What's going on with my 12 year old?

Charity - posted on 07/30/2009 ( 66 moms have responded )

8

8

1

My 12 going on 13 year old daughter's mouth and attitude is driving me over the edge! My daughter is going on 13 this November, and for the past year and a half to two years she is getting a very smart mouth and an attitude to go with it!! It is to the point I am about to send her off. She is very disrespectful, expecially in public and in front of company. She is more worried about boys and friends that anything else. She's already ran away from home once and I just tried to talk to her rather than calling the police (but I knew where she was) to show her she can confide in me if she would change. She's even having to repeat the 6th grade this school year due to not caring about anything but doing what she wants. Yet other parents tell me she is such a wonderful child!! What do I do, it's just getting worse and worse and I feel as though I'm going to have to send her off and exclude her from her brother and myself, but I don't want to have to do that! She is my baby girl and I don't think I could handle going on without her living with me. Someone please give me some advice!! Thanks!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Paula - posted on 03/01/2013

2

0

0

I too have a 12 year old daughter that is testing me on a daily basis. I love her dearly but am feeling as if I no longer want to spend time with her because of her attitude. I have a twenty one year old son and although he was not perfect he did not seem to present me with the challenges that I am having with my daughter. I realize that all children are different and I try not to compare them, but in all honesty he was a piece of cake compared to her. She is always in some sort of drama with her friends and the amount of yelling that my husband and I are doing now in our frustration is out of control. I have told my husband that I don't think it is not normal and we need help. He says that he thinks it is normal and refuses family counselling or help for my daughter. My daughter is also showing signs of obsessive behaviors. She is constantly worried about dying and reasoning with her over her worries does not help and it is exhausting!
The letters that are posted are helpful to me because I know others out there are struggling too and even though I don't know you personally there is a comfort in knowing that what I am going through is not unique to me. I wish I could comfort others with a word of wisdom but unfortunately I don't have one today. I hope that this will pass and she'll somehow know how much she's loved.

Maria - posted on 09/16/2012

1

0

0

Hi Charity,

I have a daughter that turns 12 next month. I am feeling a little better knowing that I am not the only person feeling the way you are. I have a similar situation. My daughter is disrespectful and mouths off. Extremely moody. Sometimes she has these meltdowns; crying fits. I can't communicate with her when she is having an "episode" . It is so hard. I am a single parent with an unsuppotive ex. I often question my decisions. I feel like sending her to live with her Dad sometimes so she can see the grass isn't always greener. She thinks he can do no wrong and that he "gets her" and I'm cluless. She also says I don't love her. That gets to me the most. Everything I do is for her and her 7 year old sister. Thinking about counseling again. I will probably sit in this time. Hope it will help us get closer.

Camille - posted on 08/20/2013

4

0

0

I have a 12 year old daughter that is the same way! I thought I was alone I'm so relieved that I'm not. I hope it gets better. My daughter is disrespectful to me and my spouse but on a level that I didn't know was possible! There are days where she is a sweetheart but then she has days where its impossible to have a conversation with her and where it seem I have to walk on egg shells. Her teachers tell me that she is a joy and is always respectful so I'm thankful that she treats other authority figures with respect it just sucks that she can't do that with me.

Rosella - posted on 01/01/2014

39

0

7

Ok mom, i'm not trying to offend you or anything like that but sometimes just TALKING doesn't work. Obviously she thinks that she can just do whatever but YOU are the queen bee of your house and she doesn't pay any bills or anything i assume. I know you love your daughter and i can tell that by this so i''m gonna help you settle this right here, right now, and to any other moms out here facing this problem then here's your answer right now. First i'm gonna help you with that smart mouth she has: the next time she gets a smart mouth you tell her straight up and don't sugar coat it: I don't know WHO you think your talking to but this is MY house, the next time you get smart you WILL not hang out with your friends, you WILL not be on any electronics and you WILL not be doing anything but studying in your room with not one electronic in sight and i could care less if you like it or not and if she doesn't listen to that then whatever holiday or event or birthday comes up she will just not have anything done at all. If she says: but this is so unfair then u say: so is your attitude. So that settles that problem, next is the grade repeating thing. Mom, YOU are the head of the house not her, it's your job to make sure she's doing right and i can tell you are trying. So if she doesn't care about school then you don't care about christmas, birthday or anything like that, then she'll learn that it isn't okay 2 do anything like that again. And if you do end up doing something for her birthday then you buy her: Books, notebooks, paper and pencils then say: You can show off your presents to all of your friends, i'm sure they'll be talking about it for a while, after all, you've always cared about what your friends would think. And if she runs away (only use this if you know where she is and you trust the person) if she runs away again, wait a day or two. I'm not saying to just say oh i don't care about you i'm saying this because she'll know: you do not wait on her hand and foot, she needs to know that she is not some princess who gets all the attention. And if you don't trust who she is with then when you get her then don't say: oh my gosh sweetheart don't you ever do that again because OBVIOUSLY that doesn't matter to her. Tell her firmly: Get in the car NOW and when she gets home send her to her room and ignore her tantrums, also have a chat. It's not cool to be in the same grade twice. hope i helped, let me know :)

