is 11yrs. old to young to talk to my daughter about sex?

Lucienne - posted on 01/11/2010

I don't think so - I spoke to my son at 6, before he went to school so that he wouldn't hear the rubbish that is spoken without proper information to help him.

Louise - posted on 01/10/2010

No I dont think so, the sooner she hears the truth from her the less she will believe some of the fiction that goes around at school. I do not believe it will encourage early sexual activity, just be honest tell her as much as she wants to know about puberty, safe sex etc. One thing I have always tried to tell my boys is that sex is a special thing not just a conquest. I work in a school (In Western Australia) and the girls are the ones who instigate most of the activity with the boys. They seem to think they know it all nowdays so I think we should be answering their questions and making sure they know and understand what is happening to their body and their emotions.

GeeGee - posted on 01/10/2010

Please be sure to let her know very soon. The last thing you need is for her to learn elsewhere.You don't need to be explicit, just give the facts, my children love my straight-forward convos!

TAMEKA - posted on 01/10/2010

YES IT IS I HAVE A 10YR DAUGHTER AND I WILL NOT TALK TO HER YET BECAUSE I THNIK AT THAT AGE SHE NOT THNKIN ABOYT SEX YET.BUT IF U BRING IT UP KNOW IT MIGHT CROSS HER MIND AS SOONER THEN U THNK GIVE HER ANOTHER YEAR OR SO

Carrie - posted on 01/10/2010

NO, She should here the facts from you before she hears it somewhere else. I am suprised you haven't talked to her sooner. The best thing to do is get a book with the anatomy of the mans and womans bodies and explain the functions and how they interact with eachother in intercourse. I had gotten a cartoon movie once from the library that explained this and discribed the feelings of excitement as kind of like being tickled and having your neck blown on. I hope this was helpful for you. Good Luck. God Bless. I have 2 grown daughters and 6yr old grandaughter so I have been where you are. Prayers With You. Pastor Carrie

Crystal - posted on 01/10/2010

I started to talk to my oldest at the age of 8 about sex and the starting of the change she will be having in a few years. I am glad that I did as she started with menstrating at the age of 9 almost 10. Her breast change fast as she is 12 now and a C cup and the boys are looking and she comes to me to talk about things. She has told me that she not ready for sex. You want to have the open line of communication with your kids boys or girls at a early age. that way they are more likely to not to have sex until they are ready and you will find out they will come to you first. My mother did the same thing while I was gowning up and I waited til I was 18. I went to my mom about everything... I am glade that she did, my mom was my best friend I could and still do talk to her about anything I need to.

Hayley - posted on 01/10/2010

thank you for advice that I have read about it. it will be save my daughter life. so I willing to talk to her when she get period, I will explain to her everything also her nana as well because I am deaf mother. I have told her when she feel like to talk to me something iam willing to tell her truth answer. my daughter is 9 year old.. she knows a bit about sex and period cycle. that all.

KELLY - posted on 01/10/2010

DEFINATELY NOT TOO YOUNG!!! MY SON IS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL (8TH GRADE) AND HAS HEARD SEVERAL RUMORS ABOUTT CLASSMATES BEING PREGNANT. THAT IS INSANE. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN VERY OPEN AND HONESTWITH BOTH MY CHILDREN FROM AN EARLY AGE REGARDING SEX. IT MAY BE UNCOMFORTABLE OR EMBARASSING AT FIRST( FOR BOTH OF YOU) BUT IF YOU EXPLAIN THINGS IN A TRUTHFUL AND UNDERSTANDABLE WAY FOR HER IT WILL OPEN A LINE OF COMMUNICATION FOR THE TWO OF YOU THAT WILL NEVER BE SHUT DOWN.

Allyson - posted on 01/10/2010

My daughter is 7 and knows the birds and the bees. I want her to know the correct terminology and have no misconceptions. That's how you end up with pregnant 15 year olds.

Nikki - posted on 01/10/2010

My daughter is 11 and I talk to her all the time about it and the things that go along with it. I was a mother at 16 and think that the sooner the better. I even talk to my 8 year old son about things.. I don't think that it to early, just keep it on their level so they understand what you are talking about

Kristina - posted on 01/10/2010

Opening the lines of communication at an early age is a great way to keep your child talking to you about issues. Sex is a touchy subject, but remember, only talk about things that won't freak out your child, more age appropriate. Let your child do most of the talking. Ask him/her for questions and answer them honestly, but do not over answer a question. Does that make sense? At this age kids have been already talking about sex. Better to hear the real info from you than someone else.

Lian - posted on 01/10/2010

When my daughter was 10yrs old i bought a book showing how to have babies. It was a story book.Its called mummy laid an egg.

