what times should a 14 year old go to bed at?

Maggie - posted on 02/16/2012 ( 55 moms have responded )

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my son just turned 14.

on school days he wakes up at half 6 and leaves the house at half 7 to be at school on time. He is in school until 3 then has sport until 5. He is then home for dinner homework and a bath. He gets into his pyjamas at half 7 and is in bed by 8. On weekends he has a bath at half 7 and is in his pyjamas by 8 and is in bed for half 8. Are these bedtimes too late for him?

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Beccy - posted on 05/15/2013

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thats really restricting. my 14 year old girl has to be in the house at that time. making him be in his pjamas as well. 14 year olds should choose their own bed times and if they go to bed late they can sufer the consequences themselves. when will they learn for themselves?

Suzi - posted on 06/01/2013

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No, they're bizarrely early! 11 was the norm for me by the time I was that age.

If you ask me, trying to regulate bedtimes for a post-pubsecent is Just Plain Wrong. They're quite old enough to make their own mistakes in this area.

Ally - posted on 01/16/2014

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I'm 14 and i have to be in my room for 8:30pm so my 7year old brother thinks it's fair however I'm allowed to stay up until 10:00pm on weekdays. On Monday and Thursday I have karate which doesn't finish until 9:15pm so I don't get home till 10pm so on them nights I'm allowed to go to bed whenever. On Fridays and Saturdays I'm also allowed to stay up however long I want to. I'm achieving. A's B's and C's in my school work and I'm in all top sets. I think a 14 year old should be allowed to make their own choices and go along with what suits them. They will be the ones who learn from the consequences!

Amari Desiree - posted on 11/25/2012

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wow a 14 teen year old in high school should be able 2 sleep at 10 or 10 30 bad parenting

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Matthew - posted on 08/11/2014

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You just asked are those times too LATE I was thinking you were gonna say too early and they most defiantly are I'm 13 and weekdays I'm in bed at 9:30 stay on my iPad till 10:30 and wake up at 6:30 on weekends or mid terms summer holidays I'm aloud up till 10:30 then my iPad 2-3:30 then wake up at 11 so no there not late there way too early

Ava - posted on 07/24/2014

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I'm 14 and I go to bed whatever time I want. I'm usually In my room by 10, I think you need to give your kid more freedom. A lot more.

Flabberghast - posted on 04/14/2014

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So most people here think at 14 their child is old enough to make his own decisions? Does this include smoking? alcohol? sex? drugs? Mommy's are blind, always think their child is different, get real. Your child needs to learn discipline, accountability, and the fact that life is not about doing as you please, that way they will be able to hold down a job. Everything in moderation is the key. Even the military sends you to bed at 10pm on a week night.

Mary - posted on 04/10/2014

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I really hope your joking this made me fired up I mean if he was seven maybe but really a bath that is stupid and you make him get in to pyjamies. Congrats you have received the worst parenting award :(

Shana - posted on 04/09/2014

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Ally Waight that's nice you listen to your parents and obey their rules. But only certain things y'all need to learn on y'all own but long as u home. You have to listen to them when it comes to opposite sex, drugs, things you view online y'all need to listen but y'all don't and that's when y'all find out the hard way we just want to protect y'all cuz we been there and done that remember we was young once before but keep up with the good grades congrats.

Shana - posted on 04/09/2014

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I told my 13/14 years old 9pm they don't listen so long as TV off and game off. They can just lay in bed with their phones til they go to sleep. They still get up on time for school

Linda - posted on 04/06/2014

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Wow you sound like you are treating him like a baby I mean come on a bath? My 14 year old takes a shower on his own and doesn't have a bedtime but usually goes to bed at 10:30. When does your teen do their homework Thai is crazy bad parenting

Linda - posted on 11/25/2013

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When my 14yo was getting up at 4;00AM to do homework, he went to bed by 9:00, but now that he's doing his homework after school, he goes to bed between 9-10 and gets up at 6:15. He stays up late on his own sometimes after the rest of us are asleep and he's exhausted the next day. If he gets 8 hours, he's doing okay. Less than that is not good, but what can you do. At 14, he's gotta learn the consequences of his actions (i.e. staying up late makes for cranky boy the next day). I say if you can get your kid in bed and asleep by 8:30 without too much of a fuss, go for it! If he's fighting you on it, let up a little. But definitely not too late!!

