Personal Hygiene and an 11 year old

Rhianna - posted on 02/24/2010 ( 70 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 11 years old and it is a fight with her everyday to brush her teeth, brush hair, flush the toilet, change her underware, even wipe after going to the bathroom and a few other things. My question is how do we get her to take better care of herself? We have tried adding it to her weekly chores and deducting allowance, that doesnt work, we have talked to her numerous times about how important it is and we have tried letting her be a slob but it has begun to relfect how we look as parents. We really need some suggestions, we don't want her to start middle school in the fall and be made fun of. Please help!

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Cindy - posted on 03/09/2010

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You might take her to the doctor and talk to them about it. It might be a depression thing. That is a very trying time and I know most girls go through it a bit about that age. She might just need someone to talk to out side the home about it. It is nothing about what you can do or what you didn't do. She just needs to learn how to take pride in what she is and sometimes an outside voice can change that.

Connie - posted on 03/09/2010

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I give my daughter a "little" reminder every morning before school. She is starting to turn around now but I notice she still doesn't remember to flush the toilet in her bathroom! I think this will change though. Taking her to the dentist every 6-9 months seems to help because she wants to make sure she doesn't need to spend alot of time at the dentist (who does?) and I think she is trying to prove a point to her older brother of what the consequences are when you don't take care of yourself.

Kenitra - posted on 03/08/2010

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I had the same fight with my son, now 13. I could not make him take a shower. But now that he has developed a real interest in girls, I can't get him out of the shower. My 11 year old girl wet the bed until when she was 10. She reaked like urine in the morning, but still didn't care. I completely understand. With my 11 year old...she is dying to have braces, mostly because she needs them, partly because all of her friends have them. I told her that I will not get her braces until I know she can properly take care of her teeth. As for her hair...if she does not keep it brushed, it gets cut short. And I still have to fight her to get a shower, but I guess when she starts wanting to impress boys, the fight will be over.

Alison - posted on 03/01/2010

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My son who is thirteen years old I have same problem. I have fight with him take a shower,brush his teeth,cleaning his room and other stuff. I tried worked deals with and sometimes it works.

GAYLE - posted on 03/01/2010

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Nagging doesn't help at any time. This just makes the kids rebel. They will eventually come round to understanding why you are so concerned then they will tidy themselves up. it is a teenage thing, I think. Stop stressing as it really will sort out without your nagging. Think back to when you were a kid then maybe you will realise they are normal. It just takes time. All we can do as parents is encourage them without nagging and let them get on with it. Their friends will also encourage them if they start to smell. There is nothing worse than embarrassment to make a person change their ways. Good luck.

Nuzhat - posted on 03/01/2010

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hi to everyone

i too face the same situation with my 10yr old daughter. she is too lazy to do all these,i have to nag all the time which i hate so much

Erin - posted on 02/27/2010

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My 11 yr. old does the same exact thing, his reason not to flush especially at night or early morning is that he does'nt want to wake up anyone and to get him to brush his teeth is like I asked him to Bungey jump off the bridge, and everyday it was a battle to the end, finally I said fine don't brush your teeth or flush I won't either, that got his attention, he said but your my mom and an adult you have to , I said nope not gonna, that really bugged him , so he did'nt brush his teeth for 2 days , I of course was brushing mine but he did'nt know , while a school going on the 3rd day fianlly one of his friends told him his breath stunk like dog poo and none of his friends wanted him to talk because it was gross, that's all it took after school he spent 15 min brushing and wanting me to smell his breath, Then w/ the not flushing thing, I would put dirty water , like from moping the floor and some hersheys choc. syrup in the toilet before he'd come home, so it looked real bad, the brown color really grossed him out, I told him I was'nt flushing either, he then panicked because our cat likes to drink out of the toilet if the lid gets left open, he says , what about Simba , did he drink out of the toilet today?? I said probably., he ran to call the cat gave him a bowl of clean water ran back in the bathroom and flushed it , then he got my gloves and dish soap and was going to clean the toilet..... he did'nt want his cat to get sick, he now brushes his teeth morning and night w/ out me even asking and he flushes and now makes sure i clean the toilet every day, or he will. Now thats not to bad:) and it only took about 3 days of that compared to months of yelling to brush and flush.. Hope somehow that helped.

Chris - posted on 02/27/2010

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I have a son who is the exact same way. Fortunately, I have two boys older than him who followed the same path. They do outgrow it....believe me. Punishing doesn't work. I do however follow him around (gently) in the morning to make sure his teeth are brushed and have him shower the night BEFORE so it's not a battle in the morning (adding extra pressure and time constaints with school and work). Perhaps you could cut her hair in a cute bobb or something that doesn't require too much attention so once washed you could just let it go. A few barrettes and out the door!

