smoking pot

Robin - posted on 12/30/2008 ( 9 moms have responded )

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what do you do when you find out your teenager is smoking pot. I feel it reflecks on me as a parents, which I feel we come from a good family that doesn't do stuff like that. I am concerned that my child hasn't learned their lesson after being caught. We are even having them tested. any ideas????

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App+7mnejhu - posted on 01/16/2009

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When we caught our daughter my husband knew who and where she got it and smoked it.     We made it very clear to her that it would not be tolerated - that we would report her and her associates to the police and she would be homeless.  We told her that she would not live here.  We never caught her again.  Did she stop - I don't know but we never smelled it or saw her looking stoned again.  We stood together united and very firm. 

Katie - posted on 01/14/2009

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I don't think you can control the demeanor in some kids, they just are the way they are and you have to find a way to reach them... You are not a bad parent...Your child makes the decision to smoke pot, not you. Therefore he is accountable, not you. As a parent though we all want to help our kids, I think the best way to keep 'em off drugs is to keep them busy. Helen really had a good train of thought there, make 'em so busy they don't have time for drugs...even if they don't like having to participate in events or activities...Find something age appropriate and don't let 'em have much down time. Who's he hangin' with? Where does he get it? Keep him away from those people/situations. The other thing that can be very enlightening for more difficult teens is a nice long tour through a juvenile or adult prison. Talk to the local law enforcement officers and see if you can arrange a bit of a scare for him - it may be the fear of someone besides mom n dad that can make an impact. Kids can be so defiant, sometimes talking doesnt get thru anymore - Do something that will physically and emotionally affect him. We had a rough time with my stepson and he is still floundering around and getting in trouble in his twenties...I don't think they were tough enuff on him...grounding doesn't work - find someone of authority to make a big impression on him. I've seen it work on two teens that I know the families of. Just don't give up, and don't take it personally, be the best parent you know how to be and be proud of your efforts, even if your child refuses to conform. You are responsible for your actions and he is responsible for his. Period. Good luck!

Bonnie - posted on 01/07/2009

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I agree with everyone that this in no way reflects you as a parent!! I have had this conversation with my childeren and I remember being a teen also! I think alot of pot users dont understand that it is addictive as there is this myth that it isn't! Additionally, there is this idea that it is not as bad for you as smoking so it is mildly acceptable. There are things people use to justify trying it or using it. Kids think it is a fairly safe way of rebeling..I made my daughter research it and she found out there it is very addictive. not to mention a gateway drug and many other interesting things though she is only 11 she is very educated about it and now is very anti drug! The reason I did this was because they were doing drug education in school and I felt it was a great opportunity to further what they were teaching (I also felt like they weren't telling them everything).



I dont know if this is good advice by maybe make you child do a research paper on it and then have a conversation about it. Ask them how they really feel about the information they wrote do they believe it or did they just write it to appease you. I would also not let them go out with there peers untill the paper is finished (if they can find time to haing out and smoke up they can find time to write a paper). The major thing I would do is talk to them about all the issues. As well discuss how hard it is to say no to your peers and give them some advice on how to say no without the fear of being picked on. I wish you luck!

Michele - posted on 01/07/2009

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Wow, Helen..congrats on your success story.  And thank you for sharing the "why" you did it.



Robin, it in no way reflects your parenting....kids are going to make their own choices for their own reasons.  I agree that you need to pull the reigns in and take away your sons freedom....try to figure out where he got it.  I would even talk to his principal at school...tell him about it and find out what is happening at school,  (who he is hanging out with,  how is getting along with teachers and peers)  My sons school is very open to parents coming in to check on things or to seek help to their questions/ concerns.  Good Luck.

