think a balance of firmness and communication is the key. We had a chat in the car last night about how hard it is to be a teenager now a days. I asked her what is different today from when I was a teen. She said, "boys". I said, "we had them back then". She kind of giggled and then said, "girls being mean or pretending to be your friend and then hurting you". I said, "we had them back then too". She finally started talking to me. I did agree, they may be starting younger today, but the issues are basically the same. I had enough fear of being punished, though I very often didn't do anything wrong that it kept me from yelling at my mom or slamming doors, etc. She admitted, she thinks twice about doing something because she is afraid of being grounded, etc.

Jane - posted on 09/10/2009

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I too have a 13 year old daughter - but we seem to be coming out the other side a bit. It was TERRIBLE 6 months to a year ago - and I was searching for answers too....but then we made a deal that I would give her some paid responsibility around the house - so she now gets paid to do the laundry and other things, which gives her some extra pocket money, and the responsibility seems to have helped a little......we talk more now. But it was also some soul searching from me, that meant I had to consciously think about trying to treat her in a more grown up way. The trouble was that the way she talked to me would get me really angry too, so we ended up shouting. Of course, this didn't help - so we are now MUCH better pals. Hope this helps a bit - there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!!:)

Jennifer - posted on 09/10/2009

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OMG!! I'm in the same boat as well so hopefully that's kind of comforting:) Mine will be 13 in Nov. She does the same crap- I give her chore list to follow, she doesn't do it saying I forgot. I got her cell phone recently (since my oldest went off to college and so she could reach me in an emergency). All she does is spend time texting (24 hrs a day) or chatting on the computer! I would say don't let her LOCK the door to her room and also constantly ask her what she's doing. I drive mine nuts with that! I'm always hollering "Hey what's going on up there? Did you walk the dog yet? Homework done? " Constantly in their face seems to help since she can't go & 'hide' and not doing any chores or whatever you need her to do. Grounding does help to....somewhat. Have you tried that?? I'm with you on the whole "mother-kid' thing. My huisband constantly yelled at me, telling me I acted too much like a "friend" & not a mom. That may be true but somewhere you have to find a happy medium:) Sorry I couldn't be of any more help:( Let me know how everything works out! Also---if you have any suggestions or know anyone that is a mom of a "scene" kid, I would greatly appreciate it!!!! I'll have to elaborate on that some other time...heehee

Jennifer - posted on 09/10/2009

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Good luck with that one!!! Mine is 12 going on 21 as well...lol I haven't gone to that extreme yet but maybe I just might start....thanks for your tips. Hope everything works out for you:)

Heather - posted on 09/09/2009

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Oh my! My daughter turns 13 in october and this fits my life to a T! The last quarter of school she started letting her grades drop,she failed PE and started being sneaky. We kept grounding her and taking things away, limiting her time with friends sometimes it worked but mostly we continued to argue daily. Over the summer we told her she could spend time with friends 3 days a week. We let her choose which days and we still heard complaining but she was more accepting as the summer went on. We considered switching schools and told her so. We ended up Writing up a list of rules,even the the obvious ones, sat her down had her read them and then we had her sign a behavior contract. It sounds extreme but we though it was important for her to see we are serious about a change in attitude and if we feel she is not living up to her potential or behavior worsens or continues we will pull her out of school and transfer her to an alternate one. This was a concern for her all summer so hopefully it has all sunk in . wish me luck school starts tomorrow.

Maureen - posted on 09/08/2009

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If you can figure out how to survive a 13 yr old girl - maybe you can help me with a 13 year old boy. I always thought girls were the more trouble with the raging hormones and adapting to being young women. HAH ! Boys are just as tempermental and full of attitude. I've considered taking up drinking as a hobby... lol

Laura - posted on 09/08/2009

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PLEASE let me know anything you come uo with I am in the same boat and sinking fast!

Karen - posted on 09/06/2009

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I don't have any advice for you... I don't want you to think you are the only parent with this problem... I have a 13 year old girl that will be 14 in oct. and we are going though the same thing..The only thing I can tell you to do is maybe take her to a psychologist...or a counselor....so she can talk to someone because they won't talk to us..I just started taking my daughter.. and so far it has helped some... I hope this helps..good luck!!!

SirLaundria - posted on 09/05/2009

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Oh I won't have the arguing.She can speak her mind in a respectful tone or else.I told her I have been there and done that!

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