Bobbie - posted on 02/27/2010

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If I were in this situation, I think that I would sit my daughter down and explain to her what the Bible says. We are created in God's image, he wants us to treat our bodies like a temple. If God lives inside of us, would he enjoy his home. We are to represent Him to everyone, and bad hygiene(?) is not the way to do it. Hope this helps.

Dawn - posted on 02/26/2010

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My daughter has always been fine with thisbut my eldest son is 22 and we still have problems! some of it is because he has dyspraxia and is not organised in this area he finds brushing his teeth difficult because of the co ordination! I have just bought him an Oral B electric toothbrush this has helped because all he has to do is run it round all of his teeth until the pulse tells him it has been long enough I have never seen his teeth so clean. I am embarrassed to say that he was thrown out of the dentist on one occasion because they were so bad but as a teenager i couldn't force him to do it!
He doesn't wipe either so we use wet wipes this has also made a difference the Kandoo wipes I think a flushable! you may find that things change when she starts her periods!

GAYLE - posted on 02/26/2010

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My daughter was like that until she started high school (12/13years old). No matter how hard I tried to get her to do these things, She just found it too hard to do. I made a point of taking her for a girlie day out and then told her that if she tried to get a bath or shower more and looked after herself then we would do this more often and she would be able to choose a 'reward'. That seemed to help a bit but she wasn't 'wanting' to keep herself 'nice and clean' until she started high school. She only did it to get the rewards. When she went to high school she found that if she wasn't clean then the other kids were commenting and making her feel that she needed to be clean & tidy. Also it was a case of ''BOYS". She found that she got more attention off the boys if she looked good. the transformation was amazing and now she won't go to bed without having a clean body, etc. In a morning she takes ages getting ready but always looks good. Time will make her change, I think most kids go through a faze when they feel that they don't need to be clean. She will do it in her own time. Her friends will embarrass her into being clean if nothing you do works. try not to make a big deal and she will do it in her own time. Good luck.

Ail - posted on 02/25/2010

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Sometimes, that's what it takes! I still remember a friend telling me I had BO in middle school. I was mortified even though I wasn't quite sure what that meant (breath odor or body odor) and still remember instinctively putting my hand over my mouth! Believe me, I think I that changed my habits overnight. Then again, I think I was in 7th or 8th grade and was starting to think about boys... good luck.

Rhianna - posted on 02/25/2010

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Thanks everyone! We have always done girly things together, like shopping and she just started enjoying picking out her own clothes, we do nails and have changed her hair alot but after its done that day is the only day it is kept nice. Yikes this is hard! Umm what about her not wiping after the bathroom? Is this normal? I am afraid when she starts her period she is going to smell and get infections.

Felicia - posted on 02/24/2010

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Well, I'm not sure this would work, I don't have a problem like this with my daughter......but let her do it her way. Chances are, she will change her mind soon enough. Hopefully she won't be teased too bad. It's either that or do it yourself.

Yakisha - posted on 02/24/2010

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I have done all that and she just think that it is okay that she don't want to do all the time.

Yakisha - posted on 02/24/2010

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I Have a twelve year old that is almost thirteen and she still don't want to do any of that. I want to know when it starts also, I have had enough and just want to scream.

Julie - posted on 02/24/2010

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its not a matter of punishment. the more you punish a teen the more they rebel. take her on a shopping trip and let her try the smells of all different hygeine products and suggest to her what you think would be best for her and even smell better on her. you could even suggest a new hairstyle to match the new image and maybe a nice new top so she will start to feel better about herself. dont nag because she will then feel embarassed. she doesnt know all these things its up to you to guide her not make her feel worthless. doing girly things together will start to build up her confidence a bit and make her feel good about herself. critism will have the oposit effect.

Ann - posted on 02/24/2010

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Have you taken away all rights/privligedges to do anything else until that is done? Take her ability to watch TV away, and no computer, or cell phone and maybe even no breakfast or supper. No going to friends homes or movies. There was one (albeit at a younger age) that did this in the family, (relative) and the child wasn't allowed to do anything until those things were done first. The first cpl of days were difficult as a parent but it got the message thru. Maybe have the child in the bathroom with you when you are doing it, to set an example: maybe taking her to pick out her own prducts to use for "just her" would be a good reward should she start doing as asked....

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