is it natural for my 13 yr old to want to live at his nan's more than here .. i'm hurt!

Jacky - posted on 01/13/2010 ( 20 moms have responded )

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my 13 yr old feels more attached to his nan this weather... he wants to move in long term we live half hour away and it hurts me so much i'm completey torn as i no he would be totally fine there.

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Traci - posted on 01/21/2010

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My son is 12 and has ALWAYS preferred my mother over me. The only time he wanted me as a baby, was when he was sick. When he gets to my mother's there is always attitude when he has to leave. They get spoiled over there and that's why they prefer it.

The problem I often have is that my mother will play down my authority when we are all together - to the point that when I discipline, she interjects and begins yelling at me. In an effort to not disrespect her, I simply walk away because then he will, of course, look at me like I'm the bad guy for yelling at his grandma.

Of course he will be in good hands with his Nan, but I understand how you feel. Good luck with your decision.

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Layla - posted on 12/25/2013

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My son aged 13 went to stay with his nan for 2 weeks while I recovered from a injury. When it came to get him back he didn't want to come back. I asked my parents to support me in saying it was time to go but instead they said he could stay a bit longer if he wanted. Since then I was in a constant battle to get him to return. He is willing but my mum is so desperate to keep him she threatened to kill herself. He is now 19 and hasnt come back since was 13. My daughter decided to join him there aged 16 because she is very close to her brother and felt they should live in the same house. She is now 18. This is also a case of constant torture for me as we were all so close and it feels like my parents have broken upy family. I feel very betrayed by my parents who I expected to support me. I dont drink smoke or do drugs of any kind and attend church regularly. I am not abusive but constantly encouraging their interests. I feel like a failure. I have now my youngest just turned 13 and I am terrified of losing him too. I don't trust my parents to look after them. They encourage them to drink and even took my daughter to get a tattoo. Luckily the tattoo artist refused without parental consent. I am thankful they didn't fake it as I wouldn't put it past them. They seem to have low morals and not people anyone would want to have looking after their kids. I feel so alone. They have even turned my brother agaist me. I don't know what lies they told to menipulate the situation like this. Any family disaster its always me that looks after the frail relatives or sorts out a issue. Then theygo back to treating me like dirt. If they didn't have my kids I would have walked away from this abuse years ago.

User - posted on 08/11/2011

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my daughter is 3 and due to me needing 2 work she spends alot of time with her 4 sets of grand parents, the only thing is i then try 2 discipline her after shes been allowed 2 get away with everything and im then the bad person and she calls for her nannies? she wants 2 live ith them and not in our "family home" as she calls it! its really hurting but i need 2 work so dont know what 2 do? x

Keona - posted on 02/10/2010

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Jacky Your definately not the only one in that situation. My eleven yr hates living with me. He would pick my moms house any day of the wk. It dosen't hurt my feelings bc I'm pretty much use to it. I know that the only reason he'd rather stay at my moms bc he has no responsibility over at her house and hes the oldest of four children so at grandmas house he gets alot more attention and gets away with alot more.

Joan - posted on 01/27/2010

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Jacky, Your son is your child and you are raising him. the Nan lives only 1/2 hour away. If there is not a good reason for him to be spending the weekends with Nan, then he should be sleeping every night in his own house. He can go there for the day by himself for a treat, but most of his visits should be a family thing. Invite Nan to your house to visit as often as you go there to visit. Get Nan onboard with the program.
Explain that the child needs to bond more with you guys, and in order to do this he needs to spend less time alone with her. If she loves him, and you, she will understand.

Georgetta - posted on 01/24/2010

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Yes it's natural, my 13 year old wants to move in with her father. She says it's because her 9 year old sister gets on her nerves. Hopefully it will pass, soon

Jennifer - posted on 01/23/2010

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Oh, yes, the nana, My daughter loved her nana so much and often would say she wanted to live with her. Dont feel hurt by it, kids say so much without thinking. And since we lost mama last april, I am SOOO grateful that God gave them the time they had to be close. I can never tell you how much you will one day appreciate this bond they have

Chrissy - posted on 01/22/2010

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My daughter will be 13 in April. In my situation it was a little different. We lived with my parents until she was 8. I then decided to move out. My daughter stayed with me for a yr & 1/2 & wanted to move back to her Nana's. I was really upset & my feelings were hurt. I decided to let her do it. I went by & seen her everyday & we would go & do something every weekend. We are now closer than ever!!! I still keep her room at my house & she still comes to visit. I tell her everday how much I love her & when she is ready there is a place for her here!!! I can't tell you what to do in your situation but I can tell you that we definiatly get along alot better now!

