my 12 year old was watching porn! is that wrong?

Elexcyus - posted on 05/19/2009 ( 80 moms have responded )

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well i had my first experince of walking in on my 12 year old exxperincing himself.........and i handeled very well.. i thought i wouldnt, but i told him that its ok what he was doing but next time maybe go in the bathroom where the door locks.... but what i didnt know how to handel is that he was watching porn on the computer. I have now put a lock on the comp when i go out, but my question is, what do i tell him about watching the porn...i mean is it ok and if not then what is ok....he is going to be courious and do more of what he has discovered and probubly not going to stop, but what do i tell him about watching the porn. I dont want him to watch it....so what does he do and what do i tell him is ok.......PLEASE HELP ME.......i dont want to mess him up when it comes to being a sexual person, but i want him to still be my baby boy (teehee)....

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Rebecca - posted on 01/22/2013

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You shouldn't push him to hard because if you ask him to much about the porn then he will become distant irritated and ashamed. You should just let it pass. It might just be a phase and he will soon get over it. Every boy does this at some point.

Hope - posted on 01/16/2013

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Your child is going to experience this at some point. It would be awkward if he asked you what porn was when he is older, so it is good that he knows what it is. You may feel that porn is something you don't want him to see, but it only means he's curious. Another reason he might be watching is maybe he has an emotional or social problem. Ask him if there is anything wrong. You should also ask him why is he so interested in porn, and how he learned about it. Try these. I hope you get through to him.:)

Cari - posted on 12/30/2012

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parenting!!!!!! I have a 31 year old. and he never did NOT AT THAT AGE..... there is an age for all and it is parenting. my god!!! where did he get the porn in the first place.!!!??? ask yourself that.. .. awful and good LUck.!

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Verity - posted on 12/04/2012

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Its part of growing up, Sometimes when daughter did it i knew she was afraid of never getting a guy to do it with,shes always alone and never stops..Your kids will get MORE upset and have a bigger chance of looking up porn when ever they can,if they have a dsi they can do it on that.

There just alone,Dont lock the computer.

Suzy - posted on 12/04/2012

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a talk maybe but not showing them his 12 mom going into it to much may embarrass him

Suzy - posted on 12/01/2012

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parental controls, there built into many if its windows 7 or vista, just blcok the adult sites, then he can still have the freedom of net but you know anything xrated can not be viewed. my son is 13 dont knwo if he has tried to view them but no he definately has not as parental controls wont let him access them.

Gilbert - posted on 12/01/2012

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His hormones are raging honey just let him do his thang and don't think about it

Kathy - posted on 11/25/2012

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Wow, this is hard but youre right to explode. I would as how he felt about it and where he found out about it. I have a 12 yr old grandson I am raising, if I discovered him doing this I would ask why, how he knew, and try to figure out if is going on in his circle of friends and approach it that way. How long has he been doing this. I feel this is serious, I would ask mu family doctor about this and see what he recommends. Good luck

Jessica - posted on 11/25/2012

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Well, in my opinion, we are all humans right? He may be young to be in heat, but im not saying thats the case. It is natural to explore the body even in such a young age. Porn might be a little too over doing it, but I guess you could just get him some magazines or something, or put a lock on his dorr, or when you walk in his room knock first and if he yells "JUST A SECONED MOM" be sure to wait a sec.

Ryan - posted on 11/09/2012

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Hi, I think that you should not allow him to watch porn and to ask him not to watch porn again. He is a kid and he will find a way to watch it if he truly has the desire to. Also, you should tell him to not let you catch him or he will be in trouble next time. That's what my dad and mom did with me. Im not a mom (i'm 13) but i thought you could use the advice. also give him a good sex ed.

It's important. If you are a single mom you should talk to him but try to get his dad to.



Hope everything works out well,

Ryan

Pamela - posted on 11/01/2012

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How do you ipods and smart phones? I found pornn sites on both, I took them both away for now but ,that stuff is toxic. I worry about or youth and what they have to deal with.ugh

Rachel - posted on 10/31/2012

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I do feel like 12 is a little too young to have access to wherever he wants to go on the internet.

I have a 14 year old and he's only allowed on certain sites. We have parental controls that help us track what sites he's going to and it won't allow him into any adult sites.

Honestly, I would rather my son looked at porn and masturbated than to have sex. I would just tell him that real sex isn't anything like what he sees in porn.

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I have a 14 yr son and knows he masturbates constantly. Boys will be boys. My husband and I love to watch porn so I am understanding that a horny boy or girl will want to watch it too. He knows that is something he does here at home and not anywhere else.

