What do you do when you teen is ready to have sex?

Roger - posted on 11/24/2012

prevent him from doing it.

Julia - posted on 11/19/2012

Tell your son if he isn't man enough to walk into a store and buy condoms he isn't man enough to have sex!

Caroline - posted on 08/21/2012

I was a mother at 14. If he knows the risk and all that then i'd allow it

Cayla - posted on 05/13/2012

Trick question.... He should have sex ( even with condoms) till he's has a job can get married or he's living on his own . He's only 14 he's not ready yet.

Natalie - posted on 02/14/2012

Well i've came to the conclusion on that they are going to do things regardless if we want them to or not. So the best thing is to educate on sex as much as you can. As a mom of 5 i wanted my kids to wait until at least they were 50 or never to have sex but thats not the case. i just want my kids to be happy. but i know i can't be around them 24/7 i'm just always going to be there for them. Thats all we can do. I think you made the best choice.

Janet - posted on 02/13/2012

Valerie, Great advice!

Sherri - posted on 02/13/2012

I wish there was a sad button that I could push for Cindy's comment. Those poor poor children.

Valerie - posted on 02/13/2012

When my son informed me he was having sex, I ran to the store immediately and stocked him up on condoms. I was glad he confided and trusted me enough to tell me (he was 15.. pretty close to your son's age). We had many many talks about safe sex, emotions (especially girls vs. guys.. it IS very different), and NOT catching diseases and avoiding pregnancies. He willingly went to the doctor and got a full work-up of bloodwork, etc. done so he had the knowledge for certain that he had no STDs/communicable diseases.. then after that.. he got condoms in his easter basket, stocking at christmas, etc.. as part of his gifts.. most kids are too shy/uncomfortable to buy them themselves and will do it regardless.. He is now 21 and I still buy them for him as "presents" and he has had no accidental pregnancies with girlfriends and no STDs. He is very responsible and I am very proud of who he has become as an adult! I also told him that since he KNOWS he doesn't have any STD, don't EVER assume anyone else doesn't.. always protect yourself- if a girl says "I am on the pill, it's OK"- I gave him the advice to turn it around on himself if he is awkward about saying anything to the girl- he can always say "but what if I have an STD, I would want to protect you"... and he has used that too! Good luck!

Jerusha - posted on 02/10/2012

Lock a chastity device on him. The CB 3000 is supposed to be a good one. You could also tell him how blowjobs are more enjoyable for a boy and that he should be content with just that. The speech and condoms is probably the best answer though.

Kathy - posted on 01/14/2012

He's 14!!! There is no way he is "ready" to have sex? Are you kidding me? Unbelievable.



He has no business being in a position where there is even an opportunity to have sex!!!! At 14, do you REALLY believe he has the emotional maturity to handle an inimitate relationship? Does he even comprehend what that is?????



And what about the girl? What if she does become pregnant? Hmmm?



You tell your son to keep his hands/penis to himself.

Melissa - posted on 01/13/2012

. What if you give him the advice about safe sex, waiting, etc. and then tell him you will provide him with condoms if he would do something for you. I would suggest have your son meet with some teen age mothers at a home for teen moms and let them talk to him. Then maybe have him meet some teen dads that are dropped out of school and working to provide for their baby. Let his peers tell him their thoughts. I believe if you are willing to empower your child with condoms then empower them with the possible consequents that result in having sex. Ask him to think about his future and write it down, and then take it to the level of pretending he got a girl pregnant what his role would be and what your role as a grandparent would be. Let him see how his life will change and his goals will change as well. Tell you son to think about things and give him a few days. If after a few days he wants to have sex have him sign a contract to himself of the possible effects and what he will do if he got some one pregnant. I know this sounds really dorky, but I can tell you this works. I know that this may not work for all, but it’s worth a shot. 

Sherri - posted on 01/12/2012

@Sarah I agree I think they should be asked to wait but the reality is that the majority will not no matter what we teach them. So hiding our heads in the sand and just say don't and believing that they won't and if they do believing they will go buy condoms is just leading to many parents who are going to be gravely disappointed when their child comes home pregnant or their partner pregnant.

Janet - posted on 01/12/2012

Sarah in theory I agree with you, but I think we all know that kids have sex when they are ready not when us moms are ready and once they start we need to help keep them safe and protected.

