is 11yrs. old to young to talk to my daughter about sex?

Autumn - posted on 01/06/2013

Talk to your daughter about it once she is eight or nine. Then when it starts getting to the point when she reaches puberty, it will be easy for her to talk to you about it. It will seem so natural to talk about it with you. You don't need to make it any more awkward

Hannah - posted on 06/24/2012

im 12 and my school has informed was aboud puberty sex aid and hiv since fith grade

Cayla - posted on 05/13/2012

You should talk to her ASAP cause better she learn it from you than the Internet. But use the proper language.

Heather - posted on 04/03/2012

my daughter is in yr 6 n 11 yrs old. i have talked to her about the birds n the bees, simply because she has already hit puberty n i want her to be prepared for when things happen. i am open with her, but as soon as she starts to seem embarressed or uncomfy i back right off. but in saying that there r certain things such as periods that i wld not back off on. i basically explained to her u need to know this stuff cos it is gonna happen sooner or later n i need to know that u know what it is all about so when it happens u will no what is going on. we have talked bout how her body is her body n she has the right to make choices for herself n that it is not ok for a guy to ever pressure her into anything she does not feel ready for etc.. i have also reinforced to her she can come talk to me bout anything n if she doesnt want to come to me then there are other ppl out there she can go to like aunts or friends of family, grandmothers, whoever she feels comfy with. i figure even if she doesnt get her periods b4 high school, she is gonna hit yr 7 next yr n start to get interested in boys n all that so i want her to be well informed n educated so she can hopefully make the right choices in regards to sex etc.. when it comes up down the track.

Katie - posted on 03/31/2012

you should do it asap. She probably has already learned alot from other kids and you want to make sure she gets correct information.

Tina - posted on 03/28/2012

I did a Parent projct class and you would not believe how young the girls are, having sex. yes today we need to talk to them soon. the theacher told us as 7,8 years old girls. man time changed

Elizabeth - posted on 03/28/2012

no i dont think so kids are having kids younger n younger these days i dnt know how old my daughter was when we stated but it just depends on how old they are to what you tell them about my daughter is 14 and now i tell her everything what you do is if they have questions be honest with the answers

Leca - posted on 03/21/2012

i think you and only you know your child.... if you think she has the emotional maturity to deal with the whole sex talk then you should do it as early as possible, so she doesnt hear myths and mistruths from friends. I have a 12 year old girl, she is really mature for her age, and so is her body, we had the puberty talk at 9 as I was concerned about her noticing her body change and since then I have just added a few more details as and when... She watches one born every minute with me and i find this a great conversation starter too, it also acts as a good platform for questions and for her to see that women come in ALL shapes and sizes.... Fingers crossed your talk goes smoothly xx

Sachi - posted on 03/20/2012

Hi there! 11 is not too old at all. Kids these days are being exposed to sex earlier. Thorough school friends, tv, music...I have 3 girls. 12, 10 and 8 and when my oldest was about 8 I got a book called "What's happening to my body"...it explains everything, kid friendly, from pimples, hair growth, feelings, body parts (both boy and girl) and the basics of sex. It has been very helpful for me when I am stuck trying to figure out how to say certain things. The girls giggle at certain things but it also allows them to take it and read it on their own time and not feel the pressure of an adult. Then if they have any questions they can always ask. I am very forward and open so my girls know they can come to me with anything. You must start talking about sex, boys, feelings, everything.

Merry - posted on 03/19/2012

Have the talk.... seriously... ASAP! I think my daughter was 9

Rockie - posted on 03/17/2012

Hi! I happened to see some pictures that my 11 yr. old step-son took of his itouch with text from an 11 yr. old girl. I was shocked to say the least! The text was like something that one would see on a XXX rated site. Both were writing detailed sexually worded things that they were going to do to each other. Thank God he was in AR and she was in CA. Kids are growing up so much faster and are exposed to sexual media via TV and the internet everyday not to mention the huge influence that comes from peers that aren't so lucky to have responsible parents. I am a Mental Health Therapist and I have heard so many young children share with me what goes on at their home located in the projects. I remember one 8 yr old little girl telling me she was going to be a "Virgin Bride" for Halloween. She was asked if she knew what that meant? And, guess what? She told me her Mother decided that is what she was going to be because she hasn't had sex yet. I then questioned her if she knew what it meant to have sex? She stated, you know. It's what my Mom does in the bedroom with her boyfriends. And, what my step-dad did to my sister. Sex is out there no matter how many measures you have tried to keep your child protected and innocent. By now I'm sure you know what stance I take in reference to talking to your daughter about sex. I think you will be surprised as to how much she already knows or thinks she knows. It's your place as a parent to fill in the blanks for her (i.e., answer her questions honestly) and pass on your morals and beliefs. Teaching and guiding ones child is a duty of a parent. Otherwise, she may be misinformed by someone or something else in the world that could lead to unwanted results and regrets.