Carlee - posted on 02/04/2014

1

0

0

Hello. I myself, am 12 years old. I understand exactly how your daughter is feeling because I've wanted to run away, my grades aren't too good in school, and I am a bit stressed with issues with friends. All children are going to be aggravated and mouthy and tired when they first wake up. All. Whenever a child gets home from school, they are very tired and just ready to go to sleep. Or maybe something happened at school that day. Also, the reason that happens is hormones. If you want to talk to her and try to make her understand how hard it is, you need to NOT yell at her. Make her breakfast and sit down together and just talk or something like that. You need to spend time with her. Ask her how her day was when she got home from school. Talk to her a bit about things going in her life before she goes to bed. You just need to spend time with her. Yelling at your child to get her to listen is not making anything better. Sometimes, it even makes it worse. But you need to understand that hormones are crazy at this age.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

66 Comments

View replies by

Ashley - posted on 04/15/2014

1

0

0

I have to say something. First to Rosella: not giving us a birthday party or not letting us join in on the celebration for Christmas might not exactly bother a rebelling 13 year old. She would probably want to be alone and away from company, that's probably why she bad-mouths her mother in front of company. And to all those other moms struggling with this: I'm a 13 year old, and I'm going through the same phase that Charity's daughter is. It could be that she feels like she doesn't have the support she needs at this age (with all the hormones and everything), and only feels like she can be herself around people who are more like her, such as her friends. And of course she will be obsessing about boys, it's what we 13 year old's do. Another problem is that she might have depression; I deal with this, and I don't want to have my mother try to jump in and fix it; some things I would like to deal with on my own. Give her some space to breathe and work life out right now, and I promise you things will turn out better. I know because I can understand how she feels.

Paige - posted on 04/15/2014

1

0

0

I AGREE! Im 12 too, My mom all of a sudden just burst out screaming at me telling me that ive changed. I dont think she understands that she's changed too. I just wish she knew...

Tee - posted on 04/09/2014

1

0

0

ok I am going thru same thing with my 12 year old daughter, I have grounded here took everything away I was slapped her I have made her eat soap I have talked and begged until I am blue in face, nothing works, I am ready to send her to boot camp its that bad, here brothers and sister fight with her because of how she treats me her little sister age 6 slapped her one day because of her mouth..... please help... I need help with her.

Carly - posted on 03/22/2014

5

0

0

That's a phase, she will probably come back to her old self by hers 14 or 15, until there, you need to learn how to talk to her with a strong voice and with attitude.

Cindy - posted on 03/19/2014

2

0

0

Carlee, I'm not sure if you got my message, I'm brand new, my daughter doesn't want to talk or look at me. Nothing happened. It's been almost a year, pls what can I do? She texts all the time and is always hiding her iPod. But I trust her. I cry every single night. I would take her anywhere, anytime.

Cindy - posted on 03/19/2014

2

0

0

Carlee, can you help me out? I am a mother to a daughter who just turned 13. It's been three weeks since her bday and she stil hasn't opened her gifts! She doesn't care. I homeschool her, sh has no friends, none. She has not seen or talked to a child in 2 yrs!! I am dying. I know it's her iPod touch, she's lays unde the blanket watching things. What else. Can I do? I have a 25 yr old daughter too. She turned out great. I love my daughter o much, I offer everyday to take her shopping, movies, any classes she wants to take, she can take any!! I am married to the same man for 26 yrs. I cry every night , I have tried being tough but nothing Carlee. I hate to ask a young girl but are her hormones that bad you think? This did start 2 yrs go right before her period. Pls help me if its ok with your mother.
Cindy

Nikita - posted on 03/05/2014

1

0

0

Hey Guys I am 11 and everyone in my family has been saying i have attitude. I think its because of how we are growing up and you know all that puberty stuff. Usually I come back from school EXHAUSTED, and all my mother does is just asks me questions repeating. I know she asks to be a better mother but it just gets so damn annoying after a while. Yelling at your child will just make it worse and i experience that EVERYDAY.

