I have a 11 year old girl who is having problems with emotion.

Sherry - posted on 10/17/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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She is a very wonderful little lady. She seems to get very upset over just the smallest things. I have talked to a few people about this and none of them seem to know anything I can do to try to help her other then what I have already tried. I really want to help her, because she get picked on alot for this. If anyone can maybe give me a few ideals about helping her it would be great.

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Stacey - posted on 10/30/2010

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this sound just like my daughter before her hormones kicked in and she started her period. she started at 11 yrs old. and my god she was so emotional with EVERYTHING, you could just glance at her while walking in a room and that was enough!. so we also spoke about ways and things to do when she starts feeling that emotion build up. the breathing and counting, going to her own space and reading a book, etc... and talking to her and telling her that its normal to feel this way and that everybody goes thru this at some point helped her alot too. good luck!

[deleted account]

I agree that it is most likely hormones. I second the martial arts suggestion. Not only does it provide physical activity (which can help balance hormones) and teach emotional control/discipline, but it also teaches some valuable self defense skills!

It's also possible that there is something else bothering your daughter. Maybe look into finding a mentor, counselor or therapist that she can talk to. They may be able to teach her some ways to handle the fluctuating emotions and provide a sympathetic ear.

Laura - posted on 10/18/2010

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Kim, you could try some form of martial arts, especially Tai Chi. Tai Chi IS a form of martial arts--it's like slow motion karate. It focuses on form and breathing and is very relaxing. Karate or some other active form of martial arts might be good to try as these teach self-discipline and emotional control. Lessons can be expensive so call around and ask if the dojo offers specials or scholarships. The YMCA sometimes offers martial arts classes that are less expensive. Encourage your daughter to consider a sport of some sort--excercise is an excellent way to naturally moderate moods and emotions.
Don't forget to set expectations for behavior either. It's okay to be angry about something, but there are appropriate ways to express that emotion. Let her know what is okay and what is not acceptable behavior for showing her feelings and be consistent with how you deal with any outbursts. Puberty is an emotional time, especially for girls, but they still need structure and need to know what the limits of their behavior are. If you try these suggestions and don't see any overall improvement in behavior you might then want to consult with your doctor about recommendations for counceling. A professional therapist, especially one trained in dealing with adolescents, can be very helpful! Good luck!

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Wendy San - posted on 07/16/2014

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hi Stacey my daughter is starting to have this feeling - I was wondering if she also had some strange thoughts in her head or like theres a voice in her head. thanks

Lisa - posted on 10/21/2010

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My daughter went thru this. Thankfully she is getting a little tougher now but used to get hurt by everything anyone would say. I just try to talk about things and ask her how she feels about it alot! and try to discuss her friends and her day at school. sometimes just letting her vent works. And lots of hugs.

[deleted account]

I agree with Laura Snow, It is absolutely hormones. I have an 11 year old too and wow! she can be a pain. When she's moody or getting upset at everyone for nothing I let her have her melt down and afterwards I tell her now go to your room and calm yourself down then come out and explain to us what it is that you need, want or is bothering you. I think it's important to let them have that melt down, they need to vent too. After all is said and done we sit down and talk and come up with a solution to whatever it was that was bothering her, usually it's just a mood swing she apologizes and all is well. It's going to happen more often than not, be patient and show her that you love her no matter what. As long as she's not being disrespectful and she's not changing (behavior, personality etc.) it's just hormones......don't you remember going through it : ) Hope this helped.

Kim - posted on 10/18/2010

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I have the same issues with my 11 year old and she seems to be angry ALL the time and doesnt enjoy things that she used to find fun. Yoga is a good idea but am unsure if she would go with me. Any other suggestions?

Laura - posted on 10/17/2010

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Julie makes some good points! First, hormones are most likely part of the equation--puberty can cause fluctuations in mood and emotions. I have been going through some of this with my own 12 year old daughter--oh, the fun! : ) My daughter also has a tendency to over-react emotionally to situations so we developed a "plan" for her a few years ago that has really helped her, even now with hormones thrown into the mix! It's along Julie's suggestion of "yoga breaths": When my daughter starts getting over-emotional/upset, I use a calm, quiet voice to talk to her rather than trying to match her by getting louder. Speaking quietly can help calm kids because they, themselves, need to quiet down in order to simply hear what you are saying. I then remind my daughter to do her "breathing excercises": She breathes in slowly for a count of 3, holds it for 3, then slowly blows out for a count of 4. When she was younger I had her pretend to blow out birthday candles! She repeats this excercise a few times until she is calmer. She now does this on her own sometimes to calm herself down! When she is upset it is "required" that she calm herself down before she talks to her dad or myself about her problem and this excercise helps her do that. It does not negate her feelings; it allows her to calm herself so that she can express those feelings more appropriately. Hope this helps and good luck!

Julie - posted on 10/17/2010

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it could very well be hormones kicking in. I would recommend taking her to some yoga classes to improve her over all relaxation.This will also give her some relaxation tools for when she feels herself becoming upset. My child has anxiety issues and often gets upset over a kid picking up one of her "special " erasers and being able to do "yoga" breaths has helped her

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