My 10yo annoys me :(

Jennifer - posted on 05/10/2012

I feel the same way! I have an 8 (almost 9) year old daughter and a 10 year old son. Some days I dread getting them from school. My daughter has the most negative attitude about everything and I feel terrible but almost everything she does annoys me. My son is laid back so his attitude doesn't bother me, his laziness and willingness to provoke a fight with his sister is about to drive me nut!!!
oh yeah, did I mention I am in nursing school??
#goingcrazy!

Wendie - posted on 03/22/2010

try one on one time with her. not only will u both be happier, ull get to know her better. and ull be closer to each other. an added bonus the chore thing. well u could make a game out of the chores. that sometimes helps.

Debbie - posted on 03/22/2010

Hello all, thanks for all the posts - It helps to know that I'm not alone with the whole "teen" episode. I have a 12 year old daughter (turning 13 in a few months) and the change in her has taken me aback quite a bit. I just can't seem to keep up - lol.

Although I must admit that all of the "whateverrrrr" is getting slightly somewhat annoying

Debra - posted on 03/21/2010

My daughter is on the verge of turning 12, and is an only child. So there is no jealousy issues involved. It is more an age thing than anything. I see it with the other girls and their moms too. I also try very hard to turn back the clock and remember myself. I can at least say that my daughter and I are much closer and she tells me way more than I did with my mom. I know it will get better, but we have a few years of the changing body, mind, and temperment to get through together.

Danielle - posted on 03/19/2010

Thanks Tracy. I do have a 15 yr old also, and we are pretty close. I can talk with him. My 12 yr old is sort of just in his own little world right now. I do try and talk about things that interest him, though he usually talks brief and when I say something, I get a "well, you don't know what you are talking about." I recently talked with someone and he diagnosed him with ODD, which is Opositional Defiance Disorder. So, I guess we are just going to have to work through things the best we can, and I need to learn better patience. Hopefully, he will grow out of some of it, and one day we will be able to communicate better.:)

Evie - posted on 03/15/2010

I also agree with Tracey.Your daughter needs to know she is still important to you!
I think they do go through a phase,testing your patience,attitude,ect.My daughter was like that for a while and my 9 year old is starting it now.I think they are trying to figure out where and how they fit in,they are not babies anymore,but not old enough to have the independence they want.I call it the "mini teen"phase.They sense things are going to change(like puberty)but they are not there yet. Give her extra attention,make sure she feels included,have some heart to hearts with her about her behavior-there may be other reasons for it(such as being picked on ect..)Good luck!!

Shanetta - posted on 03/15/2010

OMG. My 10 and 13 year old annoy me as well. I have two boys who are "growing into themselves". When they have a smart mouth I just want to knock them into the middle of next week. LOL My 10 year old is very clingy. I have 2 couches and if I am sitting on one couch, he has to sit right next to me. If I am laying down, he has to be right there. This is annoying.

Cara - posted on 03/15/2010

i have the same problem with my boyfriends 10 year old we have been togther 3years and there mom isnt in the picture so i am rasing them! and she drives me nuts and i get annoyed with her also and i dont know what to do about that either but his 7 year old and i are really close and she has an awsome personality...and listens well most of them time i mean i have my days with her but i like his 7 year old more...and i feel ad about it also....i dont know if i helped you much but i dont know if this is the same thing or not but i hope i helped some lol

Yvonne - posted on 03/15/2010

Cassandra, do you KNOW what actually makes her feel loved. For some it is time together doing things, Some need to hear the words " I love you" on a regular basis. some need a special gift. There's more, but I can't remember. If you can tap into that, and action it, she will be a different girl. All the best.

Yvonne - posted on 03/15/2010

lol. she's not a younger version of yourself? Usually the ones most like ourselves are the ones that rub us up the wrong way. My husband gets really cranky with our eldest boy. I laugh at him as I point out he is just like him.

