My 10 year old has been crying over EVERYTHING for 8 years and I can't handle it anymore!!!

Danielle - posted on 08/29/2012

I have this same issue with my 10 year old, it's very taxing. I tell her all of the time she came out crying and hasn't stopped since! Now not only does she cry, she yells, stomps, throws things, slams doors, picks fights with her sister, recently started stealing (to a point we almost have to weigh her in and out of every room). Nobody in the family wants her to come over anymore because all she does is cry. It's not even a normal cry, usually it's just a really loud squealing fake cry that makes everyone cringe, we say get dressed for school, we get the squeal, then stomping and told that she isn't getting dressed, when she's told get dressed or get grounded, longer, louder howling ensues. I'm losing my mind, I would rather be at work than listen to the boo hoo spoiled rotten drama. On top of everything else, she picks fights with her 14 year old sister so that they both end up grounded, because if the 14 year old retaliates and hits her, she's grounded for being a bully, then I have to ground the 10 year old for provoking her sister.

Hesti - posted on 08/02/2011

This is why I love Circle of Moms, thank you Jane for your honest and encouraging post, I am sure you got Taryn thinking in another direction!

Jane - posted on 07/29/2011

When I was a kid I cried about everything. It wasn't until I was an adult and was started on Zoloft that I have been able to control it. Apparently I do not have enough Serotonin in my brain, so I would cry about everything. I could not control it and it drove my father crazy. As I grew up I got better at hiding it, but only medication has allowed me to stop.

It is possible that your daughter also has a brain chemistry imbalance. A good psychologist can do the behavioral testing to see what might be going on with her. A good psychiatrist can take the test results and information about her and diagnose what might be going on. A neuropsych unit can do brain scans to see if her brain functions in a typical fashion or if there is some problem.

Based on all of this, the psychiatrist can try giving her medications to bring a better balance to her brain. Then the psychologist can work with her to get her to understand why she cries and how she feels about herself so that she can attempt to change.

Some of what you describe of her behavior reminds me of our son, who has been diagnosed as ADHD, ODD and Bipolar. As long as he is taking medications for Bipolar and anger he does pretty well. However, he also lags behind his peers in emotional development so he often behaves like a much younger child. He lies and steals in part because he has terrible self-esteem but also because he has a toddler-like view of himself as the center of the universe. If he wants something he takes it.

I also have a niece who has been diagnosed as having a form of autism. She cries very easily an can't even answer basic questions. An example: we asked her where the light switch was in the kitchen of her house and she cried, saying she didn't know. Yet she grew up in that house and had lived in it for 22 years at that point.

I suspect your daughter has some sort of diagnosable mental disorder. Once you know what it is, it will be easier to deal with.

Taryn - posted on 07/28/2011

Hi Hesti. I appreciate your response. Her crying start when she was 2 so at that point there was minimal discipline other than preventing her from environmental harm. So I know it has nothing to do with that. Her idea of things is such, "I should be first (even before her siblings). I should get what I want. I should never have any chores. You should never ask me to do anything. When I want it, I better get it now." She cries if her brother gets a snack first etc. She has been in therapy that worked with her in the comfort of her home and gave her several techniques about her crying. It only got worse because she felt that the therapist was condoning her behavior. Her crying over us calling her is because she doesn't know what we want and doesn't want to do it. When we ask her why are you crying she replies, "Because I don't know what you want." We have tried at these times encouraging her to come up with three things she could have done instead of crying. She knows that she could not possibly know what we want until she has come to us and we have told her what we want. She expects us to tell her what we want before she comes to us and it shouldn't be that way. She is our oldest and I refuse to baby her when I have younger children who need us as well. As I said in my post her crying is constant but her behavior is getting worse in other areas such as lying, stealing, being incredibly mean to her siblings. An early post before you suggest maybe a psychiatrist...that may be what I have to do. Our situation is very unique and I understand it is hard to understand/believe but it is very real for us and life has become beyond stressful and if my husband and I didn't have each other I am not sure where we would be.

Hesti - posted on 07/28/2011

Hi Taryn, I won't pretend to know what you're going though but it sounds really tough! Could it be that the crying has become such a habit to her that its almost like a 'natural response' for her by now? Is she not flourishing on the effect her crying has, i.e. attention/ not having to do whatever was asked her in the first place? I suppose by this time you have tried positive reinforcement, like rewarding her for NOT crying? My son (6) gets really angry really quick, so if I see him 'charging up' (LOL) I'd say something like 'clap your hands'/'twirl around' (basically anything silly) to break the thread of his anger response, it worked better when he was younger though. At the moment just bringing his attention to the emotion he is experiencing and offering an alternative, like giving him another try or offering to assist with whatever, seems to help. What kind of therapy have you had her in? Is she naturally a frightened, angstfull child who worries alot? If she even cries when you just call her, could it be a reflection on discipline techniques you've tried in the past?