please can other moms remind me of some of the joys of motherhood i am feeling burnt out

Kristal - posted on 02/28/2010

I became a mother at a young age and felt this way briefly.... Then I realized my time with them was limited. (time as I knew it) I sat down with them and we talked, once they reach a certain age they are able to understand and accept that you as a mother and a person just gets tired and needs a break every once and while. There is alot of joy in being a mother, there is also stress, worry, saddness along with laughter and happiness. Trust me it equals out.

Celeste - posted on 02/28/2010

Getting that late night hug after weeks of arguing, bad report cards and grounding. The conversations that start in the car when the two of you are alone. Listening to them sing oh so badly when they have their headphone in ....

Those things make the rest fade away.

Tanya - posted on 02/27/2010

Pull out some old home movies and make them watch them with you it brings conversation and nostalgia on why you love them. They will grow out of these stages and move on with their own lives cherish the few things you have now soon they will be grown and gone.

Anthea - posted on 02/27/2010

Helen, I have a 13 year old boy and an 8 year old girl. Both present different challenges and teenage boys can be intimidating and in your face. I have found that spending time one to one with my teen works really well. I understand the mess bit, but we are dealing with that by avoiding the bedrooms! My teen really appreciates having his mum to himself for a while, even if it is just to go shopping and have a chat. He always talks more when it is just the two of us. Hang in there, it is normal to feel resentful and unappreciated, you are a great mum ok.

Bobbie - posted on 02/27/2010

The only way I find true joy is through my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Nothing, noone, no amount of money, no circumstance can outlast the unwavering joy of Christ.Do you know Him?

Allison - posted on 02/26/2010

So how did you get into my head, my house, my life - you are not alone. I am the mom of three and am going through the rebellious years with my youngest. She is basically a good child but insist in pushing all of my buttons.

My advise is to breathe and keep breathing. I know from friends and definitely experience is that this phase will past. Take each little piece of happiness you receive and treasure it.

On the flip side, try and choose your battles. I have requested that my daughter keeps her mess in a contained area - basically her room. Anything outside of the room is considered the common area and is free to be dealt with as I see fit. Demands and criticism comes hand in hand with teenagers, just remember that they are out of balance are are desperately trying to self adjust, and yes we are the punching bag. Know and set your limits, unless they are just plain rude, they will take you to your brink, but will not push you over.

Finally, take time to yourself - get a hobby, grab a friend and get the heck out of dodge every once in a while. This is crucial in dealing with a teen, you need to get yourself uplifted so you can handle them with the loving heart that was once so easy a few years before.

After all this, knowing that this will come to an end and they will be your loving children again also helps. This is nature's way of preparing you for their departure off to college. Enjoy have a glass of wine and laugh at them.

Take care,
Allison

Dawn - posted on 02/26/2010

forget the crap just for a minute! sit and look at each one on their own and think about the things they do that are good! I bet there is something that will make you smile!

Kasey - posted on 02/26/2010

Stress levels always seem to get hormonal...If fires brew walk away and ignore them for however long it takes to compose yourself. I feel like I get way to nitpicky...like my mom did me sometimes. If we back off just enough and let them breathe, maybe we can too. They are learning what makes them tick, just make sure you let them know mom and dad are there no matter what. The joke around my house growing up was "are you sure your going to make it to 16....and so on" 20 years later I can look back and think how much of a challenge it was to raise a brat like me...

Tanya - posted on 02/25/2010

i am so stressed sometimes with the teenage kids and all of thier messes and the depresed husband that i just want to pack up and leave. i have to go to school up by cleveland and i am gone a week every month and i also have a full time job doing heavy highway. i feel like i can explode then i think about what it felt like when them little trusting hands would grab each side of my face and they would give me a smooch and all of the trusting love that you would see in thier face and the feeling that would come deep in your chest, when you knew you wouldn't want to be any where else. think of all the good and why your the mom. they will come back around and show that love again just be patient they always hurt the ones they love.

