How to punish a 12 year old boy

Maria - posted on 10/26/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My 12 year old keeps on getting in trouble at school. I tried every single punishment in the world; no T.V. ,no cell phone, no video games. Nothing seems to work! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What kind of trouble is he/she getting into? Grades, fighting, disruptive behavior? Persistent problems are almost always a sign that there is an underlying issue at play, which is why conventional discipline isn't working. Is he/she dealing with interpersonal problems at home or school, being bullied, struggling with a minor learning disability? It could even be as simple as puberty, those pesky hormones that take hold and just won't quit. Regardless, you probably need some uninterrupted one-on-one time with him/her whether they like it or not (I literally will sit on my son's bed while he plays video games and strike up a conversation about what's going on, just to get him talking) because you'll either eventually get to the bottom of the underlying problem, or they will get the attention they needed, but in a positive way.

Jennifer - posted on 10/30/2011

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Talk to the school and see if you can go to school with him and follow him around to his classes to keep him in line. You should only need to do this once because it is going to be embarrassing for him to have the other kids see his mommy following him around school because he can't keep out of trouble. I know that this one worked for me. :)

Good luck.

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Chasmodai - posted on 04/13/2013

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You haven't said what kind of trouble he is in. Does he have trouble paying attention? Has he been tested for attention deficit hyperactive disorder? Why is he getting into trouble? Have you tried talking to him? Often when kids get into trouble, there are underlying causes, such as family problems, learning differences, etc. Find the cause of the problem first and address that, rather than looking for ways to punish him.

Jennifer - posted on 05/11/2012

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please tell me what worked for you.Like you my child recently started getting in trouble at school.At first I grounded him-then he got in trouble again.Next I grounded him longer and added more chores.Then he got in trouble again.He is going on his second month of being grounded now-his school behavior improved and he earned free time but the very next day he got in trouble for not doing his chores and got caught with notebooks he had been doodling in while he was punished.I don't know what else to do at this point-he literally has nothing else to lose.I've tried punishing him for a specific behavior but he he seems bound and determined to continue to act inappropriately.How long should his punishments last?

Marie - posted on 11/15/2011

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Have him play with his young sister. Like tea party in a dress or make him play with her and her dolls.

Eron - posted on 11/04/2011

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if this behaviour is new or out of characture for your child, or if the behaviour is only in school, stop the punishment and talk to him, if punishment isnt working then maybe he doesnt care what the home punishment is - there might be something going on that worrys him more than losing any of these things x

Diane - posted on 11/02/2011

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Thanks Maria, I am so glad to hear that I may have learned something raising 3 sons ( 21, 16 and 14.) You made my day!

Maria - posted on 11/01/2011

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Thanks so much!!! All three of you helped me, Jennifer I love your idea but I have a 10 week daughter plus he takes the bus to school. I'll keep that in mind! Diane you suggesting I should reward him helped sooooooo much!! thanks! :)

Diane - posted on 11/01/2011

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Another idea that sometimes works is letting him suffer the consequences of his actions. If he refuses to get up on time, take him to school late a few times. If he doesn't do his homework let him be embarrassed when he doesn't have it. I would let his teachers know ahead of time what you are doing. Another thing that worked well with my boys was saying "How would you feel if Johnny did that to you?" Really make him understand how his behavior is affecting others, And one more thing, try ignoring the bad and rewarding the good. A week without problems = a new video game, a new dvd, etc. Good luck!

Maria - posted on 10/28/2011

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Well he gets c's and d's. He is the oldest out of ten that sometimes is a lot of presure on him.

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