Vicki - posted on 01/21/2010

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my 15 year old son lives with his dad i was heartbroken when he made that decision but i think it was the best thing for him he is so happy and we still have great relationship. even at that age they know what they want its hard for mums but theyve got to try these things. after a month or so your son might realise it wasnt for him after all but he wont know till hes tried

Jacky - posted on 01/20/2010

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well just thot i'd update... through a lengthy process i have decided that we do want him here and altho i had doubts i am prepared to fight for my son to stay with us i guess its alll demons of parenting and yes i am the parent and he is the child i am hoping the nxt weeekend at his nan's he feels that its a treat and not a future plan he has sellted since being bak with us and i am hoping that this continues. i thank you all for support and wish you all well in your different lives x jacky a not so confused mum x

Joy - posted on 01/19/2010

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I think it is very normal, and you know the grass is always greener.... but when I let my children spend a summer with my parents and they learned they had to follow rules and face consequences there too, well then it wasn't such a novel idea any more! Children need to understand that certain things aren't up to them, that isn't a choice he gets to make, you are the one in control, and life isn't perfect anywhere for anyone! And I wouldn't take it too personally, just let him know you love him and you have made a place for him to live and he has to abide by those facts!

Carol - posted on 01/18/2010

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yes it is very mormal,i have a son a few years older then yours and i was truely heart broken when he told me that he wanted to live with his grandmother,at first i put it off,then to saying no ,to ending up dealing with a bad child and rebelling,so yes we all know that most times its cause they seem to think its way easier there,but some times its a totally different reason,even through it hurts and can be hard, try sitting down on a one on one base and ask him why he feels he wants to live there and the reasons.

Theresa - posted on 01/18/2010

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He probably gets by with more there or has less rules, or thinks he would. I don't thinkthat's toatlly abnormal. i however would not allow him to move there. You are the parent, not grandma. He needs to learn to live by your rules and that your house is where he belongs. It's OK to go visit grandma and even stay for a week or something during the summer, but your house is home. Grandma should be telling him that as much as she loves him his home is with you not her. If you did allow him to move in with her it could dreate feeling of abandonment even though he thinks it's what he wants. He could be feeling that you don't love him as much as you should and if you let him go it would just validate those feelings. Keep showing him and telling him you love him and don't give up.

Jacky - posted on 01/18/2010

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thanks guys for all your support as im struggling ... my son stil continues to want to live with his nan and as it continues to be hard i find comfort knowin there is other people in similar situations. thank you teresa for pointin out that we're not always gona be around and yeh maybe it could be better in the long run as in your case.

Teresa - posted on 01/15/2010

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I remember being a teenager and loving spending time with my grandparents, (who are now sadly no longer with us) i even moved in with them for a while, after a huge row with my mum...my grandparents even though at the time i felt they took my side, really they talked me into listening to my mum (who is now my best friend) i am grateful for the time i got to spend with them and even though at the time it may have hurt my mum...it actually helped my relationship with her.....my 12yr old loves spending time with his grandparents...and i think a lot of it is that grandparents have more time to spend with the kids, they aren't worried so much about working/mortgages/bills and are often a lot calmer with kids about stuff, that us parents stress over...xxx honestly, let him enjoy them, while they are here :) xxx

Bonnie - posted on 01/14/2010

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Jacky, my grandson lives with me all the time. We have raised him from six months. His Mom took him for a year but that didn't last long, he point blank told her he want's to come back with his grandparents. He would prefer living here. I'm sure your case is much different, but as my grandchildren have told me grandparents are easier to get along with, they think we are easier pushovers, well my grandkids found out different. I treated them the same as my own and now Mom and Dad aren't so tough. With the exception of the one who we are raising, he loves his mom but he's not happy there and we have raised him so He is more comfortable with us. Hope this helps

Mechelle - posted on 01/13/2010

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You're right . . . it is very hurtful. Unfortunately, they do get by with more and tend to get a little spoiled at the grandparents. They view us as the disciplinarians. My now 19 y/o daughter used to threaten that very same thing. I told her living with them would be way different and their rules tougher than mine to some extent. She still talks about moving out now and then (she is a full time college student with 40 hours a week, plus 30 hours a week at work) and pays her own bills. I tell her OK, lets look at your expenses versus your income and see if you can make it. Numbers don't lie. Unfortunately, that doesn't work for a 13 y/o. Just know he does love you and will grow out of it.

Jen - posted on 01/13/2010

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My daughter is 12 and LOVES staying with my parents...she has her own room there. They only live 5 mins from me here in Calgary. They go away to Arizona through the winter but when they are here in the summer she spends most of her time over there....i look at it like a break..haha

Christina - posted on 01/13/2010

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I think it is, I have twin boys and one of mine tells me that all the time, I think its cause they can get by with more at their house.

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