My 11y.o. daughter is so mean and disrespectful...HELP!!!

Kelly - posted on 04/08/2010 ( 35 moms have responded )

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I have tried everything from ignoring her bad behavior to taking things away and even spanking, but she continues to be mean and just hateful to everyone. She is the worst toward me, next it is her brother (8 y.o.) and then her dad. My husband (her dad) and I are married and we have a decent relationship...not perfect but pretty good. We try to support each other so the kids don't "play" us and we try to make sure we are on the same page when it comes to parenting. Lately it seems my daughter is just getting worse and worse. Everything she says comes with attitude. She could care less that we take things away and send her to her room. When we do that the bad behaviors seem to get worse along with the mouth. She acts like I OWE her a cell phone or a new shirt or whatever it is that she wants for the day. I have tried to be sicking sweet and let her do what she wants but that didn't work. I have tried taking things away from her, she didn't care. As a matter of fact when I took her DS and her cell phone, she called 911. They HAD to send a cop to make sure I wasn't beating her or anything!! Lucky for me the cop saw right thru her little attitude and told her how wrong it is to call 911 when there is not an emergency. (which she has been told before) Now we are on the spanking program...I hate that I feel like that is all I do is spank her and scream at her. It is certainly not making things any better. She blames me for most of her problems. If she trips over her shoes that are laying in the middle of the floor it is my fault because I didn't pick them up, not because she left them lay in the middle of the floor. I have told her several time that I am her mother not her maid, but she acts like it is my job to pick up after her. She has been in counseling in the past for similar reasons. It was like she did what they wanted until couselors said she is fine and then it stated all over again. I don't want to counseling again because it is very expensive. Our insurance won't cover it and we make too much money to qualify for a discounted rate, but not enough money to afford to pay $100.00 per session. I am looking for ANY advise. I just don't know what else to do. I don't know where I dropped the ball here and I don't know how to pick that ball up and handle it again. By the way her 8 y.o. brother is starting to pick up her bad attitude and general mean behavior.

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Sherri - posted on 02/20/2012

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This sounds alot like my 12 year old. I have found something, however, that is helping after a long time of trying different approaches. I have created a chart with a payment system for her weekly allowance. It starts out with $10 a week. I have 4 sections, one for kindness, one for doing her homework without "drama" in a timely manner, one for keeping her room and bathroom clean daily, and one for getting to bed by 9pm. If I have to put a mark in any of the sections it's a 25 cent deduction. At the end of the week, she gets what is left over. Keep in mind, this is the only money she gets for ANYTHING extracurricular she wants to use it for...SOOO....she keeps that in mind and really wants to have the whole amount, which hasn't happened yet, but things have improved. If she does something I don't like, talks back to me, treats her brother bad, etc, etc....I simply and calmly state "That's a mark on your chart"....and she immediatley stops. Occasionally, she will try to argue, but I just keep making marks until it stops. I HIGHLY recommend doing this, but you have to be consistent and follow through. Some people may argue that they shouldn't have to "pay" their child to behave and do their chores, but I feel it's also been teaching her about what real life and a job will be like in the future. You do your job correctly, you get paid...you mess up, you don't.

Marie - posted on 04/12/2010

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Hi, I too have an 11 year old daughter (she's my 4th kid, all the rest are boys, spaced out far in age). First of all, I have to say, you CANNOT spank her. She's too old, it just comes across as disrespect and abuse. That's how it feels to her, I guarantee it. (I believe in spanking younger children.) This age is so hard, the hormones are crazy, the need for independence is big, but the need for CONSTANT reassurance is also big. One of my sons wrote poetry in school at this age and they gave the parents the book. It was called "Love me when I'm the Most Unloveable." You have to learn to control yourself with her. When she's going psycho, don't let yourself get drawn into it. Be firm with rules, no meanness allowed, apologize/make up for it immediately, privileges will be taken away. But more than that, you have to find ways to encourage her, let her know she is loved EVERY day, find something good to tell her about herself. Moniter her tv, computer time. The more my daughter watches tv,etc. the worse she isi w/our relationships. It stops them from thinking and feeling for themselves. Get her involved in doing something for others, some kind of service. This is such a self centered age, it's really healthy to get them out of themselves. My daughter and I help every week in Sunday school at church (in different ages, so we're apart, but close)..it's good for her to get positive strokes from other adults at this age. I think she needs connection with you and her dad. Schedule something fun to do together once a week. This is the age you can lose your kid into scary behavior, don't let it happen. I know this is super hard, give yourself support somehow, away from her. You need to be as calm and loving as possible for her! (and you!) You will have this relationship your whole life, keep it good. (And remember, she's just a kid, you're the adult!)

