My 12yr old wants a facebook acct., I think he is still too young. Is he?

Elizabeth - posted on 02/25/2009

Wow......Thank  you all for the reply's!!!!!  My son and I have talked and he is waiting untill he is 13. That is not far away. He does have a cell phone that I look at everyday. I trust him alot. I have a facebook acct. and have come to realize that if you set it up right, no one can look at anything, unless they are your friend! I would not let my child have a myspace acct. because I have also looked into that and it is not as kid-friendly as I would like! Thank you again......everyone!

Mandi - posted on 02/22/2009

there are ways to get around all this that you all say WILL HAPPEN! Just like my space. there is a setting that makes it  so that only people that know his e-mail can request to be a friend. and there is software that has settings so that  if a page is not rated or a pic is bad it blocks it. I have a 13 year old DD and she has a myspace it was mine i don't use it . I still have friends on there and i have the password. The point i am makeing is let the grow up and turst them a little. Keep tabs look daily . If your child has never given you a reason not to trust him then i say go for it. More and more kids have them and more and more parents are getting involed in what the kids are doing.

Joann - posted on 02/19/2009

My daughter is 13. I do not let her have a facebook acct, but I told her she could add her friends to my acct. We had her explain to her friends this is the way it is and they are pretty good about it. Their parents are also aware that we do it this way also. when we converse with her friends, we always make sure she adds her name at the end so they know it was her or myself that left a comment. This way I can monitor who she is talking to online.....

Good luck!!!!

Melanie - posted on 02/19/2009

I let my son have a myspace (facebook is so uncool in his opinion, that he would rather have nothing!) at that age, but he knows he does not have privacy on it.  We got it through my e-mail, and I have to have his password.  I rarely look at it, but the important thing is that he knows I can!  I think there is nothing wrong with not allowing them privacy in some things, as long as you are open about it, and they know it is not private.  We also have it set up so a person has to "prove" they really know you before they extend a friend request, and so far it has worked very well.

That being said, it does also depend on the child.  Mine is very responsible and would never dream of doing anything inappropriate.  If the child is known to have trouble following rules or behaving appropriately, it is probably going to cause more problems for the child and the parent.

Karlee - posted on 02/19/2009

Quoting Elizabeth:

My 12yr old wants a facebook acct., I think he is still too young. Is he?

my 10yr old has one....it's a great way for him to connect with friends and our family members that live elsewhere........my son and i have alot of fun with the farm, fluffbook and other applications that are on faceook.......

Razija - posted on 02/19/2009

Dear Elizabeth,



You are the mother of your child. You should know your child better than anyone. Do you think you can trust your child? I was reading some of the replays and what really makes no sense to me is that some mom’s believe that this age is too young for FB but not for cell phones. If you set restrictions and monitor your child it should be fine. Remember this, that you can shelter them all you want, but in the end if they wanted it badly they will find a way to do it.

Patricia - posted on 02/19/2009

When all you parents are "monitoring" these sites, are you going into each "wall-to Wall" or Send A Message thread? It would be exhaustive and mind boggling... and the delete and edit button is used by these very savvy children of the 21st century.. so how can you see what is really going on?

Patricia - posted on 02/19/2009

Anyone can type in his name for a search and request to be a friend. One confirm click and anyone could be FBing with your kid.

Tricia - posted on 02/19/2009

Hi,Both my children have accounts and its safe.You only except people on there that you know.The only thing that i do though is the children let me have there password and i have an account aswell.They do not know that when they are at school i use there password to just check what they r doing and monitor on there profile.Its not mistrust on them i trust them completely.Its just to watch how other children are on there and there language and what they write about.Kids can be nasty on there aswell as at school.But my two love it and so do i.Its a great way for them to keep in contact with there aunts and uncles who live miles away and cheaper than using the phone ha ha.I hope this has helped.

Kerry - posted on 02/18/2009

I have an 11 year old with a Facebook account.   I have his password and check his page frequently.  I think it allows us another form of communication and that helps.  He is a responsible kid and I trust him.  I think that double digit kids  crave technology and they need to know how to use and be responsible with it.  I have a 7 year old and he has never asked for an account and I wouldn't give it to him at that age.  The only problem I have with Facebook is the fact that if you post a picture, that picture can be accessed by people outside of your friend circle (friend of a friend).  You have to be careful what pics you post and who can see them.

Gwen - posted on 02/16/2009

just wanted to chime in here...

my 10yo wants one.  He did not get one because you ahve to be 13- he isn't and lying is not a lesson I want to teach him.  I honestly think that Facebook is waaay safer than Myspace.  Yes, facebook is where the grownups hang out... but that means that all MY friends are here to keep an eye out, and it seems that the maturity level here is much higher than on Myspace, and the 'freak factor' is conversely a lot lower!