Sarah - posted on 01/11/2012

I will still disagree with you Sherri. I personally believe that sex is an act that should be performed by adults. 14 is not an adult. I will encourage my children to respect themselves enough to wait for someone they love and who loves them. It has nothing to do with religion, but with self-respect. A person about to engage in sexual activity should have the maturity to take responsibility for the action they are about to perform. Part of that responsibility is purchasing the products they need to protect themselves (if they insist on engaging in a sexual relationship outside marriage). I agree, there are many people who are insecure with their sexuality to the point they won`t purchase condoms, but perhaps then they should also be encouraged to wait and mature enough before they have sex in the first place. I have met plenty of women who were sad they didn`t wait until they were adults to have sex, but I`ve never met one who waited who wished they had done it as a teenager. Now, I mean no offense to anyone who believes differently, but this is simply my opinion and how I will be raising my children.

Sherri - posted on 01/11/2012

Not true Sarah I wouldn't have bought condoms, hell or even tampons for that matter without being mortified even when I was almost 30 and by that point I was already the mom of 2.



You can not expect them to buy condoms and if you do plan on being a grandmother very young because they will have unprotected sex vs. buying condoms. That is why I will supply the condoms for my children.

Sarah - posted on 01/11/2012

If he`s too embarrassed to buy the condoms himself, then he is not ready for the responsibility of having sex.

Janet - posted on 01/09/2012

Also, the one thing I did with my daughter and her boyfriend was I took them to the CVS and went through all the various condoms and had them pick them out and pay for them at the register. I just wanted to teach them some responsibility at first. Now I just buy them and keep the basket in her bathroom stocked up.

Lori - posted on 01/03/2012

Lock him up until he turns 18!

Rosie - posted on 01/03/2012

I would have him go along with you to a health department and speak with a nurse there. They will inform him of all sexually transmitted dieseases and also provide him with condom's. If you can put him in after school activitys and give him a curfew or take him to places where you can supervise him and also pick him up so he wont have time to have sex notthing else you can do. Thank your lucky stars he came to you for advise. hope this helps.

Ginger - posted on 12/27/2011

i agree

Janet - posted on 12/27/2011

I've gone through this already with my 15 yr old daughter. When they want to they will do it whether we support their decision or not. The most important thing is to keep the communication open so that he does tell you these things without fear of being judged. My daughter has been active for the past 8 months and they do use condoms and she's on bc so I know they are being responsible. I'd much rather they be open and honest about it than go sneaking around.

Ginger - posted on 12/27/2011

I will tell you I think it is wise he has all the information he needs including condoms. You can try to fool yourself and say not my son but the way teens are now it is rare they wait. I think it is better to be prepared with the proper tools to avoid unwanted pregnancy and STDS. No matter how much you say use abstinence these kids get wrapped up in the heat of the moment. Better to be safe ..then sorry.

Iris - posted on 12/22/2011

Give him the condoms...... better he have them then have lots of baby's.. or get std's....

Cherease - posted on 12/22/2011

Yonedi, it is great that your son can to you about sex. I love the way you tried to deter him,but he will have sex if he is ready. If it were my son I would ignore all the comments about strong arming him into not having sex it will not work. I would give my son the condoms that dont mean I condone nor like it,but his safety would be my concern. Having sex has been tabooed for too long but yet it is the top money maker for TV,magazines and social sites. Sex sells and everybody is doing it. So just make sure that he knows the emotional aspect of sex. Good Luck

Klara - posted on 12/22/2011

Karen: Tell him its an awesome idea, and if he still feels that way when he is older, you will completely support it. Tell him if they are really that in love, another 2-6 yrs. shouldnt matter. Good luck!!!

Klara - posted on 12/22/2011

Sheri: I hate to say it, but it happens. If they want to bad enough, they will find a way. I am glad you try to be so vigilant with your son. Kudos to you. I just hope your son doesn't pull the wool over your eyes, because it does happen all too often. We cannot be everywhere all the time.