Cassandra - posted on 03/14/2010

My 10 year old is convinced that I hate her. We go everywhere together, go to movies, go shopping, eat lunch, ect. I have tried to make it a point to be there for her more often. She is the oldest of 4 girls. I love how independent she is, but not the mouth. I just keep reminding myself that this too shall pass.

Nancy - posted on 03/14/2010

I have a 14 and 11 year old son. Once they turned 10 the mouth grew bigger than them. I just try to remember that children are gifts to us, and lots of surprises good and bad come with them. I don't think you get over they behavior, but rather I have learned to cope with the teen years by remembering that nothing lasts forever and this too shall pass!

Elaine - posted on 03/14/2010

Its because they have been an only child so long get them involved plenty and show they are special as well.

Sarah - posted on 03/13/2010

Danielle thats also an issue in our home (at times) you cant joke around or say certain things w/out an issue or "you dont care about me!". where we used to joke and tease all the time. I'm sure its the age but its very difficult to know whats "safe" and whats not.

Tracy - posted on 03/13/2010

Danielle, I have a 15 year old son, and we are very close. He didn't pull away from me at 13 as many people had warned me that he would. I think this is because when he was little he went everywhere I went. If I had to run errands, he ran errands with me. When he started playing soccer at age 6, his dad coached, and I helped him run practice. I've just always been very involved with him. Now that he is 15, he doesn't want me with him always, and I've given him space where he needs it. But he usually still gives me a hug when he sees me and a kiss goodnight. We talk about his girlfriends, heartbreaks, sports, and I still correct him when he has broken a rule. He and I go shopping together, just us two, when he needs new shoes and pants...and remarkably, he isn't embarrased of me! : )



When I talk to my son, I try to ask him open ended questions that make him do a lot of the talking. You have to find out what he likes to do and talk about to get much talking out of them, though. Usually with 12 year old boys it's sports and music. Ask him to share his music with you, and DON'T say anything negative about it. Take him to a local ball game and share some hotdogs and popcorn. I think the more time you can spend with him, whether just hanging out at home or going somewhere, the more open he will get with you. And don't expect a miracle on your first or second try. When you have to talk about something he did wrong, be sure to really listen to his side of the story, and ask him how he thinks he could've handled things better. Offer suggestions only if he's having a hard time coming up with answers. Its easy to put kids on the defensive when we talk to them, so you have to approach your talks with the same respect you'd show your boss or your husband or your minister. I'm not sure what is happening in your situation that causes arguments between the two of you, but many times it's simply that one person gets put on the defensive, or that one person misunderstands what was meant by the other. My son just yelled at me tonight because I had asked him to take out the trash a 2nd time, not noticing that he already did it, and instead of saying, "Mom I already did" he got angry that I hadn't checked first before asking him again...UGH! I should've checked AND he shouldn't have yelled. So we talked about that and we both said "I'm sorry." Talking has been the BEST thing for my relationship with him! Hope this helps you!

Elaine - posted on 03/13/2010

I have two boys 11 and 17 eldest has ADHD and my youngest winds my eldest up there is a five year gap between mine, I found some jealousy between the two but loves his brother and will protect him. Young ones take our time up especially when children are so young. Now I have two teenagers in my house now.

Danielle - posted on 03/12/2010

I'm the mom of a 12 yr. old son, and it seems we can't talk about anything without it starting an argument. Tracy, I think you gave some good advice, but I know I have tried to get close to my son, and he wants no part of it. Any suggestions?

Michelle - posted on 03/12/2010

My oldest daughter is 11, and my two youngest are 3 year old twins. She sometimes feels left out (which of course isn't intentional on my part), but of course her sisters need more help than she does. She is totally autonomous and they aren't. And they have each other to play with. Where as she plays with them, but they aren't as interesting or as fun as another child her own age. They get annoyed with her, and she gets annoyed with them. Being a pre-teen she is just starting to get into the being cheeky and back chatting stage. Which I don't let her get away with, as I expect respect regardless if you are 11 or 3.

