I gave birth to this beautiful baby girl, almost 17 years

Christy - posted on 05/29/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

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She is smart, compassionate, independent, giving, loving, an all around amazing child. Then she turned 16.... and all that amazing went right out the window. Now she is grumpy, disrespectful, no longer a leader, but a follower, she doesn't show any compassion, her tone and body language says she hates me. I love her so dearly, but lately I find my level of anger and hurt with her attitude and behavior beyond what I think is acceptable to feel towards your child.
I know that Teens are difficult, but this is so much harder than I expected. The only good thing I can say about her right now, is that she doesn't get into any trouble with the law. She passes her classes and the random drug testing the schools and I give her. I feel like Ive lost her, I have no idea who this person who lives in my house is, or is becoming.

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Nayanda - posted on 06/13/2011

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High school is a tough time for girls and believe it or not when they push us away that is when they need us the most. Perhaps you and your daughter could take some time to spend together so that you can talk without the distractions of the day to day. Don't tell her, because she'll probably just blow you off, just plan it. Summer is coming and this might be a perfect time for a beach getaway for just the two of you. With everything going on sometimes we don't make enough time to just be with each other and get re-connected. Listen without judgement, give advice if asked, and tell about your HS days, the good and the not so good. Sometimes girls think their mothers have no idea what they are going through but they could not be further from the truth. My 17 year old and I have a great relationship and I believe it stems from always being able to talk to her about my faults and mishaps as well as letting her know that nobody will fight for her or love her more than I will.

Klara - posted on 06/05/2011

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try to remember that when children are the most unloveable- angry and difficult, its when they need love the most. Good luck to you!

Kelly - posted on 06/01/2011

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We went through a terrible time with our older son (14 now) that ended up in him running away from home with us (I'm the stepmom) to go live with his mother.

Our younger son is starting to hit the same stage, but I feel like we're so much better prepared to deal with it this time around. While I have boys and not a daughter, I think either way it's important to remember that this is a normal stage of their development (not that knowing makes it any easier!). The rebellion and "hate" towards the parents is all a part of them growing and becoming their own person - learning to be their own person outside of the family unit.

Love and hugs to you - it takes more patience than any person has, but like we found with the older son, you will come out the other side eventually. :)

Jackieblu - posted on 06/01/2011

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She'll come back around. It's so difficult for parents & kids today. Mine are now 22 & 31 and their both doing well. They did test my patients- I have the grays to prove it too. Thank God they never got into major trouble, but I still felt helpless & shut out. Their 9 years apart (but their still very close), but my youngest was my best friend because it was just her & I for a long time. So when she 'shut me out' I felt sad, lost, lonely, and afraid I had failed some how. I needed to get a life- lol. She turned out great, and we're close again. I look back to when my older daughter was that age & she went through basically the same thing. The terrible twos of the teens....

Brooke - posted on 05/31/2011

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Just be patient. You may lose her for a time, but she will come back to you if you are patient, understanding and consistent. The rules of course are necessary. Try not to react in anger, i know it is easier said then done but this is important. Sometimes you just need to let it go. She is just going through what most girls do, but some cases are a bit more, challenging then others. I know I was. I never got in trouble, I did what I was expected to do, I never drank, smoked, or did drugs, but I received zero trust. I responded by being angry and resentful and I even got emancipated! My mom and I didn't talk for a few years because she couldn't understand what I was going through and grew to resent me in return. She is now my best friend. I moved to the middle of nowhere just to be closer to her, and she is my confidant. We go shopping together and to movies together and even out to the bar on rare special occasions! Your daughter doesn't hate you. Not really. If you are just overwhelmed perhaps even try a therapist if you feel it is needed. You can get thru this. It just takes time.

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