Is it wrong for another parent to cuss at your child

Sandy - posted on 02/18/2010 ( 37 moms have responded )

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I let my son sleep over at a friends house and he and his friend had did something the parents didn't like. He came home and told me about it and said they cussed him out saying the F word and a lot of other words.He told me he had never been so scared in his life.I know he was in the wrong for doing what he did,but they could have called me to come get him.Now he never wants to go there again and im not sure i want to be friends with these people anymore. I trusted them to take care of him when he was there,not to put fear in him!

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Brea - posted on 10/01/2011

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Umm yes!! Noone should be cussing to any kids! Theirs and especially someone elses kid.

Shelley - posted on 09/02/2011

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OH NO THEY DIDNT! These parents over stepped the The Friend Boundarys by not only cursing at your son but they should never discipline other ppls children! I sure hope you called these parents up and told them that if they ever discipline and curse at your child again that you would press charges for Child Abuse & Harrasement Charges and let them know that their Tyrant Behavior scared your son that he doesnt want to stay over again with their son! That was not right of them now your son will forever hold some fear towards all adult especially when they raise their voices at him~It is our responsibility as adults to protect and guide our children to do right by showing respect towards their elders and authority figures especially the law! I sure hope you ended that friendship cuz friends like that who needs enenmy's! I used to have this urge to discipline other ppls children until one of my friends were like Shell~this is not your child and you really shouldnt be disciplining this child you could get into trouble for child abuse! YIKES! For example my son's buddies were trying to geet these teenage girls attention by knocking on their homes windows at the worst time ever 10 pm~well the teenage girls dad called me to let me know that only my sons friends were knocking on their windows~What my sons friends did was against the Mobile Home & Manufactored Home Trailor Park Rules and it was an automatic eviction if the teen girls dad called the park owner! I held my son accountable for his friends bad choice~and then I called their parents to let them know what they did and also let the parents know that I would be leaving it up to them to discipline their sons~ The parents thanks me and said they appreciated that I didnt discipline their sons before they did~I figured my call to my son's friends parents was punishment enough and kept my cool! My husband also put the thought in my head by stating :Shell you would be so pissed off if another parent choose to discipline either of our kids so dont discipline another person's child because they could also come to our house and kick your ass for parenting their child with out them being there! I have gained plenty of self~control by always remembering my husbands statement. I sure hope you confronted these parents about their poor personal choice in cursing and yelling at your child. They also forever put fear of all adults in your child by cursing and yelling like insane idiotic ppls! I sure hope you dropped them and your son is friendly to the kid but is not longer hanging out with this friend? Those ppls had no right at all putting fear into your childs heart! I am so sorry this happened to you and your son.

Jenelle - posted on 08/17/2011

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NO one is allowed to swear at other peoples children let alone parents swearing at their own children. If your son's parents swore at him, there is nothing wrong in telling them that you do not like the fact that they swore at your child and that it is not ok by any means. That is a form of ineffective parenting skills. You have every right to go with your child's feelings and allow him to not sleep there again if this is how they are going to respond to negative behavior. Sounds like they need to look up Authoritative child-rearing parenting style which they are NOT presenting with their child. Authoritative parenting style is the most successful approach. In fact have them look into that one as well as Authoritarian child rearing style, permissive style and uninvolved style. Sounds like they need to learn about effective child rearing and start realizing what they can and will do to their child by swearing at them.

I know this seems like a lot of information, but I'm a student in Psychology, specializing in children and it's amazing what parents can do to their children in swearing at them.

[deleted account]

I had this very thing happen to my daughter at a sleep over one night. She ended up getting screamed and yelled at by the other girl's father. He proceeded to call me and tell me my daugther was 'homesick' before I really knew what was going on. Once I got her in the car she broke down and told me the entire story; how he had accused her of something she didn't even do and then yelled at her in front of all the other girls. I was needless to say furious! I contacted all of the mother's of the other young girls the next day that had attended the sleep over and their daughters had informed their mothers that my daughter's story was accurate; she hadn't done anything and the father yelled at her for no reason. So, I contacted the father the next evening and I gave him a piece of my mind but very tactfully! No one has any right to do that to another person's child. That is stepping over boundaries! I won't even discipline my niece and nephew; I first contact their parents. That is what the father of this girl should have done and I made sure he knew it! It is a universal understanding that parents do not cross that line; if you are having issues with one of your child's friends, contact the friend's parents and let their parents deal with what was going on. Every parent has their own way of disciplining their children. My daughter was devestated after that incident and it took my husband and I most of the night to calm her down ~ I can't imagine doing that to someone else's child!

Trish - posted on 09/27/2011

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If your son don't want to go over there...that's it. He's not going over there. When your kid is scared you can't put him back in that situation. And if you don't want to be friends...that's it...Friends come and go. Just have to keep moving forward and this is a lesson learnt for your son too. When you do jacked up things at someone else's house there will be consequences. So next time if he goes to a sleep over at a friends house...be on your best behaviour because you may never know...you could be cussed out again...