Jessica - posted on 06/06/2013

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I think this is too late. 6 should be ok on weekdays. 6.30 on weekends

Harmony - posted on 05/20/2013

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I allow my 14 year old daughter to stay up on the weekends till 9 maybe 9:30 but during the week when she has school she goes to bed at 8:30 no if and ands and butts about it unless she has karate on Tuesday and Wensday and she dose not go to karate on Thursday because it is to late for her if she gets off scheduale too much she has a really hard time getting up in the morning but that is what works for us every parent needs to find what works for them every child is different thank you for listening harmony

Mary Anne - posted on 04/29/2013

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I argue with my mother in law on this subject all the time! I have 3 children, she had one and did a poor job at raising him- trust me! I'm married to him. I know! I send my 6, 10 and 14yr old children to bed at the same time- 9pm weekdays, and as long as they keep the noise down, no bed time on weekends. It WORKS for us! Parents should do whatever works for them. My mother in law however, feels i should only send the younger 2 at that time and not give my 14yr old one at all EVER!.. She treats her as though she's an adult. Sorry, i disagree! She raised her son that way and he was always in trouble and dropped out of school eventually. My daughter gets straight "A"s thankyou very much:)

The - posted on 03/30/2013

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Women kids aren't obese nowadays because of lack of sleep. It's because you feed them too much! Go back to school

The - posted on 03/30/2013

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I'm sorry but teenagers and adults alike only need 7 hours of sleep! You have to be absolutely out of your mind! I used to go to bed at 8pm when I was 6. Now I don't even start cooking till 8:30-9:00pm. I have only got one question for you. Do you seriously want your teenager to be a loner and get bullied? :D

Ramona - posted on 07/12/2012

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Train them all you want, if they play in band, act, do scouts, play sports, involved in a play, they will not be home and in bed that early. Try get into a good college, much less score some scholarship money, without having these things on your college apps!!!

Benita - posted on 07/11/2012

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It's all about training children. If they are trained to go to be at 7:30 or 8pm, their bodies will adapt to that time automatically. My cousins went to bed promptly at 8:30 every night until they were high school graduates. One was and still is an "A" student the other not so great. I think most of the curfews are set for parent's minds to wind down so they can be in bed by a descent time to prepare to get up every work day at 4am, 5am and 6am...and for quality time. This is probably why there are so many divorces today. After the children are born, people don't set aside quality time.

Adreana - posted on 06/28/2012

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"I think being in bed at 8 on a week nigh is way to early for a 14 year old. And even being in bed 8:30 on weekends is even worse. My daughter just turned 14 and is in middle school. I would type her as the "partying type" at school, but not in a bad way. She has decent grades (Mostly A's and B's sometimes C's). She is also an amazing dancer. She dances Monday throughout Friday from 3:30 to 10. Since dance classes run so late usually she's not sleep until 11:30 or 12 on weeknights. As for weekends she hangs out with friends. They usually have sleepovers and she goes to parties (reading her texts makes me believe she sneaks out on weekends sometime). Sometimes she goes out with her boyfriend. On these nights she usually won't even be home until 2 or 2:30. As long as she doesn't do drugs or have sex I'm fine with her being out late. I do know some of her friends smoke weed and have sex a lot so we have had her drug tested a few times and they came out clear. We teach her to have morals and basically don't do anything that could get you in trouble. Even though teepee can get you in trouble we allow it because its just a fun joke. "


Allison, I absolutely agree that 8 pm is too early for a teen that age to be going to bed and he is being treated like a six year old. It is also very good your daughter has an activity that she enjoys and, that her grades are good. I can completely understand the late bedtime on weekdays because, her classes don't get out until 10. However when I started reading about your daughters weekend activity's I became concerned. The reason why I became concerned is because my mom had very much the same rules for me as i was growing up, on weekend I could pretty much do whatever I wanted, I stayed out late just like she does. Let me explain that at 2 am there is nothing out there to do for teen kids, it's past curfew for any town and if your child gets picked up being outside at that time she will get into trouble. If your child is sneaking out (as I also did as a teen), then you need to either set up locks with alarms on the windows and doors and talk to the other parents about what is happening if it's occurring at these sleepovers. If you know her friends are having sex and doing drugs, maybe you should sit down with her and have a talk with her about the types of choices she is making and how even if she isn't doing those same things if her friends get caught doing them she would be just as likely to get into trouble not to mention that if she really is a good kid by hanging out with that type of person other people will believe she is like them....guilty by association. It's good that her tests have come back negative but, that you have had to test her shows mistrust, you your self have a hard time believing she is a good kid so, what are others to think? The really big scare I saw in your post though was that she is out with her boyfriend that late, when kids get bored , as they will at 2 am because there is nothing to do they become creative and make stuff to do and with a teens raging hormones that usually means sex. I know because like I said you sound just like my mom, I was a good kid, I didn't do drugs even though I hung out with drug types, i did drink though and that doesn't show up on a drug test...but, I was pregnant with my daughter at 17, you don't know she's not having sex....no way to tell. You don't know if she's drinking, if she's sleeping over at other peoples houses she could be sleeping it off before she comes home.Morals are good to teach but, sometimes they don't hold up against friends. At that age kids brains are still developing in fact they do until they are 25 years old (I'm a psychology major) they just don't have the impulse control completely developed yet and, that is why we need to set rules and boundaries that limit the available time they have to do these risky behaviors. If you give a teen an inch they will push to see if they can get the mile...you have just handed the mile over to her on the weekends, I'm afraid if you don't tighten down on her a little soon your going to have a very out of control little girl, activities don't solve everything, there have been plenty of good kids in activities with good grades that have gone down the wrong path. Mom you need to take the reigns on your daughters life and bring her back in she is being able to act far too much like an adult and that has consequences, if she's not already having sex she could even get raped being out that late. keep teaching morals but allowing the freedoms of an adult at her age with out the brain power to deal with sticky situations, situations that most of us adult women would have trouble handling, is just asking for disaster.