Mona - posted on 03/16/2012

I think that being close minded like Shelby(maybe she's republican ) is detrimental to the growth of a child. Why would you compare math with life knowledge? tweens these days have instant access to sex, wether its on tv even kid shows on the net etc.... Have the talk with your girl shelby, being a prude will lead to trouble,..dont believe me? fine watch what happens when she finds out all of that on her own:)

Stephanie - posted on 03/15/2012

I say no< not too early. Sex is a part of the American culture and I wanted my kids to have good information from home. I got both of my sons books-age appropriate around 8 years old- mostly changing bodies etc. I have took the taboo away from talking about loving marriages, sex, conception, changing bodies very early. As a result boh of my son"s are comfortable asking me questions without embarrassment. My first son asked about conception when he was 7 after hearing me talk to my sister about getting pregnant- so I sat down and gave him a brief "lesson". He really just wanted to know how one could chose to get pregnant. I think you should talk to your daughter now while she will talk to you openly. Stephanie

Shelby - posted on 03/15/2012

Why would anyone want to talk about sex with their kid who isn't even a teenager... Kinda ridiculous. Why talk bout sex to a kid who Barely learning how to multiply n divide. Talkin bout it too soon is more encouraging then "beneficial" or informational.

Mona - posted on 03/09/2012

I have had the talk with My daughter at 10 and she is regularly asking questions now and we have opened lines of communications. SHe is so open with me she has no problem walking around the house in her undies or topless at times and i do the same it brings us very close

Anna - posted on 01/01/2012

ABSOLUTELY NOT!! In fact, I think it's too late. I understand it makes parents uncomfortable to think of their children having sex, BUT it's our responsibility as parents to prepare our children to live in the real world (in fact that's our main job as parents).
I have a 16 yo daughter and 13 yo son and we have a completely open dialogue with both kids about sex, to the point that 2 years ago when our then 14yo daughter walked into the living room one evening and asked "what's a blow job?" we were able to have a logical and open discussion with her.
Sex is a natural part of growing up, we as parents, no matter how uncomfortable have to open that dialogue because I promise you a teenager isn't going to do it.
When my daughter started her 'cycle', we made a celebration of it. She could honestly say she was a "woman" biologically speaking of course. But my best friend and I told her everything we could think of about how her body was changing and would continue to do so. How her body would react when boys touched her in certain ways, what was normal, natural, and how she didn't have to give into the urges she would most definitely have.
She is 16 now and I can honestly say she has made not only a promise to her father and I, but to herself and God that she isn't ready to have sex and until that time comes, that SHE'S ready, it won't happen.
She knows if she has a question, she can come ask me or my husband without blinking an eye about how we will react.
Tell your kids about sex, the responsibilities of sex, why to wait and if she decides not to wait she knows what she need to do to keep herself safe.
Good luck to you and have that talk, don't make it a bigger deal than it needs to be, it's natural and if you don't have "the talk" with her, I promise you someone else will!

Shannon - posted on 12/28/2011

Talk to her if you think she is ready! My mom never got to have "the talk" with me because not knowing much of anything about sex I was pressured into having it with my first boyfriend...at 12! I have always regretted it and so has she, because she just didnt think it could happen so young. It can and it is better for girls to be more prepared rather than less. Not telling them about it will not keep them innocent longer..it may just leave them unprepared and more vulnerable.

Patience - posted on 11/18/2011

I think if shes already 11 then yes talk to her about it but I really think it should start sooner. Of course censor your information for what is relevent at that age but I started with my children as soon as they started asking where babies come from. I also make my kids watch 16 and Pregnant on MTv and Teen Mom so they can see that its NOT easy and it only takes 1 time

LaRhonda - posted on 01/15/2010

I agree with the other moms. My husband and I talked to my daughter about sex at the age of 9. We planned to talk to her about it at a much later age (like 13), but the generation of children today are moving at a much faster pace. You have to gauge your own home/child/community when making such a decision, but it is best to get the correct information to your daughter sooner rather than too late. If there are any signs or if you have heard any conversations that would lead you to believe that she has been getting some information - whether right or wrong - from others, then it is definitely time. My daughter had notes written about sex that I found and I knew it was time. During the conversation (we didn't talk at her, but with her), we questioned what she understood intercourse to be and then we explained the general concept. We haven't had the full-fledged talk where we explain the details of how it happens because we could tell she really didn't know what intercourse was. My husband and I find it important to explain using all the proper terms as to avoid confusion. For example, we explained that we call it "sex", but the actual act is intercourse. Be sure to make it conversation because this will establish that feeling that she can come to talk to you about it in the future if she has questions. Don't be afraid. It may be uncomfortable for you, but your daughter needs your knowledge and not her friends. You don't want to be that mother whose daughter ends up pregnant early or with some disease.

