Is it advisable for me to bath my 10 year old son?

Adefemi - posted on 06/26/2012 ( 130 moms have responded )

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Is a good thing for me to bath my 10 year old son?

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Kathy - posted on 09/13/2013

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MY POST WAS INACCURATE. My daughter still bathes with my 10 year old grandson who is 10. I think this should stop, but I don't know how to approach her. Any suggestions?

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Why are you still bathing him at this age? Does he have special needs that require you helping him? I have four sons, ages 11, 8, 6, and 22 months, and the only one I still bathe is my 22 month old. The others bathe themselves. My 11 year old has special needs, and I don't even bathe him. At this age they need privacy and should be independent enough to take care of their own hygiene.

Norma - posted on 06/19/2014

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I am a breastfeeding ( and do very extended breastfeeeding )mom,with several kids up to nearly 12 yrs old t and think the POINT here is not that kids at that age are able to BATHE THEMSELVES .....but that if mom bathes them it igving attention to them.......they enjoy the closeness and affection just like massages.Also there is nothing wrong with kids that age ,male or female,bathing togather.......So many feel that nudity always means some kind of sexual dynamics going on....there can be a ...big difference between sexual and sensual...as in massage.,or getting bathed. without using a cloth .Our family many time all bathe togather in the nature,or in our large hot-tub.It is kind and considerat all bathing all.,as in some ancient celtic traditions.
.So many moms have trouble understsnding childrens' feelings and realities,in such things as body repression.Now,when the kids are getting a message that certain body parts are bad,nasty ,or unacceptable......this tends to put them in a state of anxiety,shame,and guilt..(.same thing with having erections ) which are natural.,... but some parents are shaming the poor kids for that,and forgeting when they were kids....,and how they ,many times, felt shame and guilt.caused by THEIR Parents' disaproval.
'Now,putting negative aspersions onto these body parts including norrmal masturbation,can also cause to child to have extremely EXCESSIVE masturbation problems,again caused by the guilt and anxiety heaped upon them. It can help to allow this repressed child to be more free,and be nude in the home...this can alleviate some of the anxiety..........
I think that it is very GOOD for families to allow and accept any family member who wishes to be nude in the home .....AND feel accepted and comfortable. Nude families I ,have experienced,,are more rational,non-judgemental,and clean-minded This is a very Healthy Life-style in several ways......It is not the nude body that causes problems ,but it is an unclean , self-centered , confused, or violent mind that is responsible for causing harmful acts So many of we humans have been negativly programmed by judgemental societies and religions,..... So some may really need to take their minds to the cleaners,and sweep out the dark cob-webs hiding in the dark corners of the mind.

Sherri - posted on 11/26/2012

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Although 10 imo may be too old to bath. I don't think that is too old for parents to see the naked or kids to see their parents nude. Gender is irrelevant.

Julie - posted on 08/10/2012

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If you have not taught him how to bathe properly by himself yet, then you need to start. Teach him the steps to washing hair, face and body parts properly as well as rinsing. He can also start taking shower instead of bath, if he isn't already.

If you have taught him how to properly. Start going in every other shower and checking that his hair is clean, asking if he is doing ok. Supervising the shower. I do "smell checks" on my 10 year old, and have sent him back in the shower to try again if he is not cleaned properly.

Now he is almost 11 and I just threaten, "I will do it for him" if he does not do it right....he says "No, I got it!"

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Shaun - posted on 08/15/2014

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the cheking on what he washes and threating him seems stupid to me

teach him how to do it 1 time then let him be
almost mom doesn't do this

let him do and fail by himself
you said If you have taught him how to properly,then let him be if you did

Norma - posted on 08/05/2014

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we live in the tropics and have a hot springs on our private land ...i and my 7 boys up tp 12 yrs all bathe to-gathher....snd i see nothing wrong in family bathing each otherwith soapy hands,.it is just the same as body massage using oil,which is healthy and affectionate.Too many folks freak out about the nude body in the West...I am from Switzerland ,and see the body as beautiful,not nasty or " bad '

Apple - posted on 07/02/2014

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Yes it a good thing for you to bath your 10 year old son. It 100% normal. It also normal for you and your husband and the other children to see his body and see it develop into a male. There nothing wrong in you see his genitals develop. He need not to be a shame or afraid in what his body does as he being bath. Remember only he allow other to see him naked. That is choices.