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the mother who said her daughter is 14 & she lets her stay up till 2-2.30am, that's just absolutely ridiculous as well. It doesn't matter how much you trust your teenage kids,that's just it, they are teenagers & still need boundaries.....you can't leave them it up to them to make up their minds if they're tired, because at that age, they still don't know what's good for them all the time. So anyway....as Ellen says.....

Ramona - posted on 06/12/2012

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Both my kids play hockey, nothing like a late 9:30pm and getting home after 11 and then be up at 5 for the 6 am puck drop.

Jenn - posted on 06/11/2012

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@ Ramona - I know!! I can't say I'm looking forward to crazy late nights with the kids and the grouchy mornings to follow. That's one thing about these kids that I wish would change, if they don't get enough sleep, they're ALL miserable the next day. Imagine, 4 miserable boys mixed in with a miserable female teen, all in the same room?!?!.... NOT PRETTY!! Lol. My oldest son has recently decided that he wants to play ice hockey, so that will mean early mornings for us. I say, "Have fun Dad!!" Mwahaha.

Ramona - posted on 06/05/2012

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@ Jenn! You are indeed blessed to have sports run that early. We have had 9;30 pm games and then have a 6 am game the next day!! In high school, be prepared for away games to end after 9 pm, and the bus to bring them home at 10 pm.

Jenn - posted on 06/04/2012

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@ Ramona - Oh I know, which is why I stated, "I do know this will also change later on and when that time comes, we'll figure out a new schedule." I know things won't be as easy as they are now so it's just a matter of time before that happens. As of right now, none of them are interested in Band or Drama. They're more into the sports scenes so I'm not too worried about concerts just yet. That may change however, but we'll work it out when it does.

Sherri - posted on 06/03/2012

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Wow Allison, Maggie is totally on one side of the spectrum and you are completely 100% overboard on the other end of the spectrum. Honestly have to say your post made my mouth drop, equally as much as Maggie's did for being too overprotective.

Allison - posted on 06/03/2012

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I think being in bed at 8 on a week nigh is way to early for a 14 year old. And even being in bed 8:30 on weekends is even worse. My daughter just turned 14 and is in middle school. I would type her as the "partying type" at school, but not in a bad way. She has decent grades (Mostly A's and B's sometimes C's). She is also an amazing dancer. She dances Monday throughout Friday from 3:30 to 10. Since dance classes run so late usually she's not sleep until 11:30 or 12 on weeknights. As for weekends she hangs out with friends. They usually have sleepovers and she goes to parties (reading her texts makes me believe she sneaks out on weekends sometime). Sometimes she goes out with her boyfriend. On these nights she usually won't even be home until 2 or 2:30. As long as she doesn't do drugs or have sex I'm fine with her being out late. I do know some of her friends smoke weed and have sex a lot so we have had her drug tested a few times and they came out clear. We teach her to have morals and basically don't do anything that could get you in trouble. Even though teepee can get you in trouble we allow it because its just a fun joke.

Ramona - posted on 06/02/2012

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@ Jenn: What school to your kids attend that you can dictate what time plays and concerts occur? I am not saying going out to see Justin Bieber, I am saying that your kid is playing in the band or is in play. High schools have so much going on, there is no way on heaven you would be done that early. My dd just graduated, she was on the high honor roll all 4 years, she played 2 school sports, 2 club sports, volunteered at church, worked 2 jobs, and was in 6 clubs, president of one her Senior year, NHS and German NHS. Trust me, she was never home much, she was wayyyyyy to busy and level headed for that.