Patricia - posted on 10/25/2012

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I believe in protecting my kids from running of with any partner be they a boy or girl i am only talking from personal experience i love my husband and only want him and don't look at any one else or think about or want any one else and i think that that is the way it should be if you love each other and are commited to each other not rather be with porn i am bringing my children up to respect them selves and other people and there is more to life than that smut alot of those poor girls and boys are under age as well to so it would be kiddy porn that's extremely bad there is nothing wrong with making to your partner in private yes ii do believein being faithful to one person and i have to really trust someone before i get into any type of relationship with them because i usually end up getting betrayed and extremely heart broken worst of all it is the affect it has on the children

Thomas - posted on 10/25/2012

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You know good and well there is nothing wrong with pron. You also know good and well that the question: is it right or is it wrong? Can only be answered with an opinion not fact. The facts are simple: I and a very single one of my male friends looked at porn as early as they could possibly discover it. We started talking a bout these things and looking for eye candy the almost the very minute puberty kicked in. Before you try to blame boys I'll have you know the girls in my life before puberty tired to get me to act sooner then my body was ready, so think again before pointing the finger at boys. You maybe believe some thing is right or wrong, but thats your beliefs not facts. When answering the question with real life facts, you will see that biologically and mentally it is not sexual acts or pornography that is dangerous for the youth. It is whether or not they develop a negative or positive out look on sexuality. A positive outlooks doesn't necessarily mean your outlook ether. We all know what the positive out look is! If they are not putting them selves in dangerous situation, they are screening sex partners, they are using contraceptives, they are getting medical checkups, they know the difference between love and lust, etc. Deep down we all know that right or wrong with sex or sexuality is not black and white. The only time it becomes black and white is when? You know when! When you interject what it is exactly you want and negate what they want for themselves! What is it that we want as parents? To protect our children. When do we start doing the opposite? When we fail to recognize something that is natural for what it is, when we teach them to find shame in this natural part of themselves or we try or force them beyond obedience and into submission. for what reason do we make such a mistake, trying to protect, and doing the opposite? The answer is simple, or emotion and opinions get in the way of or judgment. what is our opinion on sex, pornography, and the youth? The opinion varies greatly, but the most commonly shared is that it is taboo to the max. What the opinion is really doesn't matter, we must be adult enough to recognize the difference between protecting our children from real physical realities, and forcing them to conform to the life style we choose for them.



Do you think if a teen has sex, masturbates, or looks at pornography they are a sinner? Well thats your opinion/belief not fact. Do you think that sex is dirty? Do you think that sex should only be in marriage? Do you believe in monogamy? If so, then such are your "beliefs."



If you child grows not to believe these same things same way you do, what is the only negative thing that would come out of it? The only negative repercussion of them not views sex in the same way as you, is that "they see thing differently then you." Get used to it!



Do you believe that the youth should not be allowed to run off with just any sexual partner and do anything they want, or put themselves is great danger? Well now that is a completely different story, with that story we then leave the realm of "blind/whimsical belief," and we enter the realm of belief based on real life fact.

Patricia - posted on 10/11/2012

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my eldest 3 were never allowed porn and all 3 have normal healthy fullfilling relationships in every way

Ariana - posted on 10/03/2012

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I would tell him that internet porn is not real and does not represent real sex or intimacy. There's nothing wrong with him liking what he saw but that it is not real.

Renata - posted on 09/30/2012

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It is interesting subject..I have two boys.. I am trying to check in what they does on computers.. My problem that they have laptop each..it is not easy to get in to check..Passwords and etc... Trying to talk with them ...anyway.. came teenager time and we need to deal with it.. Good luck for all moms ! :)

Doting - posted on 09/25/2012

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watching porn is part of growing up, just be aware that he will watch all types of sexual behaviour, including what we call deviant activities! You need to let him discover, and try knocking on his bedroom door and gve him some of his own space. My 14 yr old, when he was 12 said he couldnt understand why ladies had sex and when asked why his reply was because of the pain. there followed a lesson in sex, procreation and relationships. We think he got that from japanese hentia stuff.

Stop shying away and talk to him, unlock his pc but make him aware that he risks pc viruses etc off porn sites and he may end up with a useless pc. Tell him to stick to pornhub lol

Nikki - posted on 09/20/2012

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NOTHING is wrong for a guy/boy watching porn.. It is a natural thing. You shouldn't worry.. Just tell him to go in the bathroom or something or lock the door.

Jacquietheodossis - posted on 09/11/2012

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I didn't think 14 year old boys would be on the computer reading about mom issues! Very suspicious.

Jacquietheodossis - posted on 09/11/2012

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I didn't think 14 year old boys would be on the computer reading about mom issues! Very suspicious.