Sara - posted on 03/01/2014

1

0

0

My Ashley is 12 and she is so disrespectful and angry and I try to be loving and she gets worse like "get out of my room now! And she screams at her dad and I we don't know what to do she loves computer and she love piano but I can't get her off the computer and she loves and she loves the sweets we are having trouble with her she refuses to go to gym and exercise we are lost to know what to do. My other daughter is just runs her mouth some but she's a gymnast my Ashley just won't do nothing that she great at

Tameka - posted on 02/18/2014

1

0

0

Response to Jennifer; I have a 12 yr. old she has recently shown signs of blatant disrespect, the smacking of her lips, rolling eyes and does not communicate only when she wants something. Last night I had enough, I received a call from a substitute Math teacher she informed me that she is a good student but she is showing signs of disrespect with her friends. My daughter was in a Magnet program for a year, and her conduct was superb, she has gotten a taste of public school and she has not corrected her behavior since. Like you my daughter father is not active in her life and I used a simple scenario with her and she seems to have blamed me for her anger. When it is really her father, so at the end of the conversation I told her to go in her room get pen and paper and write a letter to her father to tell him how she felt about him.; without mentioning me, what so ever. She took this to heart and it hurt her very badly she sobbed but then went into her room and wrote the letter to her father which in the end she had dried her tears and we both looked up his address and sent the letter through the mail. The next day she was silent, but I did not have to say anything to her about simple things that she does in the morning before school. She woke up when her alarm went off...Step1

E - posted on 02/15/2014

1

0

0

ROSELLA is wearing ROSELLA colored glasses when is comes to disciplining a defiant teen - cause you can withhold all the privileges you want - then what? The behaviors don't disappear because you won't let her use electronics, etc. If there is nothing left in your punishment arsenal - then what? Call the cops because your teen mouths off?

12 Yr Old - posted on 02/11/2014

7

0

0

Whoa, you need DISCIPLINE in our house oh a 99 where was the other point. Redoing a grade UNHEARD of. Obviously this child doesn't know respect and needs to learn some going through 6th grade twice doesn't look good on a resume

12 Yr Old - posted on 02/11/2014

7

0

0

I am a 12 yr old myself and we respond well to quiet envirements my mom bought me a cozy chair n whenever I get really angry or stressed i go and sit in it. I have had screaming fits once or twice it actually helped to get it out afterwards I felt better.

Hope I helped! :)

Katarina Rashae - posted on 01/20/2014

1

0

0

When I was 13 I thought that no one loved me, and nearly ran away with my friend one night. We had everything ready, but when she got scared we climbed back into my bedroom. She told me she was sorry that she chickened out and I had told her that I thought I would be the one to chicken out. She decided she wouldn't run away and I told her I might, I had 2 other friends, and I was going to fnd out how to get to their houses. But after awhile of consideration, I knew that my family did love me, even if my brother had told me that he hated me all the time. I'm still kind of hurt that he always said he hated me. But I got over it.

Kathy - posted on 01/18/2014

1

0

0

Wow, I am so encouraged...not! I have an eleven year old daughter, who also has ADHD. She has always been a bit of a challenge, but in the last few months She has been quite the tyrant! She is very mouthy and procrastinates. She raises her voice and I find myself yelling at her to get her listen and take me serious, which just ends up in a lot of noise, frustration and tears. I therefore feel bad, but yet, I feel I can not back down or it will only get worse.
I am already challenged with her behavior with her ADHD. I am very concerned that her behavior will only worsen and I am at lost on how to deal with it since I feel I am already loosing control. Any advice would be appreciated!

Kathy - posted on 01/10/2014

2

0

0

Plus, for the homework thing- get her/ make sure she uses her school planner. I have seen kids in my school who always get there planners checked so they know and do the homework. When she/you get(s) home check it and then when she did the homework check over her answers, just in case she's lying to you. (And) if she is make her do her homework.

