trouble with my 13 year old boy....

Jennifer - posted on 10/05/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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my 13 year old boy is having trouble behaving. he was having problems in school not handing in assigments and doing his daily work. he's very smart so much in fact that he doesn't even need to study for his tests. he just doesn't like to complete his work or follow directions given by his teachers. for his punishment i took away all of his video game systems and even his tv! i know this sounds kind of drastic but i had to deal with him going to summer school last year and other kinds of problems with him. he's very capable of doing school work, i think he's just being lazy.
on a different subject with his behavor, he was caught throwing roof shingles off of the roof and hitting our neihbor's car! when i asked him about this, he replied with a "i'm sorry" but with no emotion in his voice. this is how he responds to everything! i'm really worried about him and i am running out of options for dissaplinary actions! this is only a small amount of things he's been doing lately.
his father has passed away 5 years ago along with his grandfather around the same time. he has been seeing a professional therypist for this. but i honestly think his father dying is not what this behavior is comming from.
anyone else having this kind of problem from there teen? and if so, what should i do? thank you for listening! :)

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Beth - posted on 10/12/2009

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Even though it's been five years your son's father's death could be aprt of the problem. I lost my mother when I was a high school freshman and it still sneaks up on me sometimes (and it's been decades). Also, I have a neighbor who is now 17 (11 when his dad died) and as he grows up he goes through times when it is still really hard for him. This kid's got a phenomenal stepdad (since before his dad died), a good, stable male role model and he still has a hard time sometimes. I think finding him someone who lost a parent when they were a child is an excellent idea. It can be an empathetic adult who understands what he's going through, too, so if you can't find him a support group is it possible to get him set up with a Big Brother or something? It sounds like he might be depressed -- has he had an "big" things (for him -- you or I might think it's nothing) happen recently?

Sherry - posted on 10/12/2009

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Quoting jennifer:

thanks sherry, he does go to a youth group every week w/ my mom. even though i'm an atheist i let him go to church with my mom whenever he wants to go. i don't know of any programs in my area for kids with lost parents but will look into it.thanks again for your help. - Jenny :)



Out of curiousity, why did you choose to be an atheist? Because, I know I can help you if you will let me...can send me a private message if you like....

Liz - posted on 10/10/2009

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Have a chat with his teacher. perhaps she can enlighten you about his behaviour at school. I'd check out his IQ level with the school counsellor - they can do a test to determine his IQ. perhaps he is a bright kid who is bored at school. We've found this with my son and we are changing his school. I looked for one that provides a variety of programs, is interested in the individual and teaches in a creative way.

Re the behaviour - there is always a point to it. Think about what happen prior to him engaging in the behaviour, how did you, he and anyone else behave during the event and what happened after. This can be very intersting and usually tells you why he did it. Once you work that out, talk to him and devide solutions.

Jennifer - posted on 10/06/2009

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thanks sherry, he does go to a youth group every week w/ my mom. even though i'm an atheist i let him go to church with my mom whenever he wants to go. i don't know of any programs in my area for kids with lost parents but will look into it.thanks again for your help. - Jenny :)

Sherry - posted on 10/06/2009

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I think finding him a church, with a good youth program would help...maybe if he had some friends who have also lost a father or close family member to talk to..maybe you could form a group in your area...to help grieving families and in the process it would help you and your son...

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