Apple - posted on 07/02/2014

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they enjoy the closeness and affection just like massages. You tel lit like it is. It a fact and there no lies about this. Closeness and affection is a key word in keeping children and teenagers safe. Many parent back off when their child turn around 9 years old. This type of activities keep them form doing things they should not do. It does not matter if it boys or girls. The openness with their bodies keep them in a safe environment where they can learn, understand, see what they need to see without any fear or anxiety, or shame. The can deal with their curiosity, ask question with out shame. That is how it is with my daughter who is 9, my nephew who is 11, the two boys next door who are like brothers to my daughter. They are 10 and 12. Many moms have this sexual erotic thing when girls or boys see each other nude. Those moms who are sexually erotic about children see each other in the nude are the one who push children or teens into sex. Our swimming pool children locker room is kis from day of birth to 14 years old. The boys and girls have no issues with this and there never been a problem. So if I was taking my daughter and the boys next door to the pool. I would take them into the children locker room. The same with the lady next door if she took her sons or other girls or boys to the pool, she can take them into the children looker room.

Email me if you have any question. I have a clean mind, I see this has being holy, and godly. Have the children respond in how them feel about this. I will lift you up in pray and give God pries on this. You are cool, I am bless by your responded.

The group of about 20 nudist kids have read your statement and love it. They do the same. Those moms who see everything being sexually. Please get some help and deal with your issues.

Happy - posted on 06/18/2014

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It is fine to be bathing him/her at 10. If (s)he has not figured it out yet who cares? It is completley fine please do not listen to other posts.

Norma - posted on 06/13/2014

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I am a single breastfeeding mom and ..This is a very considerate and loving thing ! Another chance to bond.We are a naturist fam with 6 kids to near 12yrs...,and we bathe togather in nature,or in the huge hot-tub......and bathing each other without a cloth is just another way of affectionate massage,as several bathing the one . I usualy end up nursing, usually 2 of them at a time.Very soothing and considerate,good vibrations

Apple - posted on 06/12/2014

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Checking in with you Adetfemt. How things going in bathing your son who is 10. It OK, but keep it family only. Do not let other girls or women get involved. Unless he what them to. Example a cousin girl who is around his age can take a bathor shower together. My dauther who is 9 and my nephew who is 11 take shower together and there is no issues.

Jennie - posted on 05/23/2014

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I don't think bathing with kids beyond 10 is appropriate, however, I am married to a European who says he has seen his mother naked (changing, etc) his whole life and it isn't a big deal. Americans have hang ups. It is all in how you approach it. I don't make a point of letting my 10 yr old son see me, but if he does, I don't make a big deal of it. But I don't think I have bathed with him since he was maybe 2. They are too curious and like to poke at your body parts lol.

Apple - posted on 05/02/2014

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JusNo, bathing a child is away of show love and spending time with him. Being involved in him. He can be in the tub and you sit on the edge of the tub or on the floor and you can read to him. Spend time talking. You can wash his body. There nothing wrong with that. People in general have this sicko erotic sexually thing that goes on with the human body. They need help. Just be sure others do not get involve. This is a family activity only. Your mom does not do this with him. Does he have a sister. Just like my daughter who is 9 and my nephew is 11 take shower together. They are also nudists. She does not allow her friend in this at all. My mom does not get involve in it ether. They be nude in the home together. They are like brother and sister. Just be careful when you wash his genitals you do not cause any issues. He need to know erection is normal and he need not to be shy or shame of it. Good Luck.

Suzi - posted on 10/26/2013

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If he's not disabled, I can't think of any reason to be bathing him at 10 years old

Julia - posted on 09/24/2013

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In a nice way just be frank with your daughter that you think he might be getting a little old to bath with his mom. My son is 7 and has been bathing by himself since he was 4 but I will on occasion help him wash his hair since he still hasn't mastered keeping the soap out of his eyes in the shower (he instinctively tips his head forward). When he goes to his grandmothers he asks to take a bath with her. Usually she says know but a couple times she gave in and once you give in they are relentless. Maybe there is more to the story and he is asking and he doesn't know how to say no. Or maybe she forgets he is getting older because he is always her baby. Who knows. Try talking. Just be gentle. Try something like gee little Johnie will be starting puberty soon can you believe it. Then as the conversation goes just ask do you think maybe he is ready to shower solo? His friends might tease him if they found out he still showered with mommy. By putting it in a question it puts the ball in her court.

Emilia - posted on 09/20/2013

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I don't know about anyone else, but my daughter started showers at 7 and was doing them herself a 7 1/2. If he is okay with it, then I don't think it's a big deal, so long as he knows ow to. It's an important life skill. But, just realize, that very soon his body will be changing and he will probably want more privacy. So down and ask him if he is comfortable. That's all that matters. As long as it all clean and respectable.

