My 13 yr. old and Birth Control

Tabitha - posted on 06/08/2010 ( 31 moms have responded )

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My daughter just turned 13 on the first of June and we are going to the doctor on the 17th to have her put on birth control. The reason; she is having extremely painful periods and is also bleeding six to eight days...heavily for about four of those days. I just had a partial Hysterectomy last month due to endometriosis and a tilted uterus. The doctor says that because of me having the condition, there is a possibility that she can develop it as well. I am just so afraid that she will think that this is a "license" to have sex but the medical reasons for putting her on the birth control are more important...endometriosis can cause infertility later on and I don't want her to not be able to have kids when she wants them. Does anyone have any advice or has anyone been through this? I have always talked to her about the consequences that sex can have and I have also told her that she can always come and talk to me about anything. I encourage her to wait until she is married but let's face it, more girls lose their virginity before marriage these days and I think that it would be naive of me to believe that she will be the exception. She is growing up so fast...I just don't want her to be a teen mom like I was! I am so very nervous about the situation and I am seeking wise words from some other moms who know what I am facing...anything will be comforting (: ~Tabitha~

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Kimberly - posted on 06/14/2010

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I actually had the same problem at her age. Trust me, she's not thinking about having sex. My biggest fear when I was having that problem was not having an "accident". I think you'll be okay. I'm sure she understand why she is taking the medicine and that at this point, sex is not a part of the picture. Good luck!

Susie - posted on 06/11/2010

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I suffered with dysmenorrhea and very heavy bleeding and I also have a tiltled uterus (actually 1 in 4 women have a tilted uterus so it is not uncommon) My doctor stuck me on the contraceptive pill at 18 to control my 10 day long heavy periods and excrutiating pelvic pain, but it did not make a lot of difference to my periods or the pain long term - but 6 months later I had to be taken off the low dose pill as it sent my blood pressure sky high.

The contraceptive pill is meant to slow down the thickening of the endometrium, the lining of the uterus, so that less of the hormone, prostaglandin ismade. This hormone makes the muscles in the uterus contract, and so less of this hormone should then reduce the cramps and a thinner endometrium should also mean less blood as there is less to shed each month.

Longterm use of the pill can have negative effects you also should consider. I have friends who were on low dose pills for the same reason and several of them now have polycystic ovaries to contend with. If she does not have endometriosis, then is there any point in dosing her with the pill- worth a second thought. Perhaps if she took a high daily dose of essential fatty acids and pain killers during her period, it may help and avoid the need for the contaceptive pill.

You know, deciding to have sex is based on your sense of what is the right thing to do, personal respect and values, and people do not suddenly change this sense of self because of being popped a pill. It is not a foregone conclusion that being on the contracepitive pill makes you rush to have sex unless that was the purpose of taking the pill. Please do not take this the wrong way, but your agreeing to her being on the pill may be more about your fear of her getting pregnant and less about the worry to control the heavy, painful periods, thats totally natural.

Whe my doctor gave me the contaceptive pill to control my periods, I also made a big deal about it to my friends and family that it was for my periods.... I had no intention of having sex, I had life to get on with, education to get and a life to live.

The important issue is that the contaceptive pill only protects you from getting pregnant, it does not protect you from chlamydia, a bacterium far better at making you sterile than endometriotis, AIDS, and other sexually transmitted diseases.

You are concerned that she does not become a teen mum, and I am sure that you have instilled a sense of self respect and value in your daughter that she will call upon about how she conducts herself and the choices she makes. The power of sexual urges are natural, it is why the human race is so successful, but making the decision to have sex is about being informed and having self control and is something you have to learn and truely value - this has to be learnt with or without the taking of a contraceptive pill.

