Lately my 11 yr old son has been talking back and has this I dont care attitude. When he's with his friends parents they tell me how well behaved he is. Also he has always been an A,B student until this past report card. which he had a couple C's a D and the rest were A's,B's. He missed alot of school in the beginning of the school year due to illness. He said math is hard so we just got him a tutor. mostly it's his attitude and he has been very ungrateful ! This is driving his father and I crazy. I tried everything I can think of but nothing seems to work. He knows exactly what he's doing because he comes in our room at night and want to say sorry and snuggle. I end up sitting in my room crying because I just want the best for him and for him to grow up and be a caring and respectful person.Anyone have any thoughts on what we should do ? Someone please help ! Sorry for my rambling on :)

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Misty - posted on 02/16/2012

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Oh my!! My 12 yr old son has been the same way. My problem isn't solved by any means but it's getting better. I tried just giving him a hug n trying to just understand him. Im very sad to say but yes I've yelled right back at him then apologized and made him apologized to me too. He got to where it was effecting him at school so I took him to the school counselor. I explained to her what was going on with my child sitting right next to me. I also explain to my son that I think he needs to talk to someone when he feels like he is very angry. I also explained that the counselor can't tell anyone not even me what he says and she confirmed this for me to him. She didn't make him talk that day but asked him to check in with her at least once a week then sent him back to class. She explained to me that it's a normal stage in a child's life (hormonal issue, harder school work, higher expectations of him, peer pressure among other thing). She explained that I have to be very kind and understanding with him but also very firm because he is testing his limits. Instead of letting him just choose what to do or when give him 2 options and if he doesn't choose one or gets an attitude say I'm sorry your options are gone and tell him what to do and when and what ever you do make sure he does what he's been told to do. I have also explained to my son that he will not yell at me or throw one of his tantrums or he will be grounded. That is the only warning he got. If he has an attitude a tantrum or violates any of the rules that I wrote down an thumb tacked to his wall he is grounded for however long I decide. I have grounded him 2 times in the last 3 mths and he doesn't want that again so he is alot easier to get along with. Also anger and frustration is a form of energy and i explained this to him so when I see he's about to blow I tell him to take a deep breathe and think. If that doesn't work I tell him to go run a lap or clean the yard or anything that helps. I also remind him that if he does blow that he will b grounded. Also he gets rewarded if we have a good week he gets to stay up an hr later than his younger brothers and sister 2 nights a week to watch 2 shows that I watch that he likes. He has also told me that he does talk to the counselor and that it does help him. As for his school grades if he brings me anything less that a's or b's on his report card he isn't allowed to got to friends houses play video games or ride his four wheeler until the next report card. He thought I was playing when I told him this and brought home 2 c's he was shocked that I followed through and I also talked with his teachers and explained what I expect of him and they let me know if his grades start slipping or if he isn't turning stuff in. He is a great child but just had to find out that mom can be fun and he can have just about anything that he wants but also that moms not playing and is not going to put up with an attitude from a child. I deserve respect and so does he but to get that you have to earn it. I know this was long but it is what has helped me. Not saying that you have to do any of what I've done but just letting you know that there is hope.