Kathy - posted on 01/10/2014

2

0

0

I would help you if I could by giving you moms the "inside look" of what a 12 going to be 13 year thinks, but I don't seem to be like your daughters... I always do my homework, have never ran away, and if I sass my mom she says that she should slap me for it (so I restrain myself from it). The one thing I do suggest is to maybe, let her pick a move out to watch from the library and then watch it with her on Friday(s). I like watching movies , even though my mom falls asleep within the first 20 mins. haha :).

Niknak - posted on 12/28/2013

1

0

0

This mother has got to the point that she has asked for help. She probably needed help 9-12 months ago, but was scared to ask for it because of people like you.
Until I read your post I was too scared to admit it, so thank you for looking at the world in a bubble.
I don't know what to do any more with my daughter age 9! Thank you for annoying me enough to admit that. Don't make a judgment on what you think this person hasn't done and or should of done, based on your family. If you have the perfect family life well done you. Share your experience, decisions, things that work or don't work. If you have more than 1 child you will know each child is different and they respond differently to the same parenting!


Hope you get what you need where ever you find it

Briannaperk - posted on 12/26/2013

2

0

0

Hi im twelve and my parents voth tepp me things like this that im talking back,arguing,and sometimes that i just agrevate them well i have o tell you tgat are hormones are starting to kick in and a lot of 12 year olds have had there period and having cramps and maybe their friends are mad at them or schoolis just stressing tgem out....yes you may want to try to comfort them but let them have their space and if they dont want any cimfirt try to understand a great way to talk to them is remind them that you once were there age too and they can talk to you for anything if sometging is going on if they still dont respond and the attetude is still coming be patient they will soon open up to u and stop the foolishness

Dilys - posted on 12/23/2013

3

0

0

This is a support forum. The first response i read under encouragement was the most condecending ive ever heard. So self involved they didnt read or consider you. Any mother desperate enough to seek help has obviously looked inward.

Michel - posted on 12/22/2013

1

0

0

I have read a few of these posts and I'm pretty disappointed at how many parents don't realize that their children will probably not change until they, themselves, change. You must ask yourself "How did my child end up this way? What have I done/failed to do?" If you want a relationship with your child....you must HAVE A RELATIONSHIP with your child. This requires effort. Work. Time. Consistency. Patience. Everything you'd put into a marriage to make it last. I have three kids. 12, 8 and 7. Every single day I spend quality time with my kids. Sometimes it's only two or three minutes when I say goodnight to them in bed. We talk about everything. Or nothing. Or whatever they can think of. I show an interest in what's going on in their lives. Listening without passing judgement or trying to change them. Don't you all remember what it was like to be young? How you felt? How your parents made you feel? It's not about giving them what you think they need...but giving them what the actually need. It's incredibly hard being a parent. I lay in bed every night wondering how I can better. Funny, because that's how I stumbled upon this site. I was googling how to handle a certain thing with my 12 yr old. I didn't learn anything. This stuff is all common sense. I will keep working on building and maintaining our relationship a little each day. Good luck to everyone. I hope this was a little helpful.

Jay - posted on 12/21/2013

1

0

0

Hi,
Im a 12 year old and my mom says im all these things you are saying. For me, its mostly all the stress with school and my friends even though i dont show it. You need to watch your daughter closly but not confront her about all these things or it will become a huge argument and your daughter will not like you. Im sorry but its too late for me and my mother. I hate her. But what you need to do is give her some space and be patient and considerate. you need to understand sometimes she doesnt mean to be that way.

Jennifer - posted on 12/02/2013

1

0

0

My daughter is 13 going on 14, and I feel as if I am jumping through hoops to show her how much I care and love her. Every once in a blue moon she'll come into my room and we'll sit on my bed and have a really nice, open talk. Most of the time, however (especially lately), the only time she wants to talk to me is to tell me off about what a bad mother I am, or to beg me for something expensive that she doesn't need. I work full-time and go to school so I can get a better job in the future and we won't have to struggle financially so much...and it's hard to do all this and get no help from her around the house. I work 12-hour shifts, and I come home to a messy home and she's been sitting on her butt watching tv all day long. I have to clean so I don't have to deal with the whining and attitude, and she complains that our home-and me-are "so boring". Her dad lives 2 states away and does nothing for her, and like Ebony's ex, my daughter's father never calls and is never available for her. Reading Ebony's post, I started wondering if my daughter's anger towards me was perhaps because of her dad, but then I remember that every single day when I am getting mouthed off at by her, she tells me that her dad is so awesome, she misses him, he would understand, and she'd rather live with him because he's like Superman or something! He ignores her and won't take her calls! He makes promises he never keeps, and doesn't pay child support! She can't even get a response from him on her birthday, and yet he's the hero? I wish she would go live with him sometimes, but the reality is that he doesn't want her. I'm the one who is always present, nursing her when she's sick, helping with homework, attending her sports activities, providing love, support, a safe home and getting her a pet that I didn't even want. What more can I do??? I, too, am at my wits end. I can't stand this spoiled child at the moment!