Melanie - posted on 02/25/2010

This has happened for me to. I have a 19 & 20 year old and a 13 & 15 year old. I was able to recognize and fix the trouble. Here is how: Forgive them and forgive yourself. They are behaving as you, with best intentions, have unknowingly taught them to behave. Ask yourself if they might feel they receive endless demands and critisism from you? Our children are a mirror of who we are at our best and at our worst. We learn from them more than they learn from us. We strive to be the best we can be for their sakes. Look inside yourself for the answer. I had the most trouble with my now 20 year old. Poor thing, I had to learn all my lessons on her :) When I saw that she was just acting how I taught her to act by example, I sat down with her and appologized. I told her it was me who was demanding and critical, and I had taught her the same. But now we can choose who we want to be. We can learn to see the best in each other. I committed to seeing the best in her, but I could not insist that she change. Because now she was to decide who she wanted to be. After our talk, I worked hard to say good things to her. These things went unnoticed. It was as if her ears were not tuned to hear praise from me. I just kept believing in her and not expecting anything in return. Reminding her that I loved her and I was sorry and she could be whatever she wanted to be. She no longer lives at home, but she has made good and positive decisions in her life. I never had the same troubles with my other teens. We have maintained a solid positive relationship. I believe this is because I changed myself. We can only change ourselves. When children are very young we can mold them. If you or anyone else reading still has small children, please remember to grow up their actions in your mind. It might be cute when a small child talks back or leaves a mess, but it's not cute when they are teens and you must help them now. When they are teens, it is up to them to change themselves, but if they see you changing yourself and valuing their point of view and humbly moving forward, then chances are they will too. I believe the best for you. I think you're going to have a breakthrough and things are turning around for you. I know you are a good mom and you care, and this is all you need.

Denise - posted on 02/25/2010

i hear u there as a mother of a 24 yr old, a 21 yr old boys & a 19 yr old girl and my youngest girl who is 11 yrs old sometimes it seems like the problems never end. I am constantly telling my kids to clean their rooms, do the dishes, and just basically help around the house, but it is like talking to the walls. all they ever do most of the time is sit there looking at me like i am stupid or something, but through it all I have come to realize that I am the parent so what i say goes and if they don't like it oh well they just have to deal with it and if the critism keeps going i would put them in their place and tell them how it is i have raised my kids where they do no, will not, have not ever talked back to me with critism, disrepect. my kids know that i do not take any bs from them so stand ur ground i know they drive u crazy but think it will soon be over and you'll be back on ur own again to do as u want and not have 2 worry about anyone or anything. Sometimes in the difficult situation i get so mad i walk out to calm down then i come back try that and see if it helps but always keep the communications open with ur kids at all times

Laura - posted on 02/25/2010

What really has me concerned about your son is that you used the word(s) "violence/violent" when descibing his behavior. That is unacceptable! He needs professional help in learning how to deal with his anger and violent outbursts. You say you've tried, well, keeping searching for a counselor until you find one that can help. Don't worry about whether or not he "loves" you or likes you right now, you need to focus on getting him professional help or he will self-destruct! I have a background working with emotionally and behaviorally disfunctional teens, so I know what I'm talking about...

Annette - posted on 02/24/2010

Oh the joys of motherhood where do I begin. My daughter is 11 and she has 3 siblings behind her. I have not had the experiences of teenagers in my home. But I have definitely felt burnt out. The thing that always makes me appreciate my children in all of their craziness is when I look at the news. When I see all the things that are happening to these innocent children all I can think of is how much I love my kids. Even when they drive me nuts. Their my little blessings and my oldest really is no different than I was at her age. Things are chaotic now, I know I drove my mom and dad nuts, but their teen years, that's what sculpts them as an adult. If there is conflict in your home, mix it up. See what you can do to change things so that everyone can be happy. Parenting is not impossible, it just seems that way sometimes. God bless you.