Betty - posted on 09/10/2012

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Well this is my oppinion Pornography is a very very very! addictive subject yes? well my advice would be to tell him that you are not upsett that he was watching porn but that it was ok to be curious and then tell him that it isnt a cool thing to do but that it was ok and if he is curious to ask you about questions he might have

Bob - posted on 09/06/2012

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Ok, honestly I think you guys are over-reacting. I am 14 years old and a boy. I masturbate and watch porn about every 2 or 3 days. We know that it's not really realistic but if you start blocking things because you don't think he should be doing that kind of thing, your just going to make him mad at you and start fights etc. Let him do what he wants with that part of his life so that he doesn't become dishonest.

Cherith - posted on 08/20/2012

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no no no ,there is other ways that he can "experiment "
Porn can become very very addictive ,most marriages fail because of porn as the husband is more on the 'net" than with his wife
Speak to your son regarding this matter and tell him that firstly he is to young to be even watching porn ,tell him that there is magzines if he really feels the need to look at these girls .
Tell him that you understand that he is getting older and reaching pubity but there are other ways to go about it
Im not one for porn to be honest ,because the porn of today is more about making "sex" than the actual "love making" ,it teaches your son also that he can sleep with 20 girls at a time (they have different partners ) ,they dont use protection ect ect
Please try something else besides porn

Sandra - posted on 08/19/2012

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My son did the same thing a month ago he is also twelve. I told him it is ok as long as he knows no to do stuff like that with other girls and he was very understanding.

Jacquietheodossis - posted on 08/17/2012

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Omg! I know how you feel. My son 11 is now doing that and I want to be te cool understanding Mom, but also get the point across that sex is still a grown up thing. Ugh! So frustrating, and frightening at the sametime.

Nobody - posted on 07/30/2012

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hes 12!!! Give him some damn space hes not a kid treat him like a man. whats wrong with watching porn? hes going to grow up and understand everything you want him to understand.

Ada - posted on 07/09/2012

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i'm 25 year old female…i remember trying to watch the fuzzy porn channel on our tv when i was 12 and finding porn on the computer and enjoying it at 12…it didn't rot my brain or confuse me or turn me into a sexual deviant…you feel horny and porn helps satiate those feelings…i remember being 12 (at a catholic school) and by that age, all the kids were talking about sex…i'd say block the porn just so your computer doesn't get a virus…he can still masturbate without visual aids

Ada - posted on 07/09/2012

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i'm 25 year old female…i remember trying to watch the fuzzy porn channel on our tv when i was 12 and finding porn on the computer and enjoying it at 12…it didn't rot my brain or confuse me or turn me into a sexual deviant…you feel horny and porn helps satiate those feelings…i remember being 12 (at a catholic school) and by that age, all the kids were talking about sex…i'd say block the porn just so your computer doesn't get a virus…he can still masturbate without visual aids

Amy - posted on 06/08/2012

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hiya i would talk to him and just don't be scared to say to him i mean you are his mum and he is your son so i would ask him.Also I would get him to come off the computer/laptop and get him in to doing somthing a bit more active, You could also sit beside him or cheak-up on him just to make sure he is not watching anything its just the stage of live that most boys&girls go threw he could of picked this site from one of his friend or have been learning about sexual heath in school because i know most schools do that if you dont feel comfurtable ask your partner-husband-boyfriend (A older man ) to talk to him i hope this helped

Love,Amy

P.S please tell me if you solved this problum

GOOD LUCK!!!

Linda - posted on 06/07/2012

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Tell him it is ok to masturbate but watching porn is not ok! That is why it is intended for adults age 18 and over! His mind is too young to process what he may come across and there is some pretty nasty stuff out there!

Jessica - posted on 03/26/2012

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I think that locking the computer is great start, but it's really not even the biggest issue. When I was that age I rarely did my wild rebellious things at home. I did them at friends houses. You can try to censor your children from the world, but you'll just find that causes dishonesty. The more my mom pushed me the more I would lie. The more lies I got in the more I was punished. The more that I was punished the more I would lie. I think that the approach is to teach them that what they are seeing, though it seems great, is a lie. The things that people do on those videos is probably not something that they are going to expierence. I feel that it gives men a desire for unrealistic fantasies and women unrealistic expectations on themselves. I shutter when I think of my son (10) growing up with the idea that in order to have pleasure it needs to be what he sees on the computer. I try to let my son know that elephants don't really fly and mice don't really talk so its more likely what you see on tv is probably not true. Esspecially on reality television. I am a single mother and I think that means that I have to be more blunt and honest with my son. I don't get to give him a mans perspective so I am damn sure I give him a true female perspective on things. I treat my son as if he were a grown up so that he will know what it is like when he is out on his own. He once asked me if he could say swear words. I told him that the choice was up to him. I told him that swear words are not about making points or making you cool, that they truly hurt other people. I also told him that if he was going to do it behind my back that I would prefer that he do it in front of me as well. I told him that to be a truly honest person he needs to be honest with himself and others and that included me. No one can be sure that their kids are making the right choices when their parents aren't around and I think it would be pretty ignorant to think that they only display the behaviors in front of you as they do behind your back, but my son is way more honest with me than most of my friends children. Hey that is a start. I know I don't have the right answers but I am confident in my choices. Whether it be him or I that make bad choices we learn from them together.