Stepheinie - posted on 10/24/2013

7

0

5

You need to be on the same Level as her and try to see the problem and get some mother daughter time with her take her shopping and if that doesn't work take her too a therapist.treat her like a adult.soon she will start to tell you her problems when she is ready.good luck

Paula - posted on 03/17/2013

2

0

0

Wow you must be overwhelmed Julie having four other children and a difficult teen. I often wonder is it something I have done wrong to create this problem. I guess coming to terms with not being able to fix everything for our children is tough. In a lot of ways it was easier when they are little, you have more control. When they start to venture out without you and have more influences coming in to their lives it gets dam hard!

Julie - posted on 02/06/2013

1

0

0

im haveing a similare problem with my oldest daughter,shes 13.im at my wits end and cant cope.i have 4 other children to.

Melissa - posted on 12/28/2012

81

15

4

Sounds like my ten soon to be 11 yr old only she beats up her father. She bites and scratches him.

Luz - posted on 12/27/2012

1

16

0

Omg I feel as this is me writing it. I am going through the same thing with my daughter. Please tell me if it got any better. cause this is my oldest and I am not looking forward to the years to come.

Harmony - posted on 11/30/2012

1

0

0

I have a 12 year old daughter as well. She's a wonderful daughter, cousin & friend. She has issues with getting up in the morning for school. I've heard it all. My tummy hurts, headache people at school don't talk to me etc. I've tried everything I can think of. Her father and I divorced a few years ago. She's so smart. She does well on tests. So why will she not do the homework. Or turn it in. I don't know. Urrr I'm frustrated. I can only imagine how my daughter must feel. I ask her but don't get much of a reply. My off the bat advice to you is. Don't give up. and make sure she's getting alone time with you. & that the attention she does get is positive. So many times I've heard and seen parents giving more attention to the negative behavior and the positive things the child is doing goes un noticed. Recently I've started a new idea. (( I sat my daughter down and ask her again what's going on)) I ask her how she feels about being behind in class. Talked about her teachers friends etc. I explained to her I'm here for you and will help you get caught up. Take assignment by assignment and get it done. ((Starting with current work back)) It seems to be helping. All of us get overwhelmed from time to time. The last thing anyone of us wants to hear on a day to day basis is that were screwing up and behind. So I've eliminated those words and started from scratch. ((Giving her a clean slate to start on)) (((TEACHERS)) being involved with the home implemented focus and strategy is very important. Also keeping in touch with each teacher has also been a very big help. Both parents teachers and your child all working together as a team. Positive reinforcements from all angles.... Good luck



Sincerely Mommy in the same shoes

Linsey Sara - posted on 11/04/2012

1

0

0

NORMAL of course if she is almost turning thirteen she gets this attitude she thinks she is smart and mature enough when really she is just a kid.You have to let her know who's boss I'm not saying to be mean at her or anything but You have to speak up let her know that she needs to learn. First i would talk easy tell her that you need to talk to her. In a low serious voice tell her that she needs to stop or you would start taking privileges away warn her. What that does is it scares your child a little and maybe starts lowering her attitude but sometimes that just does not work :(. If not start taking the privileges away start small to big whenever she does something wrong and bad.Take away her cell phone (if she has one) then tv then more and more until she says sorry for her attitude and will never do it again. that often works with my daughter be her mom first. friend second.

Jawandaplayer - posted on 10/28/2012

1

0

0

my son the same way i been going through this for the past 3 yrs iam making calls now as i talk to you ,iam do ,he have to get the fuck out my house he thinks hes gang realated talking how he going kill me,he my only child but he got to go..

