My 14 yr old Son

Geri - posted on 04/07/2010 ( 35 moms have responded )

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I am only asking for opinions...not looking for ridicule..lol..thanks...My oldest son is 14. He will be soon starting high school. He is really not into girls yet...most of his peers are and he says they talk about sex and other things along that line constantly, He really does not have alot of friends...he gets along better with our daughters' friends...(by the way she is 11) He is not into sports at ALL...but he is in band...alot of kids/his peers..make fun of him and he says that if you don't have a gf they call you gay...so he got stuck with a gf last year that threatened him with bodily harm when he tried to break up with her...lol its really quite ridiculous...the things that kids try to force on other kids in public school. Our son is an average A & B student....all of his teachers love him and constantly tell me what a wonderful child we have. I guess my question to you other moms would be...is this normal for a child that is going to be 15 in about 6 months?? He is really into computer games...you tube...and video games...like the wii and his dsi. I personally think he is just immature..and that he is a normal healthy boy...but my hubby worries because he thinks he should be past this stage already.....

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Theresa - posted on 06/09/2013

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I hear and share your concerns; but sadly I have no advise because I too am perplexed. My 17 y/o son is a very handsome athlete (football, baseball and basketball). I am constantly being told that I must have problems with the girls ... NO. In fact, my son goes to all school events, movies, mall, etc.solo to hang out with male friends. This is not weird in and of itself; but his friends are younger and actively dating or at the least showing interest in girls. Girls/women of various ages express attraction towards my son; but he shows no interest -- neither a word nor a glance. Don't get me wrong. I am glad that my son has not been an "over-sexed" teen; but I am worried that he could be gay. I try to remind myself that my daughters were also "late bloomers" not dating until their senior yr and freshman yr of college. Still I worry ... My son is extremely secretive. When asked about girls he gets aggravated. When asked about boys, he gets angry. I don't know what to think or how to approach the topic; but honestly, I just don't want my son to be gay. No, I'm not a homophobe. I JUST DON'T WANT MY SON TO BE GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If it turns out that he is gay, I will continue to love him and will have no choice but to "accept" him; but my husband and I would be DEVASTATED!

Roxanna - posted on 07/21/2012

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Let your son mature at his own pace. There is so much pressure from society and our own personal cultures that are in conflict with reality. My husband was awkward, over wieght and was in band. He liked girls, but they wouldn't have anything to do with them. Most of his family thought he was gay despite living with two women before he married me. There is nothing wrong with your son, and tell dad to relax!

Valerie - posted on 12/13/2013

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I skimmed down on the comments but am not reading too much further as I see it has become somewhat of a debate and belief systems on straight versus gay versus later bloomers versus whatever... My best advice would be to just love him for who he is.. it doesn't matter what ends up happening.. he may end up being a late bloomer... he may end up gay.. he may end up straight.. but hopefully he ends up a healthy happy adult and accepts himself, and you and your husband accept him, for who he is.. an individual that is your child no matter what the future holds... just get educated on everything and maybe your husband and you can open up to him and tell him that no matter what, you will always love him- (don't even bring up sexuality), and that you are always there for him when you need him... video gaming is ver addictive and very popular.... and for some kids is a way they can "check out" of reality- or maybe just really enjoys it!!! Keep you line of communication open, without barriers and without judgements and be proud of your son no matter what!! {eace! Valerie

Monika - posted on 04/20/2010

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Oh Geri!! My Oldest is also 14 and he is much the same as your boy. My son switched to public school about two years ago and boy do we both hate it. We are finishing out this school year homeschooling because of bullying.

Anyway, my son is sweet, caring, loving and wonderful. He has two younger sisters and when he would hear about all the crude things the other boys would say about girls, it would really get his blood boiling. He would always come home and say "what if that was THEIR sister!!!" or "It really gets me that my sisters are going to have boys say or treat them like that someday" So part of him is not only just disgusted with how middle school boys are in general (he is in 8th grade) but, he is just generally not "there" yet. He is content with his guitar, computer game (he calls himself "the nerd" or on his skateboard. He may notice a pretty girl but, when the time comes, it will be "his time" and no sooner...that is his words. That's my boy. Sounds like you are doing a fine job. oh, and my son isn't a sports lover either. It would be nice if their "peers" would just get a clue and leave them alone!!!