Labionda - posted on 10/29/2012

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I feel for you. I have a 10 year old girl. She has a friend who back talks her mom n tried to do the same with me after they spent some time together. I came menacingly close to her and told her under no uncertain terms was she to talk back to me and was banned from seeing the friend, as I had to drive her to the friends house there was no way she could see her anyway. Then she started with the attitude when she has to do something like pick up after herself, I just made sure she picked up her sisters mess also and something extra till she dropped the attitude. When it comes to these cases I don't shout at her but the tone of my voice just tells her I mean business. In our house no one is owed anything you have to earn it.

Georgia - posted on 10/19/2012

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Wow....all I can say is that I think its better to deal with a situation like this sooner rather than later.



Here are some suggestions:



1. Strip her room. Take everything out of it but a bed and a bookcase. Make her earn all her toys back one at a time through consistent good behavior. I wouldn't worry about the cops based on your last experience.



2. Grounding. She goes nowhere for at least two weeks. Let her know you are in control and that seeing her friends and leaving the home are privileges. She gets no tv or video games or phone chats with her friends during this two weeks.



3. A list of chores. The chores must be completed to your satisfaction for her to get one toy or belonging back from you.



4. You mentioned spanking isn't working. This is drastic, but it might be something to consider. Give her another spanking in the living room with your eight year son and husband present. You could use the occasion to talk about what behavior is expected out of children. There's nothing wrong with a little embarrassment to teach children behavior. The clothing she can wear for this can be her underpants or pajama bottoms, not blue jeans.

Debra - posted on 04/02/2012

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I have a 13 year old that is doing the same thing.I have found that if you put your kids back in the time when we didn't have cable,cell phone,or Facebook you will see a change. Take it all and don't look back. Are kids think they need this stuff but no they don't. Let her go buy a cell phone when she has a job.Don't get cable TV and do you set and watch what are kids have to look up to. 13 year old boys that sing and makes more then there dads and moms. Little girls that are rich doing what ever they want ,this is one Suite Life of Zack & Cody. I know my little one has been given a lot but this year she has been telling me she wants Miss me jeans and Toms. I tell her she will have to wait and she just got mad. Well now she won't get it. Put a bed in her room with books and some toys. No tv no phone no ds. Go give it to a kid that would never had a chance of having one in the first place. You,I and all the moms need to go back to the old ways. Give it a try and good luck.

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Raylene - posted on 06/08/2014

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I am sorry to hear about how your children are acting up towards you. Personally, my advice to you is to let them go. If your daughter is being a smart mouth and disrespecting the woman who gave her life, I wouldn't waste a second in breaking her jaw even if it gets me imprisoned. That is why children need to be disciplined from a very young age. Teach them how important family is more than the material things in life. If your child us too hard headed and does not bother, do not bother with them either. If they think they are mature enough to make their own decisions, let them. The only way for a child to actually learn their lesson is by letting them go and letting them fall down and pick themselves up by themselves. It isn't easy, but if we want our children to be loved and know how to live and stand on their own two feet, we have to make the, learn the hard way.

Regina - posted on 03/07/2014

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Thank you..I considered counseling for mine. Have done coin jars, rewards, taking everything away, throwing things away, etc. I now have a reward chart but hadn't thought about making the star count as money. She did good on the stars for about 3 days and now says she doesn't care again...sigh

Patti - posted on 06/23/2013

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I know I'm late to the party, but I've heard many success stories from going gluten free. We are having major problems with our daughter's behavior (she keeps it together outside of the house) and going gluten free has actually helped. There's still room for MUCH improvement, but her explosive behavior has lessened and less frequent. She has been GF for less than a month, so I'm looking forward to the recommended six week mark to see the full results. I hope things have already improved, but if not please try this as well. Our situation is just l like what you wrote. I found an online article, just Google "Gluten Made Her Do It" and I bought the book she recommended, "Cure Your Child with Food" by Kelly Dorfman. Haven't finished it, but feeling hopeful.

