Mother/daughter relationship

Stephanie - posted on 04/26/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Mom's -I need some mother/daughter relationship advice... If the mother/daughter relationship is not what it should be because your 14 year old daughter has decided that everything else is more important then you, how do you get the relationship back on track???

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Stephanie - posted on 05/03/2012

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Thanks for the info Louise, I appreciate it. However I didn't post the whole story because it's too lengthy and personal. The gist of it thou is that my daughters dad and I have never lived together, we have joint custody and for the most part our relationship is amiable. From the time my daughter was a baby until approximately 8 months ago she has lived with me. I have always encouraged that she have a relationship with her father, unfortunately up until she was 10 the relationship was more of a I'll see you for a few hours and that's about it. 3 Years ago at the end of her grade 7 year my daughter and I moved into my boyfriend (now husbands) home, it was at this time she asked me if she could spend more time with her father which of course I said yes. So she stayed at his place for two weeks. She seemed to enjoy the time with him and this became the norm for her grade 8 year. Just before completing grade 8 her father, step-mother and my daughter came to my house with paperwork for me to sign for my daughter to get her last name changed to her fathers. Her reason was since I was getting married and would be taking my husbands last name she thought it would be best that she have the last name of at least one of her biological parents. This to me sounded like a justifiable reason so I signed the paperwork.
Once the paperwork was signed and I got married things really got bad, she has started disrespecting me, calling me all kinds of nasty names and has told me she no longer wants a relationship with me.

I have tried taking her shopping, going for coffee, giving her space, telling her that I understand that shes growing up and that I love her and am proud of who she is becoming and I always tell her the door is open when she wants to chat. Nothing seems to help.

I'm very hurt and very confused over what has changed and would love to know what I did wrong.
Any other words of advice?

Louise - posted on 04/26/2012

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Things do change at puberty and when your in the thick of it at 14 parents are so uncool! Give her space to be who she wants to be, but always remind her that you are there for her should she ever want to chat. Shopping trips are always a plus. That stop for a coffee and a cake are crutial as that is the time she will open up to you. (if you can get her off the phone)

Having raised two teenagers I can tell you that by the age of about 17 they do become normal again and more sociable! lol You just have to accepts that she is not a baby anymore but a young woman and give her some slack as it is hard to fit into the world when you are not quite an adult or a child.

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