Melissa - posted on 01/10/2010

absolutely not....my step son is 11 and he came home with a letter from his "girlfriend" and she wrote on their that she loves him and she "wants" him and then i found a notebook in his room where he had drawn a picture with little people saying i wanna have sex i love you! i about died....children are learning about this stuff younger and younger and even having sex and even getting pregnant! i think it would be best coming from you than one of her know it all friends.

Tammy - posted on 01/10/2010

No I think at age 11 most girls are already talking to their girl friends about this topic and it is better to open the lines of communication. If nothing else it will give your daughter the correct information and clear up any misconceptions she may hear from friends. Good luck

Judith - posted on 01/10/2010

unfortunately this day and age school does take away their childhood innocence, my daughter got a very frank lesson off one of her friends in class and i went crazy, so i had to tell her and she was nearly eleven but the questions you get back you are definately not prepared for them. they hear a lot she had a lesson off the school nurse and came home with this ridiculous pamphlet to read i just laughed, they are not getting taught the proper way just silly diagrams that they blush and laugh at . if my seven year old gets a hold of it god help the questions she will ask me, ;-))

LEAH - posted on 01/10/2010

You will be SHOCKED at what she already knows....My daughter heard everything at school in the 5th grade.....I didnt know this till I went to talk to her this year now in the 7th grade and fixing to be 13...Wow they know things way to young these days....

Mylene - posted on 01/09/2010

i don't think it's early coz i talked to my daughter when she was 8 of course she feel unconfortable about the whole talking thing but i think it's fine.

Renee - posted on 01/09/2010

I would only disagree with one thing...and that would be waiting til she asks. She may think she's getting all she needs to know from kids at school and may never ask. I would say, don't let it wait that long. I would say if she hasn't asked by now, it's time for you to ask her. Make it comfortable...grab the moment when it presents itself. Start with a joking reference to something you're sure she's heard from the world around her if you need to...just break the ice and get the comfort level established. She may at first respond w/shock...but keep going! After the shock, let her know that you're surprised she's never asked you about anything. Which must mean she knows enough to not have any questions but let her know you have questions. Mostly let her know you want to know what she already knows so you can fill her in with any details she doesn't realize she's missing or to correct any misunderstanding. Just make sure that she knows she can ask you anything at all.

Melissa - posted on 01/09/2010

I agree with the others. My daughter have asked me questions from hetero/hom - sexuality to natural birth since her kindergarten (she is now 4th grade) & our pact is now lies. I have always wanted to wait to talk with her about certain sexual issues. But because of other kids introducing sexual things to her at an age I was not expecting to I have had to be honest but not so graphic with her as possible. I always stress to her that she is still a child and that I wish I could wait to talk to her about it when she is more mature. I talk with her about the basic facts and I also share with her that we have a bond that some children do not shre with their parents. I remind her that what we talk about shoe be between me and her and how I may be upset that I have to alk with her about a subject because another student shared info that I wish they would have kept to themself. I ask my child to keep it to herself. Does she? I hope so. Do I want my child to go on what another student had told her? NO! Do I want to talk with her about certain subjects at sucj a young age? NO, but I don't want my child to be misinformed either. It is hard but I would like my child to feel free to communicate with me about anything. Am I trying to be her friend? No, I don't want her to be ignorant and nieve either.

Kim - posted on 01/09/2010

My son is ask me what was sex when he was 4 years old (he is 12 now) I was freaked out at first, I asked my grandmother how should I answer his question she told me to tell him in the most breif but truthful way I could, so I told him that is when a married couple come together and propagate he said ok and it was 3 years later before he realized that he wanted to know more. When I asked my grandmother about his age she just told me that if he is old enough to as the question then he is old enough for the answer. Believe me you will want to answer your daughters questions versus her getting the information from another child who has told her something false. Also ask probing question of her like what does she already know about the subject. I have 3 children one 24 year daughter, a 14 year old daughter and a 12 year old son. I have always told the truth and I don't give information that they are not ready for I let them come and ask me about the subject we have had conversations about oral sex, condoms, anything that they hear, read and/or may see. Most kids want aspire to be as good as their parents in most cases, my answer to your question is no 11 is not too young if she is asking you questions, but I would suggest that you don't bring up the subject let her do it. The talk for me is still going on for all my children I never had to say to myself well I guess it is time for the talk because they have always come to me. You want your daughter to come to you with those question and share your values and she will if you do it in increments she can handle you know what she has been exposed too, just be open and honest when you do. I hope that helps

Deirdre - posted on 01/09/2010

I would actually think around 10 years old because I have heard about many kids are starting to "hook up" up at a much earlier age than in the past. Opening the communication lines also help you have a more open relationship with your children about sex, drugs, etc...My son has been able to speak openly and honestly regarding these issue's...sometimes TOO MUCH INFO!! haha ( I have an older son whom I learned alot from things that were going on in 6th grade even!!) They may not be having sex at that age, but some are doing what they call "sexual favor's" (oral sex)!! Good luck with everything!!