Jill Margret - posted on 10/27/2012

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hey I know what you are feeling I have a snot of a daughter to know what I did I didn't let her see her friends for a year and I home schooled her and I took away her cell phone and her laptop and grounded her for 4 months so all she could do was her homework and eat and did not pick up after her and also didn't buy her anything and she gave in after the 2nd month

Jen - posted on 10/24/2012

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I was so upset this morning after I dropped my 10 1/2 y o daughter off at school that I came home and googled "why is my daughter so mean" and this is where I ended up. I am so glad to know I am not the only one who feels this way! I try to be loving and consistent with my discipline but sometimes I feel like I'm dealing with a mental patient instead of my little girl. So frustrating. By the time I get her off to school I am a nervous wreck. She won't get out of bed, them she closes the door to get dressed but she doesn't. Instead she goes back to sleep. By the time I am finally able to get her up she is running late but she won't hurry. And I am stressed out because I don't like her to be late to school. If the pants she wants to wear aren't clean it's my fault (even though I have no idea what she's going to want to wear) if she doesn't have time to eat breakfast that's my fault too, if there's traffic in the school parking lot and I can't drop her off exactly where she wants to be...well you guessed it that's my fault too. By nature I am a calm person, I avoid conflict, and I don't deal we'll with all this craziness. I even got yelled at this morning for putting 2 fruits in her lunch (apparently strawberry yogurt is a fruit? wtf I am going nuts) I have tried being more firm in the morning but she starts crying and hyperventilating and I can't drop her off in front of the school like that, so I have to park and sit with her until she calms down. By then the bell has rung and she needs a late pass, and I'm in danger of being late for work myself. I'm at my wits end with this child but at least now I know we're not the only ones!

CYNTHIA - posted on 10/21/2012

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I know this issue, and its extremely important that you get control, because the behavior will only get worse as it did for my daughter who is now 18. She does not respect you or your husband and she has been allowed to continue this behavior. If you do not take charge immediately with a change in "your behavior & responses", then you will both continue to suffer, and it will destroy any positive relationship you have with her, your son, and your husband.



My daughter & I went to counseling which helped, but when we could no longer afford it, the behavior came back. It is our behavior "as the adult parent" that must change. I found that there is a program that appears to be working for so many people, and I know it may be too late, but I ordered it and am going to give it a try by James Lehman and the website is www.empoweringparents.com



Take a look at the website and order the program like I did. If it doesn't work, then we can return it.

However, I am at the point where I have heard enought testimonials on it that if it doesn't work, then it is probably me that is not changing my behavior.



Good Luck & Pray Pray Pray for guidance & direction.

Dawn - posted on 09/25/2012

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Sounds like my 9 year old daughter. She is mentally abusive and yells at me everyday. I am so sad.

Elizabeth - posted on 09/10/2012

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I too have a 11 year old daughter who is into rock bands and rockstar drinks!!!!She has a very disrespectful attitude and mouth. I am so frustrated I don't know what to do!!

Michelle - posted on 04/03/2012

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Debra, I hear ya...give them food shelter and clothing( not designer) for when they are disrespectful. We as mothers can control what our kids our exposed to. However we cannot take back what they have been exposed to. It's hard to raise a preteen or a teen in today's world..very hard! It's hard to be a teen in today's world. I choose to teach my daughter values from the heart and not the pocketbook.. Come on Miss Me jeans at 80+ for a growing girl..no way in my household. There are more important things like family trips to save for. My daughter can't have a Facebook or a cell phone yet till she learns to respect us and her things. Books are good for them if they are appropriate of course, puzzles, they need to keep their brains busy with positive stuff. Not junk mindless junk.

Michelle - posted on 03/11/2012

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I feel your pain to a tee. I have an eleven year old and am going through the whole thing as well. Mostly she doesnt want to go to a Christian school. I get told she hates me and she would rather die than have me for a mom. I am a caring mom. When she has friends over I hear them comment, I can't believe you talk to your mom that way! So it's not normal. I'm at a loss too can't afford counseling. She doesn't listen to me. If I spank her she laughs. To my wits end. I am going to get her evaluated as this is more than puberty.

I hope it gets better for you.