Monica - posted on 01/14/2010

I do not think so. I have a ten year old son and we already had that conversation. We are very open here at home about EVERYthing and ANYthing so it wasn't hard. He was more curious like "how". Like wanting to know what sex really is and what happens during that girls end up pregnant. I mean everything! I explained it just as it is and he said "oh okay, now I know" It is better for them to know early than to be curious later and try to experiment. At least that was my fear so we "had the talk!"

Sharnell - posted on 01/14/2010

Hello there. I say no age is really too young to start especially if the child initiates the conversation. I would only limit the amount of information given and not go completely in depth.

Vicki - posted on 01/14/2010

Not at all! You would be amazed to know what they have picked up by now. I had the talk with my son over time and gave him bits of info then added...

Amy - posted on 01/14/2010

Now way is it too young! You should start talking to your kids about sex, when they start to notice them parts, ya know. Age appropriate of cousre. As they get older you give them more info. but only as much as you feel they can handle. Did you know that 75% of 7-8th grade girls have ALREADY had sex! You want your kids to be educated and armed with protection, way before they should be thinking of sex. I have a 15 yr old girl. I tell her all the time, I know you will one day, but think of it as a GIFT, a one time gift. You dont want to give it to just anyone, you want it to be special, with no regrets, not to mention that there are deseases and you can get prego. I know she has many friends that have had sex, but she has not, partly I like to think, because she knows we can Always talk no matter what it is about..Communication is definitely Key...Good Luck and Hope you make the right choice for the both of you...Talk to her Doctor as well for advice. : )

Joanna - posted on 01/14/2010

I don't think so, I would be very honest use correct terminology and answer all her questions for her. Make sure she knows that she can open up to you and ask anything. this may prevent her from learning on the job.

Lisa - posted on 01/14/2010

No it is not. I have a 15 yr old daughter who came to me with questions. My oldest son is 12 and already knows more than I thought. He told me kids are having sex at 12 and for gym this week they taught sex ed. It is a VERY scary subject but the more u talk the more they trust. My daughter informed me she was ready and asked for advice when she was 14. Please don't think 11 is to young they need to learn from us not friends. My talk put trust where it should be and she respected me enough to ask for protection incase she does decide to. It is very heartbreaking to thing my baby at 15 wants to but we have to relize what were we doing at there age and how do we protect them.

Laurie - posted on 01/13/2010

Absolutely not. Just put it in terms she understands and don't have to give all details just what she needs to know for now. If you're upfront with her now, she'll ask questions as she needs to.

Tammy - posted on 01/13/2010

Deff talk to her, dont make it a big deal, she needs to be able to talk to you more than amyone else:-) good luck

Annette - posted on 01/13/2010

You know I've read most of these replies and I'd have to say I agree with the ones who say it is never too early to discuss age appropiate material. I wouldn't say wait till they ask because my dad sat all of us girls down and told us only the facts when my oldest sister started her period that was the talk. Times have changed and my first child was a boy and I was a teen mother. So I wasn't going to create another teen mom by not letting my children know everything to protect themselves and anyone else. All of my children have come to me and asked questions about all kinds of things and at different ages. The older ones have answered the younger ones questions but then directed them to me in case they left anything out and just so I'd know they were asking. Even when the boys were going through their stages they came to me not just their father. So I'd say keep it opened up for discussion at any time but just jump in there and bring it up. My daughter started her period at the age of 10 and was totally aware of what was happening and was okay with everything about it. That's what you want.

Cindy - posted on 01/13/2010

In a word, no. It's never too young for age-appropriate talk.

Jamie - posted on 01/13/2010

I think the younger you speak to your children about sex, the better in life they will be prepared and condfident. And who better to make sure they know the facts from than a parent they know they can trust.

