Lying, stealing, and talking back

Cora - posted on 03/05/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Not as worried about the latter part as I know he is trying to feel out his boundaries but what to do about lying and stealing. I recently have been finding money missing out of my wallet and then this morning found him having his brother (who is 4) emptying his piggyback to "put money in his wallet". When I came down the stairs to inspect the situation my older son ran out of the room. I then found money and his DS in a small hidden backpack pocket meant for an MP3. He denied knowing it was there or how it got there. Then he turned around and blamed his brother. HELP!!!!

How do I stop this now before he gets any older or it becomes more criminal? He is 10 now and will turn 11 in August.

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Bobbi - posted on 08/23/2010

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Well we are our children's teacher here is my advice. My oldest son, 17 was about 9 or 10 when he went up to the corner store and stole some candy bars. I went home after work and brought him right to the police station, i had him frisked put in a room and he had to talk to a police officer about why stealing is wrong. The police woman said I won't be nice, I said don't be if he wants to act like a thief treat him as such. I am not kidding i really did it! Sometimes physically showing them thier errors scares them enough to not do it again and honestly my son has never stolen anything again, he always asks if he needs or wants something and doesn't have the money to pay himself. Good Luck!

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Heaven - posted on 08/23/2010

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Two thumbs up to Shelli! I am right there with you! I have 3 boys 13, 7 and 10 months. I have raised my kids basically the same way as Shelli. I pick my battles with the boys, but when it comes to serious offenses, they get punished! They are always warned first. Example: if they say a cuss word, I let them know that its a bad word that they are not allowed to say, I then make sure they understand that they are not alowed to say it again. The next time, it is the warning of soap in mouth. If they repeat it again, they get soap in the mouth! I go with the 3 strikes rule! AS far as stealing, its the same, only the punishment would be a spanking. And yes my 13 year old still gets his butt tore up, not as much , but when he acts a fool, im quick to put him in his place. I will not tolerate a hoodlum for a son, not saying that he is one. but I will not let him turn into a bad kid that's for sure. You must be quick to knock them back down to size, or it will only get worst.

Lisa - posted on 08/20/2010

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The only thing that comes to mind is... lay down the lay and stick to what you need or want from him behavior wise. It's not easy being a kid and feel you need what every other kid has.
When my girls wanted the extra that were not suited for my budget... they would have to help out more at home, even at 10... to make an allowance or get a little more. Even mow the neighbors lawn or walk a few dogs for people. Teaching them responsibilities is a good idea, even at this age. They can't always get what they want when they want it. I tell my daughter that about twice a month. So she decided to start trying to babysit for some of the extra's she wants. Mind ya, she has her home alone course plus her babysitting course. Things that put her in the right direction. And since the babysitting idea is slowly starting, she does more to help me out around the house.
So remember stick to what you feel is important with him and be patient and stick to your guns.

Dawn - posted on 08/17/2010

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Try talking to him about why he is needing to steal money and not asking you for it. also my son was doing the same and I used a scare tatic on him I called the local juvi hall and spoke with the officers there who loved to help and they offered for me to bring my son there so he could see where he would end up if nothing change he hasn't stole since!

Shelli - posted on 08/17/2010

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I have to disagree with the tiptoeing around your kids!
If you tiptoe around when they are this young, when they become teenagers, they will still know no boundaries.... I have 5 kids, oldest 23 youngest 11.
I am a firm believer in spankings. If the kid did something to be punished. I.E stealing. My younger kids lie, they get soap in the mouth. steal, they get a spanking. I don't go over board. My 11 year old gets 11 swats. (same for my 12 y/o.)
I also have them make a shirt, that says, I stole from my mom. and they have to wear it out when go to the store. It may embarras the child, but honestly, i'd rather embarress them @ the store than to sit trail for juvi!

Lyn - posted on 08/17/2010

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Don't fuss too much because I reckon that just makes the problem worse. Just make a point not to leave your purse or any money lying around and he will get the message. If he asks you for money just say no you are mysteriously short and he will have to earn it.

Stacy - posted on 03/08/2009

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OMG these kids have to understand boundaries. My oldest did that with a 100 bill. Hello WHAT DID HE NOT THINK WE WERE GONNA MISS IT! LOL. He got everything taken away. no phone friends games no money Nothing!!!!!!!!!!



Money Is Earned so after his restrictions we gave him ideas in how too make money. NOW he does lawn mowing, pet walking washes cars. oil changes we own a shop. LOL he even gets paid too help his friends parents clean house move etc.



 



You should have him watch the movie the Ultimate Gift!



Hope this helps.



StacyB 

Teresa - posted on 03/08/2009

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first dont panic its probably a passing thing.he has to know you are on his side.dont assume he does.and try to talk calmly to him about it being unaccecptable etc.does he have some underlying worry why does he need money.ive always found it useful to keep lines of communication open.if you yell or punish you become yet another enemy good luck

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