Sanghamitra - posted on 03/02/2012

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It's a very difficult time for ur daughter too, this is the age where they r confused about their identity, self esteem, body changes, peer hierarchy and basically a major stepping stone from childhood to teens. This makes them angry and hurt & usually it's easiest to hit back on the person they love most. So maybe it could help to be gentle but firm with her. Keep re-enforcing ur love for her, give her positive feedbacks about her looks, attitude, school work. If possible spend some mother daughter time doing things she likes. Encourage her to do some active sports that she enjoys where she can burn her extra energy & eat healthy. Ciao

Karen - posted on 02/26/2012

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My daughter (11 1/2) never got that bad but she did get snippy a little. When I got a bitchy attitude I made her drop and give me 50 pushups. When the litterbox-a chore of hers) wasnt clean-50 pushups. After a couple days of countless pushups, she started doing what she had to do. I wouldnt do the spanking thing-she can turn that against you to a counselor in school. Dont get me wrong, I am totally FOR the backhanding, spanking, and a good kick in the a** once in a while but school counselors, child services arent. I dont think you can even spank anymore. I would start checking wich friends act like that and not let her hang out with them. I do feel for you. I can't stand a disrespectful kid-especially when its your own.

Angie - posted on 02/03/2012

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She sounds just like my 12 yr. old son. I am at my limit with him. He also blames me for everything that goes wrong. He is also very disrespectful, and has an I don't care attitude. I also have a son who will be 8 in a few days. He is also starting to act like his brother. I am really hoping it's just a phase.

Dinah - posted on 01/31/2012

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This is such a tough time. This tween and teen age time can be brutal. We have to remember that their brains are literally not developed to reason away hormonal and societal woes. My son is 13, so I am feeling your pain. This is an independent time for our kids, so we have to expect that. But, leading by example and being consistent in calm, loving ways is critical. Nope, not that I manage that all the time, either. My son told me this morning that he doesn't do well when people yell at him (me). I apologized for talking louder than I had to, but made it clear that I expected a certain type of behavior and attitude of respect inwardly and outwardly and to always work from a position of love. All we can do is to keep at it and make them accountable for their choices calmly and neutrally (most of the time). It is hard! Also, I believe relying on your personal spiritual faith should really be a part of a child's upbringing to let them know that there is more to think about and rely on than attitudes and outside influences. Hope this helps! I could stand a prayer or two if you have a chance! :)

Jocelyn - posted on 01/30/2012

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I was recently told that one of the best things she did with her daughter, now in her 20's was to not even engage in a fight. Many times they are just looking for a fight.



My daughter will argue til she is blue in the face when she knows she is right. She will say the sky is purple and expect you to just believe her and accept what she is saying. Then when you say it's purple it's blue and she never said that before! It's so exhausting.



The hardest thing is to believe they are getting away with their actions but there are small consequences that happen that she sees whether she knows it or not. She tripped over her shoes, she knows it's her problem. When they settle down is when to make them continue what you've asked if they don't accomplish it then things are taken away. But the biggest thing to not engage in the back and forth, she may realize your done with it and not it won't be "fun" to fight anymore...Good luck mom!!!

Jen - posted on 01/29/2012

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Thanks, I am trying, she is so up and down all the time. it does help to know I am not alone. Thank you for the light!

Kelly - posted on 01/29/2012

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I have a 13 year old girl but when she was 11 she was very bad but she grow out off it,I just didn't do things for her untill she was sorry and always stand your ground.

Jen - posted on 01/28/2012

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Oh my god did I write that? it sounds just like my daughter. I sit here in tears writing, she is so mean sometimes. today she told her brother she is only mean to him so he knows how the real world is going to be. OMG, I am so heart broken. Someone please help!

Kryss - posted on 04/12/2010

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I have a son , so this may not apply and hes only ten so again it may not apply and i have only one child so again it may not apply but i can tell you after my son was abt 7 yrs old i have not had to spank him and talking wrked and when my son was 4 , i took a parenting class bc i felt like no matter wht i di or said....spanking him never wrked...and i was told that once a parent starts screaming it is then that they have lost control.....so after a six week course i did learn how to talk and he still recieved his discipline...but sometimes spanking , when it doesnt work....for some children or pre-teens, only results in the child getting worse. I had a friend who was in "Christian counseling" most are free and if you do go to church most pastors and ppl inside will offer for it free, i hope that this helps...again my experience my not apply but I thought id give it a whim:)

