What do you think about letting your child on Facebook? My daughter is addicted!

Kelly - posted on 06/08/2010 ( 107 moms have responded )

7

0

1

My eldest is daughter is 12 and she has recently joined Facebook. She uploaded all sorts of photos and personal information of herself. I do worry about the dangers of letting your children expose so much info about themselves particularly in such places as Facebook.



Any thoughts or am I over reacting (the latter is highly possible hahaha :) Thanks Kelly

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Erin - posted on 06/09/2010

4

6

0

I consider myself a rather strict parent my kids don't have cell phones or accounts on any website!!! While most kids would find this "the end of the world" my 13 yr old often tells me that she appreciates it because it alows her to leave ALL the drama at school. I"m sure there are time that she feels a little left out but when we talk about all the dangers that can creep up you even w/ the proper settings and she has watch talk shows when they discuss about bullying and other negetive side, she always tells me how much she apprecites my rules cause she understands its not here its everyone else I"m trying to keep her from.



SO to the point....I strongly believe that children (under18) DO NOT belong on any social sites because it provides too much opportunity for them to reveal too much about their lives and be put in poor situations. Children need to learn how to communicate effectively w/ each other not hide behind computers thinging they are untouchable.



However if you are going to allow your child to become a cyber junkie then as the parent it is your duty to be connected to their sites so you can monitor everything also there needs to be strict time limits.

Debbie - posted on 06/08/2010

14

15

2

I would say make sure that you assist her to adjust all the settings for maximum privacy ( so that she chooses who can see what with your input) and agree to monitor her friends together every so often.

Heather - posted on 06/29/2010

80

33

11

No Kelly, you're not over-reacting. The FB rules actually state that you must be 13 to join. My son (just turned 11) has been bugging me to let him join as the rest of his class are already there.

IMO it's lying if you join younger than 13 and what sort of message does this send our children. (I repeat, that's my opinion!)

In the meantime, talk with your daughter about putting up personal information. Be her 'friend' so you can see what she posts if necessary. The downside to that is that she can see what you post. The other option is that you can sign on as her and see what she's up to.

I like the FB rule of friends only. I don't even let friends of friends see what I put up.

My two cents worth ;)

Doris - posted on 06/16/2010

16

2

0

I totally agree with you, and kids are smart, they find all ways to get around you, and my point I would have to sit with mine. We had a very young teenage girl from our area run away to KY to meet this so called young boy, who ended up being a man and killed her after sexually abusing her. You can send stuff to people without being friends, and deleting is so easy. We would like to believe that we can trust our children, but remember at that age they think they know more and feel older if they do stuff on their own, and chatting on fb is so easy and can be deleted so easy. We cannot control everything they do on fb, we simply cannot, and then if they have a phone that has internet as many do they can continue there too. So nope, I am playing it safe and I am sure my daughters are not suffering because of that decision. Too many kids isolate themselves with technology.

Celestina - posted on 06/10/2010

5

5

0

My 12 year old son joined Facebook, I am on as a friend. I also set up all the privacy thingies so no can get his info. And of course after all of that he got bored with it in 3 months!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

107 Comments

View replies by

Teresa - posted on 08/10/2012

1

0

0

I don't think that you are over-reacting at all. We have all seen those expose' shows on 20/20 or some other show where they catch all kinds of "men" who were chatting up very young girls online and then actually coming to the childs residence with things like condoms, alcohol, handcuffs, lingerie...etc. My oldest daughter is 9 and she is "dying" to have a facebook account. The ONLY way I will even consider it is if it can be linked to mine.

User - posted on 08/10/2011

15

4

0

No, no, no. My daughter, who is twelve asked for one and we said NO. There is no need. She has a cell phone, something I didn't want to do but last year her bus broke down twice in the firs week of school and we had no wy off knowing what was going on, she we got her one but she doesn't sit around and text either. She has chores to do, homework to keep up w and reading. We r very busy so she doesn't pout about it. I am also not gonna drop her off at the mall w her friends and run around either, sorry, she can do all that when she's older....she's TWELVE!, not sixteen. She's still a little girl not a teenager or woman...too bad if anyone doesn't like it. My job is to protect her and guide her and let her grow as she's suppose to, not before hand! Cheers!

