What am I doing wrong with my situation?

Monica - posted on 08/25/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

I need help. I am separated & share custody of my 2 girls. He never paid much attention to them while we were married. Only doing his own thing & even missing their birthday parties. I left him over 2 years ago & since then he has tried & mostly succeeded in taking the kids emotionally. When this 1st happened, he would cry in front of them and share private adult stuff with them. One of them being my new relationship. It was not the reason for our breakup...the emotional abuse & neglect that I experienced over our 14 yr marriage was. We went to councelling but he always thought it was me. After he found out that I really did move on, he promised to change but I was done. I no longer loved him or wanted him. All feelings were gone other than the fact he was my children's Dad. I didn't even fight hard about the division of properties & gave him our cabin. I let him see the girls whenever.

During the 1st year, he would try to hug or kiss me especially around the girls & when I pushed him away, he would ask me why I was so mean to him (right in front of them again so they would agree) I tried to explain why that wasn't appropriate as I was with someone. I still am.

He now does have a girlfriend of almost a year & yesterday was the 1st time I met her. Not the way that I wanted to.

My kids refuse to see my boyfriend because of the fear in them instilled by their Dad. My boyfriend is a really nice man who always takes care of others before himself. He has always wanted the girls included in all our activities but they refuse. They however love their Dads girlfriend. I'm glad that she is good to them but is it not right for me to meet her. She is a stranger to me & if my girls are to go anywhere with someone I don't know, I always want to meet them 1st.

Yesterday I returned home from being away. Amount for a few days with the boyfriend. They were to come with us but decided they wanted to stay with their Dad instead. He wanted them. I found out yesterday that they didn't stay with him & at friends houses. My youngest daughter I hadn't heard from & neither from my ex when I wud call him. No responses. I saw my daughter at an event & drove her back to her Dads but he wasn't there. He had left earlier in the day to go up to the cabin, with my daughter but have still yet to determine this. I was concerned who was with my oldest but she told me that his girlfriend was there & would be driving up. I didn't feel right about it. I called her on her cell & told her that if I didnt hear from her sister I would come there. She didn't so I went. They were just backing out of the driveway & tried to speed off when she saw me. I screamed stop the car. She got out & told me she wanted nothing to do with me & that I was psycho. I told my daughter to get out of the car. She wouldn't. This girlfriend said they have spoken to the police & there is nothing I can do....what are they talking about? I have never said a bad thing about her & she has a public twitter page which I did read so I could get an idea of who she is & she called me a stalker. I have never seen her in public & the only message I ever wrote her was to meet her only because she was hanging out with my kids. I never got a response & I never wrote one again.

I know my ex is all about the money & he hates that he has to pay child support. I feel that his goal is to take the girls from me so he doesn't have to pay for anything anymore. He has someone that is taking over my role & caring for everyone.

I am at my wits end about all of this cause anyone that knows me, knows that I have lived my life for my girls & do everything for them. I'm on the PAC & am a Girl Guide Leader. I am their main caregiver. My ex has never taken to the Doctor, Dentist or any activity. He has no clue.

Sorry for the length of post. I would really appreciate anyone's moment or suggestion.

Thank you.