Edwina - posted on 05/17/2013

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I think if you wand your daughter enjoy bath times together, it should carry on without suspicion. All these moms that get so appalled need to get therapy cos they are so hung up! I agree with Annabel (posted 2/19); if you can't let go, that might be a different concern. She should be able to bath on her own but if, sometimes, you get in together, that's fine. Why should hers and your nudity be hidden away just cos she's 10; it's daft!

Carrie - posted on 05/13/2013

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NO, it's not. Unless he is special needs and can't take care of himself I'd sure be curious as to why you are even asking. Actually, I don't want to know.

Kristi - posted on 05/10/2013

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I bath with 9yr old son. We have a fun time with all the bubbles. Yeah sometimes he looks at my breasts. But we just play and he says it doesn't bother him that mom has no clothes on.

Shea - posted on 05/07/2013

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My son has been taking his showers on his own since he was 8. Whoever bathes with her 11 year old son needs to respect his privacy and not be exposing herself around a preteen. That's disturbing and shameful!

Gil - posted on 05/05/2013

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Yes it is certainly ok. I still bathe with my 11 year old son. His dad does also. It is natural and not to be discouraged.

Barbara - posted on 02/19/2013

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I help with her hair, but only when asked, and only if she's clothed. Privacy is important to teens any mine is 15.

Kay - posted on 02/19/2013

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I sometimes help my 15 nrly 16 yr old to wash her hair, whilst she is dressed xxx

Annabel - posted on 02/19/2013

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The main issue here is letting go - additional needs aside by 8 kids should have acquired the skills to shower and bathe themselves, they will need reminding to do it, but they shouldn't need help, I encouraged mine com about 5, first under supervision, then some days (so I could still ensure cleanliness) then always. It's not about nudity either, we don't have a lock in the house (internal that is, the front door does lock would be burglars) though they are now getting more private, shutting the door and putting a robe on before leaving the bathroom (now teens). I do help with hair colouring ( a contentious issue I don't like it but every other kids does it) but we do it over the sink. Let go, but gradually, I know they are our babies but they need the life skills to be independent - and from 8 or so there are scout trips, school trips, sleepovers, they need to have the skills away from home.

Kay - posted on 02/18/2013

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Hi, my 11 year old daughter showers herself since 10 yrs old, plus has a bath with her 8 yr old sister. My eldest nrly 16 has shwered/washed her hair since 9 yrs old xx

Barbara - posted on 02/18/2013

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I think most kids over the age of 8 or 9 are perfectly capable of bathing themselves. My daughter didn't want me in the bathroom after about age 8. I ran the tub, poured bubble bath for lots of bubbles and gave her her favorite tub toys, checked the water temp and let her do her thing until she called me in to help her rinse her looooong blonde hair (she had trouble getting all the shampoo rinsed out.) Beyond that, unless the child has a medical issue, I just think it's overkill and mom's or dad's bathing their children just don't want to let go and let the kid have privacy, grow up just a little bit. Kids learn incrementally from DOING, not doing PERFECTLY, just DOING. At 15, my daughter locks her bathroom door when she showers to make sure I DON'T accidentally barge in on her with towels or TP (like I can't hear the shower running, right?!) She rightfully wants her privacy and I honor that. Parents who don't honor their children's need and right for privacy have issues beyond the scope of this site. I'm glad this is the last day for posts on this topic, heaven knows it's been scrubbed of any new insight.

Sandra - posted on 02/17/2013

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I am suprised this topic has such longevity. Is it because moms can't detach from kids, or sons in particular? They need their privacy to enforce their identity. When mine was 9 he had multiple bad breaks in his arm and for a time I helped him bathe, steadying the
cast, we didn't need more accidents.
I would hope in life when we get to where we are impared or old that out kids will physically help us.

Kerrie - posted on 02/17/2013

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Are you really still bathing teenagers?! I hope this was a mistake and you honestly not really saying you are bathing teens.

Kerrie - posted on 02/17/2013

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At 10 years old, your son should be able to bath himself. If he is more comfortable with you being in the bathroom while he is bathing, fine, just don't be the one to wash his hair or body up. Give him some bath toys to play with too so when he is finished washing up, at least he can have some fun too.

Claudia - posted on 02/14/2013

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At 10 years old, you're moving into the creepy range. His body is going to begin changing, and he needs to develop these life skills. Expect that he's not going to get as clean as you would get him. Make him take additional baths if needed. But it's time for his to do this on his own.

Kristy - posted on 01/31/2013

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He's old enough to bathe or shower himself. Omg my boys showered themselves much younger than this. This seems odd to me

Sara - posted on 01/15/2013

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Cecilia, I just read your response and I just wanted to repeat this, because (and maybe I'm just overly touchy now) it appears you may have thought I was genuinely judging you. I am not. I was just trying to use your experience with your daughter to prove a point.