Diane - posted on 03/01/2012

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My son is now 15, his attitude of lack of respect for me and for himself was very concerning beginning around 12-13. His grades were low and he avoided anything that required "work". He would humor me and make excuses to my face while screwing up. What turned him around completely was when my boyfriend started pulling military barking and discipline on him. It was really hard for me to deal with watching my son appear to be degraded and barked at. Boyfriend wouldn't let him give up on doing a chore. If he messed up, he had to go over it again. Computers and game systems were taken away for bad grades. He wasn't allowed to go anywhere until homework and chores were done. My son would painfully have to stand there while boyfriend barked in his face about being responsible, taking on tasks like a man - full on and be dependable, his grades were important and homework is not hard to accomplish if boy gets down to it. His chores show responsibility for family and respect for mom and house. Now, after about 6 months, my son is proud of himself and feels like he can take on anything. His grades are now A and B, he does chores without asking and will jump to action when I need something done. He is working to find miscellaneous "jobs" so he can save for a car. The hard, barking alpha male method works...when it comes from a male. Its hard for us moms to watch and I wanted to step in often to stop but no one was truly injured and boyfriend gave him pats on the back when a job was well done. I truly believe we need more of this for our boys and it is nearly unacceptable in this day and age. Even more a problem, is that single mom's don't have a chance because it is a male to male thing. Women are just too soft. My boyfriend would say "Boys need yelled at by an alpha male to guide them or they don't get it." There is hope for single moms...get them into boys sports where there is a good coach. Talk to teachers, ministers, coaches and as many as you can. Your son will not want to do anything so put him in something you know he will use later in life and force him to stick with it while staying in close communication with the alpha male of the group. Crappy chores that make them mad are good! Difficult chores that make them work hard are good! Make them do a hard, crappy chore again if they don't get it done the first time. Don't let up on them but keep the lines of communication open. Most importantly, don't get soft. This isn't the time. You need to show strength and use critical listening skills, they'll try to worm their way out of everything...don't let em. They must be accountable for their own and suffer hard consequences. Life is much harder and we truly need strong, responsible, dominant men more than ever.

Melissa Sarnes - posted on 02/15/2012

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It makes me feel better to read this post, although i have no answers for you at least I know its not just my kid, I have a twelve year old daughter and I am going having the same problem. She has always had a mind of her own but usually very helpful at home and a straight A student, he grades are slipping a little but her attitude has gotten worse and worse over the past year. Its come to the point it disrupts our lives and my 7 year old daughter is starting to imitate her behavior. I am divorce which makes it even more difficult because her father pretty much lets her do what ever she wants. I know she is a good girl out side of our home but her lack of respect has become out of hand and i too am at my wits end I have taken away everything and nothing seems to help..

Wendy - posted on 02/15/2012

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My husband and I have been having the same problem with our 13 year old son. He treats us like we owe him everything even tho he has been lying, and has failed the 8th grade. We have tried everything we can think of. We have been to his school and hung over his shoulder when he does homework, and even if he does the work he will not turn it in. When we ask him why he has been acting out so much, he says he doesn't know. When we remind him he is going to have to repeat the 8th grade, he says he doesn't care. He say he doesn't care about anything and almost throws a temper tantrum if we tell him to do something, and I mean anything! I told him to put a pair of jeans I just washed away and he huffed and stomped off. We love him so much, and this attitude and behavior is killing us... We need help too!

Mimoza - posted on 02/19/2012

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Hi i had same problem with my son ,i live in London with my 3 kids,i m single mother and my sons attitude changed in last 3 months.i didnt know what to do ,then i heard from my friends son thet my son was bullied at school,he has braces thats why he was bullied.I would advise you to make sure that he is not bullied at school,and dont forget he is not going to tell you never,you have to find out yourself

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Meloney - posted on 03/23/2012

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It seems your boy has no respect for you, remind him that he is still a 11 year old child and unless his atitude changes you will put him back into short trousers and treat him as a child with no games, no computer and early bed times, only allow him childrens books to read and play with children his own age includeing girls. That is what I did to my 15 year old son when he had that problem and I told him that for every month he didn't show respect I would reduce his age by two years so eventually he would be dressed and treated like a 5 year old and remind him that when you take him out in the car he would have to use a childs car seat like any other 5 year old child and tell him that if you have to reduce his age further you would have to put him back into nappies and you would buy a cot for him to sleep in and make him use a playpen by the day and have a highchair for his food. I did all that to my son and beleive me it worked as he is now very respectfull.



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Omayra - posted on 03/23/2012

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Hi there,

I am experiencing the same things with my 11 yr old but this a recent change. We are having a serious talk with him tonight to try to find out what is going on, we have always had an open communication and I am worried sick about my son. Thank you!

