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Should I force my 12 year old to go with his dad?

Mariee - posted on 06/16/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I'm a single mom for the past 11 years, my son hasn't seen his dad since 2/12. My ex has never been consistent in spending time with him so my son doesn't know his dad's side of the family. With tomorrow being Father's Day his dad is really pushing for my son to attend a family BB. My son doesn't want to go and is asking if his dad could come to our home instead. The last few times his dad has asked to pick him up my son has said the same thing and not wanted to go with him to dinner etc. Should I make him go anyways? I let my son know I wanted him to go and that he could call me at anytime and I would pick him up and he is insisting he doesn't want to go. Any input would be appreciated. Thank you!

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Sandy - posted on 06/30/2012

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It's obvious your son does not feel comfortable going with his father. For that reason alone I would not force him. Maybe it's too overwhelming for him to meet his father's family who are basically strangers to him. I think his father should take small steps in getting to know his son first before parading him around to his whole family.

Sammy - posted on 06/26/2012

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I would have your ex come to your house to sit down and have a talk with you and your son. Both you and your son needs to tell your ex how you both feel. If your son can not tell his father how he feels then there will always be a building resentment between the two of them that will spill over onto you. I have been through something similar to this with my youngest step daughter.

Cheryl - posted on 06/19/2012

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My kids have not seen their dad in over 10 years. The last time that he wanted to see them my youngest (who at the time was 7) told me I don't wanna go i want to stay home with you. I figured that he knew what he wanted and i did not force him to go.

Mariee - posted on 06/17/2012

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Thank you for your advice! We don't have a custody agreement I have my son full time...

Jen - posted on 06/17/2012

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What is your custody agreement? If your son's father has custody every other weekend or something like that, then it's illegal for you to keep your son from him, even if that's what your son wants. If there is no agreement, then I guess it's up to you. Either way, I would let your son's father know that his inconsistent visits are hurting his relationship with his son, and that his son is reluctant to go anywhere with a man who is barely part of his life.

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