Jenny - posted on 04/12/2010

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hi i also have an eleven year old daughter who to has very bad attitude ,gets very moody and mean with the things she says ,she can also act older than her age wanting to do more things or younger where she will winge whine nag and won't accept the answer nho it is so hard to know what to do with them when they are like that ,i have tried takingt hings away not allowing her out with friends none of which makes a difference tried talking to her t o see whether something was bothering her i'm at my wits end i do understand hormones are a big part of it all the advice i can give is to stay firm and strong and try to be a sundersrtanding as possible hopefuly she will grow out of it all the best to you

Beth - posted on 04/10/2010

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We had similar prob w/our 12 1/2 yr old boy. The way our world is today makes it too easy to give our kids everything. We followed the advice our Super Nanny and took all privledges away. Turn everything around and make a new rule that everything must be earned by good behavior. TV, snacks, toys, play dates. If she is respectful she may watch tv, if she obeys she may have her favorite toy. Super Nanny removed all toys and privileges and made a chart of what behavoir was expected and what rewards would be given for good behavior and it worked. It worked for us too. Hang in there. We began this process about 3 years ago and it worked. We now have a loving, hardworking almost 13 yr old who is a delight to be around. Remember, your doing your child a diservice by allowing her to be such a beast. It is a gift to her to help her become a person people enjoy. Paul Harvey wrote a comentary about how a childs character is deveoloped by what he/she does not have and NOT by what he/she does have. His words have really helped redefine parenting for me as I tend to lean toward spoiling my 3 kids w/o expecting them to behave well, which is a reciepe for badly behaved children. Good luck. Re. counseling fees, seek help from pediatricians, school counselors, pastors and search out free character building programs. There out there. Many churchs offer free parenting programs. Just remember that you have to sift through advice and keep what fits your family.

Kelly - posted on 04/09/2010

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Thank you everyone for your posts. I will try some of your ideas. We did have a long talk last nite and we had a really good day today. I hope it helped:)

Sereena - posted on 04/09/2010

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well i have 2 things you can try maybe:

i agree with the replies you sound like a great mother just trying to get the best for her kids, may i suggest and alot of people may think this is extreme but my fiance did it for his 13 year old son that you consider military school for a few months. Hes hard some troubles in the past and my fiance was starting to feel like nothing worked so he looked into military school. He didnt want to at first but he felt like it was the only option and so he sent him. Now Zack (13 year old son) has finished military schooling and is alot more better in life and says he realised what his dad was trying to tell him all along. Zack went there and cried to come back home for the first few weeks but once he learnt to listen and respect he was starting to have fun there cause the more they listen and show respect the more fun they are allowed and such items like that. it really does seem extreme but it works and we have seen life changing improvements and most importantly Zack is grateful his dad sent him.

On the other hand, we also have a 12 year old daughter who seemed to not respect her father and listen to him in a completely different way but counselers say depending on the child they all react to the same thing but in different ways. we had problems with her seeing her dad in a whole different way more like a crush thing which everyone told us its a phase she goes through, till it got worse and started to get serious for us and my fiance was starting to feel uncomfortable around his own daughter so we went to counseling. They told him they think shes feels she didnt have his attention enough and that he should try spending an hour a day with just her alone and watch tv or let her paint his nails or whatever the teen/parent activity may be. once he did and she started to fall out of the obsession with her father and now shes back to being one of his little girls. maybe ur daughter may feel shes not getting enough attention and just needs 30 mins to 1 hour of time with mom alone just you two. if you already do that than im not sure what else but i wish you good luck and keep me posted if she gets better :D