Kay - posted on 12/12/2013

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I have a 16 year old son who is really into XBOX. He is also in band and he has also told my husband and I about how other kids call you gay if you don't have a girlfriend. We think he's a pretty normal boy who says high school relationships with the opposite sex don't mean anything at this age. He has plenty of time to have relationships with girls. We don't think that needs to be encouraged.

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Sam - posted on 12/09/2013

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He sounds exactly like my amazing son . Jack just informed us he is gay . He is 14. I am devastated !

Theresa - posted on 06/09/2013

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I am only asking for opinions...not looking for ridicule..lol..thanks...My oldest son is 14. He will be soon starting high school. He is really not into girls yet...most of his peers are and he says they talk about sex and other things along that line constantly, He really does not have alot of friends...he gets along better with our daughters' friends...(by the way she is 11) He is not into sports at ALL...but he is in band...alot of kids/his peers..make fun of him and he says that if you don't have a gf they call you gay...so he got stuck with a gf last year that threatened him with bodily harm when he tried to break up with her...lol its really quite ridiculous...the things that kids try to force on other kids in public school. Our son is an average A & B student....all of his teachers love him and constantly tell me what a wonderful child we have. I guess my question to you other moms would be...is this normal for a child that is going to be 15 in about 6 months?? He is really into computer games...you tube...and video games...like the wii and his dsi. I personally think he is just immature..and that he is a normal healthy boy...but my hubby worries because he thinks he should be past this stage already.....

Roxanna - posted on 12/29/2012

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He could just be a late bloomer! Don't pressure him to grow up just yet! My second husband was a very late bloomer, and he is the sweetest and gentlest man ever. I met a few of his ex girlfriends and they only have great things to say about him. Give your boy a break.

[deleted account]

To Tracey - "Im not trying to sound rude but have you ever talked to him about this? Do you think maybe he does like boys and is afraid to say anything? I mean it does happen. It doesnt mean your son IS gay but could it be possible?"

Why is "gay" always the suspect in these cases. Most 14 year-olds do not have girlfriends or date that much, while gays make up only about 2% of the population. It is far still statistically more likely he is straight. While the boy may or may not be behind in social development he sounds well within the quite wide bounds of normal.

[deleted account]

Elaine

There aren't too many 17 year old boys who have NO interest in girls. Maybe no interest in approaching and being rejected or other reasons but his age of sexual awakening has been passed some years before.

It would be very enlightening for you to overhear him talking with his male friends - be prepared for a shock. School teachers are aware of the asexual son at home and the sexual one at school and other places. Even there he may not display much interest but I'm sure in the safety of his own mind is a different matter.

[deleted account]

"The longer they delay the better."

Not necessarily. If they delay too long they may find themselves far behind their peers in social skills and development. This will make dating difficult in the 20s or later if they have had no experience in social interaction starting at younger ages and developing over the teens. No, I don't mean getting into sex early, just mixing with the opposite sex.

Take it from me. I avoided the perils of dating until I was well into my 20s. When I finally tried to start, I was a social basket case, way behind my peers. Women thought me a bit too quirky for their comfort.

I'm 63 and still single, still too quirky, still way behind in social development. Big mistake to delay forever.

[deleted account]

To Ed, who claims "80 percent of boys are gay at 14".

This is nonsense on two counts. Firstly, most 14 year old boys DO have an interest in girls, they don't have to wait until they are 16 for this mysterious gene to develop (genes are there from conception, they don't develop at age 16). They may or may not act on it depending on their confidence levels, their own attractiveness and many other reasons. They do spend much time with male friends but that is part of their own masculine self-development, not gay behaviour.

Secondly, not having an interest in girls does not make you gay, and neither does having an interest but not acting on it.

Where did you get this nonsense, which adolescent science seems to have overlooked.