My take (i am a social worker specializing in foster kids with behavior problems)... get them used to being monitored NOW, so when they are 15 or 16 it will be natural to have mom/auntie/cousin joe as a friend, and they won't be affronted at you "treating them like a kid" when you insist on thier passowrds, because it will be habit.

JMHO!

Julie - posted on 02/16/2009

I did a report on MySpace. The results would shock you. I set up a profile as a 15 year old girl with a racey picture of Beonce and got no hits, because of the protection they have against adults contacting kids. After a week I changed my age to 18, it's easy to do. I started getting the grossest emails and pictures of naked men and friend requests from perverts around the country. One was a man that had over 1,000 young girl friends and his url account name was "www.daddy warned you" Scared the hell out of me at how easy it was to be someone I wasn't. I reported that man and his profile was delted by MySpace in 2 days. My report was over.



I would say however old your child is, KNOW WHERE THEY GO ON-LINE because it's no differant than walking out the front door. Be their friends, watch their page, if they don't like it, be suspicious. There ARE creeps out there. I saw parts of them I didn't want to.

Shea - posted on 02/16/2009

I have a 10 year old and a 12 year old that have Facebook accounts, but so do I, so I can monitor what they are doing, who they are talking to etc...I actually think it is safer than them just surfing the internet, at least you know what they are up to. It is also a good idea for them to have their account set as private.

Ronda - posted on 02/16/2009

My son is 15 and he does not have a facebook account nor a my space account. I have heard way too much about how there are problems with adult preditors still getting ahold of younger children and saying/doing things that is not good for anyone under 18 let alone over 18 year olds. Some of the same age kids can post things that are untrue and you will never be able to remove those things where everyone will be able to read. I say wait a bit longer and you will be happy.

Chris - posted on 02/16/2009

Hi there, my son will be 12 this year and also wants one.  In the Terms and Conditions it does actually say you have to be 13+ and then you should watch over them until they turn 17.  I don't think it'll harm the kids if they wait a little longer.  I let Luke join in when I play the little games and he can send messages through me to his pals.

Tanya - posted on 02/15/2009

I have a 13yr old girl who has been begging me so I tried out facebook for myself before making the decision. I feel she is ready but I think it really depends on the maturity & how responsible the kid is. I have educated her on the do's & don'ts and so far no problems. I set up her account so I have the password.

Kathy - posted on 02/11/2009

I allowed my daughter to have one at the age of 14.  The deal was I have her password and keep an eye on who her friends are.  Also my daughter is not allowed on the internet after 10 PM.  I think the decision is yours and no one else. You know your son the best.

Carolyn - posted on 02/10/2009

My oldest is 13 and still no facebook. He really has no one to add as we homeschool and none of the kids use it. So I am pretty okay with him not having one. Although he has asked. I just let him play the games he wants on mine.

Shannon - posted on 02/09/2009

my 11 year-old son has a facebook acct. he was wanting a myspace but i told him NO WAY. so he understands that his facebook is only for family. and so far, that's all he's ever done. most of the time he forgets to log in... but he can talk to his cousins, grandparents, etc.

Jodi - posted on 02/09/2009

I dont think so. Facebook is very private. Only friends that he lets will see his profile. Not much to worry about. Have him give you his user name and password so you can look if you dont feel comfortable

Sara - posted on 02/09/2009

To deny a child to EVER communicate in these more modern ways would be detrimental to his future because it is how things are done now but to hold off until he or she is old enough is not old fashioned but good parenting. There are sites that are geard for children that they can use to learn. We have to be careful of allowing young children priviledges without repsonsibilities and most (not all) 12 year olds are not mature enough to be responsible with their internet communications, they can be too easily fooled by people into giving out too much personal information.



Someone said that it comes down to trust. I disagree with this. I trust my children to behave in the way that they have been taught, it is not them that I have to worry about. Trusting my daughter has nothing to do with not allowing her her own facebook account or email address. It's the world that is ready and waiting to gobble her up that I have to protect her from.

Andrea - posted on 02/09/2009

My 11 year old wants a facebook account. I think that he is still to young to have one. Its a grown up thing to have. I do let him have a cell phone that I check all the time. So I know who he's talking to and texting. Maybe when he's a bit older I'll let him have a facebook account.

Kimberly - posted on 02/08/2009

I had asked Fran Spinelli if "that was alcohol in her hand."

Kimberly - posted on 02/08/2009

Is that alcohol in your hand??

