My 12 year old wont stop lying!!

Terri - posted on 01/06/2010 ( 25 moms have responded )

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My 12 year old is going thru a terrible stage of lying. On top of the mood swings, bad attitude, and being disrespectful..... I have to deal with these lies now. Is this normal? It seems she is lying about almost everything...from brushing her teeth, to homework, even what she has for an afterschool snack :( Moms to preteen girls..... HELP!

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Janice - posted on 04/26/2013

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im going thru this now how did you handle it. I need help just this morn. I asked her if she brushed her teeth and she said yes I was standing out side the bathroom door she never even turned the water on and then looked me in my eyes and said she did. I just don't know what to do.

Candace - posted on 02/28/2010

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I have a 12 year old son that lies about all the same things! Things that don't even matter! I just don't get it either. I often tell him that he is making it so that I don't trust anything that comes out of his mouth. Just the other day, he told me "I really AM telling the truth, you NEVER believe me when I DO tell the truth." This is when I let him know what his lying has done. How can I believe someone who has continuously lied? Although, that hasn't helped either, lol. If you haven't said something like that, maybe that could help in your situation. I would love some ideas about this also. I have heard it's just the age. Kids are so different than they were when we were kids. A whole new world!

Daniela - posted on 10/15/2013

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My 11 year old lies about silly things (brushing her teeth, hair....) and denies it, even if "she know I know". I have punished her each time with taking her gadgets away, stopping her going out with friends etc. I can scream and shout till i am blue in the face and don't even get reaction out of her. At most "ok" and that pushes my button even further. I feel washed out and drained. I don't enjoy being mum at the moment as all i do is tell her off. I have tried talking to her in nice way for so long now, that i feel all is left to do is to shout.
Please help!! I want to enjoy our times together again and most importantly i really want to find out why she feels she has to lie. She never really gets in trouble so is not like that she has to be scared or something like that.
It is killing me and i just want to know why so i can help. So i can have my lovely daughter back and enjoy our times together again.

Angie - posted on 04/29/2013

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My 12 year old lies about everything. where she is going who she has been with and now she is saying to her school friends she is having a baby. i really do not no how to help her
or why she needs to make up these storys like this. I spend alot of time with both my girls together and apart. I have tried talking to her asking her why she lies, She is always getting grounded for lying or coming home late and whats worst i cant tell when shes lying anymore. She can be such a loving caring friendly girl as well ( please can anyone HELP me help her xx)

Mellisia - posted on 07/13/2011

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I am having this problem too My daughter is 13 I am at a loss. I finally took everything away for the lie she told me yesterday.
she will watch us as we go to the pool she knew we had this planned and still lied to me about something. It getting to the point i cant tell when she lies If anyone has suggestions i would appreciate it too.

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Roxy - posted 7 hours ago

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I have a 12 year old who's doing the same exact thing. It's driving me nuts. Fortunately I'm very stubborn and just keep calling her on every single lie. It's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this.

Michelle - posted on 05/31/2014

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My daughter is 12 and lies every couple weeks i ground her for week or sonetimes 2 weeks shes good for 2 to 3 weeks but then starts. Again lying about non important matters so frustrated and disappointed. Dont know what to do please help. Cannot trust her

Emma - posted on 02/20/2014

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Did anybody find a cure????
My daughter is 11 and since starting senior school has turned into a compulsive liar!!!! She has been grounded now over a month has no free time no internet except in class and is still managing to find something to lie about every other day!!!

Stef - posted on 10/03/2013

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I have a 12 yr old stepdaughter live in the uk, have any of you thought about ignoring the lies , just think about how much attention they are getting for lying , lay low for a bit and start to not be bothered by there lies, when he/she says yeah iv brushed my teeth say ok well done, as u dont want black teeth do you , they will then think shit better brush my teeth next time lol, youve got to play the game !! As for going out and wondering the streets thats a difrent matter im not at that stage yet so unsure what to suggest, print off stories of young girls being abducted scare them a bit if thats what it takes

Wendy - posted on 02/15/2012

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I have a 13 year old step son who has been lying to his father and I non stop! We also have a 5yo and a 3yo in the house that I am worried about picking up on this habit. I am very worried about him tho, he has a lot to learn still and he won't give himself the chance! He lies about school, homework, and just about everything you ask him!!! Has anyone else tried the lying back to them? I think my husband and I will try it, because we have tried everything we can think of, and have had no success. HELP!!!