Renee - posted on 01/09/2010

I guess is doesn't really matter that you've had "the talk" before or not. What matters most is that you have it now as soon as you can and that you continue to leave it for an ongoing conversation that is comfortable. If your parents didn't do that with you, then you're obviously going to have to learn from scratch on approaching your daughter. It's more important that the communication is open and honest and always available. I'm sure she's already learned many of the facts through school and friends. But establishing the level of comfort for open communications about this subject and any subject is more critical to helping her learn to make the right choices and keep herself physically and emotionally protected. I also want to add that this also includes boys... not just girls. Nothing upsets me more than to hear excuses that "boys will be boys". Boys still have to be responsible and respectful of their own role in choices. It does take two for an unexpected teen pregnancy to occur. I'd say get the lines of communication open ASAP and keep it going.

Tracey - posted on 01/09/2010

If you feel uncomfortable talking about it you can get some good books, try Usbourne Facts of life - Growing Up. Your daughter will hear things at school so better to hear it from you first.

Christine - posted on 01/09/2010

Talking about sex should start very young. The key is keeping it age appropriate. What is your child capable of understanding. I talked to my 5 year old daughter about sex, however, I did not mention intercourse. The conversation was about her body and what is appropriate and inappropriate with regards to touching by her and anyone else. Talks about sex is an ongoing process. Ask your daughter "what do you know about sex". Then ask her "what would you like to know and what are you hearing about sex". You may be supprised and may need to do some correcting.

Daryl - posted on 01/09/2010

My daughter is 13 and we've never really had "the talk". Ever since she was very small she'd ask questions and I answered them truthfully and in detail. Not making a huge deal about it but always honest & open. Never embarrassed or shameful. Kinda like it's just another fact of life. She has always known that her body is hers alone to control, where babies come from, how they are made, how much responsibility they are and how much it hurts to give birth. She also knows all about stds & aids since famous people die from it and she asked what it was. She us now very, very open with me and asks things other moms would cringe at (and sometimes I do). But I'm glad we have such an honest relationship and she tells me even more than I want to know about what's going on with kids her age having sex! So, no. Eleven is not too young. It's already going on around her at school (or soon will be) and you're gonna want the inside scoop!

Renee - posted on 01/08/2010

She's definitely not too young! Like myself and even my niece for example, many young girls start their menstrual cycles at age 10. I can't tell you the number of 11, 12 & 13 yr old girls that have come to me for help when they feared they were pregnant and feared talking to their parents cuz their parents still hadn't had "the talk" with them. I would say my sex talks w/my 4 kids has been an ongoing process since they've been old enough to ask about their body parts. I've never brushed off any of their questions...even as young as age 3. It didn't mean I gave them the entire details but kept my answers to an age appropriate level and as matter of factly as I could possibly present it. Mostly, because I didn't want my children to grow up thinking the body was a bad thing, a dirty thing, or nasty in any way. I wanted them to have a healthy clinical understanding so they could grow to ultimately have a mature responsible understanding as an adult. At very young ages they've already learned that the difference between a male and female parts were respectively called a penis or a vagina. At age 3 when my son wanted to know how the baby would get out of my belly, it was very easy to tell him that I'd go to the dr and the dr would help the baby be born through the vaginal opening. He didn't even question how it got there til a few months after the baby was born. Keeping it simple and telling him God controls all life (according to our personal family beliefs) was an answer that he was content with for several more years. By age 8, my son was told by a school mate about the sexual act. He was comfortable enough to ask me if it was true. He felt no shame. At 8, I simply confirmed the scientific details. Over each subsequent year we continued to have "the talk" whenever it came up, in which it would progressively address more mature issues such as emotional responses, responsibilities for actions, STD's, etc as well as making the right choices regardless of peer pressures. I don't think the talk should ever be just a "one and done" routine but a continual educational series of talks that provide more depth and healthy responsible understanding each time. I'm not saying my way is the only way, but it's my opinion of what I believe and what worked very well for me. I hope all goes well!

Saprina - posted on 01/08/2010

Not too early. My husband and I have already had the talk with all of our children and left the lines of communation open for any questions they may have. I totally believe all parents should do this.

Dana - posted on 01/08/2010

Misty...why do you think it's too young? I'm not sure a simple "no" is enough...not trying to be critical but I like to know the reason's for people's opinions.