Klara - posted on 12/22/2011

if he is old enough to have sex, he should be old enough and responsible enough to buy his own condoms too! You could take him, but he should buy them and take them to the register. Its a part/fact of life. Its great you have kept the communication open though, great job Mom! Wow, 14 seems so young....Good luck! Hopefully you told him that no birth control is 100% and he had better be ready for the possibility he may get someone pregnant IF he chooses to have sex.

Kathy - posted on 12/18/2011

ppl i am sory but i think this generation sucks , i am 14 , and i think that teens shouldn't have sex and i think that those parents that let their kids have sex aren' good parents, u should try your best to make your son understand that he shouldn't be having sex at his age and if u can't .... well u should get him condoms becuase u know he will do it without telling u .... anyway good luck

Lorinda - posted on 09/15/2011

The classic mistake many parents make is thinking that THEY get to make the choice of when your child decides to have sex. Ultimately, it is THEIR choice. No matter what you believe, or what you WANT them to believe, its their choice. Of course we all have our own belief systems and I (out of respect) will not go there. However, I would tell my OWN son and HAVE told my own son that if you DON'T have a condom you DON'T have sex... PERIOD! And if you don't have a condom you simply don't put yourself in the position to even MAYBE have sex. More importantly, they need to be asked if they are ready to be a parent, ready to go through all the things an adult has to go through after they start having sex! I.E. to a doctor and say they are having sex, have a problem down there, or ready to go with a girlfriend to a doctor appointment if she has something wrong, or get a job and provide for a child or even THINK about those kinds of things. Because those are ADULT decisions and adult things they would have to DO if the worst case scenario played out. If they answer No to any of those, then they need to WAIT until they can say YES! Because once you walk through that door...you can't pretend you never opened it. Until you are ready to deal with adult problems, you should not indulge in adult activities. LOVE then can be talked about, and ideals emphasized. But its very hard to argue with practicality.

Carol Ann - posted on 05/06/2010

yep let em watch 16 and pregnant for the video aspect and tell them exactly what Telika said so they get the audio as well.... hit em with both guns! LOL Good luck- you might also take them to see AIDS patients caused from unprotected sex- Education and awareness is KEY

Telika - posted on 05/06/2010

well,lol,i had the sex talk w/my almost 15 y/o,i'm gonna give you the advice i gave my son and my daughters,i'm not gonna be w/ you all the time and those urges are gonna come up,all i ask is that you come to me and talk to me so i can take you to get condoms and put you on birth control,tell your son to pass up the girl if he don't want to become a father also tell him to kinda keep condoms on him bc one of them have to have the common sensse and knowledge to help prevent un wanted teen pregnancy!! tell him this as well,how would he feel if a guy asked his sisters to have sex soo young,that seems to work w/my son good luck

Carol Ann - posted on 05/06/2010

Let him watch "16 and pregnant"

Sherri - posted on 05/03/2010

I am all for giving him all the information, supplying condoms and thrilled that you have such a close relationship. With that being said I am dumb founded that your child is ever in a position at 14 that it could even happen. I am mother of a 13 yr old. He is not allowed to date, can't even ride his bike off our street (as we live off a very busy roadway). Yes he goes to friends houses (boys only), school dances etc but never would he be allowed with a girl unsupervised until at least the age of 16. I just don't get how 14 yr olds are even able to have time or places they could go and do it. My son goes to school takes the bus home gets home at 4pm has 2-3hrs of homework eats dinner, goes to bed at 8:30pm. This is M-F. On weekends he has chores, maybe goes to a friends which I drive him to and pick him up or there parents do. He is never without some kind of adult supervision ever. Maybe I live in a different area which such things are different. We don't even have 1 single pregnant teen in our high school (yes it is public)

Lori - posted on 05/02/2010

I'm going to give you a website that will help you and him deal with this situation and also give him some things to think about before he openly states "I'm ready" may help him change his mind for a little while but I would definately state the importance of masterbation and practices of that before sex. the website is www.iwannaknow.org best of luck!!!