Jeannete - posted on 03/12/2012

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Its normal mom. There hormones are all over the place. I spoke to my boy about it and told him that the porn websites are disrespectful to woman and thats not the way I want him to think about sex. I told him about growing up and loving a woman first.....marriage etc. U just have to keep him on a very short leash....in other words Micro Manage mom. There's not much that my son can do without me being all up in it. Good luck! Jazmin

Chelsea - posted on 03/06/2012

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its normal, if you didn't already know that lol. when i was younger, i had friends talking about it, and i didn't know it was a wrong thing to look up by yourself.. i thought it was fine, but private... but its not fine. porn these days unlike then is dangerous. what you have to do is explain to him why sex is not like that. that sex is gental, and more loving, because you want to love the person first. that those people you've seen are breaking laws, they should not expose themselves like that because its practically abusive. (not saying adults can, because as adults its a totallllyyy different picture.) kids cant handle seeing this, because then they will start having twisted thoughts about sex. Exploring to fast, on ways of sex only grownups should know about. i mean once 16ish, you kinda have to let them decide. but what you got to hope for is putting the right image of sex in their head. something romantic, private, loving, special for a special day. i mean look how sex has evolved over simple data knowledge. its no longer about the bees and birds story, when do you hear that? on a disney movie thats what.. these kids are seeing sex everywhere.. books, tv, billboards, internet, its no longer innocent since 2000 when internet was hardly used in the common home. so now, you have to be more open about sex, even though the way we grew up was strictly no talk about it, most was either buy your kid a boring plain book and the talk again about birds and bees. now this day in age we actually have to talk about it, because its dangerous on what they will find out by themselves. tell them of course those bad things are out there.. and it may not be that bad to them once they are old enough to actually understand, but they should always know thats not how it should be done. and so on.. i hope you get the picture lol. i hope i helped. and dont think its only one time you tell them and hope to god you never have to go over it again. because you'll have their friends that didn't have their parents open up to them trying to get them to watch this stuff... you have to keep on it, embarrassing or not, and do all you can for him to understand the first time he does it dont be tied up with 3 other girls if you get my drift.

Cynthia - posted on 03/06/2012

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I think that if your child has a tv in his room, it may be time to block things on it, unfortunaltely kids are exposed to so many things now that it makes our kids very curious. hope that helps.

Shan - posted on 03/05/2012

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I was so frightened when I found my 12 to watching porn, I was looking through his phone and saw he was recording it through his camera of the DVD. He was with 2 other friends same age. Should I notify there parents. Everyone has very good advice will be having that talk

Tracey - posted on 02/28/2012

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Having just watched a young friend loose his wife and child because of his porn addiction, I would say yes, it's wrong. As the mother of a 12-year-old daughter (and a 7-year-old daughter, and a 15-year-old son), I would not want my daughter to be around boys who had just been watching porn. They are so much more likely to just view her as an object, and that's hard enough for girls already. I want my kids to have good-quality marriage where there is mutual respect for their *minds* and *spirits* as well as their bodies. I really don't think kids raised in households where porn is viewed as normal--especially for the kids, yikes!--would have much of a chance at that.



If you look into the statistics, many marriages are broken up by porn--or the marriage is just sham, with the wife putting up with it just to have someone to check out the noises in the middle of the night and to plunge the toilet. Child porn is a huge, huge, problem, and so is "white slavery". Someone I know helped rescue a 19-year-old girl who'd been kidnapped from a small town near us when she was 13--kidnapped but left at home. Her pimps initially threatened her family with ruin if she said anything, and every night for 6 years would take her out of her bed in the middle of the night, drive her to a hotel and make her turn tricks, videoing it for sale, and then take her home before her family found out she was gone. She finally sought help. You have to realize that a lot of people who are in the porn are themselves not in it of their own free will.

Lyssa - posted on 02/28/2012

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wow there's quite a few different views on this...my first question is...has your hubby had the talk with him? i totally agree that he is at an age where they are wondering and want to experiment and you want them to do it safely. i do think that porn doesn't show what sex and sexuality is really about. not when it comes to a relationship anyway. ask him what he is curious about, maybe porns not the answer but maybe a playboy that just shows a womans body would be more helpful. i'm coming into this phase with my son soon too, and i'm trying to think of ways to teach him about sex and how it shouldn't be deragatory. and unfortunately, your baby boy is growing up, so is mine, it's sad but true. maybe look into some of the books that teach you more how to talk to them about it.

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