Antonnia - posted on 02/24/2010

I have 3 preteens and 1 teenager. They are only thinking about their world. We have to go back and think how we were and what we thought when we were teens.Grant it things are different when I was brought up but I do remember coming to a crossroad and trying to fit somewhere.Your mind tells you that you are grown but your parents say different. They think that what they think and feel is right because we as parents are old and don't know or understand how it is now. That stuff is confusing and they face so much in school and etc. Plus we have to start checking ourselves. This is very important because we have our own issues and we forget that they see and they hear and feel when we are saying or doind something wrong. Then they lose respect for you and judgemental. 99% of the time the problem does start with us. Plus when the behavior started what was your response? I take a time out alot of the time to time myself out so that I can come back to face whatever comes my way with them. I also stay prayed up. When I pray and speak over my childrens life things will change in the atmosphere in the home. You will gain your strength, peace, and endurance along with comfort in those prayers. You have to believe this to shall pass.Don't get so caught up in their bad behavior because you still want to have unconditional love for them. In a nonaggressive way start putting family trips or events in place. Really get to know your children by doing things they want to do with limits. I think that is where we go wrong sometimes by not putting limits on them and the people they hang with. I am really involved with my children friends. It helps. Also for your sanity PICK YOUR BATTLES! Good luck and God bless!

Char - posted on 02/24/2010

I'm sorry to say but I'm glad im not the only 1 who feels this way. Mine i think has lost his brain and had has gone crazy. Making stupied choices and then somehow blameing me. Makes me feel like a bad mom. i know it's NOT me but i sure feels that way too. I have no answers for you other than what i keep telling myself.....this IS the life i wanted this IS the life i chose. this IS the life i love... If it don't kill me it will make me stronger and a better person. I have found that talking does help at least for myself. Good luck to you.

Crystal - posted on 02/24/2010

I DO. Ignore them for a couple of days. It helped with my children. No talk or emotion at all. My children seemed to be worried.

Marylou - posted on 02/24/2010

It makes it all worth it when they call you and thank you for something while they are at college and realize all their friends are way more screwed up than they are! They do outgrow it... eventually.

Rita - posted on 02/24/2010

Oh believe me I am there with you. I have a 20 year old that gave me a very hard time while she was 17. Hard to believe we didn't kill each other but now we are closer. I have a 16 (17 next month) that is driving me insain now...lol. I have a son that is 15 and hope that he doesn't put me through half the girls have!!! All I can say is try your best and let God handle the rest. I'm not religious but what else can you do? Its hard!!!

Colleen - posted on 02/24/2010

I feel the same way. There are times I think why did I have kids. I hate myself for thinking it but it is true. It seems like my oldest, turning 13 in May, is trying to make me hate him. I find myself saying all the things that my mother did that I hated. I know in my head I should say demeaning(sp) things to him but after 5 mins of listening to him complain and argue I just can't help it. I wish I could just stop it. I wish things were different.

Tina - posted on 02/24/2010

Joys of mother hood: The smiles,laughts,hugs,I luv you mommy, snuggle time, when you watch your child do something kind for someone else or accomplish something big or small. The biggest joy is the miracle that god in trusted me with these wonderful beauiful little beings, he did not promise perfection.

Lisa - posted on 02/24/2010

Its hard being a teenager. I dont think they have control of themselves. I know its no comfort but its a phase that they will eventually grow out of.

LATONYA - posted on 02/24/2010

I was feeling just like you a few months ago, but one day out of the blue my youngest daughter who is 14, walked up to me and said "mom, I love you"...she then preceded to tell me why, the reasons she gave had nothing to do with material things...she said it was because I trusted her to be her own person and I never made her feel like she was nothing to me...I cried for almost 15 min after she left the room, because she and her sisters and I had been fighting so much...I realized that they are human and if you think back you probably were going through much of what your going through now with your mom, but the difference is they have it much harder than we and sometimes we forget...so I say take a moment when they make you angry and remember that the turmoil you feel at times is what they are feeling on a daily basis...believe me it will get better...oh one other trick I use...take out your favorite picture of them and take a second to daydream...works everytime!