Ashley - posted on 05/02/2010

A. Do you even know the girl that he's planning on using the condoms with...by that I mean is he a girl that he's currently seeing and you know her or is it some street tramp that is out banging every guy in the neighborhood?
B. If she is a girl that he is currently dating and you know her, have you and her had open discussions about sex. Do you know her parents and are they on board with their daughter being sexually active?
C. I take it that since you've had the little "sex talk" that he even knows how to properly use the condom, placing it on and the disposal of it once used?
D. 14 is not really a bad age for boys to begin being outwardly sexually active, though you'll hear the whole abstenence thing from the hard moral majority crews. Involving ones self into being sexually active is something as natural as leaves coming off a tree. For my own 2 sons, my oldest was sexually active when he was only 12 with an older girl from next door. My youngest is 14 now and he's been sexually active for about a year now and he is bisexual.

Cara - posted on 05/01/2010

Just thought I might put a different spin on this... What about teaching boys to have actual respect for girls? My daughter's view (she is almost 14 and does have a boyfriend) is that if a guy would seriously risk her future by having sex with her, then he couldn't possibly respect her or love her. Someone who loves you wouldn't gamble with your future.
According to her boyfriend, who is a few years older and more experienced (as in, not a virgin) in his experience, sex complicates a relationship and often makes it seem much more serious than it is. Now that he realizes that some people do actually wait for adulthood/marriage to have sex, he says he regrets his past choices and wishes he had waited.

Michelle - posted on 03/10/2010

had the same conversation with my 14 yr old son yesterday. I told him to remember to always use a condom. He told me I know mom but I am to young to be thinking of sex right now. I know that will change but for now we just keep talking. When I was a teen my dad (single parent) bought condoms and left them in the medicine cabinet. They were there for who ever might need them and he never asked questions when some were gone.

Cassandra - posted on 03/09/2010

I had my first daughter at 14 and it has been a very long road. I am only 11 years into parenting, but I have had to miss out on college and fun teen things. I will get my life back.... eventually, but for now I raise babies. I would hate for anouther child to have the same "non-thinking" moment that I did. To be honest he's going to do it whether you want him to or not, protected or not. I am glad he came to you rather than mess up his life by being unprotected. The condoms and the talk! Does he know how to use them properly? I would make sure he does. Good luck

Jennifer - posted on 03/09/2010

sounds like you are doing the best you can do. unfortunately they are going to do what they want to, when they want to... so the best thing you can do is be open with them, and educate them. hopefully talking to him about it will control his urge to be curious at such a young age. maybe you can find a local girls school that houses pregant girls, that you can take him to so that he can realize that it really can happen at a young age and what it is like to have to take care of a child at that age. Goold luck.

Karen - posted on 03/09/2010

My son is 16 and I just found out he had sex for the first time with his girlfriend of 10 months.... sure, I'd found condoms before and confronted him -- he insisted he hadn't done anything until this time (intercourse that is)... now his desire is to get emancipated and marry her . . . he thinks he'll be able to get an apartment at 16, a job (when nobody else around here can find one) and live happily ever after... Now, my dilemma is that I don't want to always be the downer -- I remember being that age when my mom would tell me not to get my hopes up, it's not going to work out, etc... and I hated that she couldn't understand just 'how in love' I was... How can I prevent him from going forward into a sure disaster and still 'support and encourage' him...??

Deanna - posted on 03/07/2010

I have a 20 year old daughter whom I had to have that kind of talk with. I just made sure that she had all the appropriate information. First of all you should tell him that it is his responsibility to have protection to not only protect himself from all the diseases but to protect his partner from pregnancy. Let me be frank for one moment and tell you as a mom of daughters that I told my daughter that she also needed to be responsible for protecting herself and if she couldn't then to not have sex. The more information that we give our children the better equipped they will be to make decisions when the time comes. Hopefully you will get some benefit out of this.

Tara - posted on 03/07/2010

If you had the talk about waiting and being in love and he still feels ready I would buy him the condoms and again tell him how I feel but that I respect and love him and want him to be safe,

Margi - posted on 03/06/2010

my son has always been free to ask questions about sex and relationships and we have tried to answer them as honestly and age appropriately as possible and then top them off with a healthy dose of our own opinions/experiences.
at this point in time he has decided that having sex is for making babies and, as he has NO desire to make a baby, he is not going to be having sex any time soon.
Now, I am not stupid enough to believe that this attitude won't change so we have ALWAYS told him..."If you don't have a condom on, you don't have sex!" He seems to agree with this mantra and so we live in hope that when the time comes, he will be as open with us as your son is with you and we can continue to "guide his choices" as we always have, and as you obviously do.