As parents I think we all feel at times like our way is the "right" way. I feel like I have the right to disagree, I have the right to state my opinion (when it is asked for) and I have the right to draw my own conclusions and walk away from a situation shaking my head and muttering to myself "that's not how I would do it" (please also understand, I am extremely sarcastic) What I don't feel I have a right to do is place judgement on someone for doing it their way. Just because I would do it differently, doesn't mean someone else is wrong for doing it their way.

To everyone:

This woman asked if bathing her 10 year old son was acceptable. She stated he was uncomfortable with it. THAT IS ALL ANY OF US KNOWS. Let's not jump to conclusions about her or her child or most of the women responding, (sorry, but if your 16 yo son is still being bathed by you I have to wonder why, furthermore if you are having a family shower with adolescents or teenagers... come on... you opened yourself up for criticism there, there are limits.) I do feel like a 10 yo SHOULD be doing their own bathing if they are capable. BUT, it does not mean they WILL and I do not feel like leaving them to sit in filth is the answer. I feel like every child is different. They each learn differently and grow differently. I can say that because my experience is with a 10 yo son that needs reminding (again, physically, he does a good job on his own, IF he is reminded to DO IT) Maybe if he was perfect (sarcasm) I would feel like I have a right to judge. But he is not and therefore MY experience as a parent may be different from yours, IF your son was like mine, you may find you feel exactly the same way I do. The point is there are opinions and there are judgements... no one wants to feel their parenting is being judged. And it's not my place to tell someone else how to raise their children. Don't get me wrong, there is a time and a PLACE to step in, I have stepped in with parents when I felt it necessary, but use your better judgement. I assure you, there IS something YOU do as a parent that you feel is perfectly acceptable, that someone else may feel is... how can I put this politely... bat-shit crazy! So remember that when you are getting ready to judge, someone else is judging you too. How would YOU like to be addressed?

Dove - posted on 01/13/2013

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Unless there are extenuating circumstances (disability or temporary injury requiring assistance).... I can not imagine helping a child of either gender bathing at 10. Family nudity I don't have a problem with, but I've never personally met a 10 year old who couldn't bathe him/herself. Heck, my son isn't even 5 years old and all I wash of him are his hair and back. He's more than capable of doing the rest.

Cecilia - posted on 01/12/2013

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As far as breastfeeding issue goes. I don't think it's anyone in those cases is seeing the child as a sexual object. As it was brought up the breast are the item of sexuality. Mind you we all know their purpose isn't for sex. The opposite is true when it comes to male genitals. It does not have another purpose. That is where this topic is upsetting people.

Now there is a story of a woman who breast feeds her 6 and 8 year old daughters.(not sure if i have the ages right on but they were over 5 i know that) Now for me... that is wrong. There is a time for those activities. I don't know when i stop seeing it as acceptable any more but i know it's before 5. The same goes with washing your child. There is a time to stop.

Sara, I get what you mean. I personally struggled with the idea of doing it myself. I know some might think she will have issues with her image and thinking she needs to do these things to be pretty or accepted. The reason i did it was opposite. She already hated her hair. She always has no matter what i've done to make her see she has beautiful hair . In my mind i figured okay 8 small streaks in her hair isn't going to change the world. I'd rather hair than tattoos or piercings any day of the week. To me it's even better than wearing make-up.(which she doesn't do) When i did it nothing touched her scalp. i avoided the letting her come in contact with any of it. I think my over-caution might have even been why she was scared to rinse it.

Chasmodai - posted on 01/12/2013

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This is for Scott: Hi Scot! Just a point of clarification. There may be a misunderstanding. You said, "you're wrong editing his posts." In case you were responding to me, I did not edit anyone's posts. I noticed that his posts were gone. Either someone from Circle of Moms did it, or he did it himself. I don't think anyone in this discussion has the ability to edit anyone's posts other than their own. Only staff can do that, and I don't think there are any members of staff participating in the discussion.