Lisa - posted on 02/07/2009

yup,"oh well"...i say that alot too.  dont even worry.  Your child was born to YOU for a reason. Lots of love goes into saying no also.  Pull up the MOM"S SONG on you tube...so cute, and it sums it all up:)  best wishes:)

Lisa - posted on 02/07/2009

I think its all about monitoring.  i have rules with my 14 year old about his information.  We set it up together and his father and i know the password.  He uses a fake address, and any other personal information is incorrect, but for his private friends, the access is limited.  This is a world that our kids are growing up with this stuff as second nature, but we still have to be their walls between them and the world.  like i say to my son when he asks why to something he doesnt agree with......"becaus you dont know whats good for you yet...but i do. :)Best wishes(sorry for the long thesisLOL)

Norma - posted on 02/07/2009

You have to lie about his age or it wont accept till he is 14. I recently set up my son to communicate with friends and family but keep his account private and monitor to make sure nothing inappropriate is getting through. I find that he really likes getting to know his cousins in other provinces.

Lisa - posted on 02/07/2009

Strange men and boys were trying to get into my 12 yr old's web account. You have to ask youself if you trust your 12 yr old talking to strangers, even adults and ready for adult situations.

Dawn - posted on 02/07/2009

I recently got on FB because my 15yr old wanted to.  I allowed it, but she had to agree that i would have full access, including her password.  she's not allowed to add anyone as friends that i don't know, as well as setting her privacy settings to the highest they can be.  and if she violates any of the rules she's done.

Cornel - posted on 02/07/2009

My kids are also constantly nagging. I think 12 is too young, but i allow her all the fun on my profile ie games and quizzes. i think this encourages them to respect the web and dangers, so i'm gradually introducing her to it and teaching her what to and what not to do. She also loves that i gave her a specific date when she can join.

Fran - posted on 02/05/2009

Facebook is much safer than Myspace. and as long as you keep your eye on the facebook account then it should be just fine. make sure you know the password

Wendy - posted on 02/04/2009

I'm not sure, but I think there is an age limint on Facebook. It is a more secure site than MySpace or MyYearbook. If you are concerned, when your son is on Facebook, just monitor what he is doing on it. The account can also be marked private which can be a good thing. My son and I both have accounts and we love it...so many different things to do on it. As a concerned mom, why don't you try it out first and see what you think.

Shasean - posted on 02/04/2009

I think overall it depends on the maturity level of the child and whether or not they can be responsible.  With that being said, as parents we still have to play diligent watchdog at all times.  Our kids won't grow if we don't let them and while certain things we grew up with they should be able to handle (communication the old fashioned way) they should also be able to understand how to keep up with society through technological means as well.

Michele - posted on 02/03/2009

Sara, my son is in grade 7 and wanting a cell phone...and I have been told repeatedly he is the only one in his class who doesn't have one.  I told him, when he can be responsible and not lose his locker key, his work, his schoolbooks etc...then we may consider him responsible enough for a cell phone.LOL

As to FB...he wants a FB account.  When we tried to sign him up for one...I seem to remember that he needed to be 13.  So I told him he had to wait.  It's only  7 more months so he is ok with it.  He was on Club Penguin but finds it too childish now.

Angela - posted on 02/03/2009

I disagree with this. I think that there are great ways of monitoring Facebook as I outlined in my own post. I think it is important for our children to have experience communicating in these "modern" ways because it is there future. We may think that the old fashion way of communicating is better but we have to take a step back and come to the realization that our children are growing up in a different time. They need to be aware, and know the in's and out's of communicating in these different, modern ways or else they will be behind when they are older. We, as parents, need to become educated on these new ways of communicating so that we understand the dangers and know how to step in as a parent in the right way. I think completely denying them of the experience will do more harm than good in the long run.

Angela - posted on 02/03/2009

I think Facebook is absolutely safe for a 12 year old as long as you follow some precautions. 1st- Make sure his profile account is marked as private. 2nd- Make an account of your own to get familiar with the application so that you feel more comfortable with what goes on. 3rd- Make it clear to your 12 year old that you will be asking for his password and, with his knowledge, will be checking his account periodically. Make sure he knows that the reason for this is not because you don't trust him, but that you don't necessarily trust others who he has marked as friends and need to make sure he is safe. This has worked great for me. I have a 14 year old with a MySpace account and I go on with him periodically and ask who his new friends on the space are, why so and so made a comment on your space of that nature, etc, etc. and he totally respects that. He understands the reasons for my involvement because I've explained them to him and he I think he feels safer knowing that I am there to monitor. Just some thoughts for you- Hope this helps!

Patricia - posted on 02/03/2009

exactly!!!

