how to eplain the sex questions to my 10 year old son????

Yasmin - posted on 09/09/2009

jus answer the questions he ask in an easy way,its unbeliveble sum of the questions my kids have ask me ,i alwys try to anwser as best i can

Mandee - posted on 09/08/2009

I've been trying to get the courage to have this discussion wiht my daughter (turned 11 last week). The reason I've been putting it off is I'm not sure how much info to discuss. I've had the over all discussions of how babies are made and a vague dialogue of what sex is, but now she's starting middle school. Over the summer i heard (operah, dr. phill, news, i dunno from where but anyway...) that now kids are having oral sex, some as early as the age of 9. Before i heard that, it never crossed my mind to discuss that with my daughter, but now I know the subject needs to be approched.



I'd like to think i can be the type of mom that feels comfortable discussing this with her very openly. But the reality is that's alot easier said then done at her age, a few more years sure, but at 11?!?!. Not in a million years did i think i would have to be talking to my daughter about oral sex at this age. I'm not sure how to approch this

Laura - posted on 09/06/2009

You've got to check out the book "It's Perfectly Normal". I read it with my 9 year old daughter and 11 year old son. It's got very good explanations and cartoon pictures. It explains things in terms that kids understand.

Sarah Jamie - posted on 09/05/2009

I am so happy to see so many moms using proper terms. That is very important so that our kids do not trivialize and are ashamed of asking or talking about this very important topic. It is also a way to make sure your kids aren't taken advantage of by someone calling the vagina a kitty and wanting to pet it, as in a rapist or molester. This teaching of the proper language gives them more understanding of the proper use of their private parts and just why they are private so I commend all of you moms who are doing this.



One think I would recommend is to be honest just like everyone else has said. Waiting until they ask is almost too late, but if that is what time it is and you can't really turn the clock back, just start now. In our school district kids get a gender specific video and lesson plan starting at 3rd grade. Very general and non- sexual specific. At 4th grade it goes into proper names and functions, still gender specific. 5th grade they get both genders (which I think should happen in 3rd because if they have any kind of curiosity, they already know what the other sex has) and an AIDS Talk. I may be somewhat forward about this, but I have had two cousins (not really close, but still relatives) deliver by 14. That means they had to have sex by 13. And I have worked with a lot of at-risk youth who were pregnant early as well. So I just think it is better to tell them the truth, and it may seem like "too" much, but wouldn't you rather have them hear it from you than to hear it from some other kid who isn't really that informed. My daughter is 10, 11 on the 18th, and she has heard far more than what I ever expected at her school from her classmates, including stuff about lesbians, tasting genitalia (yes you read that right) and masturbation. And none of this was in the last year, so she was hearing from other kids at 8 and 9. Its already out there, so just prepare your kids the best you can.

Mindy - posted on 09/05/2009

My son is now 13. A couple years back I did as everyone else described and answered his Qs with very proper terms and all that. Well, I must have done a good job conveying that he can come to me with anything because since then he comes to me and asks me questions about all the things he hears from his friends. Am I thrilled when my 12 year old asked me what a blowjob was? NO. But am I happy he was still willing to be open with me? YES.

I still answer everything with the bare minimum of required info.

There have been a couple I have refused to answer, and I pointed out that was because I would have to explain other things and it was really inappropriate and unnecessary for someone his age.

Kathy - posted on 09/01/2009

Just be honest, my son now 25 still laughs about the whole sex thing and how I was so totally honest and how he would tell me other moms do not talk to their kids like I do, I always took that as an compliment. My parents always told me that sex is to have babies and women do not enjoy it. That is why I decided that I would always be honest with my kids, my daughter now 10 knows I will answer any question and we have.

Melissa - posted on 08/31/2009

I sat my 10 yr old son down and matter of factly told him about the birds and the bees. I used proper terminology (penis, vagina, etc) and answered any questions he had. I have worked really hard at making sure he knows he can come to me with these type of questions. Better he learn from me then someone else right?

Aoife - posted on 08/29/2009

Have just gone through this with our 11 year old...... bought a very very graphic book, with details on every thing, even a chapter on STDS, etc. He had heard 'half stories' from other boys, so at least now he knows the facts. It nearly broke my heart though to tell him all of this grown up stuff - but now he knows, and there is no more 'big deal' to it. How - ever, I STILL have to tell him the truth about santa - I know he has had conversations with other kids, but officially, we still believe here!!!

Melissa - posted on 08/29/2009

Hello!