PAMELA - posted on 01/12/2013

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I have 4 children-23, 15, and twin 10yr olds. Of all my children, I have encouraged independence in bathing themselves since about the age of 6. Of course the 23 is off living on her own now. The 15yr old who is a boy definitely needs his privacy. He gets bent out of shape, respectively even if I do something like walk in the bathroom to hang him a clean towel, or wash rag. I wouldn't expect any differently of a 15yr old boy. At these times I was not thinking, and just in Mom mode of bringing him clean towels. Even my oldest at this age needed her own privacy, and I tried to respect it for the most part as well. Now my 10yr old twins(b & g), I still have to go in the bathroom to remind them only did you do this/that(wash your privates, rinse your hair good, etc..), but again they do for themselves, not me. Now the only time I have ever had to go in & help is sometimes my twin boy who has ADD gets in his hurried state & did not wash his hair good,etc but still as for his privates never would I do that. I hand the wash rag to him, tell him how to do it properly(for 1 I am a single Mother & he has never had his Father around to tell him how to care for his male anatomy properly.) We teach them that no one, but them should ever touch them there, and I of all people should be the 1 showing this respect to him. I can't imagine how uncomfortable your son would feel having "Mommy" washing him like a 2yr old! Yes, you may need to spot check to make sure they did everything properly, but you should not be touching them, making them feel uncomfortable, inferior to their need for privacy, and independence. & I am not talking about touching their privates only! I am talking their whole body & identity. I am not saying in any way the poster was only regarding her post to washing the boys privates. I just feel children need to become independent in meeting their own personal needs, and part of this development is their own privacy w/their bodies. Now if my children ask for my assistance, I am not going to turn them away, but it's only at their request. If it's something I feel they can still do themselves, I will stress it to them. Again, it's because they need to learn independence, and confidence that they can do for themselves.

Darlene - posted on 01/12/2013

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well I WOULD SAY ABSALUTLY NOT I DO HAVE 2 boys and @ 10 my oldest was most deff NOT HAVING MOM do any of it so thats a HELL NO!!

Chasmodai - posted on 01/08/2013

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Yes, I do. I agree completely. It reminds me of the rape culture issue. Women are told what to wear, where to go, how to conduct themselves to keep them from being raped. Obviously they aren't the problem, the rapist is the problem. As soon as a woman or a child remove their clothing, they are immediately sexualized.

Sara - posted on 01/08/2013

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I love the fact that this conversation has become civil! Here is something to ponder, I am bringing it up to show another aspect of this topic...

Women breastfeeding in public has become a huge issue, WHY? Is it because women who are breastfeeding are somehow abusing their children sexually because they allow them to latch onto a breast for nourishment? Is it because a woman breastfeeding her child is somehow trying to catch the attention of your husband and arouse him from across the room? Does breastfeeding in public mean you are also going to have sex in public? NO, it is because society has made breasts a sexual object, granted breasts are sexual in nature, however the sole purpose, even the main purpose of breasts is NOT a sexual purpose. If breasts were not viewed as a sexual object NO ONE would have an issue with a woman nursing her child in public!

If you don't view your child as a sexual object NO ONE should take issue with their being assisted or supervised while bathing. It is not "wrong", it is not "sexual", it is not a privacy issue. It is simply a hygiene issue, nothing more, nothing less... unless of course you are one of those people who are finding it sexual, IF that is the case then and only then does it become abuse. In which case, yes, it is wrong.

From what I see, this woman did not ask if it was acceptable to bathe her son since she is attracted to him. I did not defend her actions after seeing she found some sort of arousal in the action, I did not EVER state that I view my child as a sexual object. It was the people that jumped in and made some sort of assumption, not having the full details or not considering the details they had before placing judgement and blame. I'm sorry, but I don't find that helpful to anyone in any way. And I take offense at it.

And for the record I did breastfeed :-) all three of my children, my girls were breastfed for just past two years each and my son until he was 15 months (he was a biter!!! Teeth came in an my nips were off limits!!!) I was told once, quite rudely, by a woman no less, that if I felt like I HAD to do "that" I should at least go into a bathroom stall to do it. I very politely told her I would see fit to nurse my daughter in a TOILET stall when she saw fit to eat HER meal in a toilet stall as well!

I see very little difference here, I was not "wrong" to feed my child (regardless of how uncomfortable it made people around me, that is THEIR issue and it is not my responsibility to take my child into a bathroom to feed her because someone else has a problem with breasts) (by the way, I was completely covered with a receiving blanket from start to finish) Similarly, it is not my responsibility to neglect my child's hygiene because others may think it is perverse. I am doing no wrong by my child, the discomfort it THEIR issue.

What if I were to say I find the color pink to be extremely sexual and I am uncomfortable being in the presence of anyone wearing pink? Does that mean no one should wear pink because I find it uncomfortable? What if 20 people in a general area find it uncomfortable, does THAT mean no one should wear pink? Let's just break it down to complete ridiculousness (is that a word). I feel like I'm being incredibly redundant, but maybe the issue here is just that people need to look at the big picture.