Have the conversation with her about the impact of the pill. It may reduce her menstrual pain and heavy bleeding, but it may be that in a few years, it will change for the better as her hormones sort themselves out anyway without the pill.
May be that you need to keep getting her checked for endometriosis if the heavy bleed continues. Mine continued forever, as did the pain, but I do not have endometriosis it can be that she is just one of us, having to suffering in silence.
For a bit of help, try this http://www.natracare.com/p88/en-GB/For-P... and

Melanie - posted on 06/17/2010

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heres a question for you. does she have to know its birthcontrol. could she maybe just be told they are hormone pills?

[deleted account]

Being on the pill is not a license for premarital sex any more than having chronic pain is a license to abuse prescription pain medication. There are so many reasons to wait to have sex that have nothing to do with pregnancy. It's one of the reasons I teach my 13 year old son but it's not the main reason. I don't view unintended pregnancy as a negative consequence. I also don't think that all girls lose their virginity at a young age. There are ways to monitor that as well. Know where your daughter is and teach her what is right. If she still goes against all that, at least she will not be a teen mother. I wish you lots of luck.

Shana - posted on 06/16/2010

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I have to think there has got to be some other way...have you gotten a seocnd or a third opinion? Birht controls have side effects also , and longer you are on them the greater the risk.

Frankly her periods don't sound any different than mine have been from the start (11yrs old), I am 7 full days and 3-4 heavy ones. Some people are just like that. I'm going on 37 have had no related health problems and am pregnent with my 4th child, so my periods have not harmed me.Thats all I have to offer you , I'm sorry, hope you gain all the information you need to make the appropriate choice :) God bless

PS just a note but do you have to tell her its birth control??? ..Give her the pharmacutical name of the Medication or refer to it as her medicine...then the concern of possibly validating of sexual behaivior is totally a non issue :) Just a thought

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Jess - posted on 11/14/2012

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Hi! My daughter is now 19 and I had the exact same worries as u when she was 14, my advice is don't stress too much about it but keep an eye on her and try talk to her as much as possible! And also remember kids learn from their mistakes but try to prevent her from having sex. She will find her way in this world and end up an amazing mum like yourself! Hope that helps ;)

Marita - posted on 09/28/2012

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hi, i warmly recommend for u too read these book and hope that will help u and your doughter like it did to a lots of women all around the world :)....WOMENS BODIES,WOMENS WISDOM Dr.Christiane Northrup

Misty - posted on 05/16/2011

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i think it ok because i got on the pill at 13 for the same reason.but if u do put her on it do the pill not the shot

Elizabeth - posted on 05/16/2011

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my daughter is only 13 i dont want her to think that if i get her on birthcontrol that will think its ok to have sex

Elizabeth - posted on 05/16/2011

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my daughter is only 13 i dont want her to think that if i get her on birthcontrol that will think its ok to have sex

Tracy - posted on 07/02/2010

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Personally in this day and age every young girl should have the Norplant or an IUD...I know the right to life groups and the Civil rights groups will scream at the mention of it but you just can't be too careful when it comes to your kids. God forbid if she were attacked by some boy and raped...or when older get caught up in a hormonal lust moment where her common sense goes out the window and now is pregnant at 14 or 15...It happens. You can be the most stern watchful parent but your back only has to be turned for a moment for something to happen. My nephew got his 14 year old girlfriend pregnant. His mom thought her mom was home. Her mom thought she was at a girlfriends house where she had called earlier that afternoon to speak to her...but wrong. If she had been on birth control she would not be a teenage mother and my nephew would not be in jail for statutory rape. It's not fair that the girls get stuck with taking all the responsibility but as the mother of 3 boys...most girls I find to be way more responsible even at a young age!!!

As for helping the periods...I have Von Willebrands it caused the worst periods know to mankind. The pill helped...but did not fix the cramps I tried everything. The shots worked well for me...No more period!!! Only side effect was my acne got worse for awhile till my system got use to it.

