sex adn drugs

Lisa - posted on 08/20/2010

When my daughter started experiment without my consent, when I found out, I told her, "Okay, now you've tried it, and it's not acceptable. We all have rules and you have to wait until your much older before doing them again. If I find out you continue doing those things are your age (14 for her) it will only make life harder for the both of us".
She's a good kid too, but the experimenting may have been interesting, but it needs to be short lived until they're old enough to understand what affects it will have on them and those around them.
You sound like a good parent, be firm, and have faith. ; )

Kari - posted on 08/20/2010

Kathy it sounds like your doing great. I was a rebellious teen and I can't say that I would know what works for your son any better than you. For me I straightened up when i realized that my mom was there for me to talk to and be really honest with. I say really honest because I told her everything and she might have been mad, hurt, or shocked but her listening and telling me she loved me gave me the strength to stand out from everyone else and be who I wanted to be instead of following the crowd or getting messed up. I'm hoping that's what works with my kids since my son just turned twelve. I think anger is understandable but communication is the best tool you've got.

Kathy - posted on 03/30/2009

mmm. thanks Diane. well, an update. have decided to stick with my values. smoking is not ok. he has been suspended for 3 days for being caught smoking at school yesterday. i don't want to support him smoking, so i won't be giving him pocket money anymore (it is a habit which requires money), adn on his 3 days at home he will be doing housework in his school hours. if he thinks school work's a rough deal, he can see what it's like to work instead. am working with the school, getting him into a mentoring program. also am in the process of getting him into counselling. he has problems with an absent father. is probably seeking approval from peers since he doesn't get it from his father. need to deal with his stuff.

Diane - posted on 03/30/2009

Hi Kathy,

I think you have to just lay down your rules and guidelines to your son and let him know what your rules are, and if he chooses to cross those lines, there will be consquences for his actions. Having said that, I think all you can do is always be there for him and from the sounds of it, you are already there.

In the end, our kids are going to stuff up, like we did at that age, and all we can do is let them know they can come to us about anything, we will love them unconditionally and even if they don't love our rules, we explain to them why we said it.

Good luck, with it, I have 2 boys one 17 and one 11, so I do know what your talking about.

Kathy - posted on 03/29/2009

whoa there people!!! he's not into all this stuff. just fearful of the teen years ahead! i'm fully aware of what's legal and illegal. hormones and sexual feelings don't always wait until 18 though do they?! my boy is not a bad boy. he is a beautiful boy. i know, even though i didn't get into all this bad stuff as a teen, i did rebel at times because my parents were so forceful, didn't talk to me, and treated me like i was a nincampoop. wondering what people mean when they say "don't be your kids friend". hey, i don't hang out and ride bikes with him and his friends. but i do talk to him. is that allowed? or is that being a "friend"? the key word here is "experimented". he is not an addict, and there has only been one occasion when i have discovered this. i don't know what to do ( am starting to get there ) because i didn't go through this myself when i was growing up. wasn't interested in drinking and smoking. boys, yes, but didn't get into sex til i had left school at 18, and was in a relationship. in Australia, where i live, heaps of kids were into all this stuff when i was a teen. and some parents saw it as part of growing up. if you read my question properly, instead of reacting, you will see my turmoil between my values (which aren't thinking it's all ok ) adn wanting to not push him away with misunderstandings and blind strict parenting. thank you, Colleen, for your non-judgemental, experienced advice. and thank you Amanda and Leah for your thought-provoking answers. i wish you all the best of luck with your own teens.

Colleen - posted on 03/28/2009

Stay on top of this !!!!!!!!!! This will more than likely turn in to worst things if u dont stop it now. Try and get some help from someone he trust!! Try and teach him to be a leader not a follower! I know of 2 people(kids) my son grew up with that started that same way and progest into alot worse and both boys 19yrs old are in jail for armed robbery(needed money for more drugs) these were boys who were raised in a good community and good families and were popular in school, one even had a full ride scholorship. So PLEASE dont give in and DONT give up HOLD YOUR GROUND AND DO THE RIGHT THING!!!!!!!!

Leah - posted on 03/28/2009

You've got to be kidding me! How can you think that it's okay for your son to drink and smoke at 13??? Experimentation leads to addiction.It's time to step up and play the parent here. I totally agree with Amanda! You're not his friend you're his parent. Giving him a place to get drunk and have sex is illegal, let alone the fact that it's absolutely destructive to him! You're fooling yourself if you think that there is such a thing as a "safe and controlled" enviornement for a 13 yr old to get drunk, high, and have sex!!! He's 13, he shouldn't be doing any of that. Let alone along side his mother. I'm speaking from the perspective a girl that was drinking and smoking by the time I was 12. I was having sex by almost 15,and pregnant by 16. By the time I was 17 I was heavily addicted to drugs. The friends that I had who's parents actually let us party at their house were far worse than I was by the time they were 18. Thank God that by the time I was 21 I turned my life around. Because of everything I went through I am determinded to do the right thing with my kids. I am their protector not their enabler!!!

Amanda - posted on 03/23/2009

never ever host  a place for your child to fornicate and illegally drink and smoke!  stand firm in your beliefs, he is 13 not 18. now is the time to act, before he becomes a womanizer or drug addict.  if he can't count on you to make right choice ,how can you expect him too.

i've got a 12 year old so i know the challenges  ,be his parent.....not his friend- he has enough of those