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Sandy - posted on 10/02/2011

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Thank you to everyone for you comments.My son is 13 years old now and this happened almost two years ago.My son and I are over this and me and the parents in question are not friends anymore.I realized she wasn't much of a friend to me when she kept deleting my posts and her Facebook wall and photos just because I tell it like it is in reality.As far as the sleepover it was my fault for letting him go.I already knew the parents cussed at their kids,so I shouldn't have let him go.My wrong judgement.I was only thinking about the kids enjoying friend time.They were my son's favorite buddies and he needed to get out and do different things.Everyone has their own way with their kids,so the kinda friends my son has that have parents like these he wont be spending time with except at school.What he does after he gets older and moves out is his business.Until then I am raising him not to do certain things that I see is wrong and hope he is learning.

Lisa - posted on 09/23/2011

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I must know the family of my child's friend and how they parent. If I know that they curse in front of or to their child, thath is not a place for my child. I am sure the things parents say at times of high emotion are said before they have had a chance to think. So in other words, they will not control words just for your child. It is true that they shouldn't say those things to your child nor in front of your child but just knowing the parent well, you should know it may be a possibility. Again how parents interact with their own children will be an indication of how they will treat your child. I have friends that love their children and treat them very well, but their language goes beyond "clean" when verbally discipling thir child. They are not bad parents they just use bad language. I don't curse adults, my child, or my child's friends, but that's my choice and how I was reared as a child. You have to be careful who watches your child but at the same time I expect the parents of my child's friend to treat her the same way they would treat their own. With love and if necessary descipline. I make it a point to know how that will be upfront. Use this as a teaching tool for your child. Things not to say and how to stay out of trouble when their friend starts to do things that they know would get them in trouble.

Sarah - posted on 09/23/2011

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They should not have cussed at your son or with your son in the room at all and I would be saying something. And not to be disrespectful but I completely disagree with your remark Mary, about not being able to tell another person how to parent or handle your child when he or she is in their care. If your child is going to be spending time with another family or another adult, it is your duty as the parent to make sure that the other parent knows what is and isn't acceptable to you. If they are your friends or family and they spend time with you and your family often enough, they should already know this. My father even told me that if I don't spank or yell at my children then if he were watching them he would respect that. Even though when I was growing up that is how I was raised, my husband and I do not do that, and my father knows that and would never do that. It is our job as parents to make sure that our children are safe and that they are taken care of.

Mary - posted on 09/22/2011

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They should not have cussed your child , But should have dealt with the situation . If you don't it to happen again don't allow your child over there . That is how they deal . You can;t tell andther person how to parent or how to handel your child when it is in their care .

Momx3kidz - posted on 08/28/2011

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We have that same situation currently happening in our neighborhood, one of the parents of a neighborhood child repeatedly calls the other children names, and today took it to a new level by a calling a 9 yr. old the B word. The parents of this child call the police and a report has been filed. In our city there is an ordinance making it illegal for someone to cuss out or swear names to any child or adult. This woman a few weeks ago, come upon my property yelling at the children and telling them that they are punks, as a parent, she is not setting a good example and now that I know about the ordinance she had better never swear at or call any of these children names.

Sandy - posted on 03/02/2010

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I understand putting children in their place when they get out of hand,but there is a wrong way and a right way to handle it.When kids come to stay with me and get out of hand i simply tell them to stop or they have to quit playing for a little while.Now when my son gets out of hand i may after several times of telling him to stop raise my voice,but never yell.I usually just make him sit down and miss out on something he wants to do.

Cassandra - posted on 03/01/2010

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This is kinda tricky, I wouldn't cuss at my daughters' friends or my daughter. Anyone who knows me and lets thiere child stay the night at my house knows the risks. I cuss like a sailor (or as my navy hubby says, worst) and most of my friends know it. I also yell at or repremand children who are in my care, as the parents would. My friends do the same thing with mine, it's just how we work.

Sandy - posted on 02/26/2010

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He said he was afraid i would get mad at him.I told him never think that way and that he should have called me.All i wanted was for him to have a fun sleep over for the first time and it was ruined.

Gina - posted on 02/25/2010

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I hate the f word. If what happened was so bad then they should have ended the sleep over. If my child was so afraid I would have wanted him/her to call me to come get them. I don't think any child should have to be put through any type of foul language. It was scary enough to him that he does not want to go back, that's pretty bad.

Felicia - posted on 02/24/2010

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Wow. I don't even cuss at my own kids. You are definately nicer than I am. I would have gave them a taste of their own medicine. Maybe that's wrong.....but nobody cusses at my children!

Sandy - posted on 02/24/2010

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Thanks you guys have been great.The parents new what they did was wrong thats why they wouldnt tell me what they did.They just told me trust us it will never happen again what he did.

Grace - posted on 02/22/2010

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I don't care if it is the President or the Queen, no one has any right to cuss at any child. What kind of behavioral example are kids learning? The problem in nations like America goes far deeper than healthcare, poverty etc... The heart of its society, the home, is falling apart because many parents who shld be acting as role models are instigators of bad behaviors. There is no excuse for raising an innocent child in an environment where foul mouths are condoned and tolerated. You're making the right decision for your child's sake by taking him away from such environments. If the other child's parent/s behave like that, God knows what else they are capable of.