Dianne - posted on 06/10/2010

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I have a 12 yr old son who has been lying for 5 years, mostly on than off. We have done and said everything until we are blue in the face. Anything and everything, doesn't matter whata as long as he is speaking he lies. I am going nuts with this. It's making me crazy. He is excellant with grades, excells at Cadets, can ride a horse and motor bike, mows the lawn, fishes, camps, hunts, everything a kid who likes the outdoors does. He doesn't get to watch tv, play video games, dirt bike sold, always grounded for rotten behavior at home. He's missed out on many fun things because of this. Whenever we allow him to partake in something he wants to do he treats us like crap like he is owed everything. We are a agood wholesome farming/military family with morals and pride. It makes us crazy with this constant stressful yrs

Penny - posted on 04/12/2010

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I don't have a daughter, but my 11 year old son is the same way. He is always lying. He will lie about things that aren't even important that he has no reason to lie about. I'll tell just tell the truth! I don't know why they do this. How much longer will this phase last??

Gina - posted on 03/04/2010

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Terri im going through this with my almost 12 year old, when I see she's lying I cut her off thats it Im not listening any more. I have told her no matter what you do nothing is worse than lying about it ,so you didnt eat your apple,why lie about it? I told her she will lose my trust and even if she tells the truth I wont be able to beleive her,and it helped when i told her about 'the boy who cryed wolf'! Thankfully shes much better now its hard but you can help her with this and im sorry but lying should not be normal so dont let it be.

April - posted on 03/02/2010

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I have a son who went through the lying phase. It drove me crazy. I asked him nicely to stop, I grounded him, I took away privileges, I did it all... Finally I lied back. He lied to me about something stupid so I waited until later in the day, then told him we were going to go to the movie he had been asking to see. He looked shocked at this news. Then I told him I was lying! He got disappointed, then figured out that he didn't like being lied to so he'd better quit lying. I know it sounds stupid, but it worked in my house... Good luck!

Marlene - posted on 03/02/2010

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I am sorry to say this...but thanks the Heavens I am not alone in this! My daughter is 12 and she too lies about everything. I catch her every time and she knows that I catch her. We talk about it and she says that "to lie" is the first thing that pops into her head and so she does. I dont get it! What i do now is, when i want to know something I will tell her straight up that I need the truth. I make her aware of her lying in the past and It seems to help. It is a work in progress! She still has a way to go but i think it became a habit for her to lie and a habit takes time to break. I check up on her all the time and I feel guilty about it but she does have to earn my trust back. Thank you for posting this because it helps me as a parent to know that there are other parents with the same issues!

Annmarie - posted on 01/17/2010

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this is what worked for me.. just keep catching them . Even when she is telling the truth check to ensure that the statement is accurate. Mine would lie about brushing teeth for example. Me: did you brush your teeth? Her: yes, Me: I am going to check walk into the bathroom right in front of her to see if toothbrush is wet. If it is not- she must brush in front of you watching and then gets a punishment. If it is wet and you believe this is due to teeth brushing praise her and say thank you for telling the truth. Have a very pleased up beat mood when you do this part. This exercise of checking every story out is a lot of leg work for the parent but she will soon figure out lying is just not worth getting caught. The trick to all of this is to reinforce the rules and very calmly state either the "thank you" or the punishment. If she starts carrying on whining moaning etc. - this is the hardest part --still remain calm and matter of fact. Explain she made a choice ( to lie) and now she "pays" for incorrect choice. I have found this process works for all kinds of lying. My daughter is 15 now and she tells me everything. I guess she figures that I am going to find out anyway--ha ha.

Kathy - posted on 01/16/2010

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i have grandchildren that lives with me and sometimes i think its just as easy for them to lie as tell the truth... even though they go to church and are active in church.. i willl always let them know if i know for sure they are lieing.. that im not buying everthing im being told.. i think you should always call them on it.. maybe one day they will know its no use to lie because most people will find them out.

Aubry - posted on 01/11/2010

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I have a 12 year old girl who lies about all the same things you are talking about. I think it comes out of laziness. This year my daughter has changed from my little girl into a rude, lazy, moody tween that craves independence. My daughter just wants to be left alone to do her own thing and I think the lying is her way of controlling the situation because its easier for her to lie and continue to be lazy. The only way I've been able to get through to her regarding the lies is explaining to her how lies only complicate our lives more. I've had a couple heart to heart talks about doing the right thing verses what I call the "now" thing. At this age all my daughter wants to do is play her video games, go on the internet, talk on the phone or watch her favorite shows. She doesn't want to be bothered with responsibilities and normal things like brushing teeth, homework etc. I've tried to make her realize that just doing the right thing first can allow her to have the free time she wants. I always try to remind her that making wise choices comes back to you in positive ways. Sometimes she gets it and sometimes she still does nothing and lies about it. I think its a up hill battle that won't be over for a while. Good luck but don't give up!

