my son will be 12 this year and i think its time for the

Ramona - posted on 12/23/2011

There should not be a talk, but ongoing discussions!

Klara - posted on 12/22/2011

as a nurse, I just keep things very matter of fact. It shouldnt matter who it comes from, but studies have shown they are more responsive to other males. Good luck! In a way, I'm lucky... we have had discussions all along because we have animals, and they do thinkgs that need to be explained sometimes..lol

Klara - posted on 12/22/2011

definitely, if you havent had the talk, it is time!!!

Cathy - posted on 12/21/2011

who does he feel most comfortable with, but saying that my hubby chatted with our 12 year old and i can assure you it wasn't the 12 year old that was embaressed..

Deb - posted on 12/19/2011

By all means someone needs to talk to him. They are getting information from school a lot younger than that and usually the wrong information. Both of you together should do it. this gives a perspective from both sides. Teaching your son to respect the womans side of things is always a good start to a relationship. Be open to discuss any questions that he might come up with. I know because of my communication with my children they have brought questions about sex to us that I am glad they did because the information they had received from a class mate was way out in left field.

Theresa - posted on 06/30/2010

Let the step father do it! How embarrasing coming from Mom. He probably knows it all anyway but doesn't hurt to make sure its all correct!

Wendy - posted on 06/30/2010

I let my husband have the talk with my boys. I let them know that if they had any questions they could ask me. By the time my husband had the talk with are twelve year old, he told my husband he knew most of it already. I think that boys will listen to a father about these things then their mom, who is a girl after all. I will be the one to talk to my daughter when the time comes.

Melissa - posted on 06/29/2010

Instead of giving "the Talk" Why don't you ask him if he has any question or if he is curious about things about girls. Explain to him that it is natural to be curious, and you will try to answer any of his questions as best and as honestly as you can. I have said this to my son for years, he is now 12, and when he sees something either about a girl, or sexual, he asks me questions and I answer them. I have never just "sat down" and talked about sex with him. I take it at his pace, not mine.

Della - posted on 06/29/2010

I have a wonderful book with photos and started with values. I suggest you give the talk and hand off to the father and leave it open for him to come back to you both a few days later. My sons felt comfortable asking me some questions and my husband others. The best part was later my boys had total confidence to ask me a difficult S-E-X question.

Louise - posted on 06/29/2010

well its ok for mums to chat to there sons to , i have 4 boys aged between 23 down to 14 and i allways try to advice them but so does there step dad ,

Monica - posted on 06/26/2010

Yes, you need to have the talk, by now he is sure to have had classmates feed him information regarding the issue.. Unfortunately, what they here from their peers or the media is not always correct information or how you would want it presented. It would be better to come from you or your husband.

I read "What's the Big Secret?, Talking to Boys and Girls About S__" by Marc Brown to my daughter at age 10. There are several versions of "What is happening to my body" book for boys at the book store that help him understand what is happening to his body. It would be best to read it together or if you read it first, then her reads it and you discuss it so you know he read it and understands the message.

Terri-Anne - posted on 06/19/2010

I am a single mum with an 11 year old boy. Luckily, I have always been open about things like this (I am a nurse, and thus can be "clinical" when I need to be so) he has also been around a lot of different people in his life as I have worked in many different settings. We talk matter-of-factly about a range of things, including sex and the changes that his body will go through. I don't see the problem with you doing the talk, he is your son. It helps if you know the answers to some of his questions at the start though. I do not believe in giving kids books to read about the subject (as kids rarely read books that they feel they HAVE to read-I know I never read the book my mum gave me to read) As long as the channels of communication are open and he sees that you are not embarrassed to talk about anything, it should be ok. With my first son we had a rule..........condoms are used for sex........until the condom fits..........you don't have sex and when it does fit, your wear it when you have sex! God help us if they do go ahead with bringing out smaller size condoms as a way of solving the problem of underage sex (there has been whispers of this happening) As long as you instill the belief of waiting and respectfulness, it should be ok (or I might be too optimistic)

Bev - posted on 06/18/2010

i think you should sit down with him and talk about the things in life that he will need to know before he starts to ask all his friends and get the wrong answers.it will bring you closer together. i have had a talk with my son and he surprised me by sitting and asking questions.

Alison - posted on 06/18/2010

You could maybe ask your son who he'd prefer. I have made sure to always answer difficult questions when my children asked no matter how embarrassing lol. So I don't remember having "the talk" as such. I did offer to get books out of the library for my son, we have managed okay. He'll be 13 in December and I feel I've prepared him as best as I can. And if he has further questions, he will continue to ask me. It can be embarrassing - but try and just be as normal as you can and you'll (both) be fine :) Good luck.

Cynthia - posted on 06/12/2010

if he is close to step dad then let thim go out for the day and maybe the questions will just come out his step dad should stay persistent but keep to the trueth.if for any reason he dont think he can then the 3 of you go out on a date for a piknik on the park or a boat would be better then there is no place for him to gostay strait faced and go slow.dont break out laughin when he ends up tellig more then you know

Debbie - posted on 06/12/2010

Hello,
My son will be 11 in August and I understand that he is learning basic sex education in school when he moves up a year. He is very curious and i am quite sure that he is looking stuff up on the Internet and picking stuff up from his friends.
We do have a close relationship and Ive told him to come to me with questions which he actually seems to do. We both usually end up giggling and falling over laughing as we both get so embarrased but i would rather he got the facts than the fiction.
I realised that he was picking so much up from innuendo in movies and from TV and stuff like that.
What i am trying to say is that he probably has a good grasp of things but its worth trying to find out from him what he actually knows. This all depends on your relationship. I am a one parent family and I am like mum and dad. It would be marvellous to be able to ask a male family member to step in, but he is more open with me than the men in the family anyway lol. There is time yet to assure him to talk to who he feels comfortable with and to reassure yourself what he knows and needs to know according to his level of maturity.

Stacy - posted on 06/12/2010

Hate to tell you - he prob already knows more than you think. LEt step Dad do it but keep line of communication open so he is comfortable talking to you too!

Telika - posted on 06/11/2010

hello its best for him to get it from both points of veiws you are just as important and hearing from a female point of veiw will probably get him to respect females

i started talking to my 15 yr old when he was 12 and i still talk to him,because as a female i can give him an insight to the female world then moi,lol good luck

Judith - posted on 06/11/2010

My oldest is a daughter and she's 11+, my second is a boy and he's 7. I did not really sit down to have a formal discussion but they know all about the places that are private and implications of sex. Even my 4 year old daughter knows about her privates.
I think you should go ahead without making it too formal. There are so many opportunities to bring it up, eg, while watching certain movie scenes, listening to certain radio programmes, etc.
Their generation is so much more exposed and delay might be dangerous.

Sandy - posted on 06/11/2010

If they don't hear it from you, they will hear it at school or from friends. I am the one in my home to do the "talks", or torture sessions as my 12 year old son calls them. I taught 11 and 12 year olds so it is easier for me to translate it to their language than my husband. However, now my husband will pipe in on the conversation if one presents itself. Our goal is for it to be something our kids know they can talk about with us and that sex is not a taboo subject, or "dirty" like I was led to believe. Our standard line, "Sex is a beautiful thing within the confines of marriage."

Lisa - posted on 06/11/2010

I bought my 11 year old a book about boys maturing a year or so ago. I strongly suggest reading it through cover to cover first yourself before giving it to him. Some books are extremely, ahem, thorough, and you may not feel comfortable talking about yet (one book mentioned the "circle jerk" and dildos) I told my son I would answer ANY question he asked, no matter how embarrassing it sounded. He has asked me a lot of questions usually starting with "someone at school said...". I typically give a straightforward clinical question (ie. "oh yeah, that hand motion means masturbating" or whatever). I figured if I was very honest and upfront he can be with me. He hardly ever asks his father for some reason, even though they are much more chummy. This is probably because his father gets a little taken aback and asks where he heard it. By 12 or even younger, no matter how you conduct yourself in your own home and scrutinize books, mags and the computer, once they go to school or hang around other kids, they will hear all kinds of stuff. So be ready to be open with these beginner questions and later they will be comfortable to come to you when the questions get harder and more personal.

Susie - posted on 06/11/2010

Here in the UK the school start talking about sex education before they reach puberty. Then it is taught in the context of personal, social, and health education, rather than here is the big talk coming at you. I have two sons, and I started the talk and education process early. I took them at the age of 6 and 7 to the natural history museum in London and went through the interactive and 3D exhibits about genetics, how babies are made, how they are born, how they grow up, etc. The earlier it is discussed in context, the easier the nextv stage becomes. By 12 they are already heasring it from their friend, with all the misunderstandings and off the wall ideas.

You know, it depends on the relationship you have with your boy, how comfortable you are together talking about sensitive issues. If you are not comfortable, then it is better for a male to talk to him, but it has to be done with sensitivity, remembering that his mates may already have filled him in on any gray areas he may have had. Safe sex has to be on the topic list whoever talks to him, and respect, for himself and for girls. He will be embarrassed as he may already have explored a bit already, that is just normal stuff. BUT PLease, don't talk about Birds and Bees, that would be embarrassing for him. Here is a great educational site to guide you along the way.
http://www.childrennow.org/index.php/lea...

Heather - posted on 06/10/2010

wow, um...in my house you are WAY late in starting this conversation. I started talking to my kids when they were eight. It wasn't the whole "TALK" but it started the conversation, and it was in terms that they would understand. I didn't want them hearing things from other peoples kids on the playground, and wanted them to know what was really the truth. Around here I know that about 1/4 of twelve year olds are already sexually active, and we have a child daycare in our high school. The sooner you talk to him the better...
When I was expecting my now 14 year old son my doctor told me of a case where the mother was 14 and the father was 12. He didn't even know the meaning of support, and went out and got a paper route to help with the bills that his child was going to rack up. A FATHER AT 12. A MOTHER AT 14.
Never wait for the school to take care of what you should be taking care of yourself.