[deleted account]

It is wrong for anyone to cuss much less at a child!! Another reason we do not nor never have done sleep overs!

Loretta - posted on 02/22/2010

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Wow! My child and I would never be friends with those parents again. I don't cuss at my own child and would be livid if someone else did. Your child was in their home but there are ways to dicipline others children properly. And I agree that one of those ways, and in my opinion, the best way is to call the child parent to come and get them and let them handle it.

Tammy - posted on 02/21/2010

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I would be extremely upset if an adult spoke to my children that way. I definitely would not be friends with those people anymore, you are doing the right thing.

Linda - posted on 02/21/2010

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yes i feel it is if they have a problem with my child bring him home or i will pick him or her up

Tammy - posted on 02/21/2010

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Tell the parents exactly that, that is your child and if he sees you standing up for him he will be sure to keep telling you when things like that happen. Still let him know what he did was wrong but the way those people handled it was worse.

Julie - posted on 02/21/2010

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its not just a question of whether someone has swore at your child or frightened your child it is the basic rule of respecting other peoples parenting and rules. you do not swear at their child and you thought they would not swear at yours. maybe if you invite them over for a coffee and explasin to them that your son told you what had happened and apologise for him misbehaving but explain to them that you dont think it is apropriate to swear in front and especialy not at a child and that you do not do it to their child so would they please not do it to yours. if they take offence then they are people that are not worth knowing anyway.

Susie - posted on 02/20/2010

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It is never ok for someone to cuss your child out. I would never let my child stay at that residence again and if they ask let them know that you don't want that type of language thrown at your child. Instead his friend can spend the night at you house from now on.

[deleted account]

It's a good thing your son doesn't want to go there because he shouldn't ever go there again! You never have the right to dissaplin anyone else's children especially in a rude, derogitory, way!! How dare they!!! I would also wonder why your son had to tell you about it, why didn't the parents tell you about what happened themselves? I'm truly disgusted that anyone would treat anyone else's child like that who is a visitor to their home. I would be really worried about the child who's house your son was at, what are those parents like behind closed doors? if they think it's okay to treat your son like that. I would be reporting this as abuse it does send up a red flag!! Stand up for all children, they need to have someone to protect them! Think about the fear your son felt and the fear the other boy may be living daily!

Susan - posted on 02/19/2010

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I think when you let your child go over to someone's home, you are putting your child in their hands. That means, if they reprimand their child by cussing at them, you run the risk of having your child cussed at as well. You are taking a chance and sometimes it doesn't turn out the way you want it to. I would actually bring it up to the parents since your son was so scared. That bothers me more than the cursing. Please understand, cursing at anyone's children, including your own, gets you no where and I do not, for one minute, think it's ok to do. The scared part is something that I would have to address. And it doesn't necessarily have to be in a negative way. I am sure the other parents have no idea how they have effected your child. That's just my opinion...

Char - posted on 02/19/2010

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to me it depends on the age of your child. Littler kids don't understand that way of talking. Older kids have probably hear worse on t.v. or from their own friends. sounds like you need to talk to the parents of the friend and express your concerns of how things went down. good news is i don't think he'll do whatever it was that they did again. Good luck

Heather - posted on 02/18/2010

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i wouldn't let my son go back i don't cuss at him no one else should either

Sandy - posted on 02/18/2010

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You are right Theresa and i wish i had of been there to see him do what he was accused of doing.I do know that both parents did not actually see what happen they just went by word of mouth and and let loose on him.

Theresa - posted on 02/18/2010

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He shouldn't have done what he did, but in my opinion there is no excuse for cussing at someone else's kid. I don't think an adult should be cussing at their own kids either, but that's their choice. If you know these poeple well enough I would talk to them about it. Tell themyou understand what the kids did was wrong, but that you feel swearing at them was not appropriate. Tell them you don't want your son to think swearing is OK and that when an adult swears at them it gives them the impression that it IS OK. Then tell them what action you would have felt was appropriate, if that's calling you to come get him (even if it's 3AM) then tell them that. If you're not that close to them then tell your son you're not comfprtable with him going over there any more and explain why. You could also include the other boy in that discussion. Let him (the friend) know it's not about him and he is still welcome at your house anytime. He will most likely go home and tell his parents what you said which may make them think twice next time. Maybe they will even call you to talk to you about it.

Sandy - posted on 02/18/2010

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Thanks ladies...i have felt so bad for my son and wonder if he still thinks about it.I hope not.I grew up around a lot of that and alcholics and have tried for twelve years to keep him away from that stuff.And to have a friend let that happen to him is just something i doubt i can ever get over.

[deleted account]

It is never okay to swear at a kid like that, especially if it's not yours! I wouldn't let my kid go back if I were you either. If he still wants to see his friend I would just arrange play dates at your house instead.

Terry - posted on 02/18/2010

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You did the right thing. You entrust people to take care of your child and to be an example for them whenever they are in their home. Never should an adult cuss out a child, because this means that they are so angry that they are not thinking about what they are saying. Next time it could be worse. If the children are not behaving, then the parent should have called you to come pick your child up. The sleepover would have been over. This is more effective than cussing the children out.

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