Problem Child!

Luvmia - posted on 12/26/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Good morning fellow mommies!



I have been having so many problems with my kid. I just need someone to listen and give me whatever constructive advice and/or criticism.



He is now 12 but has been a problem since the age of 7 years old. I will make a list of some of things:



1. He used to attend a private school and told some lies on myself which had the school faculty wanting to call child protective services on me.

2. We currently live in an apartment in which he has broken the blinds (and tried to hide it) and has taken food & beverages into his room (after I told him not to). So now I have stains on the carpet. Not to fail to mention, his walls have dirt marks on them and I have told him that he will have to clean them.

3. I have to constantly tell him to clean up after himself.

4. He takes things that do not belong to him (i.e. food, my money, personal belongings of mine. etc.)

5. I have told him repeatedly not to tell my home business to anyone, especially his father side of the family. But of course, he did so anyway. Now my ex used it to his advantage and filed bogus court papers against me.

6. He does not do his school work and may be facing failing 7th grade. I have received two phone calls from his teachers about his bad behavior.



I could go on and on, but I am quite sure you get the point. I have grounded him but it does not seem to work. I am so tired of the problems and trying to hold down a job as well as keep a roof over our heads. His father told me our son asked him if he could live with him and I am strongly considering it.



Some people may say it is just a phase or "kids will be kids" but I don't believe this is completely normal behavior. Any constructive criticism/advice will be greatly appreciated.

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Klara - posted on 01/01/2012

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I hate to say it, but maybe he is rebelling because he wants dad? I am not saying you should let him go... once he goes it may be rough to get him back. I do know that boys tend to need that male influence. Is there another male he could spend time with? Some of it is normal.. my kids are messy too. The sneaking, getting in trouble in school, failing, that is definitely not normal. If he isn't in counseling, it might be a good idea to get to the root of the problem. I'm sure its difficult to try to provide, supervise, and deal with his issues. If what you are doing isn't working, would his dad's be worse? It does not by any means make you a failure. Boys just need a positive male influence. I hope your ex is that, or its definitely not a good move.. I wish you the best. Hard one.

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Luvmia - posted on 01/02/2012

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Klara, I am going to make some phone calls God willing today to find out what free or reduced fee services for counseling are available to him. My plate is so very full but I am going to take things one step at a time.

In reference to his father, I feel he is not the better option but I don't know what else to do. I am so tired mentally, emotionally and physically. I am 30 years old and my face looks so stressed with dark circles under my eyes.

Luvmia - posted on 12/29/2011

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Adriana, thanks for your input.



I have talked to him about his behavior in a calm manner and he plays the victim. He will either blame me or the people at school. And I have also told him that he would not get away with not cleaning up behind himself if he lived with his father or grandmother.



I know this sounds bad but I will say it anyway. I am so very mentally, emotionally, and physically tired from trying to raise this kid, maintain a job, pay the bills, and etc. Just like you, I have considered sending him to live with his father and his wife and will eventually do so. Quite frankly, I realize I deserve the freedom after having him for 12 years. lol. His father will be happy with this since he does not want to pay child support and does not like me.



Thanks so much for the advice, encouragement and support. By the way, whose the eye candy in the picture with you. lol.

Adriana - posted on 12/27/2011

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this is really tough, but it kinda sounds like he's stepping all over u. have u tried talking to him when u guys aren't fighting about his behavior? asking him (calmly) why he does these things? it sounds like he's angry or resentful. any idea why? i had a similar situation with my 11 yr pld daughter. talking back, taking things, doing poorly in school, lying, ect. her father and i decided it would be best for her to move in with him and his wife and it's been exactly 2 yrs and she has greatly improved. i'm not saying that's the answer for u, but maybe he has a different level of respect for his dad and won't be able to get away with half the stuff. no matter what u decide, make sure that u and his dad are on the same page. when kids see a separation of "power" they take advantage and often will play parents against e/o, my daughter tried it at first. anyway, best of luck to u and consider what i said, even if it's temporary.

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