I need to have moms of 11 yr old girls help me with this problem I am having.

Amy - posted on 01/03/2010

i follow the same rules my mom did with me. When my daughters turn 13, they get lip gloss and mascara. at 14 they get eye liner and eye shadow. However is is taught by me and how to applied tastefully. For her birthday we will have spa day and take her for a make over and show her how to do it correctly

Jo - posted on 01/02/2010

The above posts have really covered it but I just want to say - what the hell gives you the right to hit her??? How would you feel if someone bashed you? That is seriously sick. If she doesn't talk to you in future years or come to you with issues then do remember this - you will only have yourself to blame. Same for the bible thing really, come on times have changed, get with it!!

Susan - posted on 01/02/2010

does your daughter have breakouts? if so, use that as an excuse to keep her from the make up. I have told my daughter that breakouts happen when you don't take care of your skin (which is true) and if she starts taking good care of her skin, then maybe we can talk about make up. She was completely turned off the make up idea when I told her it could cause break outs. That might buy you some time, until she can really start taking care of her own skin. Then you can work with her on washing her face, finding the right product (my sd is african american and has very sensitive skin, so we use St. Ives, since we can't afford the expensive stuff and she really likes it.) She still only wear lip gloss, but I am more open to make up for her now. Just a suggestion...

Christy - posted on 01/01/2010

When my daughter was the same age she began wanting to wear make up as well. I ask her why she wanted to wear it and she explained "that's what gurly girls do" I allowed her a clear lip gloss/chap stix...then the older she got I'd allow something new like a really light face powder...She just liked to carry it in her purse more than wearing it after that. I think it made her feel big rather than draw attention.

Dana - posted on 01/01/2010

I agree with another poster...11 is way to old to be spanked...that needs to stop around 7 or so IMO. Although I do agree with you Kendra...11 year olds don't need to be wearing make up. A problem I have is that my 11 year old's best friend is 14. Not really a problem with Steph, she's a great kid,and we've known the family since Steph was a year old, so she and Lauren have pretty much grown up together. But since Steph is in high school now she does wear some makeup and Lauren, of course, wants to too. I've explained to Lauren what makeup will do to your complexion as you get older...more lines, wrinkles, etc, at a younger age. So she's ok with just playing with it at home. I do allow her to wear lip gloss or a light shade of lipstick when she's out, but that's really where I set my boundaries right now. I told her when she's 13 she can start to wear some blush and eye shadow maybe, then add more as she gets older. I can't believe how many girls this age are wearing makeup though...and i mean a lOT of it! I didn't wear anything but lip gloss til I was prob 15 or so then started wearing some foundation and blush. I still wear very little makeup, so maybe she will see that I"m comfortable with looking more natural and follow that example. I tell her that she's beautiful the way God made her and she doesn't need to change that.

Jessica - posted on 12/31/2009

my daughter is 11 and i let her use pink lip gloss ( marykay has great ones not to dark ) and she is fine with that i also let her have some makeup to play with at home but she is not alowed out with any thing other than lipgloss and sometimes depending on where were going i will let her where mascara. If she does it when not alowed take it away from her. also if you make it a mom daughter thing and maybe call a local MaryKay consultant she can help teach her how to put it on with out useing to much and girls always listen to women other than there own moms. make it where she understands its not forbiden all togeather but there are limits. good luck

LOURDES - posted on 12/31/2009

my 13yrs. old started putting eyeliner when she was 10yrs.old exactly same thing your daughter is doing, at that time I did not pay too much attention to it, but with my second daughter which is 11yrs. old, I flatly told her NO eyeliner or what so ever and if she start putting make up, priveleges will go away, ie; TV, computer, etc.etc.. hope it helps a little...

Ingrid - posted on 12/31/2009

Hi i have 9 kids 6boys and 3 girls ages 13,12,and 8. The only make-up i let my daughter wear is lip[ gloss and nail polish.If you tell them they can't wear it they will do this behind your back they will rebel and do something even worse. Lip gloss you can get that help the lips and protect it from sun burn or wind burn. Nail polish can be clear. Constantly remind her that she is beautiful without it and that it does ruin your skin like acne and other blemishes. That she has noone to impress and that school is more important. Constantly tell her she is is pretty without the make-up and it with it makes her look ugly. beauty is skin deep.good luck

Elena - posted on 12/31/2009

OK punnishing just does not work. Positive rewards are what works. Where is she getting the make up anyway? compromise with her- lip gloss and maybe some mascara- teach her how to put it on so she looks "normal". NEVER hit! (when you hit a child you are showing them that is is ok to bully someone smaller that you.it is just wrong.)