Tina - posted on 07/26/2011

74

11

3

I have older grown kids, and if they didn't post on facebook I wouldn't know nearly as much as I do with it. The age is a factor, be careful as to what you let her post about herself, i.e. especially the pictures. She should be taught to be modest and probably best in 'group' structure so as to have 'safety ' in numbers and not so much as an individual . That way you can see who else is also on there and learn so much more. My kids are in their 20's now, so it's a different story there for me . Hope that is helpful.

Jane - posted on 07/20/2011

54

0

7

your not overreactng and fb is addictive. ask her to go to privacy settings and hide alot of info in the settings custom settings and go on all the drop down boxes and press custom..only me. so that most of the topics or photos are just available for only your daughter to see. fb is getting weird at the moment and changes every couple of days also it started letting people add you who you dont know. tell her not to press "like" to adverts as people who are not friends and have liked the advert can look at her profile. dont tag friends neither. it used to be ok to use fb but its not that nice now. hope this helps

Amber - posted on 07/19/2011

3

7

0

i wouldnt mind it really..i wouldnt let her put to many pics of just her..and i wouldnt put personal information..

Amber - posted on 07/19/2011

3

7

0

i wouldnt mind it really..i wouldnt let her put to many pics of just her..and i wouldnt put personal information..

Crystal - posted on 07/18/2011

4

31

1

hey debbie imy 11 year old is on and i monitor everything heck i made vup the age date and bday so that if anyone does try to steal her info it is all false

Anna - posted on 07/16/2011

56

19

3

You need to monitor what she post about herself and make sure her account is very private. Make sure she knows all her friends. Not just random people for games purposes. Because its little post, pictures, check in's that say a lot. You may find some one you don't know at your door.

Wendy - posted on 07/12/2011

8

62

0

I have three kids. They all have a face-book page. At first my husband and I did not approve. We are still a little wary of this, however, we keep a close eye on the activity going on and if we do not approve we will delete their account. We are friends on face-book making it easy for us to see what is being said and what applications they are attempting to play, as well as who is trying to become friends with them. The only photos we allow are ones of the entire family and a few of them alone. No bathing suits, or anything of that nature. We also put the age block on their account.

Allison - posted on 07/12/2011

105

29

4

I think that at 12 she's kind of young but the good news is at 12 you can seriously monitor what she does on facebook whether it is at home or on her cell. tell her if she doesn't let you friend her on fb she can't use it. and you can also makesure that her settings are set to private and only people she knows and you know are on her friends list

Debbie - posted on 07/12/2011

13

15

0

I'm not sure but I think children must be atleast 13 (big deal I know) to join facebook.You should set one up and friend her.Monitor,monitor monitor.Get her password also and set a time limit.My daughter has an account , She started when she was 13 and to my amazement never gets on anymore.Just hope she doesn't get on imvu or second life. They are very dangerous for a young child.Never know who is lurking around on them sites.

Andrea - posted on 07/10/2011

151

12

6

Addicted? Maybe bored. I don't think you are over reacting. She should not be at the computer but busy doing active stuff.

You could enroll her in some group activity where she gets some social interaction AND some interesting hobby.

My nieces used to post the ugliest rudest stuff and I am one of their friends. I usually respond that it isn't appropriate. Yes, we were young before but we didn't broadcast the rude stuff for the whole world to see and hear. We did it among us in a very small circle of friends and we didn't offend older people. That's a big difference. Ha ha I am the older person now.

I tell my kids too it is OK if they use bad words (we all do) but there is a place and time, not in front of everyone else, especially those who don't care to hear it. It is the same with FB posts. They should keep it clean, socialize if they want to but leave personal and other explicit material out of it. Better yet, socialize in real person face to face. What an idea! ;0) The computer can be such a waste of time especially for kids. It's the same as the tv.