I have an 11 year old son and I had the talk with him last year. He was 'taught' by one of his friends that sex was a naked mommy bouncing around on a couch with a naked daddy, lol!!! I figured that I wanted to be the one to tell him what it was before he was mislead anymore. I was very frank and open about it. He asked...I answered. Very straightforward. Kids definately have a great detect-o-crap meter so you can't make it sound like it's no big deal. It is a huge deal, especially when they get a few years older and I agree with the honest approach. It worked for me and he has no embarassment in coming to me now with any questions or concerns and that is the biggest reward of them all!! :)

Lisa - posted on 08/28/2009

My pediatrician gave me the name of a book, "It's Not the Stork for 4 year olds and up then "It's So Amazing" for 7 year olds and up and then "It's perfectly Normal" for 10 and up. Great books! My son read it from cover to cover and it gave me a place to start a conversation. I have not given him the perfectly normal one yet, but have it ready to give when it is time.

Kelly - posted on 08/26/2009

ive tought all my kids about body parts and proper names along time ago,sex why we have it and yes babies come from viginas not storks,but the thing is the more you talk about it the easier it is for both of you,he'll have the comfort of nowing what ever he needs an answer to you will give it,when my youngest who is 11 was in sex ed,he knew more then the teacher,

Donna - posted on 08/26/2009

The sex subject needs to be a comfortable zone for you and your children no matter what age. Even if you are nervous don't let it show. This is one of those areas where you want your child to be okay with coming to you, not feeling like he makes you uncomfortable. He will go to his friends or some other adult if he feels you are not open about the subject. Wether you like it or not kids his age are learning about sex in all the wrong ways. He is definitely old enough for straight forward discussion about the pros and cons of having sex, what sex actually is in all the technical terms, and all the consequences involved. These include the overdramatic emotions of teenage girls, sexually transmitted disease, and the not so joyful experience of having to raise an unplanned child while your friends are finishing school and partying and dating and traveling and so on and so on. It is not as hard as it sounds to make them understand the reasons to wait. My son will be 14 this year and still has never kissed a girl. I have talked openly about sex and the dangers of child predators with my children their whole lives. I never regret it!! They are prepared for what their friends may throw at them and know how to spot inappropriate behavior from children or adults long before it poses a threat. Let down your guard and talk openly and casually about this with your son. Even throw in some honest examples from your own past. Kids are more comfortable knowing that Mom and Dad weren't perfect but they can learn from your experience.
I hope this helps. Good luck! :o)

Ginger - posted on 08/25/2009

Matter-of-factly, with proper terms (vagina, penis, etc) and with pictures or sketches. I did not wait for my daughter to ask about sex. In my opinion, it's already too late at that point. I sat down with her when she was about 7 and explained it, just as my mother had done for me. There was never any "gross" feelings about it and if I wanted clarification, I knew exactly who I could ask. I wanted my daughter to be just as secure about the topic as I was.

Kate - posted on 08/25/2009

Try www.kidshealth.org. It has a kids site that explains all the bodu changes that happen during puberty. I have an 11 year old and it's been really helpful for him. Although I stay close by in case he asks any questions. Hope this helps

Rachael - posted on 08/25/2009

I'm shocked he hasn't asked before now LOL! My son started asking at 5! Just be very honest but age-relevant - if you're NOT honest, he'll hear worse when he's with his mates. Re; the t-shirt, he's probably just trying it on with you, so just say "when you're 18 and not before - it's not appropriate." Another good way of doing things if you find it hard to be open, is use the media - strike up a conversation from something on the news or in the paper - it can be uncomfortable to say "right, we need to sit down and talk about so and so..." Above all, make sure that he can feel confident to come and talk to you about stuff - it may be awkward sometimes, but that's out job! Hope it helps - feel free to add me to your circle if you like - I'm very open and honest with my nearly 11 year old, so I may be able to help you more! Good luck :-) X

Carla - posted on 08/23/2009

I have an 11 year old son but I know exactly what you're going through. I did not sugar coat anything. I just had an open, honest conversation with my son. He tends to be inappropriate and I just have to remind him almost on a daily basis. It's tough when there's sex everywhere they look just about. I try to encourage him to wait until he's out of college and/or finds someone he really loves and cares about. He needs to focus on having fun with friends because that's what is important right now, girls will come later.....we hope, right?!?!?!?

Denise - posted on 08/22/2009

Keep it simple. Answer the question he asks. With my daughter i showed her a picture of the girl and a picture of the boy told her simplly how each worked. Told how the egg has to meet the sperm and she said Oh so the serm goes here and i said yep and she said and is that how the babyt cames out and i said yep and then she was happy. Just keep it simple and let hime lead you how far he wants to go. He might jsut want to know he is normal.