Jen - posted on 07/20/2012

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The first question is what exactly you are worried about. That it's unhealthy for him to be playing video games so much? That you want him to have a gf? That you are concerned about his sexuality?

In any case, I don't think he sounds that abnormal. I have a 15 year old daughter and a 13 1/2 yo son, and neither of them are interested in the opposite sex yet. As far as I know, neither of them are interested in the same sex either. My daughter does not attract boys easily because she's both quiet and very tall. She hangs out with a group of girls who (for the moment) don't want to be part of the boy-girl drama, and they are all unattached. I'm thrilled about it. My son has a few friends, and loves to play on the computer. He plays sports as well, but being on the computer is the thing he enjoys the most. When he and his buddies get together, they are on the computer together! I see other kids his age doing a lot of boy-girl parties and such - he never even mentions a girl by name. I honestly don't think he knows they exist. And I'm OK with that - dating in HS causes lots of drama, issues about sex, fighting with friends, etc. The longer they delay the better.

I would reassure your husband that your son seems pretty normal. If you think the video games are over the top, limit them a little bit. If you're concerned about lack of dating, you have to realize that you can't do anything about that anyway, unless you want to be like the kids at school trying to force a girlfriend on him. Sounds like he's a good, intelligent boy. The rest will come eventually. :)

Ed - posted on 07/14/2012

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80 percent of boys are gay at 14. The reason is because at that age his body has developed the parts that make sex possible. The testicles have desended into the sac. The penis gets larger and the prostate gland has developed sperm. The desire for sex is there. Strangely enough the interest in girls is not. The genes that make a girl turn a boys head are not developed until at least 16. This is not a breakdown of the genetic system, it is perfectly natural though difficult to understand. Duiring this time a boy would rather be with his buddies. It is not unusual to have a girl chasing a boy, not understanding why he has no interest in her, only to find that oine day he is chasing her. ed

Krista - posted on 04/21/2010

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may be you can have more interests explored use churches or yourth groups or even rec centers?

Krista - posted on 04/21/2010

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Not really my son just turned 15 and is in the 9th grade too. He talks to girls but mostly because they make the first move. His buddies look at them when they walk by mine son doesn't we joke that his short tearm memory is hte lack of desire for girls, haveing an older girl that just turned 17 they all have diferent times, Is he shy? will he carry a conversation with a girl? Maybe he needs to have a response when he is peer presured that he just has nit found the one that intersts him Or that girls are just too much trouble.

[deleted account]

Look! My husband who is just fine and normal, did not have a girlfriend, kiss a girl or have sex until he was 21! In fact, he tried to make up for lost time while he was single and dated a lot of girls prior to meeting me when I was 31 and he was 29. We now have 2 kids, been together for almost 17 yrs. Tell your son that he doesn't have to bow to stupid peer pressure and let him be his own person. Honestly, sometimes I shudder to think at what happens in high school (my kids are 10 & 11)...

Lena - posted on 04/16/2010

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I can understand. My oldest sone is a bit older and started high school this year.He turned 15 in Feb.Most of my sons friends are not dating yet. He is into video games/ computers/. He is not interested in girls. He is very sensitive and caring. but also reactive because he is so sensitive. I am not concerned yet. I just think he is not ready to date. He also does not like sports. He has been teased at school.
The pressure they get at school i think is pretty bad. Both of my boys come home feeling pressured from other classmates.
I have 2 boys they are both very different. I think each child matures differently.
Just give him time.

[deleted account]

sounds like a late bloomer which is ok be thankful he isnt that into girls yet because to me he is better off to wait until he is older anyway.He will develop at his own rate.Im wondering though does he like girls or just not interested? Im not trying to sound rude but have you ever talked to him about this? Do you think maybe he does like boys and is afraid to say anything? I mean it does happen. It doesnt mean your son IS gay but could it be possible? if not then I wouldnt worry about it maybe he rather worry about school and band. My daughter is 14 and she is in band too and she is NOT worried about boys she said she rather focus on school as she wants to go to college and wants to wait until she is married and thats fine with me. Im glad she isnt into boys and she gets ridiculed for not having a BF and she just tells everyone she is happy being single and dont need all the drama that comes with having a BF. I would just talk to him and let him know you love him no matter what and for him to ignore those kids as he is his own person and a special one at that and he is MATURE for his age as he is not going along with everyone else. Let him be himself and all of you will be happier for it.

