my sons behaviour is bad at school and i dont know what to do

Helen - posted on 07/20/2009

hi i have had a great deal of trouble with my middle child from the time he was in preschool until the 7th grade.my suggestion is to have him tested for adhd and behavorial problems.as a mom it's very hard because you feel as if it's only your child acting up, however you are not alone i did have my son tested for numerous thing's and it turned out that his behavior was a result from having adhd,odd,and bipolar disorder.that started at the age of 4 he is now 15 and doing wonderful it is however very draining physically and mentally but with the help and support of family and friends you will make it through it keep ya chin up

Karen - posted on 07/20/2009

How are your sons grades? Sometimes children act out because they are bored in a class and it is not challenging to them. Is it just him or is it him with others in class that they can be separated. My oldest son was a clown at school really didnt get into trouble just liked to make people laugh. I gave him 2 chances and on the third offense and complaint I actually went to school with him and sat next to him for the day. He was so embarrassed that he began to understand that I was not joking about how important his education was. This worked for me. Just make sure there is not an underlying problem with other children in school.

Becky - posted on 07/18/2009

I have no advice for what you are going through now but I wanted to let you know that I went through this with my oldest son. He was in trouble nearly every day during his elementary school years. We tried everything....grounding, spanking, taking away priviledges. The teachers each year tried different things too. However (this is the good part)......as soon as he started sixth grade it all changed. I don't think I got a single phone call or letter from school all the way through middle school and high school. Just wanted to let you know there is hope :)

Brenda - posted on 07/18/2009

I am a mom of a boy that will be an 8th grader and I am a 6th grade teacher. The first thing I would suggest is to make sure that your son knows your expectations and the teachers as well. Lay out the consequenses of bad behavior and then follow through. Do not say "If you....again your play station is gone and then when he does say well, if you do it one more time..." Follow through the first time, don't be wishy washy. The next thing is keep open communication with your sons teacher and principal. Talk to them daily through phone calls, emails, or visits. If your son knows that you will find out what he is doing and there will be a consequence he will be less likely to continue the behavior.

Also, set your son down without other distractions(tv, computer, games, other children, etc.) and have a frank talk with him. He is not the little boy he used to be. He is growing up and there are hormones going through his body that he doesn't know how to handle. Talk to him about his behaviors, why they are inappropriate, and that acting that way is not a choice. Then give him options that include rewards as well as consequenses. For example, if he doen't get in trouble for an entire day maybe you will take him for ice cream, a soda, or maybe he can stay up an extra half hour. Or if he has siblings maybe he can have one on one time with mom or dad or gma or gpa. Whatever he values most is what his reward should be. Start small, he needs to see his reward immediately not this weekend or later in the month. Then when he is able to get through the day move it to two,or three days, then a week, etc.

Start small, he won't change over night but if you are consistant he will change.

When you talk to his school make sure that your son knows that you are partners with the school and you support them and the punishments they give. If you have an issue with something the school is doing do not voice it in front of your son, talk privately with his teacher an/or principal. If he sees you argue or fight with the school he will just feel empowered and feel like he cando whatever he wants because his mom will come to school and fight for him. Show the school repect and he will learn by your example.

Good luck.

Amy - posted on 07/17/2009

I make sure that my kids know that it will never be acceptable to be disrespectful at all..ever...anywhere.And if they need their mommy to come to class to sit by them daily to make sure they are behaving,then thats what we will do. ;-)

Bernadette - posted on 07/15/2009

When Natalie acted out in school I went to her teacher and asked her to single her out from fun activities in front of the class. she had to clean the class while the others did all the good stuff. It only took once for her to pay attention again. I learned that having your kids deal with their own consequences helped them tons. I told the teacher that I don't punish for what was done at school, because I wasn't there to be witness, so they are free to discipline right after it happens. Natalie is more petrified of her friends seeing her reprimanded then getting no tv time.

Becki - posted on 07/15/2009

does he act this way at home? if not then i would say there is something wrong at school. a bully? difficulty with classes? maybe classes are too easy? I would talk to my son and see what he says. if he will not open up to you, you can try talking to his teachers, a close friend or if he has another adult he likes to talk to maybe they can talk with him. education is so important for our children so do not give up!! Good Luck ;-}