Margo - posted on 10/08/2012

1

0

0

I am having the same problem with my granddaughter.( I had raised her since 6-month old ) her mother gave up her rights ) She is very talented and smart, however, when she turned 12 and went into the 7th grade , she changed. She had been always been an honor student , on the swim team, cheerleader, softball, beauty contest, ballet and very respectful, BUT she changed over night. She has a very bad attitude and won't do her school work . She is still in the band ( Thank God- she still is doing this) but I can not get along with her . She argues at everything I tell her. She failed the 7th grade, but since she is a VERY smart girl, the school decided to place her in the 8th grade this year so she won't be behind when she starts high school next year BUT she is still not doing her work. She has gone to live with her father this year to see if this would work, even tho she is not disrespectful to him, she is still just doing her own thing. Maybe it is the computer and cell phones that are the problem. We have taken them both away for periods of time, and it helps a little, but she goes back to her bad habits . Maybe it is hormones?? I don't think sending her to a reform school or something of that sort would work, she would just learn the other kids bad habits, which would make it worse. I think this is something teenagers go through , we all just have to hang in there and stop fussing with them, they are our CHILDREN and we are the ADULTS, so we all need to say what me mean and mean what we say. When she is disrespectful in public, maybe it would be a good idea to ignore her and walk away from her .

Ebony - posted on 09/27/2012

2

11

0

I felt like noone understood wht I as going thru. My 12yr old daughter has been angry for quite sometime. She is direspectful, lazy, unmotivated, and recently I've bee notified that she's been bullying and threatening people at school. She has had 15 tardies and now I have a meeting with the principal... I've tried taking her to counseling and I've found that it helps. Like one of the other moms, I was ready to committ homicide on a few occasions. I try to dwell with her with understanding and Godly principles, and at times I'm not all that patient with her because I'm so frustrated. Well, come to find out during counseling that all the anger she harbors stem from her father being present but also absent. He does NOTHING for her. He doesn't call to check on her well being, or how she's doing in school, or anything at all. Se has to call him if she wants to visit he wnt call her~ she's now seeing this for herself, but takes it out on me. Take her to talk to some neutral 3rd person and just maybe she'll open up a little. It is still very difficult but at least there is some hope of a breakthough sooner than later. U may learn where her anger stems from and go from there. ~praying for us all!

Elizabeth - posted on 09/25/2012

1

0

0

I thought I was one of the few! The bad parent so to speak. I can't stand my 13 year old sons behavior he is the doom & gloom in what's beginning to be each and every day. He has no respect none & I'm a strict parent he's not spoiled but certainly is not without.

Jessica - posted on 09/17/2012

1

0

0

Hi, my boyfriends two kids live with us all the time, they may see their mom every once in a while but anyways his twelve year old daughter who was really sweet and respectful when they first started staying with us in May is now rude and very distant. She says her dad doesn't love her. She goes to their cousins house (which is in the garage apt behind our house) to see if her dad notices she's gone...she thinks he doesn't b/c he doesn't go looking for her. Ummm well we know where she is and the cousin is 28 and we trust her. So we don't worry. Her attitude has just gotten worse. Idk what to do. She wanted to live with us so she could go to the school she wanted, which is out of our way but a lot closer than where her mom lives. Also we are building a bedroom for her so she can have privacy. He tries talking to her but she has an attitude with almost every reply. Idk what we can do for her. I miss the way she use to be.

Mary - posted on 05/18/2012

13

0

0

You just start taking stuff away. Don't make any empty threats, because if you do, she won't care. Start taking tv privileges. If that doesn't work, continue taking things away. (such as computer, phone, going over to friend's houses) she's honestly just going through puberty. She needs tough, VERY TOUGH love. And just tell her, if she continues acting the way she does, you're going to send her off to military school away from friends, family, etc. It may actually do her some good.

Klara - posted on 12/22/2011

136

87

16

partially hormones. but she sounds angry about something...if you havent started counseling, I definitely would asap! someone needs to figure out what is going on, and if she wont talk to you.. have u talked with her friends or their parents to see if they have any ideas? Is she different when it is just the two of you? My 12 yo is ggreat one on one, but when others are around, its a total different ball game. Try spending some one on one time if you havent. I remind myself often, that when we act the most unloveable is when we need love the nost!

Sarah - posted on 12/19/2011

1

0

0

You need to be a parent and think. She can't be happy about repeating a grade and her hormones are raging. What would be in the best interest of your child to stay in the same environment and suffer or go away to another school until high school when she is able to handle herself and the daily consequences? How would you want to be treated if the roles were reversed?