Dana - posted on 01/08/2010

No it isn't...you may not need to go into a whole lot of detail, but kids are smarter about these things than when we were their age! My daughter got information from an older friend when she was about 9...her friend is 3 years older. So I sat down with her and made sure she had correct info, not just what she heard.

Marita - posted on 01/08/2010

I am having this same issue. My daughter is 11 and I have answered her when she has questions but i dont really know how to go about doing it. I dont even remember my mother talking to me. All i remember is the school stuff, So i feel your pain but know that i am going to have to do it sooner rather than later.

Mairead - posted on 01/08/2010

no i dont think so i have a 16 year old and shes so gullable my 11 year old knows more about sex and periods than she does im sorry now i didnt talk to my 16 year old sooner

Misty - posted on 01/08/2010

yes

Dawn - posted on 01/08/2010

I know it's not to young to talk about it. My niece's friend came up pregnant at 12. So the earlier the better.

Thea - posted on 01/08/2010

I don't think it to young. They see so much on TV movies, even the news. They are talking about it at school. The more information they have from you they won't have to get it from there friends. You want her to have the right info from you!

Heather - posted on 01/08/2010

I think that it is not to young. With the way that kids are now a days, I think that you should explain. Rather than get the information from their friends or t.v. and it be unreliable, they get it from you.

Terri - posted on 01/08/2010

I agree with the other women. Your daughter is absolutely not to young to talk about sex. I feel children need to start learning about it much sooner than 11. There are so many kids out there that are already experimenting with sex, alcohol, and other drugs. I've been talking to my girls for a few years now working my way to deeper conversations. They tell me they don't like to talk about it, but it's my hope they will be able to come to me to talk about anything comfortably. :) Happy Conversing!

Danielle - posted on 01/08/2010

Definitely not too young!! I've always been open and honest with my daughter about her body and sex as the issues come up and continue to arise. She is now 12 and I feel like talking about things (at appropriate levels for her age of course) so openly has helped her to cope with the changes she is starting to go through with puberty now and the approach of hormones and the feelings that begin around now for boys!! She seems to have no embarrassment whatsoever in asking me anything in regards to sex, boys, genitals, periods - you name it lol!! And it makes me so happy to know she feels that comfortable that she can come to me about these things because I know as she gets older the issues will become bigger ie pregnancy, std's etc and I think if you equip them with the knowledge from a young age they are actually less likely to make the mistakes then the children who lead the sheltered lives by these parents who think it's "inappropriate" to teach our children about sex for fear of encouragement (what a load of shit) My mum was always open with my sisters and I, and I always knew I could ask her anything. That is the reason I've done the same thing with my daughter. So don't leave it any longer, it's actually partly your responsibility to teach her the reasons for these sudden changes in her body and all those strange new feelings towards boys.......It's better you than some scary crap she might read off the net!!!

Heather - posted on 01/08/2010

I waited until my daughter got her periods then told her everything, I didnt want to take away her childhood innocence too soon with all the graphic details, they will hear dribs and drabs before maybe and I made sure way earlier that no one is allowed to touch you in your private parts etc, but they cant fall pregnant or get emotional or sexual desires until they start puberty anyway so I figured thats when to explain it or when they school has their sex talk which is usually age 11/12 grade 7 then I would share whichever came first but definately by the time they start high school.

Laura - posted on 01/07/2010

I think that it's important to tell her. My daughter is nearly 11, but was given "the talk" by age 9. That way she was given the correct info from the right person. If you wait too long, she is likely to either talk to other children or worse yet, experiment. They are at an age where pretty soon they will be getting their periods (and able to concieve). Don't wait. And good luck!!! :)

Debbie - posted on 01/07/2010

I agree with the others. I have a 12 year old and we had "the talk" at 9. The main reason was one of her friends, who had an older brother, told her about sex. So I say talk to her so you make sure she gets the correct information. If not who knows what she will be told. Also if your child is not in middle school yet, I promise she'll learn things there.

Debbie - posted on 01/07/2010

I think it is important to begin opening the lines of communication on this subject. There is so much miss information out there and kids get mixed messages. If you set up a relationship where your daughter feels comfortable coming to you for questions, you can make sure she gets the facts and also share your values. I have a ten year old, and I try to answer her questions openly and honestly.

ASHLEY - posted on 01/07/2010

I think you should do it sooner. Not because I think she is doing it but because you want to tell her the facts before other kids start telling her what they know about it (believe me they will). You wouldn't want her to get incorrect information. I have a 12 yr old and we have discussed sex/puberty since she was 9 she is now very comfortable asking me questions about almost anything. I think if you do it and don't make it a huge embarassing ordeal she will not only be prepared but likely to come to you if needed. :)