Little ones are too busy exploring they don't have time to watch, older kids are too busy studying, they shouldn't have time to watch.

Melanie - posted on 07/10/2011

1

4

0

It scares the crap out of me however I normally sit with my 13 year old daughter and will monitor pictures, games, etc. What we don't realize is that there are so many different sites such as dating sites, other game sites, open chat, etc that link right through facebook and you must be vigilant in checking what they are doing and who they are talking to. I don't like letting her have a facebook account however it is also a good tool to use when she has been in trouble I ground her from the computer and facebook first! And should she decide to delete me from her friends list or not give me her password she knows she will have her account deactivated. You must be strict however it can be educational. Most pictures are more tasteful than myspace which I will not allow her to use. As for some of the others like Yearbook that is a teenage hookup site however kids tend to tell the truth about their age. I just don't allow any innappropriate pics. or conversations. Respect is Number one. If you wouldn't show it or say it to grandma then don't show it or say it online!!
Melanie

Lisa - posted on 07/05/2011

148

68

1

Facebook's rule is 13. You allowed her to lie about her age or she did this behind your back? I would shut it down if I were you. There are predators all over the internet and I think even 13 may still be too young, but at that point, it's the parent's decision.

Debbie - posted on 06/30/2011

13

15

0

monitor,get her to friend youon FB so you can go to her page if not her ID and password.There are many cool games on there.

Melanie - posted on 05/19/2011

275

21

6

my 9 year old and my 11 year old have fb pages but they are really my pages that they are allowed to use so i can go in and change info, unfriend anybody i want, and change the password if i feel i need to. plus it all comes to one of my emails so they cant get around it

Courtney - posted on 08/15/2010

1

59

0

My 12 year old son just joined facebook (behind my back) and I just found out about it. I told him that if he wants to have a facebook page at this young age, I would have to have the password so I can monitor it. He gave it to me.
I also had a discussion with him about making sure he KNOWS all of his friends.

Stanley - posted on 08/12/2010

7

11

1

12 is probably still too young...kids that age just can't really behave themselves online. I would be more worried about her getting bullied by her peers than worried about someone stalking her, but both are legitimate worries.

I'd read up on Cyberbullying at www.cyberbullying.us, a great source provided by two very dedicated researchers. They present facts based on research, not hype.

But you are not overreacting. Kids are getting into serious trouble on the Internet and no wonder. It's a medium where everything they do is permanent and most kids that age can't think past next month.

Candi - posted on 08/08/2010

1,068

13

91

I am a strict mom. My older kids are 10 and 11 and they are not allowed to have facebook, myspace, cell phones or anything. We are a military family and move around a lot and its tough keeping up with people, but I tell my kids there is a such thing as letters, stamps, and mailboxes!! If someone in the family wants to talk to my kids, we have a home phone and my husband and I have cell phones. Kids are becoming addicted to technology at such a young age now. Its sad

Mary - posted on 08/08/2010

6

56

0

My daughter is 11 and I allowed her to be on facebook. However I monitor who she accepts as friends, comments and pictures. Most of her freirnds are from her school, and a couple of celebrities such as the cast from Suite life on Deck, Ashely Tisdale ,Selena Gomez etc. Its okay as long as you monitor her facebook.

Laura - posted on 08/07/2010

6

13

1

I don't think there's anything wrong with children being on Facebook, just so long as the parents set specific rules and make sure that they are followed. My 11 year old daughter is on Facebook and we haven't had any problems. Before I allowed her to be on we talked about being safe, not sharing personal info and only accepting friend requests from people we actually know. Of course, the number 1 requirement is that I am one her friends :) Makes monitoring a LOT easier!