Cecilia, (I'm not judging or attacking, just trying to make a point, so please don't take this the wrong way, I'm simply using your story as an example) I would not allow MY daughter to have highlights right now, she is twelve, I feel like it sends the wrong message about her body image to allow her to change it in such a way (yes, I am exaggerating for effect) I also feel like the chemicals used in such a process are very unhealthy and pose a physical risk/threat to her (ie: child abuse) (again, exaggerating for effect) Yet, I don't propose to have any right to tell you what to do with your child. I certainly am not going to attack you for it. Judge you for it. Nor will I slander you as a mother or threaten to report you for abuse ;-) I am going to assume you know what YOU are doing and would not put your child's health or well being in danger. EVEN IF I don't agree with your actions. (for the record, I couldn't care less that your daughter has highlights)

I really hope the meaning I was going for is taken correctly there, do you see my point everyone?

Chasmodai - posted on 01/07/2013

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Yes, Cecilia, I think there is nothing wrong with that at all. We provide our children with all of their hygiene care when they are helpless, then we gradually back off until we are just supervising, sitting by the tub while they wash themselves. Later, we just remind them what to do, then check after, "Let me see behind your ears, please," and "Please go back in there and do it again, you forgot your ears." But in unusual circumstances it would be weird NOT to assist the child. Those hair treatments can be scary for a young person. I'm thinking of the perms I used to get when I was a child.

I read in a child psychology book that all young children go through a phase where they think they want to marry their opposite sex parent, and may even flirt with them a bit. They may act out sexual feelings toward the parent. This is considered normal. The child doesn't know any better, but of course the parent does. This doesn't mean the parent should accept or encourage these advances, but they should be handled lovingly. It also doesn't mean that if the parent sees the child without clothing, sexual abuse must be happening.

I think the difference is not whether or not the parent sees the child without clothes, or even whether or not the child sees the parent without clothes, but how does the parent perceive the child. Does the parent see human beings as sexual objects, and vulnerable human beings as potential opportunities? In this case, that's a very bad situation. Is the parent respectful of self and others, and does the parent convey that respect to the child? In my opinion that's far more important than how that particular family handles hygiene.

Okay, so here's a question: Let's say dad is a hairdresser. Daughter wants highlights. They decide to do it at home, and they don't have a shampoo sink. Let's say daughter says, "It would be easier if I just got in the shower." I don't know, maybe the daughter would wear a swimsuit, or maybe she wouldn't, or maybe Dad might say, "I'm not comfortable with this, let's call your mother," but I CAN visualize a scenario where she gets in the shower, dad helps rinse her hair, and nothing perverse happens. I think if dad doesn't see his daughter as a potential sexual object, and he's not perverted, it is completely fine. Not all people see every human as a potential sexual plaything. To a normal person, a daughter is a daughter, not a sex object. Any man worth his salt would protect her and she would be able to trust him.

What if your child is an adolescent, and needs help with shaving or feminine hygiene? Obviously we help. We don't do more than what is appropriate. What if mom is out of town on business and daughter has her first period? Maybe dad has to be the one to take her to the drugstore, and help her pick out the right products. He might say, "Your mom uses a heating pad if it gets too bad," or, "Let's call your mom, she'll have some advice." But he would definitely be there for her - not see her naked, not get intimate, but certainly be straightforward with helpful information without getting squeamish. He wouldn't do anything any differently than a mom would do. He would care about her comfort, and want to help reduce any anxiety she might be experiencing.

Cecilia - posted on 01/06/2013

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I will say this, my daughter is 12.. Tonight i was putting highlights in her hair. She was scared of rinsing it out and getting it in her eyes while rinsing in the shower. I was trying to hang her head over the tub and rinse it. She said to me "wouldn't this be easier if i just get in the shower?" I said "actually it would be." So she stripped down got in the shower and leaned her head back as i rinsed her hair. (standing outside the shower)

I personally would never ask her to allow me to do it. I only did it per her request. She was fine with it, obviously. Once i was done rinsing it i said okay get yourself dried off and i'll be in the living room, because i still had to straiten her hair for school tomorrow.

Chasmodai - posted on 01/06/2013

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Brava, Sara! I completely agree with you. Scott, I don't have any daughters, only sons, but I do think that if I did have daughters, I would have no qualms about my husband seeing them without clothes or assisting them with personal hygiene or bathing if it were needed. If a child needs assistance, and is not yet independent, then we provide whatever assistance is required - period. But then, I'm not married to a pervert and it would never cross anyone's mind in my house. In fact, I do think that getting too hung about it would arouse my suspicion. I would wonder if the individual is projecting.

Sara - posted on 01/06/2013

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Why do you feel the need to make something out of nothing? I just don't get it. There was no hysteria, there were no inflammatory remarks made by me. I had nothing to do with Darrell's post's being removed, my guess is he either realized he was looking more like the ass he is and left or someone in admin did not approve of his threats and got rid of him. In fact, I'm looking at your name right now thinking it looks pretty suspiciously made up and wondering if you aren't really Darrell trying to get another dig in without being detected.