Sandra - posted on 03/06/2010

My son is 14 years old. We have talked several times over the last couple of years about girls and relationship. One of the main things I told him is that girls view their relationship must differently than boys do. when I spoke to him about the subject again after his recent doctors visit, he told me he was not thinking about it and was not ready. I told him I was very glad, but also not naive about how boys at his age begin to think. I told him that if he ever begin to think that way to talk to us and let us know. We would rather him be safe than sorry and have to help him raise a child.

Amy - posted on 03/06/2010

I sat my teenagers down and we searched the Internet for images of Std's. Then we discussed the risks involved. With mydaughters I made them make an appointment to get birthcontrol SMS lectured them about why they should wait. I also provided them with condoms and more lectures and discussions. With my sons I plan to talk to them in the same way and their girlfriends. I fell that the girl needs to talk to her parents before they decide to have sex. I do not want my sons being prosecuted because they got a girl pregnant! I also supervise the dates!

Sharon - posted on 03/05/2010

i told my son to keep it put up because if he came up with a baby he had to stop school and get a job and get married !!!!!!!! i never got a grandchild.

Karie - posted on 03/05/2010

really the best things is what u feel in ur heart i cried when i found out from my gurl that is she sexually activte but i guess we have to let them go sometime

Tracy - posted on 03/05/2010

As a mom, the best thing you can do is to love your son no matter what mistakes he makes. That being said, I don't think teens are truly mature enough to ever be ready for sex. I got married at 22, and honestly, I don't think I was quite ready for it in one sense. Teens cannot understand the kind of love it takes (not just lust) to have that intimate of a relationship. They certainly get the lust part, but if that isn't what you want for your son's first experience, then talk to him about it. Since you are a proponent of abstinence, then stick to that belief with him. Is it actually a rule in your household to remain abstinent? Then, you need to make him abide by your rules, and have consequences for breaking those rules. This will show him that you really love him. Bending your rules will only show him that your love isn't consistent. Sometimes being a parent makes you have to make tough decisions and ones that aren't popular with your child. But, you are ultimately the adult that needs to step in if you think your child is about to make a mistake.

Dana - posted on 03/05/2010

I guess condoms are all well and good...as long as they dont break, or that the kids using them know what they are doing. Personally...I'd strictly encourage abstinance. No I would not buy condoms for any of my children...that would be showing them that I condone their actions. I like what the previous poster said...be sure he understands ALL the cons...is a moment with a girl worth what he can never ever get back?

Penelope - posted on 03/05/2010

I think it's really great that your son trusts you enough to talk to you about this. Was your son asking you to buy him condoms? Or was he hoping to find a girl that is on the pill? I think it's really, really, really important to point out all the cons here, since hormones are good at blocking them out.

There are a-symptomatic STD's that cause cervical cancer and testicular cancer. Since they are a-symptomatic, you don't know you have them, so they are spread easily. I read about a study that tested college students. 50% tested positive for HPV and half of them were a-symptomatic. There are over 100 different strains, so that HPV vaccine isn't a sure bet.

In high school I knew a young man, 18 years old who was just finding out that he had herpes. He said that he knew a girl in the neighborhood that threw herself on him one night. He was flattered at the time. Turned out she had done this to several guys out of resentment because some guy had given her herpes. Thinking that you are safer because your young and your partner is young is a false sense of security. Did you know that if a pregnant woman has a herpes out break during the time she goes into labor, she will have to have a c-section? The herpes virus can kill an infant.

Here's another thing that I would recommend that all young men be told. I speak from experience here. I am a single mom. I was madly in love at 29 when I got pregnant and I chose not to marry my daughter's father because I couldn't get past how he initially wanted me to have an abortion. He's Catholic. Three court battles before she was 8, one assault, one arrest, one restraining order, one criminal trial, one vehicle stolen in violation of a court order, unpaid child support and the list goes on. Child support will follow you all the way through your social security years.

Having unprotected sex is no joke and all birth control can fail. It is human nature to be hopeful and think that it will never happen to you, but the reality is hormones give you tunnel vision and there is no such thing as casual sex. Knowledge is power and I know that you love your son. Make sure he is fully aware of the potential consequences. All the best.