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I feel like 10 y daughter feels left out, 2 new babies in the house.

Andrea - posted on 03/03/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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6

My daughter was an only child for about 8 years. Her and I were very close before I got remarried to my now husband a little over 2 years ago. I feel like she is feeling very left out. She makes statement about how she misses it being just her and I. I know she loves her new stepdad and even call him dad. She loves the babies (8 months and 23 months) and is very good with them. She is an awesome help with them and I do rely on her help a lot because my husband works a lot. I don't want her to feel as if she is not important to me anymore or that I love her less. I want to spend time with just her, but it is very difficult with 2 demanding little ones. I feel like the only attention she gets from me is to hassle her about chores, homework and "can you please help me with......"whatever baby I need her to help with at the time. I do at times miss our time together, but what can I do? I feel horrible. She is also at that age where she is going to start puberty and I can't tell if her depressive attitude lately is hormonal or missing her mommy time. Anyone else in or have gone thru this. Any words of advice?

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3 Comments

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Andrea - posted on 03/04/2010

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6

Thank you, these replies have been helpful and encouraging.

Becki - posted on 03/04/2010

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talk to her, tell her how you feel and have her express her feelings to you. shavaune had some very good point to hit on for that conversation. you don't want to loose the tight knit bond you have always had. you're going to appreciate that once she does hit puberty. i understand how it feels to be tired and that there is just never enough time in the day. but you have to make individual time with your daughter. if its just the two of you grocery shopping that will make a difference. about the only time any of my kids get alone time is when they run errands with me, i rotate which child goes. doing something when the babies are asleep is also a good time. good luck :)

Shavaune - posted on 03/04/2010

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I have "individual" time with my kids. I have 4 and it's not easy (2 older boys and 2 younger girls) But i find particularly when i go out with my older ones and it's just me and them that they are much more open to just talking about things in general when their siblings aren't around. My 12 year old has told me that he like to go out with just me and him because when the little ones are around its like everything just kind of becomes about what they want to do or what they need. Little ones demand alot more time and attention so they kind of have a way of becoming the center of attention whether their just being cute or whether their screaming. Even just taking or playing a game after the other ones go to sleep seems to help. I know it's hard because with two small ones your just dead tired by the time you get just daily routine stuff over.



But i've found that being honest with your kids is the best thing to do. I talked with my kids about it directly. Wait until your other children are napping or something and just talk to her about how she feels about not having as much time with you and tell her how you feel about not spending as much time with her. All kids really want is to know that you do want to do things with them and that still love them just as much as you did before. And explain to her that it's not going to be like this forever. Babies grow quite fast and your family life will normalize and it will be easier to go out and do things like how you did them before. With my oldest i started to do things with them that i don't do with the little ones like building models of cars. Find something that is for just you and her to do together. My daughter and I started to make friendship bracelets and stuff like that when the baby is sleeping and she just loves it.

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