Jean - posted on 12/30/2009

I have an 11 year old and when she turned 11 we told her she could us lip gloss and mascarra. She has found out tha mascarra is real tricky and doesn't use it very often. She knows that she will be allowed to use more make up when she grows up but right now it is off limits. When she is at home and wants to play dress up she is allowed to use play make up.. I believe that girls do need to wear make up but not at such a young age. My daughter also doesn't wear short clothes or low cut tops. She is a very modest child.
Good luck and stick to your guns.

Kim - posted on 12/30/2009

I have a 10 year old daughter that wants to wear makeup also, I only allow her to wear lip gloss, blush and eye shadow at home only when she plays dress up. She is not allowed to wear it out of the house. This seems to help. I have showed her how to put it on but when she does it it comes out really badly. But, thats ok. she isn't leaving the house. Good Luck. I also have a 25 year old son and you must pick your battles, you have to figure out what is worth fighting over.

Angela - posted on 12/30/2009

My daughter is 14 going on 15. You have to pick your battles and ask yourself what you are willing to risk to damage your relationship with your daughter. You have to ask yourself what will it matter in 1 year, in 5 years or in 10 years. Keep the lines of communication open and talk talk talk and listen listen listen. Punishment will not teach her self-government.

Margarita - posted on 12/29/2009

I have an 11 year old girl and she is the most awesome girl, of course I think this, cause she is mine. Please let your daughter be who she is. Putting on make-up is self expression, and if she cannot express herself in front of you, she will shy away from you and might not return to you one day. If you are getting what I mean...I simply want to put it this way, she is experimenting and the one great way of learning is by making mistakes. As long as the experiment does not hurt her and endanger her, please let her be for now. One day, she will realize that putting on make up is alright, as long as it's not overkill. Do you put on make up yourself? Do you sometimes think it gives you a higher self-esteem and make you feel good? Maybe she needs this for now, and then slowly divert her energy in something that you and your daughter may agree on. Be creative, this age is so creative that if their parents loose their creativity, they will resent some things that happen between you and her. Remember, relationships are built and it just doesn't happen.

Melissa - posted on 12/28/2009

Well the more you fight the no wearing makeup the more she will go behide your back and do it any way..Belive me my oldest is 11 and me and her dad tryed forever.But she is a girl and they need to that they can be grown up some times..So just let her but show her how to put it all on and the right color's..She will love you for letting her be a young woman..

Val - posted on 12/28/2009

Hey Kendra, my daughter is 10 and I only allow lip gloss. I understand what your going thru but stand firm my sister. We have a need and right to protect our daughters. They are growing up to fast these days. My daughter knows that there are certain ages when she can do certain things. They will sneak it and we know because so did we. But sit down and explain to her they why's. Everyone grows up and you have to have something to look forward to. If you do it all know what joy will it be to turn 13 or 16. Everything in its own time. Make her see the beauty in herself. Maybe fixing her hair different, different colors. It maybe friends true but it maybe a self esteem issue. Look into it a little closer and talk alot more.

Donna - posted on 12/27/2009

I have a lovely 11 year old who loves putting make up on. It is another way she gets to express herself and experiment with who she is. Most girls have a natural fascination with feminine things, and make up as I see it is just like making your hair look pretty, wearing pretty clothes, and jewellery (albeit costume).

Like your daughter, my daughter has worn makeup for ballet performances since she was four years old. Now, however, she is learning to be herself. I have given her her own make-up (excluding foundation) and she knows my expectations around it.

The reality is in this day in age kids have cellphones at 11 years old, create facebook accounts and communicate on-line. A healthy interest in something as simple and innocent as make up exploration is really not a big deal. I believe, like everything else we teach our daughters, it is about appropriateness and time and place. You could see it as an opportunity to teach her how to apply make-up properly, i.e. makeup is a tool to enhance our natural God given beauty, not create it.

Happy New Year from New Zealand
Donna

Tracey - posted on 12/26/2009

I had another issue my 11yo who is now 12 was stealing makeup from the local supermarket. I am a make artist and have thousands of dollars worth of makeup. I was very disappointed she had to lie to me more than her wearing the makeup, I made her take it back to the store and apologise. I have given her some makeup to use even though she doesn't need it but she wants to know what it is like so I feel better that she is using the stuff I can give her instead of her friends or stealing it.

