I have a 12 year old with MAJOR attitude!!! how do I break this?

Amy - posted on 03/28/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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My son wants to argue with us daily about everything!! He argues with my youngest son all the time too. Everything with my son is a fight!!!!

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Erin - posted on 03/30/2010

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I gave my son a notebook to express himself in when he starts to get out of control. he carries it with him to dads and grandmas house too. he said he argues and yells so much because he doesnt feel like anyone gives him any respect with regard to how he feels or thinks. I told him that if he is not able to talk in a calm voice then no one would pay attention to what he says. we agreed that when it starts to get out of hand we would both take a time out to write down what we wanted to say then exchange them and read them and talk again calmly. that worked really well. now we can take a time out to collect ourselves and talk later without the notebook step. good luck.

Arrow - posted on 04/01/2010

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Well, the good news is, it's normal, the bad news is you still have the other son to get through with this. Hopefully the actions of the elder son will attribute to your younger boy's ability to learn how not to act when he gets there. In the mean time, try to bare with him while he acts out, so long as small pets and other kids aren't getting hurt, he will be fine soon.Take a minute and have a hot tea alone when you can, journal to get it all out of your head, and if it gets to the point where you are not liking him as much, (We CAN love them and NOT like them at the same time.) maybe the two of you can do for a walk or drive together and talk it out. You'd be rather surprised to how receptive a boy that age can be to just have his mommy talk to him like he's still a human and her little boy. Best of luck...and if it helps, mines a red headed girl...I KNOW!

Kesha - posted on 03/28/2010

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If you have exhausted all strategies and haved asked your son if something is bothering him, and he says everything is fine, and he is just giving you major attitude then I would go in his room and if he has a TV-remove it along with all electronics including cell phone if he has one and strip his room of everything (including toys etc.) I even took my 12 year old daughters bedroom door off the hinge so she had no privacy what so ever. I only left her books to read and anything that was educational. After doing all of the above my daughter shaped up because she knew I was very serious and was not going to let her disrespect me and disrupt the household with her major attitude. The next day she came in from school and apologized to me, but I did not give her back any of her things. I slowly gave her back some of her things (not all at once) She had to earn them back and it took a while, but she has not given me any more problems.

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Jeannette - posted on 11/29/2012

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I have a 12years old daughter she been very mean to her little sister who only 9 years old and I had them sharing a room to try to get along but didn't work so now that I given her room back she hardly fight with her but very privet about what she doing I was cleaning her room to find a letter she wrote to some boy that she like but he has a girlfriend and she seems very up set in the letter she don't know that I know but don't know what to do at this point I am a singal mom and her father in her life but seem every time me and him talk about her she seem to blow up I fell she trying to grow up to fast and the more I say no the more she says yes.

Kelleigh - posted on 04/01/2010

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Unfortunately it is the age....However, just knowing that does not help the situation other than you know it is normal. You do need to set clear boundaries and expectations of what is acceptable in your home and what is not. Set clear consequences and stick to them no matter how hard it is. I have two sons 19 & 13. It will get better! I have learned to pick my battles, when he is having a moody moment I smile at him. He gets mad and tells me to stop, then he usually ends up laughing. It is hard to be a jerk at someone who is smiling. Dont let them get the best of you! Remember...it is temporary and they are very conflicted trying to figure out who they are. Boys at this age are trying to seperate themselves from their mothers, but still want to be "children". Hormones are raging, bodies are changing and friends are a huge influence. Good luck & remember we only have them for a very short time in relation to their lifetimes!! Enjoy it!!!

Crystal - posted on 04/01/2010

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I dont know if this will work with you but with my 16 yr old daughter we made her write all kinds of lines and if she still wanted to fight and act like a child then take something away that he loves =. another words find different ways to punish him. It may take time but it usally works

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I think it is the hormone thing. My 12 year old daughter acts exactly the same way. I don't think it is just the boys.

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I was watching Racheal Ray today and she had a doctor on there who wrote a book about the boy brain. she said at the ages of like 6-12 their brain is growing and changing so much and much of it is an overload of testerone which can come across as attitude b/c they don't know how to deal with it.She basically said " You'll get your son back when he's like 25"So I would just stick w/ what the other moms said punishments and rewards. They still have to behave like civilized human beings and be respectful no matter what's going on in their bodies/brains.

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I have that with my daughter. A friend of mine has been taking some classes. She learned that do not argue back. Give 2 acceptable options and let them decide. Then they will choose which is more acceptable to them. Follow through.

Lisa - posted on 03/31/2010

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My daughter is the same way.. everything is a constant fight... She too is Adhd, and it is also a constant fight getting her to take the meds... it is crazy.. they always think that they know more than we do as parents.... I also have a 25 year old and she never acted like this.. my girls are like day and night.....

Angela - posted on 03/29/2010

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Unfortunatelly this is a norma lresponse for a pre-teen. This is due to the fact that they are affraid of the independance they are needing to achieve while still wanting to be close with the adults. It will pass. For now, try having him pay you a quarter everytime he sasses off. I know everyone says to talk with him, but this is a difficult thing for a boy to do. Maybe give him a chance to write down a few issues or feeling he has about home or school that might be bothering him. Then give HIM the choice to either share them, distroy them, or have him think of ways to resolve the issues. I hope this helps, good luck.

Marialisa - posted on 03/29/2010

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sometimes being quiet can be surprising. I have a 13 year old son who thinks he knows it all and tends to talk down. Something he has picked up from his dad who we are not together any more. Its an age thing and sometimes frustration of feeling un heard that they end up so in to what their thoughts are and want to be heard that any thing you or any one says wont be taken in. So the best i have experience is going quiet and when you have to say something say it once in calm voice and listen to what they say and let them rant it will be hard but than they will suddenly start to see how much their over reaction and attitude doesnt get them any where but looking silly. Do also remind him when his in the wrong but always with a calm voice and tell him that your listening and he must do the same with you respect is important both ways. Might see a change hope this helps good luck.

Glenda - posted on 03/28/2010

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12 is such a difficult age, because he is not a baby anymore, but he is not a teen yet, he is stuck halfway in 2 phases. Be patient, and set boundaries. I would set aside some one on one time with each child, so he feels special, and see if that helps. Lots of love, and fun family activities. Pull out some old photos and talk about when he was little, and remind him of all the many times and places where you made memories together. he may be influenced by bad kids with smart mouth kids at school. good luck, glenda

Rebecca - posted on 03/28/2010

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I have the same problem. My son has ADHD aswell so sometimes I don't know whether it is this or him growing up!! probably a mixture of both.

I don't tolerate any arguing what so ever and if he does I send him to his room or he will receive a punishment (no games etc). I am also fare with him and reward his good behaviour and he seems to like this more than being punished to I kind of have it under control although there are the odd incidents where he does forget himself, but I do suppose it is a part of growing up. They think they are adults but aren't just yet. Have you tried to speak with him? is everything ok at school and friends? something might be troubling him?

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