As others have mentioned she may feel left out, so spending some special one on one time with her would be beneficial. Take her to the movies, or out to lunch and go and do some shopping together. Or of course it doesn't have to cost money you can go and watch a movie on tv, play a board game or bake a cake together. Get someone to mind your youngest child if you go out, or take your child for a walk or to their place for a couple of hours, so that it is just you and your daughter. And she feels and knows that she has your undivided attention.

Jessika - posted on 03/11/2010

I agree with Tracy. Maybe your daughter is feeling forgotten and a bit jealous. Try to spend more time with her she needs you as well as your 1 yr old. Trust me I have 4 kiddos and they all need my attention and TLC. Good luck!

Kelli - posted on 03/11/2010

HI Sarah, I know where you are coming from. My son, Liam, just turned 11. My DD, Sunshine is 18 months. To make matters worse, I also homeschool my son, so he is with me 24/7. I love him to pieces, but sometimes I want to sit down with my DD and just play blocks or color w/out having him be with us all the time. Sometimes I feel awful for saying that, but I think it's just a normal feeling considering we as parents have to act differently with the different age groups that our children are. I guess I would say, just take a step back and treat your daughter with respect (I'm sure she's feeling your annoyance) and give her lots of compliments so she doesn't resent her brother.

KASEY - posted on 03/11/2010

when my daughter was91/2 I found that for the first time I really didn't enjoy her. lots of whinning going on. We grew out of it and now my boy 91/2 is doing the same thing. So hang in there, keep parenting and hopefully in 6 months you will be back to enjoying your kid.

Tracy - posted on 03/11/2010

Banana pudding sounds delicious! Definitely something your daughter will like to help make, too! Great idea!

Sarah - posted on 03/10/2010

Thanks a bunch Tracy! That was very helpful :) I think we'll make banana pudding tomorrow

Tracy - posted on 03/10/2010

Hi Sarah,

Sounds like you are an over-worked mom like many of us on these message boards! You have quite a lot on your plate between an infant/toddler and a preteen child. Your daughter is (or soon will be) going through lots of physical and emotional changes, and she needs her mom as much as your 1 year old does. In order for you to be there for her, YOUR attitude has to change. It's not a bad attitude, you're just tired and probably under a great deal of stress. You have to take time out for yourself to recharge and build yourself up so that you can be strong for BOTH of your children. But you also seem to need to spend some one-on-one time with your 10 year old. She might be a little jealous of the time you have to spend with your 1 year old, reading to him, feeding him, dressing him and so on. Perhaps you've even compared the two of them to each other? You cannot compare your children - they are unique individuals...it's like comparing apples to oranges.



Once you get some rest and you show your daughter that she's just as important to you as your son by spending "girl time" with her, her annoying behavior will probably stop. Be sure you are having regular talks with her...ask her about her day, how she liked certain special events at school, what she thinks about fashion trends, what she wants to be when she grows up...anything that gets her to pen up to you. Be silly with her...dance to music together, play games with her, let her help you prepare dinner or a special dessert. It doesn't have to take a huge amount of time, but you need to be 100% focused on her for a while. When the baby goes to bed, make a special effort to spend an hour with her. And also, be sure to spend time with all your family members together (if that's the three of you or four if you are married.) She needs to also bond with her brother!



I know you are capable of doing a great job with her because you cared enough to ask for help! Hang in there! (Oh, by the way I have a 10 year old girl and 15 year old boy...I do have a little experience in these matters!)

Amy - posted on 03/10/2010

I so can relate. The baby is 7 months and cute and cuddly and doesn't back talk or show attitude. I get short with my daughter when I ask her to do something and she rolls her eyes or says You already told me. Or she walks through the door from school with the "lovely" attitude. I just remind myself that she's going through the change and things are going to be rough with her the next little while and getting mad over nothing isn't going to solve the issue. Plus learning how to handle it now is going to make it easier when the 7 month old is at that stage.