I think my 11 year son is starting puberty what do i do?

Lyndsay - posted on 02/17/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

3

7

0

hes started with attitude,slamming of doors and telling me he hates me for no apparent reason,greasy hair and spots, should i have the conversation every parent dreads? or should i leave it up to his dad?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jewelie - posted on 02/18/2009

15

39

4

You know, boys at this age are really fun...and challenging.  I have 4 children, but our oldest is a 12 year old boy.  A couple of years ago, my husband and I agreed it was time for the "talk", and we decided that he would talk with the boys and I would talk with the girls (when they were old enough, of course).  My husband has since talked with our oldest son, and he has good and bad days with his attitude.  I think he is hormonally challenged, if you will.  But, even though he may say he hates you, he loves you so much underneath that facade and longs for your affection.  I dropped off my son at his first weekend youth trip just a few weeks ago, and I said to him quietly, "If you do not want me to hug you goodbye, I won't."  He looked at me inquisitively, and then grabbed me and hugged me tight in front of all of the bigger teens there and said, "Bye, Mom.  I love you."  Just be there for him as much as possible and as Alice said, keep the lines of communication wide open. 

Cathie - posted on 02/18/2009

3

14

0

Talk, talk and more talk..........he probably already knows more than you think about the opposite sex, but I talk very frankly to my 13 yr. old, right down to contraceptives....In fact the other night we watched a movie about a kid that was gay, and so I took to opportunity to ask him that if he was gay, would he feel comfortable telling me? Of course he said no...lol...but that opened the door to tell him that I want him to be able to talk to me about anything and i will always tell him the truth to the best of my ability. Tell your son your views of right and wrong, he may not say it, but he will appreciate knowing where you stand. This is a very tough age, he isnt a baby anymore, but he is not yet a man either.......he doesnt feel like he fits in anywhere....when he says "I hate you" try saying, "then I must be doing my job right!" and give him a wink. Good luck, my oldest son is now 22 and cant tell  me enough how right I was about everything................  :)

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

9 Comments

View replies by

Alison - posted on 02/23/2009

29

97

1

I have an 11 year old son, but I'm a single Mum and there is no Dad or male in the picture to help. I've had lots of talks with both my children and am very honest and open with them. I think it's help to not sit them down and have "the talk" but rather have a continuing dialogue with them, make sure they know they can ask any questions they like and you'll answer, or if you don't know, you'll find the answers. Good luck :)

[deleted account]

my son is 12 and every time i try talk to him he just tells me "i know mum you'v been yaping on for years about it." i have a14 year old daughter and we are quite open about the subject. i think that this helps .i answer there questions to the best of my ability on there level of understanding and i always give them an answer. try a book called hair in funny places. icnt remember the auther.all my kids hate me most of the time but its my job and i love every minute and its so much fun winding them up. go with the flow and be strong

Melody - posted on 02/18/2009

7

10

0

Thank goodness for PHLEBUS (or however you spell it).  In 5th grade they took the kids to Discovery Place and had the "talk".  My son started with B.O. when he was 10.  It was all "downhill" from there.  We have fun with it, though.  He loves showing off his underarm hair!!

Laura - posted on 02/18/2009

1

7

0

My son started puberty at 10! My husband wouldn't have "the talk" with him because his dad never talked about those things with him. My son and I are very close so he was pretty comfortable having the talk with me. Before I began, I told him to stop me when he heard enough. He asked several questions and I encouraged him to ask Dad about some of these things as well. Your pediatrician is also a good person to consult. I discovered that boys that hit puberty early generally stop growing earlier than boys who peak later.

Suzan - posted on 02/17/2009

13

0

0

Better late than never. 'The Talk' would have gone easier if it had been done much earlier - either when he started learning about it at school or as opportunities came up in natural conversation - something on tv, something on the news - somebody said something at school. We've talked about natural body development since our kids (one boy and one girl) were 8. I discussed periods with my 9 year old daughter a couple of weeks ago because girls seem to be starting earlier and earlier and a family friend told me how she thought she was dying when hers started at 10 and nobody had told her what they were. She wrote a will then curled up in bed and sobbed until her Mom found her there later. I kept the explanation simple. You need to nip the attitude in the bud though. Yes he's got hormone changes going through his body but that's no excuse for letting him get away with bad behaviour. Explain to him what he's going through then explain that discussions can occur rationally - yes he can have time to cool off - or privileges will be removed - and follow through. Ensure he's not locked in his room with unlimited unsupervised access to chat rooms and ensure he's not being bullied at school because he's developing earlier than some of the other kids and feels uncomfortable with the whole thing.

Esther - posted on 02/17/2009

4

15

0

same here !! i bought mine a book on puberty speacilly for boys. and i chat tto him about how his feeling and let him know that im there for him - when he does have a temper i just leave him to it then hel go upstairs for a sulk stick music on full blast then when i comes down i tell him to apologise we have a cuddle, tell each other we love you and say no more about it - it helps him that way because its not his fault really its hormones weve all been throu it.

Alice - posted on 02/17/2009

79

15

22

It would be nice if you and his dad talked to him. That way if he had a question he was uncomfortable asking him he could come to you, and vice versa. There might be something more going on though, he seems angry.... might want to check into that some. I did discreet things to help like stronger, more masculine body washes, deoderant for his use in bathroom. Magazines lying about with some articles he might learn from. Its hard.....even though he says he hates you, he may just want more attention. My son was angry for a long time during puberty. I would start conversations with "sounds like you are...." instead of the "whys" Keeping communication open is very important at this crucial age....



hope that helps a little....

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms