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older teenagers

Susan - posted on 08/14/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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21

I have a 16 year old son, very good kid, has a 16 year old girlfriend. she has a good heart, but really has a not so good past, home life. she is much more experienced than my son, they are inseperable. How do you make him see she may not be the best choice? He stopped playing sports all the things he loved a year or so ago. This girl has absolutely no limits from her parents, no curfew ect... my son does. Makes it very difficult on our end.

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Jodi - posted on 08/17/2012

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Your son is 16! I'm certain what he is interested in is not a lifelong commitment but rather a girl who validates him in his experience as a young man. I understand your angst in seeing him give up the things he used to love (sports etc.) but at 16 he is less than 24 months away from being an adult.

It is time to have a conversation with him, not about enforcing rules or ultimatums, but about HIS life and what HE intends to make of it? The choices he is making now, like giving up sports, are going to affect his ability to move forward in life, perhaps get into the college he wants or the after high school program he desires.

Very often our children at 15-19 years of age, do not fully understand that the impact of their actions, choices, and non-choices will ultimately be fully on them. If you do not want to be blamed for how your son's life turns out, now is the time to have the conversation about personal responsibility, and the ramifications and impact of his choices.

I never had a curfew for either of my kids, however, when they were in middle school we started having real conversations about their lives, their choices, their friends, and their futures. And, there is nothing wrong with a curfew! And your son needs to respect himself and you enough that compliance with your rules is not an issue. Mutual respect means your son respects himself and respects you; likewise, you respect yourself and you respect him. This means that rules are there to benefit you and him and he understands that and has consideration enough to respect the rules of your benefit and his!

Good luck and godspeed.
www.theconsciousmoment.com

Vicki - posted on 08/16/2012

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Hi Susan, I hear your pain I'm currently going through that myself with my daughter. Not sure exactly what to sugest to get him to see she isnt right for him. What I do know is that the more you point it out to him the more he is going to defend his choices and cling to her even more. The more they cling due to a parent saying no she isnt right the more he wont beable to see what you see out of being to bussy defending himself. Be suportive of his choices rergardless if she isnt honestly right for him he will see that and change it. Right now there is something in this girl that he likes and needs at the moment. Invite her over more often gives you a opoutunity to get to know her better and perhaps talk to her anout things he enjoyed maybe she can incourage him to get back at it?
Hang in there! ;)

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