Rowena - posted on 07/02/2010

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i do have the same probs when i was younger and with painful dysmenorrhea with 7 days period and irregular... i remember my mom and i went to the doctor and she said it was natural...there are some months i don't have my period for 3-4 months. my doctor said nothing to worry as long as i don't have any sexual contact.. i said i am still a virgin and i don't have a boyfriend...i believe also it is how you brought up your child and how you communicate with them esp if you have a daughter that you knew some bees around your daughter. it is also true that you should know who are your children with and once in a while you must visit them in their school.
i don't remember my doctor recommended me to use some pills but i can take some pain killer.

Alicia - posted on 07/01/2010

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I was put on birth control at that age myself for the very same reason as your daughter & I can tell you I was very embaressed that I was on them at that age. I thought that my friends would think I was having sex so I would hide them in my dresser. I still became I teen mom but it had nothing to do with me being on the pill I just started hanging out with the wrong people & doing really stupid stuff!!! I have endometriosis now as an adult & had a very hard time getting pregnant with my 2nd child & I am now infertile. I think you are very wise to put your daughter on the pill. I would just suggest watch who she hangs out with & talk to her openly about it. Good Luck!!!!

Helen - posted on 07/01/2010

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i can understand your fears but tbh i think you sound like you have your daughter very grounded and its great that yyou both can talk about these things. im sure she will be sensible.

Tabitha - posted on 07/01/2010

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Thanks everyone for all of your advice!! I did decide to have her put on the low dose Hormone Replacement Pills to regulate her and eliminate the pain some. She started her period when she was 10 so it was the best option for her. The doctor that she goes to is the same one that delivered her. He explained to her that they were "low dose" and that they wouldn't prevent STD's...he also said for us to continue to have the open and honest relationship that we have and if there are any problems to let him know. He wouldn't steer either of us wrong and I trust that we have made the right decision (: I will keep you all posted and let you know how things go for her...Again, the responses were amazing and helpful...Thanks!!

Amber - posted on 06/21/2010

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Talk to the dr about this. Refer to the pills as hormones, not birth control, for example, 'Have you taken your progestin/estrogen today?' Language is powerful, use it too your advantage here. Explain to the dr ahead of time why you don't want to call it birth control, they should be understanding.

Debbie - posted on 06/20/2010

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I would find out if the is an alternitive from birth control .Birth control pills are Harmones . Actually it sounds like she is having a normal 13 yr.olds period .cramps,missed months ,pms(EWWW) some monts heavy and some months light .Her harmones are not stable yet.I don't think she needs extra ...

Terri - posted on 06/18/2010

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If it were my child, I wouldn't call it birth control. I'd simply state that it's medicine to help make her periods less uncomfortable. I think 6 days is very normal, and I have heavy flow even now for 3-4 days every month. It might work to just use the pill for a year, if necessary, and then see if her body has adjusted better.
I remember a friend of mine went on the pill for similar reasons and my mom didn't believe it and just thought she was promiscuous, so I'd really advise her, if you do call it "birth control", NOT to tell anyone.

Michelle - posted on 06/17/2010

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Tabitha...
Periods for a 13 year old can be irregular due to the fact that her body is still adjusting to the hormone shifts and "learning how to menstruate (for lack of a better term). 13 is young to be put on the pill and I would talk to the physician in depth about ALL options. At her age any length is "normal" for her as her body has not learn to regulate itself. A "regular/normal" menstrual cycle doesn't usually occur until a young lady is a little older. A "regular/normal" cycle is not "4 days". It is whatever the women's body says it is. As long as a women is having cycles that are as long/short, heavy/light as she has every month then that is what is "normal" for her.
Please know that birth control pills are not harmless, the have side effects and some can be serious.
As far as your daughter goes, yes birth control pills will prevent her from getting pregnant but they will not prevent her from contracting STDs, and I would be sure to let her know that as some STDs can be deadly. She needs to know this and be aware that the only absolute prevention from STDs is abstinence. While some may think that this is unrealistic, a teenager needs to be aware that there are consequences to their actions and sugar coating it doesn't help them any.
I know this is a hard decision to make, I have 3 teenage daughters all with painful periods.
Whatever you decide talk to her, be honest and keep the lines of communication open.
Take care.
Michelle

