My nearly 11 year old is strong willed and will not listen to me.

Litchfield - posted on 05/29/2012

11 year old girls argue. Period. I personally think it's because they like to hear themselves talk. Thats partially true. They need a voice in the house. Girls like to participate, boys well that's a whole 'nutther issue.
My advice from already raising one girl child and currently have an 10 year old.
1. Tell her at least twice a day that you love her. Use the words, "I love you" and use them often. She needs to hear it, don't just assume she knows and touch her. Hugs, a pat on the shoulder, something to make contact.
2. Phrase your words and questions to where she can only say yes. It's and adjustment on your part, but with practice you'll get the hang of it.

You are entering some hectic years, just know that they and you will come out of this and that it isn't just you or her or your relationship.

Mandy - posted on 05/21/2012

Her dad is in prison. I have gotten in contact with her therapist. Hopefully she will call me this week to set up an appointment. I think a lot of it is hormones. I will just continue to be consistent with her, try therapy again and see what happens.

DEE - posted on 05/20/2012

Hi Mandy,

First of all, I have a couple of questions for you. 1. Hows her relationship wit her dad? 2. How is your relationship with your your ex? Kids from broken homes tend to act out of frustration. It is imperative that you 3 have a decent relationship. Kids will love both parents regardless who is the bad one or the good one. They tend to resent when their parents are constantly bad-mouthing the other.

If your relationship is good, look a little deeper. Are you in a relationship now that she resents? or is your ex in one? That can also throw a monkey wrench into the equation..... unfortunately, these are issues we impose on our kids to deal with whether they like it or not.... sad, but true. They didnt have a say in any of these things that they are forced to deal with. They react by disconnecting. They feel they do not want to deal with issues that have been thrown on their laps. Communication and patience is important.

Love her and talk to her. Make her feel that her feelings are important. Listen to her and work out a remedy or at least give her feelings the same respect you expect from her.

Remember she is 11 and going through some hormone changes in addition to the stress of school, grades, peer pressure, trying to fit in, finding her place, etc... If she hasn't gotten her menstrual cycle, she will soon and her body chemistry is changing. Be supportive, be understanding, tell her what you expect, but expect to give in as well on some issues. Be a mom and not a dictator.... nobody likes dictators.

Cheryl - posted on 05/16/2012

Just ride it out and stay strong. My daughter was a TOTAL pain from 11 till she was about 16. She would do the same exact things. It will get better :)

Tina - posted on 05/10/2012

I agree she just needs to know routine and stick to it, pre tell her, say, in 10 mins u need to do this, maybe you could make dinner together, that would be a time where you can spend quality time with each other which is another important thing to do, just you and her.Over the next 3 weeks you will find a change, be determined and tell her how much you love her. daily.

Louise - posted on 05/08/2012

Be a little more stern with her. Rather than row about what is for dinner give her an option of two things, give her notice that you are going to brush her hair. Stick to a routine if you can, this will help stop the arguements, if she knows that 8.30pm is her bedtime there is no arguement to have it is either 8.30pm or not! A strict routine will help her to settle as she knows what is going to happen and when.