very popular kid in school

Cara - posted on 05/08/2010

Maybe your son does what he needs to do to be popular at school, because that is 'what you are supposed to do', but when school is out, he wants a break. My dd13 is very popular at church, youth and other things, has lots of friends, and the phone rings off the hook, and she gets home and wants to hide. She does it in small doses, but comes home and wants to relax because she finds it tiring. She doesn't like having friends over all that much, because home is her refuge.
It is not uncommon also for kids to feel like their own home is not as nice and feel embarrassed by their own family. Seems to also happen about this age.

Lori - posted on 05/08/2010

I think that in the tween/teen years things get complicated. Especially for my daughter. The majority of her friends are not allowed to come and spend time with her because she has brothers!?!? This applies to even a day trip. I understand this but at the same time I don't. My feelings on this are simple. Ridiculous. First of all, my house has extreme rules and bounderies when it comes to having friends over whether it be my sons or my daughters. Boys are not allowed in the girl's room and girls are not allowed in the boy's room. I have an "entertainment room" that adjoins to my kitchen and main livingroom area where there's a television, dvd player, Wii and other activities where the kids can play together. Second, we're not exactly the wealthiest family in the world so when we have the oppertunity to take the kids to a waterpark, skating rink, bowling alley or movie it's a HUGE treat for my children. Why should I have to tell my boys that they can't go because their sister wants to bring a friend? Why is ALL of this seperation between boys and girls 100% necissary when there isn't just one parent in the home to supervise but two and most of the time it's 3-4 adults per I'm going to say 4-6 children? That's a higher ratio than most child cares or even schools!!!! I think another part of the problem is that we're terrorfied. Not necessarily just of the whole "sex" factor but of the people lerking about that shouldn't be. A lot of parents don't take the time out to talk with other parents to find anything out about one another. It's like we've become more stranger to one another than neighbors. A lot of people have stopped communicating and just feel like it's better to shelter children than it is to communicate, know who your children are with, what they are doing, and when they're going to be home and be comfortable enough to ask their kids about their time away from home. The majority of the children who do come into my home and are able to participate with us on outings have the time of their lives and do come back frequantly!!! And ya know what? That's absolutely fine with me!! I love having the kids around and knowing the parents. It works. The kids have NEVER been in trouble when they're with me and these are the same kids who've been coming back to me from the time they were small children. 6-7 years old!!! Why is it different now when they're 9,10,11,12+ years old?

Tanya - posted on 05/04/2010

My step-daughter is like that. In school she is talkative, disruptive, and fits in with just aboiut everyone. Outside of school she is withdrawn, anti-social, and doesn't want to engage with anyone or do anything. I am thinking it is the age and them feeling like they need to conform themselves to the other kids. When they aren't in school they seperate from their friends just for a break so they can be their true selves. It sounds horrible but think back I am sure there are things we all did that normal wasn't something we would do if it wasn't for our friends...that is tremendous pressure on a kid. Just keep the lines of communication open and let your teen know they can talk to you about anything without being judged and if there is or was a problem hopefully this will make him feel more comfortable talking to you.