Brenda - posted on 12/26/2009

A lot of people say "Choose your battles". But why should I as the parent have to "battle" with my child. I am just that, the parent. And my children know that when I say something that is it. There is no battle. We as parents are to raise our children the way we believe the Lord would have us to raise them. I cannot remember any "battles" that I had with any of my children over any issue. They knew I was doing what I felt was best just as they are/will do with their children. We already have 21 grandchildren and I must say our children are doing a fantastic job. They are not doing exactly the way I would but I know they are doing what they think is best and I will back them.

Tally - posted on 12/25/2009

hi, I have 2 teenage girls... past your daughter's age but I still remember.

My first thought to share with you is that it is important to choose your battles in the following years. Of course your daughter should obey your rules. But just because we make our girls obey rules ( with consequences following if they don't) does not mean that they will ultimately make wise decisions when they are older. If we don't get to the heart of the matter, they will simply wait for an opportune time to do what they feel like doing... and if we embitter them, they might completely rebel. As a side note... Personally I found that the Scriptures are better used in a loving setting, not as consequences to bad behavior. If simply knowing the Word was enough... Jesus would not have had to come and suffer for our sins. There were many in Jerusalem at His time who knew all the laws, rules and regulations.. but did not know God.

Now as far as the make up goes...Some girls have a greater desire than others to look pretty. They see other girls wearing makeup and they of course desire to do the same. They know that when you are pretty, you get more attention from the boys.. and peers in general. So this is where we need to train them. Help them see that beauty is more than just what people see on the out side. But we also cannot ignore their desire to look pretty. We need to reaffirm their self esteem and help them to see themselves the way that God sees them. We also need to be sensitive to our girls.
When my oldest daughter was 11, she started braking out a bit with pimples. I knew this bothered her so much so I allowed her to use foundation lightly to cover it up when she was out. And taught her proper skin care. At times I allowed her to wear a bit of lip gloss and blush... at special occasions. When I saw that she really wanted to wear makeup, I sat down with her and did a make over that was appropriate for her age ( she was 13 at the time) We talked about how make up should bring out the natural beauty and how by wearing too much makeup you can be viewed by others in a wrong way. I never made it too much of an issue, and I used it to help us grow closer. This made it possible for me to have an input in regards to matters that I find very important. Like staying pure before marriage for example. At times my daughter experimented with make up and wore it in a way that I felt was too heavy. I only commented when she asked my opinion. And since I have had some control as to what type of friends she has, that phase quickly faded away, and she wears her make up now very naturally. Knowing I care about her and that I try to understand her, my daughter confides in my regarding many matters, and I am able to have a positive influence over her life.

I hope this is helpful

Happy New Year

Tally Woomer
Working from home since June 08'

Marifel - posted on 12/25/2009

my daughter is 11 years old also.... i think its ok because maybe she just wants to explore new things ... JUST LIKE MY DAUGHTER!!!!

Susan - posted on 12/23/2009

Hi Tracey do you have that wesite address that you was talking about to show the effects of make up and chemicels on young skin? Thank you

Ann - posted on 12/23/2009

I'm confused.....She lied about waht time she came in? How can she do that? at age 11 she shouldn't be out unsupervised to start with. Ground her and make sure it sticks. Consequence at home are nothing to the consequences of getting preggo at age 12, or any age without being married.
She is testing her boundaries and the consequences and your resolve. BE FIRM and do not let her slip thru. (3 girls ages 12, 14, and 17)

Brenda - posted on 12/23/2009

Our family wears very little make up. Mascara basically and the girls do not get to do that until they are 16. We home educate so they do not have the peer pressure that many children do. That helps us a great deal. Honestly, With her being gone from you all day and wanting to impress her "friends" it will be hard. Wish I could help. You do not give in though. That is an open door to defy you in other areas too.

Veronica - posted on 12/23/2009

My daughter is 13 now and I remember well the make-up battle at 11. The first time she snuck make-up to school, I took all make-up, lotions, perfume, etc. and hid it for 2 months. The reason for the harsh punishment was the Lie, not the make-up. When I gave it back we had told her that only light colored eye shadow, blush and lip gloss (not lipstick) could be worn to school. If we ever saw anymore than that, she would lose all those products permanently. There is something to be said for the saying "Pick you Battles"...by allowing her some make-up, we took the allure out of it for her. Honestly, the colors were so light, you could hardly tell she was wearing anything. Our next battle didn't happen until 8th grade.

