i have been divorced for 8 years. My x husband and i separated when my child was 3. My child is now 12 and havinng some real problems that I can't seem to help her with. Within the past 2 years she has had issues w/her eyes, ankle and now a finger all of which have been medical issues that I took her to the dr's and specialists and had x rays and mri's done to find NOTHING wrong. I'M TOTALLY FRUSTRATED TODAY BECAUSE IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!!! She has recently started acting out against me and I'm getting bits and pieces and have come to the decision these issues among others are stemming from a recent medical/support issue my x and I are going thru and i feel he has put her in the middle of a battle that isn't hers. I'm very careful not to say or do anything derrogatory against my x in front of her. today she opened up a little about not spending enough time with her dad and she is really missing him and he thinks i baby her too much with the medical problems she

Marie D - posted on 04/23/2012

just had a HUGE talk with my daughter tonight and WOW a lot of things came out. There has been a lot of animosity between the x and myself lately and I know she feels this. There are so many things going on I don't know where to start. I told her tonight I am not takiing her to a specialist for her newest medical issue, if her father feels it necessary he can take her. I told her it's not because I don't love her but I'm tired of being the scape goat. She's one way w/her dad and totally different w/me. She knows she can see her dad whenever she wants. The problem is when she's with him every other weekend he works all weekend and only spends a little time with her and she worries about how much he works, his fnances and saying anything out of line that would hurt his feeings. She actually told me she is scared of him and scared to talk to him. We have been in therapy before for all of this and he doesn't believe in any of this. At this time he wants NOTHING to do w/me @ all and WON'T talk to me. I know her medical issues are a cry for her dads attention but I can't help her with that. Things I figured out on my own came to life tonight. he is telling her not to tell me certain things, he is talking about having no money and it's all my fault etc etc etc. He's doing everything he's not supposed to do putting her in the middle. I told her everything she tells me stays between us but she needs to figure out a way to talk to her dad and that he shouldn't be putting her in the middle of our issues and I WILL not do that to her. She got a lot off her chest tonight and seemed to be relaxed when she went to sleep,, but she will see him on Wed and this weekend and it will start all over again. I put a call into her therapist and her pediatrician to see their thoughts on what's going on. i'm going to meet w/her therapist w/out her to explain some of the things that have been happening and will talk with her pediatrician about all the medical issues at hand because she is really fighting me on not taking her to the specialist for her finger problem when I know there is nothing wrong. She says her dad will say no and so I asked why it's ok for him to say no and not me and all she could say was she's scared of him. I think this is just a cop out on her part and I'm standing my ground I'm not taking her, unless her pediatrician thinks I should. At this time I think she needs her therapist and me to help her until it's time to pull her dad in. Her dad is always the battle because he doesn't believe in any of this and is now telling her that. I hope I'm going in the right direction I feel better but I'm losing sleep and my new hubby is so tired of dealing with me and all this crap our marriage is falling to the way side. so many issues so many people in this cycle i feel like i'm fizzling out.............thanks for your post i'm branching out myself and am in therapy trying to work thru myself and find out who I am and how I can help this issue. I have been walked all over by my x and when I finally stand up for myself now my daughter is suffering and this is NOT what I wanted.................sooooo tired

Louise - posted on 04/23/2012

The key to this is to sit your daughter down and tell her that you do not mind if she wants to see her dad. Make a phone call and ask him to visit your daughter. Get things out in the open, your daughter is not stupid she knows what is going on. At 12 she has reached puberty and she needs to know both of her parents to know who she is. Try to get your x to turn up so she can talk to him. If he will not then you have to tell her you have tried and will keep trying until you get a responce. This medical stuff could just be a cry for attention.