Lorna - posted on 04/14/2010

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I wouldn't panic...he's time enough for a gf and he may have decided that a career is more important than a gf, so good for him. As i tell my boys, 14, 11 and 8, you don't have to go with the crowd, if you want to be different thats fine, you're unique in your own way. My 3 play together and it could be the 8 year olds game that they ALL play and so what. .... Sometimes they grow up too fast. I think you have both sound like good sensible parents and he's the same. He'll be sound.

Suzanne - posted on 04/14/2010

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My son is the exact way he is in band(trumpet) doesnt really want a girlfriend right now but does get teased a bit. there are laws to protect your son as far as the bullying and you should talk to the principal about it, i did and it stopped.Have you asked your son if he is unhappy?If he isnt i wouldnt worry. My son plays video games and on the computer and likes to cook(my husband is a chef) but he is still a little immature as far as his age. He does talk on his cell with friends more and more and he is truly just a normal kid. also my husband took up competition shooting and got my son into it too and its helped him in spending more time with his step dad and maturing a little more. I wouldnt worry to much about it.

Laura - posted on 04/14/2010

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In my family we have a joke....my sister-in-law used to be a scout leader, and the joke was to get the kids done their Eagle scout before the "fumes" hit them...PERfume and CAR fumes...lol...implying they are at about the same time. So no, I dont think you and your husband should be worried...sounds like you've got a great son!

Erma - posted on 04/13/2010

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Hello Geri

We also have a 14yr old son, who use to just stay inside & didn't have many friends. Our son is in highschool gr8 now & just barely getting thru this grade. Our son use to be into video games badly until, we put our foot down & told him to go outside & meet friends. I, myself, don't think this was a good idea as he now hangs with kids who are 2yrs older than him & our son never communicates with us now. When we try to comunicate, he thinks we are ganging up on him & becomes defensive. My son is and has tried pot smoking. My son thinks all of his family owes him something, we just wish we knew what it was.

Geri u got a good son, don't worry about him because things will definitely change when he gets into grade 8. Good luck & enjoy what u got now!

sincerely Erma Fink

Shelley - posted on 04/13/2010

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My son is 14 almost 15 infact they sound so alike band great grades he is however an Xbox finatic. But he is definetly not in to the girls that much, socially he does alright & has lots of friends but chooses not to hang out a ton but that is slowly getting better. He attends grade 9 in a k-9 school so I think alot of the kids are not as muture as I think they should be. I really think its normal & healthy & a very hard age.

Melodie - posted on 04/13/2010

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My son has been in all kinds of sports since he was 5 yrs old. He doesn't play that much at the video games or on the computer.

Stacy - posted on 04/12/2010

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I think it's a phase, but try to get him off all the games and get him signed up for a sport he might like it. Alot of boys only want to play video games all day, get them out socialize them, as parents we need to push them sometimes they may not like it but in the end they'll thank you for doing it. good luck

Melodie - posted on 04/12/2010

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One of my son's friends didn't get his 1st gf until he was in 10th grade (actually it was just a few months ago). Another friend of his (also 10th grade) has yet to get a gf. Your son is normal (and smart), he needs to tell his friends/peers to mind their own business, his life is his own & he will live it the way he wants to. Poor kid, kids these days are so cruel. He's just not ready to "settle down" just yet. My son's 2 friends aren't into sports either (but they do play around on the basketball hoops when they feel like it or throw a football when they feel like it), but they do like to be with friends. Well, 1 does hang out with his friends. The other (who has yet to get a gf) is a total game freak (& a real good kid ~ he helps his dad with his younger sister, she's an Easter Seals child). ;) He's happy to stay at home with his dad & little sister & play his 1 computer game. He does have friends go over about once a week.
I'd rather have my son at home playing his games than running the streets possibly getting into trouble & hurt.
As for him getting along with his younger sister's friends, it shows me that he could be a good dad when it's his time.

Sereena - posted on 04/09/2010

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i think this is perfectly normal...i know guys around 20 who dont have much interest in females and play games and youtube and all that stuff...i wouldnt worry about it, it seems to become the norm with teenage boys ive noticed

Dana - posted on 04/09/2010

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Ok... so no experience with boys... but my husband is 32 and when he comes home from work each day he plays on the computer playing Ultima Online until close to 11 each night... lol...

My daughter will be 13 this summer and next yr will be in 8th grade. She has in the last couples of months actually started trying to wear makeup... Still no hair...lol... but it'll come. She's really not interested in boys yet, but wants a boyfriend because all her friends have them. I think she likes having the excuse that we won't allow her to have a boyfriend so when her friends ask why... she blames us. The only things she does is run track,cheers (all her friends do) and plays on the computer....

Everyone grows up at different stages. I am sort of sad she seems so far behind her friends in maturity,,, but then again I am glad I don't have to worry about my daughter getting pregnant because she is sooo mature.

Nazalie - posted on 04/09/2010

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Hi, This is totally normal. I have a son who just turned 18 and the same thing happened to him at 15. He was not into girls at that age either, he was into video games did not have alot of friends either and was still in boy scouts. He was always made fun of also untill one day he pushed a kid in middle school and got suspended that is when I got involved and talked and asked questions more. Just make sure as a parent you communicate and let him know that it is ok to be different and that peer pressure is normal but i'ts all about personal choices. I for sure thought that when he gets into high school is when he would give up the boyscouts but he stuck it out hang out with kids that accepted him for himself and now he made Eagle, He has good grades and has a girlfriend. Your son as normal as a 15 year old would be. He will be just fine. Mom from Middletown NJ

[deleted account]

My second son, who will be 26 this month, was not into girls when in high school because he had other goals in mind. He now works in the provost's office in a university and is finishing his master's degree. He also has a wife and son upon whom he dotes. He received the gay comments a lot when he was in high school. His reply was, "I was not put in this town to marry a native and better the gene pool." Maybe your son is more mature than others, rather than being immature. My son received a lot of ridicule but is in far better circumstances now than those who ridiculed him back then. (And he still loves the video games. LOL)

Ondene - posted on 04/09/2010

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He sounds like a lovely boy. All kids mature at different rates so I wouldnt worry. Personally I would be glad that he is taking longer and being a child for a while longer. He is going to be a grown up for a very long time and there will be plenty of time all that other stuff.

Elaine - posted on 04/08/2010

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Hi
I have a 17 year old boy who did not show much interest in girls till he was older, I was told he was polite and helpful, my youngest also gets the same said about him. He will show interest when he's ready I think most mums have been there with there children. If anyone has a problem its the other kids and not your son. He will get a gf when ready. Then as a mum you start having more worries when there older. He obviously does'nt feel ready. Tell hubby boys develop at different stages and different attitudes to when there ready.

Nicola - posted on 04/08/2010

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Hi Geri, I too have a 14-year-old son who will be 15 in August. He's already at senior school (UK), so he doesn't have THAT transition to make. However, he does get up ridiculously early on school mornings just to get an extra 30 minutes' gaming in on the Xbox before having to leave the house, so I don't think your boy is too far from the norm there! DS1 did have a sort-of gf a year or so ago, the younger sister of one of his friends, but he's not a mad woman-chaser like his uncle was at this age.



I honestly don't think your son's immature, they all grow up at different rates - and as for not being interested in sport, so what? I hated sport all the way through my school career, and I expect there are plenty of boys out there who feel the same way. Personally I would be making the most of a son who is articulate and bright, and not feeling the need to try to act like a 25-year-old just because his hormones are going a bit crazy. As for your dh, well, obviously he was never a gamer - mine is 41 and still loves a blast on the consoles, so it really isn't a stage they get past!!

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