Annique - posted on 02/20/2012

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Oh that is good; one huge thing you don't have to worry about. I hope that you guys are able to stick together as a family and help him through this rough spot. Might be a good time to shut down the electronics for awhile. My son can have that same tendency, and sometimes I just shut it down so he doesn't really have a choice but to interact with his family. He's usually upset for about 5-10 minutes, and then he's fine, like a new kid!

I wish you the best!

Wendy - posted on 02/20/2012

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We know for sure he is not doing drugs. My husband and I are both prior law enforcement, both having worked in narcotic investigations. We would pick up on that kind of thing right away. He is driven by video games, and TV. He has very few friends, because he is a reserved kid, and we can't get him to try and make friends. Thank you for the advice, but he is not doing drugs.

Annique - posted on 02/20/2012

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@Wendy~ Has your son been involved in drugs perhaps? I have heard from several reputable parenting experts that behaviors such as what you are describing could be caused bu drug abuse, wouldn't hurt to check it ouy!"

Wendy - posted on 02/19/2012

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Luvmia, just write when you need to, and keep remembering you really are not alone:o)

Wendy - posted on 02/19/2012

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We had to do the same thing here this weekend with our son. He is coming around but still lying. The funny part (not really funny but) he was blaming his mother for being late to school everyday and she was blaming him... She says it's not her fault he's failing in school. She asked us how it's her fault he's not turning in his home work. So really, there is no question why he is acting like he is.

Some of the hardest things we have to do to our children as mothers, really truly hurt us more than them. But one day your son will thank you. I hope ours does to!

All we can do is love them and tell them that, even when they are being hateful and rude. I tell all of our kids I love them when I know I have made them mad.

Luvmia - posted on 02/19/2012

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Wendy, thanks for sharing and support. My ex is also a big liar, nasty and spiteful and I strongly believe that is why our son acts the way he does. My ex has no problem with coming to my home or my car and not speaking to me so if he does not show me respect then why would my son show me any respect. He has also told lies about me to others. This is the BS I have to deal with and I always have to be the bigger person. And I am so tired of it.



I am also taking back my home and I am making it very clear that if he does not like it he can leave! I know this may seem harsh but I have learned that tough love is very necessary when taking care of children. When your a single parent, I find it is extra tough keeping everything together. I will pray. And I hope that things work out for you and your husband.

Wendy - posted on 02/18/2012

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Luvmia, We have the same prob;em with our son. His mother lets him do whatever he wants, and never disciplines him. My husband confronted her about it, because of course he's going to act out with us if we take away his games, cell phone and tv, while she lets him buy more games, go to school when he wants to and lets him lie to her without consequence. She her self has a huge problem with lying, and we are afraid he has learned it from her. The only thing we have learned so far, is not giving up! We enforce the rules in our house and he has no privileges. I have been really easy on all of our kids, not making them do chores and just be children, but it's about to become child bootcamp! Our five year old has been acting out with the same attitude, because he gets the same treatment with his father. He will get whatever he want's from dad if he is quite. My husband and I are taking our house back, and they are not going to like it! But they can not keep doing this... I love my babies! and all I want to do is not have to get on them ALL THE TIME! You are not alone:o)

Luvmia - posted on 02/17/2012

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Ladies, I am going through the same thing with my 12 year old son. I know for a fact his father and his family have a lot to do with why he does what he does (i.e. buying him $100 dollar sneakers, letting him shop, go to activities, etc when he does not even do what he is suppose to do in school). I have a stronger feeling he is being brainwashed against me as well. Every time he comes back he is different. He gets an attitude if I tell him to wash the dishes and of course he gets and attitude. He has run over top of me when I tell him not to do something and quite frankly I am sick of it. I am seriously considering giving him to his father because I get very little respect and they get all the respect. I cannot deal with this stress and I have health and financial problems to deal with. I cannot compete with them and I am not going to. God willing, I will pray.

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