Jennifer - posted on 06/16/2010

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My daughter is on the pill for the same reason. Let your daughter know that the pill is not completely successful at preventing pregnancy.... especially the dosage used for her issue. They use a very light dosage and it is not as effective in preventing pregnancy. ESPECIALLY if it is not taken at the exact same time every day. Other things affect the efficiency of BC pills, like antibiotics. I have several friends who have had their kids as a result of trusting BC pills. Let her know this is not a license to have sex because it is not exactly the best form of birth control if you absolutely do not want to be a parent.

Wendy - posted on 06/15/2010

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Just make sure you let her know where your principles are on that subject, that you would like her to wait till her wedding night, That said...kids these days... Please inform her that she should still use a condom (duh, have the guy use it), if and when she decides to have sex. The pill doesn't protect you from Sexually Transmitted Diseases.

Tricia - posted on 06/13/2010

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there is a show on tv "16 and pregnant" I have watched this. My 17 is pregnant now, and I had her watch this show. She was appauled by it, but pity it wasn't before she got pregnant.
See if you can find it and watch it, if you think you can sit with her through the show then do so.

Rebecca - posted on 06/13/2010

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My daughter is also 13 and on birth control. Her periods were 21-30 days long. She knows this is strictly for medical reasons. Just explain it to her that way and it should help. She has Platelet Function Defect a form of Hemophilia

Tracey - posted on 06/12/2010

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I went on the pill at about the same age for heavy periods and I didn't have my first boyfriend until 18, it didn't make me have any more interest in boys or sex. My periods were so bad I missed a week of school every time I had one and my teachers asked my mum to get me some sort of medication. Being on the pill meant I could go to school every day and didn't miss any more lessons.

Sherri - posted on 06/11/2010

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My periods always go for 5-6days who says a normal period should be no longer than 4 days???? When I was younger I had them for a full 7 days until I had my first son at 25.

Katrina - posted on 06/11/2010

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a normal period should only be no more than 4 days. anything other than that is not normal and birthcontrol does help regulate your period. being on birthcontrol has nothing to do with someone having sex. they are going to have it wether they are on it or not if they want to.

Katrina - posted on 06/11/2010

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well you can look at it like this. if she does decide to have sex before she is married she will be protected from having babies. and if you have this open relationship with her i think she knows better than to think just because she is on birthcontol that she can have all the sex she wants. just keep that communication open with her and im sure if she is feeling like she wants to have sex she will come to you.

Lisa - posted on 06/09/2010

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Sounds like you are doing all you can do to be a good mom.

Once they start getting paps, make sure the dr. checks her for any conditions you may have. And keep reminding her that it's for medical reasons and to help her physically with her monthly nuisance and discomfort. The pill isn't a form of agreement to allow her to become sexual active. I tell my daughter, although not old enough yet for paps or contraceptives, that there are many bad things that can happen to those who become sexual active too early in life. Condoms are also a very impt. item that should be used if kids are playing with fire. Most teens couldn't imagine becoming moms until they're finished high school... so a reminder of both of the contraceptives should always be used. We can't always be there to hold their hands, but we can supply them with things/knowledge that will hopefully protect them in the long run.

Just replying to your post brought some clear points that I have been mulling over myself with what and how to go about bringing up my tween. Although, my oldest is a new adult. Guess I needed some things jarred up from my brain locker. TX for posting. ; )

Chris - posted on 06/09/2010

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I'd talk to the Dr about options instead of birth control, there are other things for endometriosis & as for the heavy periods, most girls at that age aren't regulated enough for their body to even it out throughout the week. My periods as an adult were always 5-7 days and still had heavy at times

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