Tracy - posted on 04/09/2010

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Is it possible that when she was in counseling, you were following the counselor's recommendations for parenting techniques, but when your daughter was pronounced "normal again", you eased up on those techniques? Is it possible that your daughter's behavior is getting worse because she sees that her bad behavior works to get her way? You may just need to get tough again...not yell, not spank, but be consistent with rules and consequences. Don't engage her in arguments over consequences you give for breaking the rules! If she can get you to argue with her by saying horrible things, then she can negotiate with you, and get her way or get something better than what you've originally stated as a consequence. My biggest slogan when my kids get stubborn with me is, "It's not negotiable!" I just keep repeating it when they try to argue with me or calmly say, "I'm not arguing" and walk away. Next time she trips on her shoes, tell her to please put them away. If she says no, repeat the request. If she continues to say no, pick them up and put them in the trash can. Tell her if she can't keep up with her own things, she just won't have them. She'll probably go dig them out of the trash can when you aren't looking. Next time she demands a new shirt or a new cell phone, tell her she has to earn it. She has to use a respectful tone with you, and she has to do her daily chores without grumbling before you will buy her anything new. (This is where the negotiation tactics will come, so remember, "It's not negotiable!") Try to remain calm with any interaction you have with her. If she sees that her tactics aren't going to phase you, then she'll probably stop trying them. She's pushing back to see how far she can get...all teens and many pre-teens do this. The 911 call is her way of pushing you back and trying to gain control of the situation. Whatever she does, she cannot have control over you. You have to be strong. When she does calm down, you might try talking to her and telling her that you love her and you want a good relationship with her, but all good relationships require mutual respect. If she doesn't respect you, you will still love her, but you cannot reward disrespectful behavior. It's not a lost cause, Kelly, it's just a difficult time period that should pass! Oh, and you might see if her school counselor can spend some time with her. They don't charge for time they spend and they are very into teaching character traits like respect, kindness, trustworthiness, and so on. God bless!

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2010

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I think all 11 year olds go though this. Especially girls. You've got to remember she is heading to the teen years and probably going through some changes that are causeing her moods, she is on the road to becoming a woman. You should try to sit down and talk to her, about what may be starting to happen to her body and her hormones. I know she is your little girl but I started my cycle at the age of 12, this may be a factor for her. Also she is trying to break free from being a little girl. She is caught between child hood and growing up. It is time to stop giving in to her and start not buying her things except what she absolutely needs. She will have a tantrum she may cry and scream and slam doors so it will be hard to deal with but you just have to let her cry and scream and stand your ground. I have found in my children that even though it is hard to not loose it and scream back at them, when you do it only fuels their fire. You have to try to stay calm and when you get so mad you think you're going to blow, this is what I do with my children I calmly say to them " I am done talking to you, I can't listen to you when you are screaming at me, if you want me to listen then you are going to have to talk to me in a better tone, untill you decide to do that than this conversation is over." Then I walk completly away from them and go to a whole differant part of the house. I'll sit down and act like I'm not worried about any of it even turning the tv on and act like I'm watching it. This gives me a chance to calm down and also them. Within minutes they will come to me ready to talk, because they hate it that they think I just don't care and they really want me to listen to their feelings. Sometimes we have to go through this more than once. Sometimes they will start yelling again and I will remind them what I told them about how I wouldn't listen and soon the yelling will stop. Also when it comes to you picking up after her STOP IT! No matter how she yells or has her fits, do not pick up her stuff. If you continue to do this she will grow up to think that all the people around her should clean up her messes, and I don't mean just housekeeping. I mean any mistakes she makes in life will be blamed on others. If you continue to clean up after her escpecially on the days she's stateing to you that its your job, than imagine in the future how she will learn to treat her husband co-workers and friends. And if you continue to buy her everything she wants then she will expect the same out of any future relationships. As far as being mean to her brother I think that is just a sibling issue. I have 3 kids and they drive me nuts with the fighting and the name calling. One day they will grow out of this and realise how important they are to each other. I'm sure she wouldn't allow any one else to be mean to him. What I do in this situation is I seperate them. I make them go to two differant rooms for a while. And if they continue on I'll make them both sit down in a room with no tv for the minutes according to their age. Colton is 9 so he gets 9 minutes Hunter is 7 so he gets 7 minutes. If anyone complains about it being "not fair" then they get 2 minutes added. Tyler is 15 so this won't work. He gets an extra chore, and if he doesn't do it than he looses all privledges. cell phone, computer, friends coming over, or going to a friends. The trick is to stand your ground and what ever you choose to do stick with it. Do not one day give in to her and the next day discipline. Not only does this confuse your child it will also cause a negative effect in her change of behavior. Children need stability and this includes knowing their limits and what will happen if they misbehave.

Ondene - posted on 04/09/2010

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Shame girl. I really feel for you. You sound like a very good mother and I dont think you have dropped the ball. Maybe you should try the approach of "If you dont do things for me then I wont do things for you". It worked with a friend of mine. Im talking not buying clothes, not picking up after her etc.



Advice here is hard. You could also threaten her with boarding school. That one worked with me when I was young

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