Son injured by upper classman, nothing done about it

Michelle - posted on 09/21/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My oldest is 11. we went to his first band performance and he ended up getting hit with drum sticks in the face and push against a wall where she left marks on him. This girl that did it is a senior, he is a 6th grader. My son told the band teacher and he ended up telling my son he was a liar and he believed her beause he has had her since 5th grade. My son was so upset when he found us. I went and confronted the teacher and the girl. He told me the same and the girl dropped her eyes and head when I told her she physically and verbally abused my son. I was told that night by another parent to take pics and go to the principle on monday. I have not heard a word from the school on the incident. They won't do much becuase it is a small town, we are not originally from there, but the girl is or should I say has the last name so it isn't touched. At this point all I want is for my son to be removed from band permanetly, but they say not til semester. There has to be something we can do? Any suggestions? I am so frustrated and angry my son went through this. No one should harm your child for any reason :(

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Michelle - posted on 09/28/2010

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Well, had a meeting. The principle and the superintendant will not do anything. They say the girls stories don't match exactly to our sons. Did they really think the girls would give them selves up, come on. We told them stories don't matter anymore, the proof is in the pictures and on his body, but they had no reply for our sons markings he has received from the girls. As far as they are concerned it didn't happen. Tried the state, but it is a local control state, so everything has to be handled in the district and this district won't do a darn thing. To them it is ok for girls to mark boys, but if it was the other way, I know there would've been trouble. Very unfair, it is all in who you are. These poor kids nowadays. Hope they don't grow up to teach their kids life is like this, who you are.

Michelle - posted on 09/23/2010

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Yes, my sonlikes band but is too afraid right now to go on the out of town trips with the treacher and those two girls. The healthy environment right now is for him to be out of band, there are other things he can do. The band teacher confronted him on tuesday anyways and was very angry and told him to go take his horn out of the band room asap, so yesterday morning my son and his dad went and got it. My son said yesterday that a email went out to all teachers about really enforcing bullying and now they have a new pledge they have to say each day about keeping words and hands to themselves as to not hurt others. I am glad things seem to be changing, but not happy we still have not been acknowledged or informed. We tried to get a 15 minute appointment withthe principle for friday, but have not heard back. Thanks everyone!!
Shea- I know exactly what you are talking about. I didn't want to be so rational myself and am still not cool on the incident. I would love to have them get a dose, but that isn't teaching my kids anything.

Shea - posted on 09/23/2010

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I'm not as rational or level headed as the rest. Truthfully, I may not be very mature either if someone caused my child any degree of harm. I say this first because of what follows..lol..Sometimes a bully needs a little taste of their own medicine. Now..I'm not saying that hands should be laid on said bully, but a good scare might work. =v) Sometimes we also assume that the parent of the "bully" is aware and okay with their child's actions. Maybe they are in private...but publicly ..hmm. Names in small towns don't want to be looked at as That family! Believe me.

Unfortunately in situations such as these the damage is already done. Does your child like band? If so why are you taking him out? He will be getting punished for a wrong done to him. If we as parents don't take a stand, where will are children learn to stand up for themselves? Sometimes working your way up through the almighty pyramid doesn't work..especially in small towns. I know from experience. Good Luck

Priscilla - posted on 09/22/2010

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It is bullying at she can be arrested for it. Make sure you let them know that and if they dont do something about it you will take it to the press and make it national news. Im sure they will step up the game...try to attain an lawyer...not from there but maybe from a town over. GOOD LUCK!

Michelle - posted on 09/22/2010

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Thanks everyone for your words of advice. I started with the state level, but our state is a "local control" state which means all issues have to be handled through the school board and district superintendant. I feel I will not get anywhere withthem because of the smallness and the "names " that are onthe board. we are outsiders, not originally from there and the senior is. I don't want anythingbad to happen to the girls, but they do need to be made to understand that what was done is not acceptible. I want my son removed from band without being treated harshly or having to take an "F". We cannot switch to another district until next year and file open enrollement papers in february. I do not understand all these kids behaviors now adays. The bullying is terrible and this small town attitude of we are from here we rule the school and sports is ridiculous. All children should be equal, I don't care who you are. When these "NAME" kids graduate and go out into the world they are a nobody like everyone else. Some parents need to teach their kids respect and equality. Thanks every one again I really appreciate all the words. Will keep you posted as this progresses. I am making an appt. to go into the school on friday and get something done since they are not acknowleding my concerns.

Guarky - posted on 09/22/2010

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Hi Michelle, I know what you mean. My daughter is 11 yrs old and she went to a lot on the 5th grade due to a bully who's mom worked for the board of Ed. It got so bad, that I ended up switching her to another school almost at the end of the school year. Now she is at peace and doing very good in class. Is there a board of ed you can bring your case too, or some agency maybe. Can you transfer your child, at least if you do so now it will be at the beginning of the semester and if your son stays in that school, I am afraid things can get worst for him, even if something gets done now......Good Luck

Laura - posted on 09/22/2010

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I'm sorry about your situation. I also am from a small town with names that tend to get preferential treatment, so I can sympathize. One point to keep in mind with situations like this is that there are always at least two perspectives on what happened--yours and the other person's. Since physical violence was used by this girl, focus on that behavior. She may argue that your son verbally prevoked her (I am making an assumption as an example!) and she retaliated with force. While that may or may not be true, the point is that violence is NEVER an acceptable means of retaliating to something that is spoken. Stick to that point like glue! You seem to be taking the appropriate steps to try and resolve this-- keep it up!

A couple of questions to consider: What exactly are you looking for in the way of consequence or justice? What consequence for this girl's actions would satisfy you? Answering those questions will give you a foundation to stand on AND a goal to achieve. Assuming you achieve your goal, be mentally prepared to move beyond this issue and consider the problem resolved.

Next, don't rely on the school calling you; you need to be calling every day until you receive a response. "Bullying" and "violence" are the two key words you need to be using for this situation--remind the school of this often! Give them a deadline to respond to your complaint. To give them incentive to respond apporpriately, and I hate to suggest this, let them know that you would PREFER to resolve this problem without legal intervention BUT you will consult with a lawyer and consider a lawsuit if
neccessary! Be prepared to follow through! If you do not resolve this with the school by your deadline then call a lawyer and start having them deal with the school.

Finally, as a last resort, bullying is a hot topic with most school districts--consider taking your story to the local news media if a prompt resolution is not forthcoming. They may or may not pick up the story, but it can be a powerful tool if they do. Being from a small town myself, negative press about anything local gets the folks squirming! Small towns don't like transparency, especially with unflattering subjects. I hope this helps and good luck to you!

Justina - posted on 09/22/2010

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Sorry to hear this i know what you mean about the small town and teacher not doing anything about it.What is wrong with kids these days being so mean and teachers don 't say nothing at all.I hate it bcause it makes good students dread school. My daughter goes through the same thing at school.I hope you get this matter resolved.

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