Alicia - posted on 01/13/2010

Absolutely not...my daughter is 11 and I have talked to her about it. They think its gross but she is starting to become a women and I want her to know bout boys and the way they pressure young girls to have sex.I want her to be prepared.When she starts her period I'm also going to put her on birth control....better safe than sorry.Girls are developing yearlier these days and I want her to know and feel comfortable with the whole thing. That doesn't mean I want her to go out and have sex.I just want her to be safe and smart about it. I dn't regret talking to her about it because the more info she knows about it the smarter she will be about it. Make sure you tell her all the consequences like, STDs,pregnancy and all the pros. The more knowlegde the smarter she will be about it and it will make her feel confident that you can tell her these things therefore she will feel free to come to you about anything

Susanne - posted on 01/13/2010

I started talking to my sons about sex babies etc as soon as they were old enough to ask which was about the 3 mark where babies are concerned. My oldest son is 11 and he knows almost everything he needs to know and it was done in little bits so he wasnt overloaded with information.

Jodie - posted on 01/12/2010

no, i dont think thats to young,thats a perfect age,but she only needs to know little bites at a time.just what you think is enuf info for her to take in,be prepared for all sorts of questions though as she gets older,the more she will wont to know.i started talking bout it with my girl at 11,she now is 16,and shes still asking,but ive pretty much taught her everything she needs to know.so many parents avoid it. and as sad as it is,most kids go out and have sex,to try and learn about it,and half of them get hapu,not all of them,so its important they know,its part of our life,i know parents try to protect their kids from it.but if we dont teach them,they will learn else where,or do it,and get them selves up the crap,sometimes its not worth protecting them from it.and the one thing you should tell your girl,i did it with mine,is that when she is ready to go all the way,to come and talk to you,not to be nosey,but to protect her,from getting pregant.my girl did,and she is on the injection. its bout being open minded,bout it,and trust from the both of you,the one thing you dont wont,not to have,is trust and respect from each other,if girl can trust you,then she will feel comfortable talking to her,and let her know that.its up to how open minded you really are toward the conversation,when you do start talking to her bout it.alot of parents freak them selves out,when they talk bout sex.as it can get very detailed at times.especially if they hear something and wont more details from you.but i think its a good idea to start,but ask her first if shes ready for the talk,if not then just say her,ok sweet as,when you are ready,please come and talk to me,im open to all questions. why i say that.its bout gaining a trust thing for your girl,not for you. she needs to know that you are so open to it.pre teenagers are very hard to try talk to,they are like china. they can break very easily,if they sense a lack of trust from their parents.why i say that,i had to learn on my own,my mum never taught me.so i know what its like,to loose any trust.and thats why i have a beautiful relationship with my girl. she knows she can trust me,course ive made sure of that.and also it stops them from going behinde your back and lieing.it does pay of in the end,it really does.as long as you have rules and guidelines you should be sweet as..good luck dawn..if ya girl is on to it..then tslking to her bout sex,it should be a breeze.yes its a very hard subject,but they need to know,or unwanted teenage pregancey will happen.all the best.

Nicole - posted on 01/12/2010

NO!!!!!!!! I have been talking to both of my daughters abotu sex since they were very young! I started with their own bodies during bath time (what the parts are called and used for) and as they grow older I answer any questions openly and honestly as I can. My daughters are 10 and 13 and they always ask questions and they feel comfortable asking me. I am not saying sit down with Grey's Anatomy and start teaching them everything but you should not hide from the topic either! I would rather my daughters learn about sex and birth control, as well diseases from me than thier friends.

Christina - posted on 01/12/2010

Absolutely NOT. I am a L&D nurse. Unfortunately, I have delivered babies belonging to children that were as young as 10. That is not that typical, however started as early as 14 is rather common. Talk to her now if you haven't and keep talking to her. This is a fact of life. Regardless of your personal beliefs, children do things we don't necessarily desire them to do, including have sex at an early age. Teach her how to protect herself if she is going to choose this. If you are talking to her, you have a better chance that she is listening to you and not her friends. Believe me they are talking to her. Good luck, I know it is a hard topic, but one that is well worth the time.
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Christina - posted on 01/12/2010

Absolutely NOT. I am a L&D nurse. Unfortunately, I have delivered babies belonging to children that were as young as 10. That is not that typical, however started as early as 14 is rather common. Talk to her now if you haven't and keep talking to her. This is a fact of life. Regardless of your personal beliefs, children do things we don't necessarily desire them to do, including have sex at an early age. Teach her how to protect herself if she is going to choose this. If you are talking to her, you have a better chance that she is listening to you and not her friends. Believe me they are talking to her. Good luck, I know it is a hard topic, but one that is well worth the time.

Kerry - posted on 01/12/2010

No the sooner the better ,othwerwise they will only hear it in the playground!I told both my kids aged 10 and 8 about the basics when i fell pregnant with my third .They have boyh come to me with questions and i answer them as honestly as i can ,hopefully later on down the track they will feel they can always come to me

Crystal - posted on 01/12/2010

Its so much better for her to hear about it from you than others, but also you don't really know how much she already does know or hears at school or on tv or the internet.
I would definatly talk to her.