Tracy - posted on 08/07/2010

6

120

1

i think it's fine it's a great way for them to communicate with there friends.. all my kids on facebook but, in agreement they page have to remain private and only add there friends and they have myspace as well on private mode people have to have there email address to be added i also have all my kids passwords they have no idea how i got them. For you parents that didn't know this...if your child clicked remember password box..good cause parents u can get there passwords here's how ....go to Tools>options then click saved passwords then click show passwords pop up appear then click yes it will show u there passwords...best wishes♥

Nina - posted on 08/06/2010

1

26

0

My daughter wants to go on facebook to but there are so many predators out there it is not funny, but as long as you have a close eye.

Chanel - posted on 08/04/2010

12

9

1

Definately not over reacting. It is so dangerous for kids nowadays. There are so many ways for predators to find them thanks to the advancement of technology. My oldest is an 11 year old boy who begged me for a facebook account, and I let him have one. But only I know the password for it, that way I can moniter the information he puts on it, and any friend requests or messages he might get. It kinda makes me feel like I am being too controling, but on the other hand it's better to be safe than sorry. Especially where my kids are concerned.

Yvonda - posted on 08/04/2010

127

40

7

you re right Muriel, there are alot of crazy people in the world just waiting for the opportunity to hurt our most precious gifts from God...but I only allow my daughter to have friends on facebook that I know, thats why I have everything set to come to my email, so I can make sure there is no one on her friends list or that she is commenting or emailing with that we dont know!

Muriel - posted on 08/03/2010

1

2

0

IT IS OK IF YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE FULL CONTROL. BUT DO WE REALLY HAVE FULL CONTROL??????????????
THEY ARE TOO MANY COOKS OUT THERE. WOMEN AND MEN MAKING BELIEVE THEY ARE YOUN AND TRICKING OUR CHILDREN?????????????

Yvonda - posted on 07/31/2010

127

40

7

my daughter is 11 and we have allowed her to join facebook, she uses an email set up by me, and the setting are so every comment or mail(photo comment included) come to this email address, also facebook has great privacy settings, you can select a group of friends that can view you info and pic and also pick who can't see your info, I suggest that you check those privacy setting and go through her comment like I do, she doesn't consider it an invasion of her privacy because she knows that right now it's a privilege that we have allowed her to have..good luck!

Christina - posted on 07/30/2010

5

0

1

I also have a daughter that is 11 and has pleaded with me to let her have a facebook because all her friends have one. I was shocked to have her tell me this and told her I really didn't care what all her other friends had and that I don't have one and have never felt I needed one. I continue to express to her I feel she is way to young and we can bring this discussion up at a much later time.

Kimberly - posted on 07/29/2010

5

35

0

I have a 10 year old who wants a facebook page but i explained the dangers to her ,i did however add some of her friends on a fan page for our family pet so she does go on the fan page and communicate through that ,with all the spamers and viruses i don't trust her to have a page yet but the fan page for our pet is a safe way for her to communicate with her friends

Rachel - posted on 07/29/2010

15

59

1

I let my 9 and 10 year old sons have a facebook. I don't let them upload anything, I upload for them. I also monitor their friends. My 10 year old keeps getting invites from girls in skimpy clothes and I ignore and say I don't know them. My advise is to monitor very closely and inform her that she needs your approval to upload anything. If she is unwilling to comply you can always delete her status.

Kym - posted on 07/29/2010

5

0

0

My 14 Year old daughter has been on facebook for 2 years...we have rules as well...I have to be a friend and I have her password...I know it would sometimes be easier to say no...however, facebook can be accessed by any computer pretty much anywhere, I would rather my kids be doing it and I know about it then me not knowing about it. Kids are smart, easily can hide accounts from parents and I would just prefer to know. It drives them crazy when I comment on things though - that makes it fun for me ;) Also, the "addiction" goes in spurts...when my daughter first started she was always wanting to go on...then it tailed off...now she can go a couple of days before changing her status...drives me crazy because I have learned alot about her from her status's ;)

Elisabeth - posted on 07/29/2010

47

21

3

My 12 and 17 year old son's have Facebook accounts, as do most of their friends.

The best way to keep an eye on what is going on is to make sure you are on your child's friend list.