Julie - posted on 02/24/2010

teenagers are trying i know. they bicker fight argue not just between themselves but with you. my two were close but still had their moments. my son always had to have the last word. my daughter never paused to let you get a word in. their rooms were a mess and what is it with boys that become allergic to water. you need a bit of 'ME TIME' regardless of watst going on around you take yourself away from that situation to calm down a little. even a walk to the local shop for milk or something. they will calm down enough for you to talk about it. we sit sometimes now talking about it and my son is the most open one of the 2 and will tell me that i tried to fix his world when really there was nothing to fix he was just in a bad mood and wanted to work it out for himself and that he is sorry for all the times he took his mood out on me. parents are just there to be a verbal punchbag for the frustrations teenagers feel and the arguments would start when i reminded him he wasnt talking to me like that. he actualy asks how come me and his dad never punched his lights out cos he said he would have if the roles were reversed. i just tell him i loved him too much to hit him plus if i had started there were times i wouldnt have stopped. to all parents of teenagers. it will get better. you will all get through it. you will have that happy family you had when they were younger. i bet if you think back to your teenage years you cringe sometimes. my 2 now are good kids. my daughter makes a lovely coffee and we sit watching girly films together. my son is always talkign about his day and his friends and his life in general and they both found out that no matter what i still love them.

Kelly - posted on 02/24/2010

when u have a 16 year old that still helps out when his mother has a low blood sugar an never once does he complain all kids a precious even when u feel like ur being demanded on

Suzy - posted on 02/23/2010

I have a 12 year old (acting 25) daughter and an 11 month old son. My friends tell me I'm nuts for taking on a new baby during my daughter's descent into the teen years. I have to tell ya, some days I wonder myself. She is beautiful, funny, and intelligent and can be horrid when it suits her. Hateful things come out of her mouth and I wonder where did this person come from. I have lost it more times than I am proud of, I assure you. I find myself remembering my teen years and my relationship with my mom then. Honestly, I don't know why my mother still speaks to me after the ordeals I put her through. That is the only thing that gets me through some of our tough times. This too shall pass is one of my favorite sayings and I only hope it gets better. When that doesn't help, I go snuggle with my baby boy. His head under my chin. tiny fingers wrapped around mine. The fact that sometimes, I am the only person who can console him makes me feel needed and loved. I look into his sweet blue eyes and think holy crap, here we go again! Then I take a xanax and go on about it haha! Hang in there!

Kimberly - posted on 02/23/2010

I stumbled on this thread because I typed in "bad mom." This is how I think of myself. I have been accused of being selfish, been criticized and questioned, made fun of, etc. I know I am not perfect, suffer from constant tiredness (I have 5 kids and am a teacher), sleep very little, and am inconsistent/ADD. I have been called a "nasty person" recently by one daughter. One of my issues is that I don't have any leverage with them. They do not have neighborhood friends, so do not "hang out" with friends much where I can restrict them. I can take away computer/electronics, but this is not as big of a deal to the child that needs it for being disrespectful. We do not have enough money to offer a consistent allowance that we can then take away. I am very frustrated. My two younger kids respond better to me than the older three (triplet girls, 14). They have their issues also, but at least they make me feel like they care about me. My older children show very little care for me, and haven't since they were much younger.

Julia - posted on 02/23/2010

Hold your breath, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY and ride it out. They don't call it the white water rafting years for nothing. Talk to Mum's with young adult children, they help to ground you and remind you this season of your life is shorter than it feels right now.
Teen years are actually really amazing. They're the time of everyones life they reference back to the most. I've nurse people in their 90's with severe dementia and they can still recall their teenage years in detail. Just relax and let the wonder of blossoming adulthood unfold.
Remember you're not alone out there. I'm blogging these amazing years in our house. They're so filled with fun, inspiration and our fair share of worries. http://dewdropdays.blogspot.com

Ateh - posted on 02/23/2010

Never give up... Do more prayer and He'll answer you. Sometimes we have to turn to a spiritual approach. Maybe I would like to share my approach: I'll come to him when he has fallen aslept and stroke his for head and talk to him telling him how much I love him and want him to be nice, good and obedient. I did it almost every night and one night I saw tears ran down from his eyes... actually he heard me ( he was about 10 at that time). I hugged him and told him to promise me to be a good boy. Now he do listen to me and his father. Even my friends and relatives said that he changed a lot and become a nice boy at the age of teenager (now he is 13). Keep on trying... you'll success!