For the record, if my ex-husband needed to check in on the kids the only one I would have an issue with is my oldest, not because of her age, but because of the fact that she has hit puberty and has developed breasts and pubic hair and SHE would feel incredibly uncomfortable having her father see her naked. Now, I heard he was showering with our youngest daughter shortly after we divorced and yes I did call him and tell him I didn't want him doing that. Not because I feel like he is doing anything to her in a physical manner or he is being inappropriate with her in a sexual manner, but she was 6 and I just feel like that is getting to be too old to shower with dad. But, she has her own hygiene issues (this girl never wipes! Well, she's much better than she was) our pediatrician's suggestion (because it was causing UTI's) was to assist her when she wipes! I go in and make sure she's washing her bottom too!

As it stands, last week my oldest daughter (she is 12 1/2) asked me to come into the bathroom and help her get a snarl (snarl is being very modest) out of her hair. She was not at all uncomfortable with me being in there and it took me close to 45 min to get her hair combed through. In the end I cut it, even though the snarl was out at that point, her hair just does that. No matter what we put in it or wash it with, it turns to a rat's nest within moments. Incidentally, her new cut looks great on her!

Maybe in my family we are less modest about nudity, maybe in yours you aren't. But if I'm not doing anything wrong and you're not doing anything wrong, who the hell are either of us to JUDGE the other? I can tell you from my own personal experience my parents were hippies. We had a sweat lodge in the woods behind our house and I saw more naked bodies than you can probably imagine. I grew up with people around me who had no shame about their bodies. People who had very few hang-ups. Not only did it teach me to respect my body and love what I have been given, I am in no way scarred from it, neither are my sisters and NONE of it was EVER sexual. I was molested, but not by any of those people... it was the church going, clothing wearing, better than the rest of us neighbor! You know the type, one of those people who would never let anyone see him in his boxers, he had no qualms whatsoever about sticking his fingers in my shorts! THAT scarred me, THAT has had a lasting impact on every sexual experience I have ever had. Seeing my father naked when I was twelve, not at all! Make nudity bad and guess what happens, it becomes one of those things your kids are going to be curious about and feel ashamed of. Make it forbidden and they almost always want to know more. It's human nature to want what you can't have. My kids know a penis is a penis and a vagina is a vagina. We are very open about sexuality and about the differences between boys and girls and we talk about things candidly so there is no need for shyness or embarrassment or shame. My kids know that they are special and that their bodies are special and should be cherished and are theirs and no one else should touch them. Nudity is not sex, there is nothing wrong with nudity (God made us naked you know, no one has ever been born in clothes) I realize that's probably going to ruffle some feathers and by no means am I saying run around naked especially in front of your kids, but seriously what is the hang-up? Make it such a big deal and it will be a big deal! But hey, you do what works for you and I'll do what works for me. I won't judge you, so don't judge me.

Notice please, her question was "Is it acceptable to bathe my 10 year old son?" She did not ask if it was acceptable to stare at his genitals or fantasize about him or touch him inappropriately. She asked about bathing. There was nothing sexual about it. Similarly, I never said I enjoy humiliating my son, I said if he is embarrassed, good. Maybe that will be incentive for him to pay more attention to what he is doing. There is no reason our children should be spared from embarrassment. I promise you, my kids embarrass me, a LOT. Why should they be immune from it when I am not? (They also make me proud, a LOT)

Chasmodai - posted on 01/06/2013

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I think that it's possible to present an opposing or unpopular point of view while simultaneously conveying respect to the others on the board. He did not do this.

Chasmodai - posted on 01/06/2013

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It wasn't the opinion, it was threatening to report one of the moms and then coming back and saying that he DID report her. He did not simply present a different point of view, but did so with venom and vitriol. I'm glad he's gone, what he had to offer was not supportive or helpful. Regardless of whether his points were salient or worthy of consideration, the tone used can completely wreck the usefulness of the discussion.

Scott - posted on 01/06/2013

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I have been following this thread for a week now and I am surprised Darrell's posts were eliminated. I thought he had some salient points. So much for a different opinion!. For the most part, I cannot fathom any child 10 years old being bathed by a parent, let alone a parent of the opposite sex. Darrell makes a strong point, would any of you be comfortable if it was a Dad in there with his daughter making sure she bathed properly, whether she was embarrassed or not?
I have re-read Sara's response several times, taking out the hysteria parts, I personally think she is dead wrong. I don't know about anyone else but she makes some pretty inflammatory statements.At the end of the Day, if she does get a visit from some authority, if she is doing nothing wrong so be it.I have no intention of responding to this blog again, but your wrong editing Darrell's posts.