Stephanie - posted on 08/06/2009

12

9

1

Quoting Jackie:

there is a saying my mother uses , it goes like this' when there good hug them , when there bad hug them harder'.
my child is 14 and i would never ever stand them next to a wall with cans, we are not in the army. if you send her way she will think u do not care. i went through this my self as a girl and i left home at 16. not good, me and my mom still don't talk and i am 32. she needs to talk to some body about why she is so mad. talk to the docter or the school who will point you in the right place. right then you need to breath and when carm sit and write the things down that really get you down. then deside what you can live with and what needs to change. then this is really important remember why you love her. get a mate to have your other children and sit your child down with tea and food and show her your list she may get mad . get her to write a list about what gets her down what she can live with and what needs to change - then meet half way. she does need rules but something is making her very unhappy if you can work that out you will be getting somewere.


i think I will try you suggestion this seems like something I could do. Thanks. I know it was intende for Ms.Parton but this helps me. everyones post has help in one way or another this is a great site.

Stephanie - posted on 08/06/2009

12

9

1

Oh my gosh I am not alone I am going through the same thing only we allowed her to stay at her grandparents house for the summer to take a breather. She's driving me nuts! I hear when they start their period they calm down but at this point I don't know and I have a 11 yr old growing up as well I don't think I'll have to worry about her. but wow I thought I was so alone. I want to read on as far as more advice I feel better knowing were in the same sinking boat lol just kidding thank you for posting this I need help too. Plus everyone say's she's wonderful as well thank you!!!

[deleted account]

there is a saying my mother uses , it goes like this' when there good hug them , when there bad hug them harder'.

my child is 14 and i would never ever stand them next to a wall with cans, we are not in the army. if you send her way she will think u do not care. i went through this my self as a girl and i left home at 16. not good, me and my mom still don't talk and i am 32. she needs to talk to some body about why she is so mad. talk to the docter or the school who will point you in the right place. right then you need to breath and when carm sit and write the things down that really get you down. then deside what you can live with and what needs to change. then this is really important remember why you love her. get a mate to have your other children and sit your child down with tea and food and show her your list she may get mad . get her to write a list about what gets her down what she can live with and what needs to change - then meet half way. she does need rules but something is making her very unhappy if you can work that out you will be getting somewere.

Wendy - posted on 08/05/2009

53

8

3

as to how long does the teenage rebellion years last...I have a 25 yr old that I swear has a anger devience issue and still rebells against anything I say to her. I also have a 23 yr old that, once she had her son, it was amazing how much I knew! Just remember that it's a phase but you don't have to put up with disrespect. Stress postitions work wonders sometimes. They don't hurt the kid when you want to throttle their little necks and it teaches them that you are still in charge. (stress positions: stand with your nose against wall and arms out, stand with arms out with soup cans in each hand. not for a long time but just enough to get attention) also try to take away "talking" devices "If you can't talk respectivly to me you can't talk to anyone else"

Colleen - posted on 08/04/2009

6

20

0

my daughter is 11 and started with the mouth. every time she got mouthy i put soap in her mouth and if it doesnt end she gets no bedroom she has to sleep out side her room with a sleeping bag. its getting a little better it just takes time. always remeber you are the parent and she is the child.

Sherelle - posted on 08/04/2009

3

20

0

i also have a 14 yo, although she still has attitude, it does get better, we disaplin her by taking away the things she loves most like mobile phone and ipod and make her earn it back. I also find getting her to HELP make dinner and HELPing me do things around the house (not making her) also works, it makes them feel worthwhile.

Deanne - posted on 08/02/2009

3

29

0

I am so with you on this one. I have a son that will be 12 in September and he is just getting impossible.Its worse when we have company. I had a friend stop by today and we were talking about a situation with another mom and he pops up and said ' If that were my mom I would punch her in the mouth!' I was so embarrassed! I know he would never do something like that but he doesnt need tomake any kind of comment like that. I have learned the best thing to do is to take things away till he acts better. He has lost his cell phone and xbox and one more comment and he loses his ds. There are no friends over anymore. I feel like a drill sargent but its the only way I know to handle it.

Candy - posted on 08/02/2009

1

26

0

well i am going throught the same thing my son is 13 going on 14 in november he thinks of no one but himself and his friends i ask him to do chours before he goes out and its not working eather hes already pushed me throught a wall and he walks all over me and his little sister shes 9 its hard being a single parent but i think if we all talk to ewach other we might be able to help out the way i have been deling with my son is tking stuff that he likes away but some well most of the time it dont work but i'm trying harder to put my foot down

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms