My ADHD 20 yr old daughter is yelling & disrespectful, I

Carmen - posted on 05/17/2011 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I have been divorced for 1 yr now & my ADHD, 20 yr old daughter is always against me. Yells, curses, disrespects me when I don't see eye to eye with her. Her dad and I were separated for a while before the divorce and he constantly told her things about me that were hurtful to her. I thought she understood they were lies because she has always lived with me and could see that what he was saying was because he was bitter. I've moved on with my life as he did too. I've tried to be patient with her but it's like talking to the wall. Her dad and I are in speaking terms again and he tries to calm her down but then that makes it worse and she argues even more. Does anyone have any suggestions for me because as a MOM, I'm hurting, desperate and don't know what to do anymore. Am I alone here?

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Jen - posted on 05/21/2011

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You know more about the situation then any of us; but I'd say she needs counselling and medication. If that doesn't work; then tough love.



Be prepared to let her go on her own. My husband and I see a counsellor; and he mentioned that you can prepare/help a kid all you want; but some of them won't learn until they make mistakes as adults.

Latoia - posted on 05/20/2011

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She has options, ADHD adults are very capable of doing for themselves, she can either shape up or ship out, you have raised her as much as you can and if you are being hurt and mistreated and stressed out behind a grown women something needs to change and its not you....:) Love her and let her go......

Cristina - posted on 05/18/2011

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Hi carmen, id ignore her and let her think what she wants, she obviously has'nt matured yet and thinks she can talk to you like that you brought her into this world, she should know better i know it sounds harsh but if you let her talk to you like that she'll just keep doing it xox

Barbilee - posted on 05/30/2011

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She is 20, whether she has ADHD or not, she is 20.
Tell her that it it unacceptable. Period.
Do not tolerate it.
Do not let her speak to you that way.
You are her mother, you deserve better.

Melanie - posted on 05/19/2011

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shes a grown ass woman if she doesnt like the way you do things toss her out!

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Heather - posted on 11/01/2013

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Hi my name is Heather and Im going through the same thing with my 20 year old. Her dad and I split when she was young and im the one who had to move out i couldnt argue in front of her any more. In my case I thought it was best for her to stay in her home her room with her dad for numerouse reasons. The invirnment at my mothers was not good for a child, AS i LEARNED AS A CHILD MY MOTHER IS AN ADDICT AS I BECAME ONE AT A YOUNG AGE LEARNING FROM HER. I am now clean but my daughter blames me for everything bad in her life saying I wasnt there. I wish she understood I to cryed at night becouse i missed her but I truley felt like if i kept her with me she would walk right in my footsteps as i difd with my mom. also her dad has said bad things about me her whole life and has never showed me any respect in front of our daughter so naturally she dosent. needless to say ive been working on my recovery for a few years now and now that shes on her own i want nothing more then to be there for her in any way but i have to walk on eggshells because of the anger she has from me not being in her life .Im battling cancer and i just want to spend the time i have left enjoying oneonother but i keep getting yelled at blamed for lied about she said because she is affraid I will be gone again out of her life i payed child support her whole life so i feal like she looks at me souly for financial support and expects it which I dont mind but i just wish she was nice to me .

Carmen - posted on 05/20/2011

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Latoia, I hear you! She has moved out two times, her choice but can't afford to be on her own. Obviously if I'm making ends meet, imagine her. She has the age to do as she wants and I have done my best. I'm sure she knows that and the fact that I am on my own as well. Let me say that out of 30 days in the month; half is good and the other half; well you know. I feel for her as her mom but I've let go so much and have stayed out of her business. She still lives with me but I've asked her to get a job and help out but she doesn't want to budge cause her dad pays all her expenses, such as her car, ins. gas, lunches, etc. Yes she is daddys little girl but doesn't want her cause he lives with his gf. I'm the bad guy always cause I discipline. I'm moving in with my mom soon as I have lost my home to 'foreclosure' and I've warned her to change or she cannot move in with us. Lets see what happens. Thank you for your help! I pray one day there will be peace within us once again.

Carmen - posted on 05/19/2011

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Tina, thank you so much! I feel that she has a lot of anger inside and takes it out on me; of course being mom, I don't understand. She lies to everyone, including her dad about me. Says things like: MOM DOESN'T FEED ME, DOESN'T LOVE ME, WANTS ME TO MOVE OUT, ONLY CARES FOR HERSELF & MY SISTER. Well, thank God our other daughter seems to understand, being 22 and is a lot of support but sometimes it's even hard on her too. A big part of the ADHD is the lying but they are huge lies and only upset those that believe her and of course that takes a tole on me. I'm sorry, I can go on and on with this.



I'm glad I have you and the rest of the moms trying to help. This truly is a blessing. THANKS AGAIN FRIEND!

Tina - posted on 05/19/2011

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She's 20 wow at that age you would think that she knows all about relationships. I am in my second relationship now, my daughter is 15 and we don't see eye to eye either. So I know all about the fighting. I think it's just the mentality at that age they still have a lot of growing up to do. Trust me they get irritable easily. I try to ignore it, and I know it's hard cuz I am going through it as well. Just wait till she's 26 then she'll start to agree with the things you say. I am 31 and I know when I grew out of that I was 26 and really thinking as an adult so hang in there you only have 6 more years of this. Lol I have 10 more:)

Carmen - posted on 05/18/2011

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Cristina, it may sound harsh but it is the truth. I have been ignoring her a bit because I'm the one getting hurt and later she comes to me like nothing has happened but she doesn't understand; that what she's said, she cannot take back. Thank you so much!!!!!

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