step parents

Christina - posted on 07/31/2010

I think you have to belive her and take it at her word your husband on the other hand may be mad at first but till u can get to the root of this u have to back your child and shes a girl and developing and sometimes it can lead to trouble from your daughter look at lolita also ur hubby may be a ruff man and he might have gotten out of hand with her but youll never know till u put them to the test and hopefully its all a miss understanding but till u know u have to side with your child and a real man would understand and visa vera

Nicole - posted on 07/29/2010

I'm interested in finding out what happens. Will you let us know what you decide to do and what you find out? I know it must be a difficult spot to be. Be strong and muster your courage!

Tina - posted on 07/29/2010

I have read all the posts and agree. For me I'd get her in counseling ASAP and until you can see who is telling the truth, don't leave them alone together.
Sure it will be a pain in the butt, but you can't be 100% from either of them based on their actions. Get her help, maybe the counselor can ask the 'right' questions to find out the truth. till then, it is your JOB as her mother to protect her, even if you are not sure what you are protecting her from.

Nicole - posted on 07/20/2010

I tend to agree with Vicki and Jennifer. It seems to me that you need to find a good counselor and everyone goes. The counselor can mediate and give an opinion. I would tend to evaluate if your daughter's fear is genuine or not. Is it fear of him or fear of getting into trouble? Regardless, I would be a very vigilant observer of the dynamic between her and your husband for a long while. Chances are that unless your daughter has a super, amazing imagination, there is some truth her story. I would say that even if she does make things up, it is a progression to a kind of story like that. Is that the case? Are there marks on her that may back up her story? What is her motivation?

And definitely, if someone is guilty, they tend to go on some sort of attack to draw attention away from themselves. So if that is what your husband did, I would consider it and other behavioral patterns of his more carefully.

For example, recently I asked someone who knew my friend to try to find out the truth. Not heresay, just what they knew or could find out. When the someone went to my friend and told them I did this, my friend got really angry, saying that I shouldn't talk to anyone else about them. Turns out, they were lying and I had hit the mark and knew I wouldn't get the whole story from them in the first place. In the process I learned about a bigger degree of lies that I didn't know about before. If my friend were trustworthy, they wouldn't be mad, there would be nothing to hide.

Cinthia - posted on 07/15/2010

I see all of your responses, but I also have a history of this happening to my neighbor. The girl wanted her step-father out of the house so she made up the story (she was around 10 yrs old).

I am not saying that your daughter is lieing, but there is a possibility. But no matter what you need to take it seriously.

I was abused by both my father and my grandfather from birth. Thank goodness I didn't live with my father, but with my mom and step-father. I was nieve enough to not tell my mom and just endure the abuse all those years. I am now trying to build a relationship with my father, but he doesn't make it very easy.

You and your daughter will be in my prayers. Please get the two of you into some counseling, to help her bring out what happened, and help her deal with it.

Misty - posted on 07/14/2010

Sounds like you have a guilty husband. The fact that he would not explain what happen but go straight for the lair. What?! Your daughter is tring to tell you something. This is your child.. Men come and go. Make right by your child and get to the bottom of it. The fact that she told you means so much.

Vicki - posted on 07/13/2010

Tanya,

LISTEN TO YOUR BABY GIRL!!! You said she is a great kid and he is a great dad. First, he has been her dad for as long as she can remember so discipline would NOT make her suddenly fear him. There is something else going on that she is uncomfortable talking about.
Next, his reaponse was an immediate, she's a liar. NOT TYPICAL! I have an almost 18 year old daughter who knows how to play her dad and me like a finely tuned grand piano!! I am the fun one he is more disciplinarian. She has on occasion come to one of us with exagerated "tales of woe" Like the time she was sent to alkatraz "her bedroom-suite" because she spilled a little milk (knocked the glass bottle on the floor and shattered it after being told to wait for daddy to help her) Of course I ask dad about such harsh consequences at which point I get the real story and punishment.

Why would a dad need to say he didnt discipline his daughter? Your vows say "forsaking ALL others" but you have to keep your eyes open and your emotions out of it. Your baby girl is becoming a young woman and the stage is being set for what she will know as acceptable behavior in her own relationships. Seek counseling!!! I will keep you all in prayer

Ellen - posted on 07/11/2010

I think you should take her accusations seriously. Do not leave your daughter alone with your husband until you know for sure that it is safe to do so. Put your daughter in counseling to get to the truth and to develop a plan to protect her. You should probably ask your husband to stay somewhere else until you get to the bottom of her accusations and your daughter feels safe with him again. If he is truly a good dad, he will comply and understand why this is necessary. You definitely need help from a professional who is familiar with these situations and who can get to the bottom of this. Good luck!

Krys - posted on 07/08/2010

Personally with the attitude that your husband protrayed when he was eitheir getting on to her or when you was tryn to talk to her is un called for. You are her mom and you lay down the rules for her and she should respect her stepdad and you but.....if i were you i would listen to her give her the benefit of the doubt at the same time assuring your husband that you are doing it for the sake of your child. I would hope that he could take a step back and try another method of getting her to listen to him. My son is 10 ...I would crawl over his own dad if he did that to my son. Just my opinion..:)

Monica - posted on 07/08/2010

I would not jump to any conclusions, but I would not ignore it either. Talk to her when your husband is not around and have her open up to you about what she is afraid of, why she wants to move out and to tell you about when she was grabbed by the wrist and he got in her face. Find out if anything else has happened like this before.

Jennifer - posted on 07/06/2010

My opinion is that first, you are a mother. Sit down and get the whole story from her. What kind of "grabbing" do you mean, just the wrist thing, or something else?
What happened when you confronted your husband directly? I would talk to him without her there and see what he says. Don't say a word, just make him tell you the story.
Then I would maybe put all 3 of you together and "mediate", and make sure if anything starts to escalate you bring it back down.
having said that....as a mom i would need to get to the bottom of her fear. Maybe if you explain to her that you simply cant help her unless she tells you everything and you stay sympathetic to her she will tell you.
As far as your husband goes, he needs to understand that you are a mother and it is your job to protect your daughter and by him acting like a child and yelling about it, that does not help. Tell him he needs to act like an adult to try to mend this situation. Then I would tell him that any and all discipline from now on goes through you,. Period.
But there is a reason she is scared. Has she been to a counselor? or maybe you two together? maybe she tells stories to get attention. But I did, as a child, live in fear of my step dad with GOOD reason and it was HELL. My mom didn't know until quite awhile after the physical abuse started.
Does he have any abuse in his past? Has he ever gotten physical with you?

Rebecca - posted on 07/06/2010

Truth I would believe my daughter. I know you saying about how she lies and stuff. What happens if she is telling the truth and u don't believe her? Touch her in what way?