Carmella - posted on 01/10/2010

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Hi! I have a twelve year old daughter. Wow! Sorry to hear that your daughter lies so much! Don't know if you are Christian....but there is a wonderful series called "Growing Kids God's Way." There are videos and workbooks and there are different materials for kids of different ages. I've found it very helpful.

Carmella

Tracy - posted on 01/09/2010

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Try taking her for along car ride... It's a way for you to spend time talking with her about starting a new relationship. New rules on treating eachother with respect. Try not to ask any questions that only can get you a Yes or no answer. Open ended questions help you understand what to say or ask next. Fill the tank up and drive, drive, drive! Hope this helps! I think i am going to need new a suv pretty soon... High miliage lol

Colleen - posted on 01/09/2010

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She is going through the start of puberty and is not going to listen to you and your knowledge. This is when you must be more firm with her. She may hate you for awhile but will learn to respect you later. The world is a very dangerous place and she thinks she knows it all. She wants to stretch her wings and test your authority. Hold your ground. Teen counseling might help.

Danielle - posted on 01/07/2010

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I have a 12 year old daughter who is most definitely guilty of the mood swings, bad attitude and being disrespectful but she hasn't gone through this "lying" stage apart from the odd occasion of trying to pull the wool over my eyes in regards to getting her way with sleepovers etc!! In saying this she does have this now ex-friend who is a compulsive liar and lies about everything from where she lives and what her parents do to things as mundane as what she watched on tv last night (u know what I mean) Now your daughter might not be at that level, but this girl has some serious problems at home that we are all aware of which I would say is the reason that she is a compulsive liar. Obviously this is not the case with your daughter at home as you quite obviously care very much, but do you think something maybe happening at school with her friends like bullying or something??? And she may feel the need to impress these so-called friends with little white lies that have spilled over into her everyday life as a bad habit?? I could be way off the mark but I've known a few kids who have done this.

Rebecca - posted on 01/07/2010

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Well I dont have a girl but I have a 12 year old son and its the same thing. I guess we just keep taking each day as it comes and take comfort in the fact that this is a normal part of their development and we are not alone in it. They are really trying to discover who they are and I think questioning and going against athority of any kind is part of that learning process and just like every other stage we have experienced with our children this too shall pass.

Emily - posted on 01/07/2010

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I have an 11 nearly 12 yr old daughter we have been through the lying stage a yr or 2 ago. we were going through some pretty extensive changes though. we moved and i got a full time job. i had to re-examine my time with her. in courtney's case it was that she was crying out for my attention. i am a single mum and courtney is an only child and even though our communication was pretty good when our circumstances changed she acted out. is there something that she is saying between the lines that she can't communicate with you.



I would in general say that lying is normal, i don't like it but we all do it.



courtney has come good out of this silly phase though. so hopefully yours will come good too

Cathy - posted on 01/06/2010

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Hi Terri. I'm new to the group and have a 11 year old ( 12 soon) daughter. I haven't experienced my daughter lying to me to this extent. My viewpoint is that if she lies to you, she looses your trust, and without trust, privileges can be lost. It sounds like there might be something more going on here. Mood swings could be due to starting her period. As far as the disrespect goes, that seems very normal for this age, not that they should be allowed to get away with it. Is she looking for a little more independence and privacy? Or, is she expected to be on her own and responsible for extended periods of time? If the latter is the case, she may resent the questioning or not be quite ready for too much time alone.It may take a little talk to help her in the direction for what is appropriate and what is not o.k.. I asked my daughter her opinion and she said that other than looking for more privacy,( or less time alone) is there a chance that something else is bothering her, possibly at school, with friends or recent changes in her environment? The constant lying is a symptom. It will take some investigating ( which can be touchy) to find out what the real problem is, maybe even consider depression or being influenced by the wrong crowd. There are so many variables dependent upon the answers. Hope you get to the bottom of this. I'd be interested in knowing what conclusion you come to. Good luck.

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