Helen - posted on 01/02/2009

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I have not yet dealt with my own kids and the whole pot issue but I can tell u from my own experiances that alot of times kids r out there doing these things because of the opportunity they have to do it. I spent all of my teenage years and alot of my early adulthood smoking pot. It wasn't because my family did it although that was the case with some of my friends it was because it was there and I had nothing to stop me from doing it. I was not involved in anything at school or outside of school. I did not have parents who were home alot because of their careers. It was easy for me to loose myself in this addiction because I had nothing else to do. At home there was no real time spent talking about things my dad gave his opinion and we were all just expected to feel the same way. Trying to talk about my day or my life was an inconvienence and I was often shoed away. smoking pot became a way for me to rebel against my parents and it became something good and consistent that was always there for me when I needed it. My husband and I have both been through the same life choices and together we have been able to give up a 15 year addiction. Our children were our one motivation for this. Between us we have seen and done it all and it has taught us alot about ourselves and about the type of parents we want to be. In our house we talk very openly about everything. Our two oldest children who r 11 and 10 both know about our drug addiction and we have discussed openly with them how it has negatively affected our lives. We talk about what goes on at highschool parties and how easy it is to get caught up in a bad situation. There is not one question they ask that we do not give them a truthful answere to. We encourage them to talk to us about their lives and their days and even sometimes when we find ourselves a little shocked over something they come home from school talking about we calmly talk about it. We don;t just talk at them we talk with them and we allow them their own thoughts and feelings. As well as this we encourage them to be involved at school with teams and clubs. We make sure we have open relationships with their teachers and we make sure our children see us communicate with their teachers using the planner. We let our children know of their potential by letting them see it for themselves through their sports and other accomplishments. We include them in the family responsibility of house work and we give them smart bounderies and consequences that we can be consistent with. We spend every moment of our parenting teaching them and learning from them and we see the posotive results of our efforts. You cannot loose time wondering how it reflects on you as a parent or if it is because of something you have done. You just need to find a way to offer your support to your child in a way that they will see it. sometimes when you are truley doing all that you can do and you have put your heart and sole into it, if it is not understood by the recieving person it just won't make a difference. I can only hope that my efforts will be understood by my children when they reach their own moments of choice. I hope they will come and talk to us no matter what they do because not knowing something is happening is worse then thinking it isn't. I hope that none of what I have said comes across in an offensive way to you, it is not meant that way at all. I can't judge a person on this topic. This is just the plan that my husband and I have come up with for our family and if any of it helps you out then that would make us happy.

Hang in there!

Kathy - posted on 01/02/2009

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Depends on the age of the child but my thoughts are information is the best weapon. I am sure you have had the "just say no" talk, but sometimes that doesn't help. Try giving your child some real facts about drug abuse, that may help. And when all else fails, try not to worry too much... sometimes kids do get bored with it and go thru the phase un harmed.

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I do not feel it reflects anything about your family, but i do agree that if you are open about it and EVERYTHING then you wont be caught unawares and able to get thru this and the rest of the many things that happens to teens

Cathy - posted on 01/02/2009

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You might think about limiting his possibilities to get the pot. Ask yourself these questions: Where is he going that he has access to it? Who is he hanging out with? When do they get it? Then, reign in that rope and bring him back to the reality that you are the adult and he is the child. Don't give him the freedom he once had. Stick to a regiment of having him tested and only return his liberties as his tests are clear. You can also involve third parties like your pastor, church youth leaders, school counselors or even juvenile authorities and get him into programs with other kids his age.

Donna - posted on 12/30/2008

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Not knowing everything that has been going on with you and your child that is smoking pot so if my questions are not relevant, I apologize. Do you talk to your child about the dangers of drugs? or What it is that people enjoy about the drugs and then how it affects there lives later? I have even shown my children other children who were doing drugs and how they were acting, that in itself has helped to keep them from drugs so far. Also, we have open communication and nothing is off limits so if they have questions about drugs we usually stop what we are doing and address it opening and honestly. Hope this helps in some way. And trust me it does not reflect how you are as parents sometimes children just want to experiment. So don't be so hard on yourself. Just take it one day at a time. Good Luck!

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