Lisa - posted on 06/09/2010

I would suggest whoever he feels more at ease talking with should give him the talk. They learn so much on the school grounds and some schools start early with talks on puberty, sex, etc. I am presently dealing with questions and feelings from my daughter regarding what all tweens, teens need to know or what they feel they need to know. I listen and wait for her to practically answer her own question(s)... but give my thoughts on what she's asking or confused about. I keep it clean and talk with her until she changes the subject. Good luck. : )

Rebekah - posted on 06/09/2010

In this day and age I think it is the perfect time. I assure you his is probably getting a lot of information (most of it wrong) from his friends. So I say go ahead. Kids are getting curious earlier now and it is best to make sure they have the right info. My son is almost 12 and I had to have the talk with him as well. If you are too uncomfortable have his step-dad do it. But I would caution that you might want to make sure he is comfortable with his step-dad or he may not listen.

Nicky - posted on 06/09/2010

The only thing about letting someone else do it is that you are trusting that they are covering everything and in the way you would like him to view sexuality. He of course will develop his own ideas but the way things are presented and the emphasis is important. You know this shouldn't be a one hour talk and thats it for life. Sex is complicated by so much these days. He should feel that he can talk freely with any of the people mentioned by Chris. I do think a male influence is important here but a mothers insight can be what helps him relate all of this to a future partner. Movies are a great source of conversation starters. "What would you do in that situation?" "What do you think he/she feels like now," etc.

Chris - posted on 06/09/2010

Let a male do it, if it's stepfather or father if he's still in the picture, Uncle or even his Dr if it's a male. Call the Dr ahead of time so he can bring it up, but ask him not to tell your son you asked him to talk to him

Nicky - posted on 06/08/2010

absolutely it's time. It needs to be an ongoing thing. Start with just acknowledging his mature age and ask a question like does he like any girls at school. The car is a good time for 1 on 1 conversations. (they cant get away) There is a movie called Sex has a pricetag. I used it for both of my daughters and my sister used it for her son. there are different versions based on religious emphasis. Good luck. Remember you wouldn't tell a teen about drugs the night before he went to his first big party. Don't wait until after he has already been. Plant the ideas in his mind before others set them for you.

Janis - posted on 06/08/2010

I have always answered questions my sons asked with the facts. (23 and 11 now) The trick is to stop once you've answered the question, and not 'go on and on' as my eldest once put it. We always used (still do) the real words for body parts, and use shows on TV as teachable moments and discussion-starters. We don't watch a lot of sensational stuff, but some of the things people do can start a doozy of a conversation! I know the school did cover some things about the differences between the genders, but haven't gotten too deeply into it yet. Our 11-yr-old knows he can always ask either parent or his older brother any questions, or just make a comment and see what happens.

Anitra - posted on 06/07/2010

I think it is perfect timing...my son willbe 12 this year as wel and has displayed alot more interest in girls and asking questions from his dad and myself. He seems to be interested in both of our opinions when it comes to girls. You might find it helpful if you each take a turn or try together unless it seems to be awkward for him. I'm struggling with this as well. Every time we think we covered all age appropriate areas until hmy son asks a question that me and my husband will debate on who's turn to answer. Good luck.

Sherri - posted on 06/06/2010

I had the entire sex talk with my son when he turned 12. I hear to many kids experimenting by 13. I say it is not his step fathers job but yours. My son was more comfortable with me doing it than even his father.

Michelle - posted on 06/05/2010

I home school my son,11, I just answer the questions as he asks them. I told him not to be embarrassed to ask. We always have some lights out time before sleep and that is when he does all the asking. Sometimes I'm glad the lights are out!

Monica - posted on 06/04/2010

I THINK IT'S TIME YOU HAVE TOO TALK TO THESE KIDS WHILE THEY ARE YOUNG,THEY ARE DOING THINGS AND EXPERIMENTING WITH STUFF THAT WE DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT UNTIL WE WERE ABOUT 15 16 YRS OLD

Selina - posted on 06/04/2010

I don't know about boys as I have a girl. 10 yrs old.
But I gave her a book to read called"lets talk about where babies come from" by Walker Brooks. In it is everything a child needs to know in a child friendly way... She read some on her own and some we read together... then I asked her if she has any questions or wants to talk to me about anything she can...I thought this would be a less embarasing way for her... If your son and his stepfather have a good relationship then I'd say for him to do the talk as he may feel embarased in front of his Mum.. Good luck...x

Cheryl - posted on 06/04/2010

Not sure about your school, but our school did give the talk to the pupils (boys in one classroom and girls in another)...........when they had had the talk at school I then spoke to both my children to see if they were confused or needed to ask anymore questions.......I also managed to get a very useful booklet from our doctors surgery from the community nurse which i gave them to read and look through.
I always think that mums can answer girls questions and dads can answer boys questions a lot better.