Is my 10 year old kid getting out of control?

Klara - posted on 06/21/2011

I have to agree that you need to implement consequences until the behavior changes. Parents need to set limits, and although its okay for kids not to like it and even be upset, being disrespectful and verbally abusive is not okay. Hopefully no one is yelling at your child and calling them names that they are doing the same. Once everyone has calmed down, a good talk is certainly in order, and let your expectations be known clearly, as well as consequences for the behavior and an apology from your child. I wish you the best. We as parents of tweens have to set limits now, or when they hit teens, will really be in trouble!

Pamela - posted on 06/14/2011

get her some help there is a underline reason why she is so angry....

Lora - posted on 06/13/2011

Lisa: I'm sorry to hear you are having such a time with your child. You need to find out where the child heard this and sit the child down and let the child know that this behavior will NOT BE TOLERATED. If the child heard this from friends or where ever things have to change. There is also a website I found that is truly a God send. Its. www.empoweringparents.com. It's great. I have learned alot from the site. Give it a try and let me know.

Nicole - posted on 06/13/2011

You have to put your foot down here. This is totally unacceptable. Make sure the child knows this, figure out where they heard this, and try to change their influences.

Nayanda - posted on 06/13/2011

Lisa, that would be a deal breaker for me. There would be no games, no playdates (although at 10 years old playdates is not the right word but you know what I mean), no television and extra chores, homework, reading and the like. If a child believes s/he is old enough to use that kind of language to a parent, then s/he will have to suffer the consequences. Everything thing they do now will affect their tomorrow. If s/he gets away with it, what lesson will be learned?

Bev - posted on 06/12/2011

i have been through this my self and was very hard as did not know what to do. but in the end i sat my child down and talked and we talked about lots of stuff not all at once but eventualy things came out that were troubling them and i was in these talks that i found out my child was being bullied. and wanted help and did not no how to handle it.

Lisa - posted on 06/03/2011

honestly, i was so stunned i didn't know what to do. i cried...i felt horrible. ended up he came to me about an hour later and apologized to me, hugged me and kissed me on the cheek...told me he loves me. i accepted the apology and we agreed to move forward on it, but i warned him that if he ever does anything like that again i will be prepared and thus will come down hard on him. that's been a couple of days ago...so far so good, but i'm wary.

Ramona - posted on 06/03/2011

You have to put an end to it now. All kids push thier boundries, it is natural. But, it is up to you to hold steady. I would have him writing out a long apology letter to me. Includig why it was wrong, what commandments were broken (we are practicing Lutherans), what he feels would be an appropriate action if this should ever occur again. I tell you, my kids are meaner than I could ever be! I don't do what they say, but I do take thier punishment suggestions under advisement.

Simone - posted on 06/03/2011

Wow... I can't even imagine what I would do. I don't think it would end nice. That's absolutely disrespectful and I you need to end it there. Did he or she apologize yet??

Tammy - posted on 06/01/2011

I am sure you expressed your disapproval and made it very clear this was in no way acceptable or respectful so to the more broad situation...I would say at this point you will need to take a careful look at a few things: Am I setting and maintaining consistently boundaries, rules and consequences? Am I saying what I mean and following through with what I say? Are the rules we have reasonable and enforceable?
I don't know what the circumstances were for the outburst but I would guess that this was a point of power struggle between you and your child and they may be testing you and trying to push boundaries to see what happens. Be very cautious, plan how you will deal with this round of testing and then stick to your plan, consistently.
I have a 13, 12 and 10 yr old boys and I can tell you the power struggle for teenage years can definitely begin from 9 or 10 and sets the scene for later 'tests'. I don't know if they do it on purpose or they plan or they are just responding emotionally but it is not easy and each response by you sets expectations for them for the next 'test' which can be an incident like this or a quiet refusal. Unfortunately as a parent you must become strategic in your rule making and enforcing because I don't think it gets easier from here for a long time. Of course if things turn for the worse ask your pediatrician for a reference to professional help to guide you.
Oh and if there is another parent involved, your spouse, your or his parents etc make sure your all on the same page and discuss things in advance because once there is an incident like this its hard to have a pow-wow and make a unified decision. Disagreements that are clear to the kids give them a point to apply pressure when they want something and can make your relationship with your spouse stressed. Good luck, you are not alone. We are in this same tough spot. If I find better answers I will definitely share!