Carla - posted on 12/22/2009

My daughter has her own make-up and has since she was about 8 years old. The colors are so light that you can barely tell that she has any on. She ALWAYS asks me if it's ok to put some on because I have shown her that I trust her and respect her feelings. She knows that she is not allowed to wear anything dark or bright, again because I have allowed her to 'experiment' a little with lip gloss & eye shadow. I NEVER allow foundation, mascara or eyeliner and she doesn't even ask. In fact she barely ever even wants to wear any make-up because we have never made a big deal about it. She will even ask me if what she has on is too dark and if it is, I tell her and she will wipe it off. I totally agree with the others who have said that the more you argue over something, the more they will want to do it. Compromise and let her have just a little, but give some guidelines. After all, if she is allowed to do it, then she will have no reason to sneak around...what fun would that be?

Katherine - posted on 12/22/2009

My 11 year old has some sheer, kid-appropriate colors (pale pink, nude, etc.) and some sheer, neutral eye shadow. She is allowed to wear the lipgloss when she is not at school, as it is against the school policy to allow make-up for the girls at all. The eye shadow was bought by her Auntie and was explained that she can wear it for special occassions, dinners out and parties. It is a shimmery, gold color that is very light. She is not allowed to have, nor apply blush, other eye makeup or any makeup product that I did not approve. It seems to work well so far. When we caught her breaking the rules once (and only once) we took all the makeup (including nail polish) away for a month. She hated it enough that she straightened up and has been doing well since.

Daines - posted on 12/20/2009

I'm sorry to say this but you are going about this in the wrong way. First of all take her make up from her. Then have a conversation with about why she wants to wear make up. Offer your daughter trust be honest with her about how you feel and have her respond with how she feels.If this doesn'nt work take away a privledge for a week and stick to it. Spanking and God will not work with and 11 year old mentality. Disipline must have a direct connection for this age. I have a 14 year old girl who stared trying to wear make up at age 12. Here is an example of direct connection. My daughter has been told and excepted the tems of cell phone usage. Nothing after 10 pm no exception. Her phone showed use online at 10:24 thursday nite. So her phone was removed until monday am. She sobbed like it was the end of the world for 10 minutes but I stuck to my guns. She bucked up and has had a very good atitude all weekend. I hope this helps.

Sarah - posted on 12/19/2009

I suggest you and your daughter have a nice girls day and let her do your makeup and you show her how to wear it respectfuly.Have fun with it. I'm sure you could find a compromise. save your energy for a bigger battle.
I have an 11yr old daughter and she is going through the same thing but I think it's just them tring to find ther own idenity.

Anne - posted on 12/19/2009

My daughter just turned 12 and I have to say it was a battle at 11 with the no make-up. Lip gloss, fine. Eye makeup..NO WAY! I have bargin'd with her now that she is 12 and in middle school that she is allowed to wear eyeliner only. Funny thing is.. now she hardly really wears it!

Tara - posted on 12/19/2009

At 11, i think things like lip gloss are ok. Its better for you to sit down with her & talk to her about make-up. I would let her have 1 day, where she could wear something "special" like a light eye shadow, when she goes out with you or somethng like that. Because then you are giving her a little to experiment, but YOU get to be the one to teach her, show her whats appropriate, etc. Or you explain to her "Mommy doesn't want you to wear make-up until you are "age" " & explain to her why. My children do a lot better when I explain why i feel the way i do or make decisions, because even if they don't agree, they have a better understanding of why i am making that decision.

Simone - posted on 12/19/2009

hi, i have a daughter the same age. i buy both my girls make up, my middle daughter is 8, they can put on as much as they want in the house but there not stepping out the house in any. they both have lip balm, and i'm fine with that, but i no at some point my oldest will want to wear some, just got to be ready for when that happens.

Stacey - posted on 12/18/2009

Wow...I started wearing a little makeup when I was 12, as did most of the girls in my school. No one thought anything of it, and my 12 year old daughter wears it too. She wears mascara, eyeliner, and lipgloss. I see nothing wrong with it. Girls that age are going to want to start exploring things like makeup and different hairdo's, and clothes that don't feature Winnie the Pooh and Dora. It's all part of the lovely tween years.

Tracey - posted on 12/18/2009

Hi my daughter is 12 and she went mad for make up we sat her down and explained to her what make states about a girl under a certain age we explained to her she was a good looking classy girl and she didnt need make up at this stage of her like and compaired her to certain girls form our aera and what it can do to her skin as my sister is a beautician so we down loaded from the net how make / chemicals can damage her skin.

Even her school are against make up at such a young age

I hope you can get it into her head

Susan - posted on 12/18/2009

Your best not lecturing them as it makes my daughter worse. Try taking througha rough part of town where people go out at night dressed (not repectable), Then just explain that some times this is what happens when you start to dis-respect your mom and Pop and that your scared that tis may happen to her, That as a parent it is really hard to watch your child do this as they end up being the ones who get hurt. She sounds like she is a smart kid and just trying to push you. The more that you show her it upsets you, she will push your buttons when she gets the chance. I did this with my daughter and compromised by saying that she could only wear make up on a saturday when there was somewhere or something special on. She hardly wears it at all now. Good luck.