Patricia - posted on 02/03/2009

I think that 12yr old is just too young. Don't you want to have a bit more control of what your child has access to regarding other people imposing their beliefs and opinions on your child? I say just buck up and have him communicate the old fashioned way... he will need help in learning how to communicate with people and he can learn in the privacy and care of his own home. You can monitor and keep an eye on things.. there is plenty of time for all of this other fake cyber stuff later.... :) Just think, if this is now ... what will it be later..... a little delayed gratification. facebook can send drinks to people... definitely Grown Up site....My computer blocked drinks being sent to me... guess the guard is up and working on my site... but I don't depend on blocking systems.. I am the System. Just tell him to talk to people, see them, be with them... :)

Jodie - posted on 02/01/2009

I think that if you trust your child enough why not!! Set boundaries let him know if he does wrong the account will go. My daughter is 10 yrs old and just loves facebook not to keep in touch with her friends but for the games and other applications that are for her age. We play these together. But like other mums my child does not yet acquire a cell phone. Really its down to trust between you and your child.

Catherine - posted on 02/01/2009

I let mine. Seems to be okay so far. I actually think it is making his social life at school easier.

Lisa - posted on 02/01/2009

i have a 12 year old on facebooku have to give them the benifit of the dought just watch over him sometimes when he,s or she,s on mines a boy and he,s fine he also has msn account just a suggestion to think on

Maureen - posted on 01/31/2009

We did allow our 12 year old to go on Facebook. He is in a slit 7/8 class and most of the kids are on it. Several teachers are too. I'm added on as his friend and try to keep a tab on what he's up to. We've only had one spat ( so far ) about its' use. We set up ground rules that we must know his password , amount of time spent on it etc.

He also does have a cell phone as he takes the bus home and is alone at home for a bit. I have found it's a great conversation starter asking what all of his friends are up to.

Oh yes, and I just got in trouble from him for being on this thing after 9:00 pm. lol

Anna - posted on 01/31/2009

My son did not get a cell phone till he was 13, no texting or web. Just a phone. I would never have let him have a acct. or phone at ll. It seemed like a "right of passage" to receive both when becoming a teen. The phone he needed more than anything because he will be attending a forum in Washington, D.C. for a week.

Sara - posted on 01/31/2009

I think so. My daughter is 11 and she doesn't have one, she uses Club Penguin and Webkinz but not facebook. Facebook is for grownups. Of course, she doesn't have a cell phone either and I have been assured that she is the only kid in 5th grade who does not. Oh well.

Anna - posted on 01/31/2009

believe you have to be 13 to have an account. My son just turned 13 and it was 'one of his gifts' because he had become a teen. I am a 'friend' on his account and know his password this way I can keep a close eye one him. He does not mind at all and rather enjoys sending things back and forth to me. His account, as my own is private. Before he accepts a friend request he must ask me first. Of course I will know if he does not. I hope you allow him to have an acct. it gives them a small amount of freedom and space, without really being free.

Michelle - posted on 01/30/2009

i have to agree with you.  my daughter is 11 and also has asked for a facebook acct.  i feel she is to young.  she spends enough time texting on her cell phone-which i spend enough time monitoring it! lol

Christine - posted on 01/30/2009

Hi all moms,

I just wanted to point out that if you let your child on FB, even if you have monitored their security settings, etc.- they can still see things they shouldn't be seeing when they check out their friends or relatives accounts.  I learned that the hard way!

Ana - posted on 01/30/2009

I gave in to my daughter with rules attached.  She had to add me as a friend, I do the setting and I created the password so she only goes on when I'm around because I need to sign her in.  So far not bad...she doesn't go on it too often.

Laura - posted on 01/29/2009

I let my 13yo have one but since she's not able to access it at school I know she can only get on here or at her friends houses.    I have access to every account she has so ther is no privacy from me.  Furthermore she's only able to get on when I'm in the room (not dad because he's clueless about facebook) and I thoroughly monitor everything.  She's not allowed to accept friend requests from people she doesn't know in real life and she's also on my friends list so anything she does shows up on my notification window.   She wanted a myspace but i said no since there are so few restrictions or control features on there for a parent.  She must prove herself first with the facebook before I even consider anything else.

That being said it's been a great thing thus far because none of her real life friends have a facebook so her friends list is very minimal.  Plus she now has easy access to her grandma and aunt.  She can leave notes back and forth and place some of the application games.  She has got into some applications that I told her no, but then she lost access to it for a week.  Another thing to look out for is sharing of passwords.  She did this and there were consequences for that as well.  She's making mistakes and learning from them but it's in a controlled environment.

April - posted on 01/29/2009

I agree I think 12 is too young, that facebook is more of "grown ups" My 10 year old has a myspace account using my email so whatever goes on there I know about, and his age is not his real age you know just incase.... but he also has a club penguine account which is cool he meets up with his friends on this.