my 11 year old son does not want to visit his father anymore.

Terri - posted on 08/07/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Right now we have a temporary order granting shared physical and legal custody of our son, and he has been week-on, week-off now for the past two years since our divorce. Lately my son has been outright refusing to visit his dad, (adopted father not biological), and most recently he told me that he found marijuana in a vase at dad's house. Dad has always been a heavy marijuana smoker, and it appears he still is.

My son doesn't want to go, he says that the house reeks of cigarettes and now I have to wonder if of pot too, His dad is a mental manipulator and lays guilt trips on him if he states he wants to be with me more often.

I know the right thing to do, but this man is volatile, used to be physically abusive to me and my oldest boy, and I am so afraid of a court battle because he lies so much he would say anything about me to "win" custody. I am tired of having to force him to go to dad's and now that I know there are drugs in the house I feel I have a ground to stand on.

Any suggestions?

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Sherri - posted on 08/14/2012

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The only thing you can do is take him back to court and have the child visitation order changed.

Sally - posted on 08/11/2012

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Don't send him. Go back to court. Your son is old enough to speak up and they will listen to him. Other than that call the police report drugs and have the house checked. Do what you have so that your both safe

Jess - posted on 08/07/2012

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Dear Terri:

If your instincts tell you that your son is in any danger, then you should not send him with his Dad anymore. Your son himself does not want to go, so why make him? And I know you dont want to go to court and put yourself or your son through a battle, but in the end, isn't it about what's best for your son? Tell your lawyer or judge that you are concerned that there may be some drug activity and volatile behavior at Dad's and you are afraid of any consequences your son may suffer due to his problems. I myself have gone through a separation, and my son did not want to see his Dad either (he would spank alot) and I wouldnt make him go see his Dad if I know he is scared. You are the Mother, and you will feel better knowing that your son isn't being subjected to potentially harmful behavior from a supposed parental figure.

Good luck to you.

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if there are court orders in place and you dont deliver your son, you can be in serious trouble yourself. you need to take the issue back to court. i'd be calling the cops and reporting what your son has told you, and also ring childrens services to investigate.

Jodi - posted on 08/20/2012

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When you let your love for your children out weight you fear of the ex then you will find the strength to trust your instincts and go forward.

There are two motivating sources in life........fear and love; which will you have win out?

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