Most of my boys' friends are also on my friend list so not much goes on that I don't see. Can't say I am really that interested in the conversations of 17 year old boys though, lol

In some ways it is a good thing as I have been able to nicely point out to some kids that the things I have seen them saying is not appropriate etc I rarely comment on any of their posts so hopefully they often will forget I am there watching their every move, lol.

I have found with my boys that they dont' have any strangers on their FB, only school friends and family and family friends so I'm never too worried about them giving out personal information.

Denise - posted on 07/12/2010

5

6

0

Don't let her have a profile unless you are one of her "friends" and know her password. That way you can check up her randomly to make sure she is only friends with people she knows and is only uploading proper pictures. You can also monitor her privacy settings this way.

R. S. - posted on 07/07/2010

27

0

2

I am my daughters "friend" on Facebook and I know her password. This allows me to see what she is doing (and what is being said to and about her) and it also allows me to shut it off if grades drop or there is an issue. (I just change the password, which keeps the account intact, but she can't access it.) Privacy is set to maximum, and I regularly scan through her friends list to be sure it is only friends. So far, so good...

Emily - posted on 07/07/2010

44

34

7

I don't let my kids use their real names and I joined facebook so I can monitor them we have met bad people already so make sure she knows what is not appriate and she needs to protect herself and never give out where she lives

Anaelisa - posted on 07/06/2010

17

34

0

Both my kids are on facebook. My rules:
1. Only for 1 hour a day
2. Only could add friends that I knew
3. I had to be on their friend list and have their passwords.

Dana - posted on 07/04/2010

10

25

0

I don't think you are overreacting. My daughter is 10 and has one. I am her friend and can access it at any time and keep an eye on it. I would definitely address the too much info. part and monitor who she allows as friends. Also make all info. private except to her friends.

Theresa - posted on 06/30/2010

11

34

0

Way too young for facebook. I would wait a year or two.. My daughter was 14 I supervised the photos and had access to her password to see what was going on. Those were the rules!

Valerie - posted on 06/30/2010

43

26

4

Heather, In my heart, I completely agree and struggled with the fact that we had to put in a different year for her age and the example that was setting. The only reason is that my husband and I come from very big but very close families. Moving was such a hard decision and very tough on my oldest who was 10 at the time. I didn't let her on fb until after she was 11 and that was only after a few serious discussions making sure she understood our rules.

Valerie - posted on 06/28/2010

43

26

4

I let my dd (12 in July) on fb because we moved away from all of our family last year and it is an easy way for her to stay connected in that daily way. It makes her feel not so far away from them all. That being said our rules are very strict...
1. She is only allowed access in our living room, with us in the room.
2. My husband and I have the account password, not her.
3. We oversee all acceptances of friend requests, only real life friends and family allowed.
4. She cannot upload anything without us. Personal information can be very dangerous so there is no mention of her real hometown, phone number or anything else like that.

It may be that only 1% of kids who upload personal stuff will have anything bad happen to them, but in my opinion, the risk of being that 1% is not worth it. I would rather be the "uptight, too strict, overbearing" mom than take any chances.

Kari - posted on 06/23/2010

1

42

0

My 11 year old is on but I watch it like a hawk. I check his friends and his posts to make sure nothing bad is being said. He doesn't like it but that was the condition of him being on it. He know I can delete it just as fast as I created it. You can adjust the privacy levels, etc. so only friends can see pictures and posts.

Lisa - posted on 06/22/2010

7

0

0

hi my name is lisa and i have a 10 year old and i would think if u have a computer in where u can keep an i on her just whatch what she is putting on facebook. And then tell her not to get into the chat rooms because u dont know who is on there, see how that goes.