Barbara - posted on 01/06/2013

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Cecilia, I didn't mean to sound critical of you. My teenage daughter can drive me looney-tunes with frustration at times and I haven't always handled things as well as I wish I would have, far from it.

I did identify my own feelings of humiliation because I had been accused of doing something as a fairly young child (fourth grade), stood up in front of my entire class and humiliated by the teacher in the class for at least a week or two until the real culprit was discovered. The teacher never did apologize to me for the humiliation I was undeservedly subjected to.

I totally agree that truth is the best way - and it's sometimes hard for kids this age to be truthful, they are so busy proving to themselves that they don't need mom's 'interference' any more that they overcompensate by lying. We've also had things 'disappear' and have worked a variety of different behavioral attitudes to address this issue. As you said, some have worked well, others not so well. Heaven knows, parenting (especially parenting teens) isn't for sissies! Good luck to you and your son and I hope things improve for both of you. Trust, once broken, is very hard to restore and it must be a two-way street to function at all. We are still working on rebuilding the bridge of trust between my daughter and myself.

Cecilia - posted on 01/06/2013

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Barbara, i know there are other ways of doing it. At the point when it was done i was frustrated. I had a child stealing from me and other family members and lying about it all. We tried different avenues since this happened. some have worked some havn't.. None have been perfect.

Truth is the best way, and the way i'm using now is to ask him to trust me. He thinks these small lies will make me so angry at him, so he refused to tell me the truth. I've shown him the truth is the better option. I've worked on not blaming him soon as something is missing to show him he can trust me,and that I trust him.

Barbara - posted on 01/06/2013

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I'm not saying that what you did was child abuse, or that you should have been prosecuted for this, but it must certainly have been humiliating for your son. I couldn't do that to my daughter and I have caught her in some whopper lies since becoming a teen. There's no point in recrimination here, but I wondered if there might have been a better avenue to corrective action than humiliation.

Chasmodai - posted on 01/05/2013

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Sara, and All: Darrells posts have been removed. It's possible that he has been banned - I hope Circle of Moms doesn't tolerate people coming on here and threatening people.

This is supposed to be a place where moms can hang up and discuss the challenges of parenting. Some of these discussions can become heated, especially when people don't know how to disagree civilly or misinterpret disagreement as a sign of disrespect. Some people feel their opinion is the only valid one and have a hard time admitting that opposing points of view can also be valid. But some people like to go online just to argue and upset people, and those people are hopefully dealt with when they are flagged.

I have read a lot of interesting opinions and ideas on Circle of Moms, and I just hope that the bad eggs don't drive the good people away from the forums.

Sara - posted on 01/05/2013

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My son could not care less about me seeing him naked, he wouldn't care if I did bathe him, I don't simply because he does need to do it himself (and really, I have enough to do, why add more when it isn't necessary). In fact, last summer we had an incident where he sat on (I am assuming he sat on them) a nest of seed ticks, if you don't know what that is, it is a tick the size of a pinhead, tiny! A nest is hundreds, if not thousands of them. Had this child been afraid of me seeing him naked he would probably have waited much longer than he did (a day or two) to ask me to look at his scrotum and tell him what was wrong with it. COVERED in ticks. That poor boy! But you know what, I was proud of him. He had a problem, he came to me and addressed it straight forwardly. He made me promise not to tell my boyfriend because he was very embarrassed and didn't want another man to know he had "things on his balls" proving to me there is a little man in him after all. He tends to be the most sensitive of my kids and not very masculine! I try to encourage his strengths and help him come to his own conclusions about his weaknesses. After all, since when does a ten year old really listen to his mother. Seriously, there will come a day when it bothers him, I hope that day comes soon, cuz like I've said, I got better things to do. When that day comes, he'll let me know. I know he can do it, he does do it and he does a good job of it, once he is reminded... what he doesn't do is REMEMBER to do it on his own. People, this should not be an issue for any of you. Grow up and find a real cause to get worked up about. There are real monsters all around us, quite trying to make me fit into that mold when I clearly don't.

Cecilia - posted on 01/05/2013

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I think if your son has been asked if he minds, and he says no... You're fine. I think your case is no different than me knocking on the door while my kids are in the bathroom and yelling in "don't forget your hair." I do feel that strait up bathing your child who can reach around and do it if you let them- is a little different.

As far as who reported it, the school.. He went to school and told his teacher what I had "done to him." She called on me. It was seen as mental abuse. So yep, if i beat him they can't touch me. Oh how silly this world is.

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