Parents of girls...Private stuff...masturbation

Sachi - posted on 06/19/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I have 3 girls. 9, almost 11 and 13. We are very open about our body parts. I am single, live with my mother so we are all women in the house. I teach them modesty. After showers cover up, etc. But...even us adults sometimes come out of the shower, put lotion on, quickly walk to our bedrooms. We aren't a shy household, lets just say. So my question is about masturbation. I've never thought about it until today when I was reading a few posts about it. Lots of parents of boys answer but I am very curious about girls, obviously. My girls haven't asked any questions about that, but I've had the sex talk with them, about how their bodies are changing, how babies are made...I just never thought about having the masturbation conversation. How do I even start?? I am not a prude by any means. I just want to approach it in a way that they understand its OK, nothing to be ashamed of. When I was young I was caught in the act with a pillow. My mom was upset and didn't know how to react. But the reason I was even curious about it was because a best friend of mine told me she did it. I don't even remember how that conversation came up in the first place, lol! My girls all sleep in the same room. I don't have any feeling that they have this on their minds at all but want to be prepared. My oldest, 13, has asked me questions about her body, sex, the opposite sex. Some of her friends are already dating so she hears things from them. She is still very innocent but she is aware. Thanks for any advice!!

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Apple - posted on 05/02/2014

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Preteen and teens masturbation is normal and health. It a great way of being in tune with your body. Those who get erotic with those who masturbation open in their home with others need to get some counseling help. There nothing wrong in the girls touching or rubbing their pleasure point between their legs. The do not need to be a shame or shy about it. The word modesty does not only me clothes but also means were and when we do things. Where is the correct place to do things. When the girls are in their home in the living room, den, or their bedroom they should be relax and free to put their hands in their pants and rub that beauty pleasure spot. In other countries around the world boys and girls are allow to masturbate open in public. They can also do it around their friends or other family members. As long they are doing their self. You ask the question what about brother and sisters who do it open in front of each other. That is also normal. The girls can be total naked and doing it openly. I been in people home and seen boys and girls put their hands in their pants and rub it. People need to get off of this sex erotic thing that everything is sexually. My daughter who is 9 is a nudists as well her cousin boy who is all so 11. There two boys next door and they are also nudists with their mom. They are 10 and 12. When boys and girls are open with masturbation with those who they trust they do not abuse their bodies and do not do dirty things to their self. When we as adult or other children see others doing things that are normal, it our job to keep it private. It need to stay in the home. When we visited other family and we see nudity, masturbation or things that are normal. We need to respect their privates. Only time we need to report things is when there is a real abuse going on.

Laura - posted on 06/19/2012

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I agree with Louise Gough that I would discuss the topic if my daughter brings it up first. I was forced to explain what a clitoris and an orgasm is to my 12-year-old yesterday because they have begun the growth and development unit in health. The teacher instructed them to cross out the paragraph on the clitoris and orgasm and write "not relevant" beside it! If it's not relevant why not cut it out entirely? Anyway, perhaps it was meant to be and at least my daughter is hearing the explanation from me and not finding out in some unhealthy way.

Louise - posted on 06/19/2012

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I have raised two sons and now a daughter and I never had to have that sort of chat with them. There is nothing to be embarrassed about but I also think there is a limit that the mother daughter chat has to go. I think kids these days have so much thrown at them at an early age, far more than I did or even my sons who are now adults.

My daughter is 3.5 years old and I will have the chat with her about periods, puberty and sex when she is old enough to feel comfortable about the subject and understand. I will not talk to her about masterbation, it just does not feel appropriate. Kids are not as innocent as they used to be and can find things out by a click of a button. If she asks on the other hand I will have a conversation about it, but I will not start the topic!

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Maya - posted on 07/15/2014

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if you say your open about it and you know she'll hear about it then talk to you then wait until she's ready to talk about it and do it

Sarah - posted on 07/12/2014

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Nicole, due to the fact that many girls don't discover that it is their clits they should focus on, and think they should penetrate themselves with something. I do advise that mother do in fact show (at least explain) to their daughters how to touch themselves.

Look at this http://www.circleofmoms.com/sex-talk/wha...

Nicole - posted on 01/17/2014

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I'm sure they'll figure it out for themselves. Of course, you could actually show them how it's done --but I strongly recommend against it!! LOL

Sarah - posted on 08/22/2013

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I want my children to know that masturbation is not something dirty that they have to hide and feel guilty about. They need to know it is normal and healthy (after all, I do it to.)

As they were growing up I made sure that my husband and I would sometimes mention masturbation between ourselves (kids hear!) always in a positive light, so that it was not a taboo subject. As I taught them about their bodies and sex, I would include masturbation. It depends on their age what you actually say, details, specifics etc. I started to masturbate when I was 12, I mention that also when appropriate. And when they started puberty, I would make the comment that their body is turning into a woman’s, periods, acne, hair - and masturbation. If they ask me how to do it (Which my oldest two did) tell them how, because I have noticed from other woman, blogs and things etc, that many girls don’t actually discover that it their clit that they should be touching.

Sachi - posted on 06/19/2012

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That makes sense. I have a just for girls book for them to look at when they feel the need to. Its called What's Happening to My Body. I don't feel comfortable just bringing the topic up so I guess I should go with what I feel. I didn't have any issues with talking about the birds and the bees (age appropriate of course), body parts, periods, etc...but this whole thing with masturbation stumped me. Yes, kids have a lot thrown at them between us, TV, media and their friends its a lot! I might just leave this one out, lol. Let them come to me with questions and I'll deal with them at that time. Thanks.

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