Erica - posted on 06/22/2010

25

12

0

I find this to be very interesting topic. I have a soon to be 10 year old step-daughter. Last year when she came to live with us for the summer she told us she had a Myspace account. Inside I freaked. I think there are so many pedophiles and i feel like it is a gateway to possibly bad stuff. We have friends that have a girl the same age as you who lets their child use facebook. I really think it is not a good idea (personal view, not saying its right or wrong) however the way our friend's do it for their child is to me the only way to do it , if you are going to consider it. They make her only use it when they are their daughter i feel is good method. they have the access at all time because the rule is she knows the password. As kids get older your not going to be able to prevent this as much as far as them having access to computer not around you, so i think if you start with them censored they may grow good habits. As for younger I don't see the point. Why can'tkids just visit or call or send snail mail if they can see them. For now we forbid our daughter but think we will consider it as she gets maybe into junior high. Your feelings are legitimate and i totally see where you are coming from. PS our daughters' mom got rid of her daughter's mysapce account days after she made it, she had a change of heart without our influence, which is nice :)

Sarah - posted on 06/22/2010

3

13

0

My daughter is 12 1/2 and she also has a facebook page, she doesn't have any pics on hers, she knows that we don't aloud that. She was only on for farmville but than went to talking to kids which we told her only a few friends. Good luck with everything. My daught also has an attiude about everything I tell her not to do, but her father steps in and she change it. I also would like to know if you go thought the same thing?

Carol - posted on 06/20/2010

6

19

0

I encourge you not to let your daughter have a facebook account for if she is addicted to it already she will never get off it and you will start to have a hard time with homework and other things if she is not addicted then tell her she can try out facebook but set time limits and you set the account up and make shure that you check out the privicy setting for now things have changed on facebook and people can get info they shouldnt. there is a setting in the privicy at the bottom off the page where there is a check mark this is some thing you want to check out of it involves third partys like advertising and they can get you info off your facebook so make shure if you give her facebook you set up the privicy and check she facebook to see who she is taking to.make her under stand not to give out any info about where she is or going or where all of you are going for they have talked about this stuff on citytv.

[deleted account]

I think you need to control it just like anything else. Limit her time on it. She's 12, you can do that by telling her she can have the computer for 1 hour everyday and set a timer. Or do what I do with my son, he can take that hour for video games or the computer - his choice but that's it.



Also - why are you letting her upload photos and personal information? Do you have her password? You should. If she's uploading things you don't want her to upload - go int here and take it down. She's 12, she has no expectation of privacy. Not yet. I check my son's page regularly from my own. If I think he's putting things up there that he shouldn't, I go in and remove them and he's banned from the computer for a week.



Don't be scared to set these limits and don't be suprised if she freaks out. Let her, it's part of growing up and learning the world has limits.

Debbie - posted on 06/20/2010

13

15

0

Monitor ,Monitor,Have passwords.Join Facebook yourself and have her add you as a friend .No addresses or names of schools.It can actually be fun to get on some of the games and have her as a neighbor.My daughter is now 14 and We have a great time ,Gifting each other Apps such as Huggs .My addiction Petville and Farrmville .We have so much fun.

Julianne - posted on 06/20/2010

22

12

3

In addition, a friend of mine told me she set her daughter' security to the highest setting including noone could find her. i seached her and it did say info was shared only with certain people HOWEVER, I was able to read her entire WALL without being her friend.
And the bullying on FB is very real (and myspace is LESS Secure by the way). Just ask many school districts. If you monitor it DAILY. Again, I have a problem with parents letting their kids lie about their age to have an account. If my child wants to connect with family she can post under my wall, call them, email or write to them

Julianne - posted on 06/20/2010

22

12

3

I think it is wrong for anyone under age 13 to be on it but that is just my opinion. Facebook requires you to be 13 o have an account, so if your daughter is 12, you allowed her to lie to get on it. With that being said, if you CHOOSE to allow her to have one, put it on the HIGHEST security settings and monitor it everyday, she MUST give you her password.
For her loading personal Info--that is VERY dangerous(you as a parent once you have the password, remove any info you do not want her sharing. Let her know that if you think it is inappropriate from her or her friend then YOU will remove it. And let herknow you have the right to close her account at anytime.
Many here wont agree with me but I have seen TOO many issues with FB with the younger crowd. If it is too keep in touch with family only, create your own account and allow her to post oonit occasionally.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms