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I have a 10 year old step son who I feel hates me what do I do to make things better but also get him to listen to me?

BrittanieBoller - posted on 05/18/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

5

0

To give a little background. My stepson lives with me and my boyfriend. We have lived together for over a year now. He doesn't want to listen to me it always has to be an argument. My boyfriend works 4 days a week 12hr days so we really only see him on his days off. My boyfriends mother also lives with us. My boyfriend sets rules for his son and I follow them but his mother bends them so my stepson always goes to her after I say something and she lets him do it. I feel like I am treated like a child in my own home and I'm just at a lost of what to do PLEASE HELP!!!

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1 Comment

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Teresa - posted on 05/20/2012

139

10

Hi Brittanie, It all sounds very confusing about who is exactly placing the ground rules and boundaries in your house, if its confusing to me as an adult, I am wondering just how confused your ten yr old is? Although your boyfriend sets rules, unfortunmatly 10 year olds will try to push them as much as possible, and he seems to have a support in this with your boyfriends Mother.

I would suggest that when the three of you are alone,perhaps when your step son is in bed, and sit down and go through exactly how you want the rules and boundaries to be in your home, if you have a reward chart or system in place work together to show you are supporting each other, and will not waver, it seems he has the knack of knowing his grandmother will give in to him. Unfortunatly it is a well tried system that young children use to get thier own way, play of one parent with the other.

I would also suggest ,you take some time out on your own away from home to be with your stepson, maybe a overnight camping trip. or a weekend break just the two of you, he might not be keen at first but keep trying. You also might try taking him out with just you and your husband I know your husband works long hours, but try and fit it in, and give him the opportunity to talk to you about he is feeling, maybe he is just a little insecure about your relationship?
If your boyfriends Mother is putting up barriers to this, I would suggest you also take her out away from home, and talk to her perhaps a lunch time dinner, be honest about how you feel, and ask for her wise support as you need her to help you. I am sure she feels a little unsure also about your relationship and feels she has to do the parenting, however if you are honest ask her to step in when you feel its neccesary, but support you and back you up that would be more helpful. I hope this helps Good Luck

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