Jascinth - posted on 12/18/2009

Hi Kendra, my daughter is 11 and i do not allow her at this point o wear makeup however she is allowed to wear lipgloss as i dont want her to feel as if i am not allowing her space to grow and change into her own self. Dont be too hard on her for the makeup but the lying part is wrong. I agree with Shannon, that's very smart advice.

Cheri - posted on 12/18/2009

I gave mine some lip gloss and mascara and told her she had to earn the right to more. Seems to have worked for now. Good Luck!

Nancy - posted on 12/18/2009

look i have raised 3 girls, the more u try to stop them the more they will do what u dont want, if she wants to wear make-up tell her only eye shadow light colors, no liner and maybe a little lip color, lite in color, take my word for it, try to stop is not going to work and reading the good book is not going to stop it either.things will get worse, if u dont give in just a little, and please dont spank an 11 year old,she is to old to be spank, u should groud her only and dont yell at her. sit down and talk to her, because yelling gets u no where ever. trust i'm also a grandmother of a 15year old girl, and my daughter does this and listen to her daughter, she is the 1 that has to go to school and b teased not you, so just step back and listen, dont embarrase her by spanking, that is very demeaning to her, and in the end she may hate u for it and i know u dont want that, ok merry christmas, and u need to tell your daughter that u love her and u r proud of her. and tell her u will not spnk her antymore that u will talk to her about what is going on in her life, that u dont know what is going on. bye nancy weiss p.s. remember she is a preteen, in between a little lady and a young lady, give her repect and she will give u repect, and remember this will not be the only fight u have. u will butt heads more then once, she a girl, with hormonse racing through her body.

Cathy - posted on 12/18/2009

I have one daughter that is in her tweenties and one that is twelve. the best advice I can give is to keep the makeup in a location that you can monitor. Then allow it for play, weekends, "spa days with mom" and show her how to apply it correctly and then give her the age that you think it would be appropriate. If it isn't so taboo she will be less likely to do it behind your back and if it is a bonding momment she will be less likely to do it without you. This worked with both my girls and sometimes the three of us do the entire facial and makeup and photo sessions and make a day of it.
Cathy

Kendra - posted on 12/18/2009

She has some lip gloss that she can wear. but eyeliner and eye shadow is a def no. I don't belive that 11 year old should be wearing make up. Both myself and my husband are trying to make her understand that she needs to be a leader and not a follower. Just because those parents allow their kids to wear globs of make up doesn't mean it is going to be allowed in our household. Occasionally i will let her wear make up when she has ballet performances, but not to much. The lip gloss that she has here at home is fine to wear...but i draw the line at eye liner and eye shadow, mascara and foundation

Mahira - posted on 12/18/2009

I have a 11 yrs old who I wish pit on lip gloss. This is the time kids start exploring new things. A whooping was kind of harsh to me because she watching others do it. You need to teach her how to be a leader and not a follower. My lil girl plays in makeup at hme but she dare not wear in the streets- do you allow her to play at hme with makeup and take pictures of her. When you allow some freedom they will usually backdown. Maybe go get get her some lip gloss or chapstick

Amy - posted on 12/18/2009

Ok my daughter is 11 also...I kinda had the same problem with her coming home from school with mascara on. I understand her b/c she is in between the young girl and on her way to being a young lady. However just because some of the older girls she knows from cheerleading and stuff wears makeup does not mean she can wear it! So I picked my battle and said as long as she doesn't wear the makeup when we go out or at school she can wear it at home or outside to play. I explained that less is more and she does a better job putting it on than I do...lol...I gave her some sparkle lip gloss and allow the mascara only at home. I haven't had an issue yet! I don't know how you feel....if you would allow a lil makeup at home or not but this seemed to work for me and showed her that her opinion does matter and didn't become a battle that ended in the whole "Because I said so". Good Luck!

Shannon - posted on 12/18/2009

My oldest is 11. Have you tried giving her some make up that she is allowed to wear? Maybe just mascara and some lip gloss, or a very light pink lipstick? Then she gets to spread her wings a little and feel a little grown up and you can feel comfortable that she isn't walking out the door looking like she should be walking the streets. Then, too, you can take those make up items away from her if she abuses the privledge and sneaks on more make up than she is allowed. :)