RicaMarie - posted on 02/23/2010

Glad that worked for you but for me it didn't. The violent outburts and behavior is out of controle. It don't matter what I say or do. Not even counslors or phyic drs know what to do with my son.

Jennifer - posted on 02/23/2010

First take a deep breath and let it out slowly. If your teens are stressing you that much maybe a sit down with them would help, express how you feel to them. I don't know if it will help but this is what I recently did. After that i put up a big white board and wrote down chores for them and notes as well, i have 4 children (ages 9, 10, 14 and 20). Then we designated one day for quiet day. We have no tv, radio, ect and spend the time together doing a craft, puzzle, taking turns reading aloud, etc. The laughter and silly stuff on those days reminds me how much I love my kids and keeps me from wanting to strangle them so much the rest of the week. If that doesnt work think back to when they were small how they smelled, how that tiny head nestled in the crook of your arm and how proud and wonderous it felt to hold your little bit of joy.

RicaMarie - posted on 02/23/2010

I guess I am the only one who feels the same way you do. mine is not yet a teenager but I deal with endless violence , cussing, breaking things, I have asked for help from every professional there is known to man and they all tell me its my issue to deal with. Its hard to find the joys in being a mother and i had wanted another child for so long and that wont happen cause of my spouce and i am scared to bring another child into my home in the way it is. I do how ever find some little joys in life. and being a mother. like when my son is with his friends and he starts to giggle it brings back fond memories of when he was a small child and would giggle that way that would make everyone laugh. Try to find the small things you may have in common like movies or things like that. trust me i know what your going threw and its really hard so you have to look at the small things in stead of the whole picture of mess, demands, criticism and worry. thats the only thing that helps me get threw each day.

Ateh - posted on 02/23/2010

Actually that's the way teenagers acted now a days... At times they might "boil your blood"! However, just imagine... how lonely you are without them arround. They are your angels... look at them when they are sleeping... You could see the happiness they brought to you. My sister had the same feeling as you but I always tell her that she's lucky to have children compared with others whom are less fortunate... They'll change one day as they become more mature. Take care :)

Julie - posted on 02/23/2010

i was sitting with a coffee thinking about all the questions about rteens and teoddlers and remembered something my kids love doing even now they are 19 and 21, homemovies. we watch them now and again and have a good laugh at the way they were. from birthday parties to school plays and family gatherings. i must say though if they laugh at my hair or clothes one more time i will scream i thought i looked quite good in the day. photographs have the same effect. the best line i ever got was 'mother what did you dress me like that for' its an enjoyable time sharing experience for all. you get to see how far they have come and they get to laugh at your hair. i will have them know the eighties was the time of big hair and colourful clothes. depressing when i try figure out what happened to the figure and smooth skin though ha ha but thats a matter i must take up with nestle and cocacola not to mention the breweries. stop worrying relax and enjoy the good times because when you look back i bet there are more of those stuck in your head than the times you wondered what the hell you had let yourself in for.

Julie - posted on 02/23/2010

the joys of motherhood in general. playing cards and watching them cheat. singing along to cheesy pop while we do housework. laughing at their silly jokes. watching them grow and mature and turn into people you will be so proud of one day. plus if the one infront of you is sulking just look at a photo and when you see the face smiling back at you remember that motherhood isnt all bad they do have their good moments now and again.

Lisa - posted on 02/22/2010

I look at my daughters and am fascinated at the amazing beautiful intelligent individuals they are becoming and that I am responsible for them being here in the first place. No matter how angry and frustrated they make me at times, I keep that in mind. They are a gift from God.