Jodie - posted on 01/12/2010

Absolutely not! You should start talking with your children about sex as soon as you feel they need to know! We started with our kids at 9 years old and I am glad we did.

Jill - posted on 01/12/2010

I worked as a case manager for a teen pregnancy program for a few years. I can honestly tell you that many of my clients were not even really aware of how they got pregnant. I had clients from 9 years old to 18 years old. The majority of my caseload was 12 and 13 yr old girls. I think that it is certainly not to early to discuss sexuality, and to explain puberty. Kids are developing so much younger now a days. My 11 year old daughter started her first period at 10 yrs old. When she was 8 years old we began to discuss more in detail about her body, physical and mental changes, and of course about 'her bubble of personal space' that no one shpuld be trying to enter.
Good Luck!
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Gisela - posted on 01/12/2010

Dont wait longer...When I have the big talk last year with my 10 years old..i was surprise to know that he knows much more than I told him.

Mindy - posted on 01/12/2010

11 years old is the perfect age to talk to your child. What i did was schedule a Mom and Daughter day. We checked into a local hotel, went to the movies ,out to eat, shopping, then back to the hotel to hang out in the jacuzzi (bathing suits) the day produced bonding and alot of conversation, my daughter is now 20 years old still remembers the "talk" and also has the mind set that she will not take on the responsibilities of motherhood until she can afford to do so. (I don't know if i will ever become a grandma)

Anissa - posted on 01/12/2010

no my nine yr old already know more than my 14 yr old did when she was nine.

Claire - posted on 01/12/2010

my 11 year old is in senior school and know most things about sex, even things she shouldnt know yet because other kids tell them what they know, im not one that lies to my kids they ask me a question i tell them the truth i think you should have had the sex talk with her sooner than this as misinformation can lead to lots of bad things my recently turned 10 year old knows what sex is too, in this day and age we cant keep our kids little for long because their friends will drag them up to the level that eveyone else is on!

Maikki - posted on 01/12/2010

You need to have the talk. Now days the kids are growing up faster and faster. Dont you want to be the one to educate her?

Ashley - posted on 01/11/2010

I have an eleven year old and understand your concern. Since third grade I would ask her every now and then if she had any questions about what her friends had been talking about and it was always "no." I wanted to have the "talk" with her b4 she go the wrong information from someone else. I went to Lifeway(Christian Store) and talk to someone about this and how important it was to include the christian aspect in all of it. They showed me a few books but the one that really liked (and bought) was Preparing your daughter for every woman's battle by Shannon Ethridge. You will read the first half on your own and you and your daughter will read the second together. My daughter was "eeww" on some of the material but it will definitely start a conversation and give correct (christian) information.

Lillian - posted on 01/11/2010

I have 3 daughters ages 6, 12, and 15. It is definately not too young. At our middle school they have a group called Justwait.com come out and spend a week talking to our children! YES, Middle school kids. I personally would rather open the lines of communication and let them know I'm available to answer ANY questions without passing judgement or being upset. These days I honestly would have to say she probably knows most of want you may say already. Good luck.

Rikkilin - posted on 01/11/2010

No I personally think you should have already had the talk with her.....I waited with my oldest & she will barely discuss anything without getting embarassed (16 now) but I didn't wait with my youngest (12 now) we started talking about different varieties of things when she was 9 and she is very open & comfortable about talking with me.

Heather - posted on 01/11/2010

Working in the public school system, I can tell you that there are 11 year olds who know a lot of info already, and a lot of them are hearing the wrong information. If you don't tell them about it they may very well hear about it at school. I told mine early on, starting when they were little talking about what is appropriate touching and not, as they get older, you have a feel for your child, and what they are ready for. There are plenty of people out there who don't mind telling our children things, but we as mom's want to be the ones to tell them so that they know the facts.

Lucienne - posted on 01/11/2010

Quoting TAMEKA:

YES IT IS I HAVE A 10YR DAUGHTER AND I WILL NOT TALK TO HER YET BECAUSE I THNIK AT THAT AGE SHE NOT THNKIN ABOYT SEX YET.BUT IF U BRING IT UP KNOW IT MIGHT CROSS HER MIND AS SOONER THEN U THNK GIVE HER ANOTHER YEAR OR SO

With all due respect this is the same arguement that is used to withhold condoms from high school students.

The result is HIV and at best, teenage pregnancy.

It is my opinion that children need as much information as possible to protect them... ignorance makes them vulnerable to those who would prey on them, an example of this is the myth that you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex.  Personally I would prefer my child to know the facts so that he can use his head before his body.