Jenn - posted on 05/27/2012

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@ Ramona - I completely agree about when they get older. I have no doubt that when my DD is older, she'll have much more going on and her activities will run much later than they do now. We have already decided that concerts and such things will be weekend events only, unless pertaining to school (her choice and I respect it) I am very fortunate to have such a level headed 14 year old. I'm sure that when that time comes, we'll be able to come to a reasonable decision on a new bedtime according to how tired she is after her activities. But for now, she's just fine where she is. :)

@ Sherri - My 2 year old & 4 year old are both in soccer (Tues & Thurs) and the games start at 6:30pm and usually end at 7:15pm. I know it's not easy for everyone to have their kids in bed early as life always gets in the way. I always try my best to get them bathed and in bed as soon as possible but as you say, sometimes it just doesn't happen.

My 9 & 11 year old are in the same boat, they're both in Basketball and it's every Thursday nights (9 yr old is 7-8pm & 11 yr old is 8-9pm) which is the ONLY night during the weekdays they are permitted to be up so late. All their games are on Saturdays in the morning/early afternoon so I guess it's a bit easier for me to have a routine at bedtime with them as well. I suppose I'm just lucky we have the sporting schedule we do. I do know this will also change later on and when that time comes, we'll figure out a new schedule.

Sherri - posted on 05/27/2012

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@Jen well my 13yr old doesn't even get home from school till 4pm. So any after school activities are after that and when he plays basketball practices run until 8:30pm. My 6yr old kindergartners baseball practices are 6:30-7:30pm and this is just the rec league. So unless my kids forego doing anything other than school there is no possible way to get in bed as early as you mention.

Ramona - posted on 05/27/2012

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@ Jenn. That may work while your kid is in Junior High, but trust me when I say HS, things run much, much later. Concerts, sports, etc... run late. It was not unusual for my dd to be home at 9 or 10 pm from an away game. Then she would do homework until midnight. She would do the reading on the bus, but actual homework would start late. Even peewee football, they don't get out until after 8 pm, same with lacrosse. The jazz band practice and confirmation classes don't even start until 6:30, and not just in my town, so the Jr High aged kids don't get home until 8:30!

Jenn - posted on 05/26/2012

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@Sherri - That's your opinion, I respect it.

In all actuality, some kids do need more sleep than others and if a child is tired, makes sense for them to go to bed earlier. As for the math, it normally takes kids a while to settle down and fall asleep so being in bed by 8pm would be reasonable if they should be asleep by 8:30pm. Some may be able to stay up later. It varies by each child. Some kids are able to determine when they're tired and when they need to go to bed but some others can't and need a bedtime. Clearly if your child is in sports, then it would need to be adjusted, but that's up to the Mom and the child. Weekends are whatever they are and if the parent decides to let the child stay up later, that's fine.

My 14 year old is in Rugby (Mon & Wed 3:45-4:30pm), Cheer-leading (Tues & Thurs 3:45-4:30pm) and works on Weekends (her choice and various hours). On weekdays, she's in bed no later than 9pm, sometimes earlier by her choice since she has to be up for 6:30am. She has a lot of things going on in her life and needs sleep as do most kids.

Sherri - posted on 05/26/2012

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I know Ramona heck what adult gets 12hrs of sleep a night. Honestly I don't know anyone other than little kids that get more than 8 or 9hrs of sleep.

Sherri - posted on 05/26/2012

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@Jenn I am sorry you have to be seriously joking a 14yr old in bed at 7:30pm that is utterly the most ridiculous thing I think I have ever heard. You actually made me laugh. Not to mention due your own math 10 hrs needing to get up at 6:30 is 8:30 not 7:30 or 8pm.

So I am guessing you never plan on your child having a life outside of school, no activities, no job, no chores, no friends because their entire lives would be school and homework. Heck they will still be going to bed when it is light outside.

Jenn - posted on 05/25/2012

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Pre-Teens/Teens need about 10-12 hours of sleep per night but because of early school start times, on top of schedules packed with school, homework, friends, and activities, they don't always get it. If your child needs to be up by 6:30am, he should be in bed no later than 8pm. If you find he's still really tired in the morning, try switching to 7:30pm just so he has a little bit more. I read something that really stuck with me.

"Lack of sleep can cause irritable or hyper types of behavior and may make it difficult for kids to pay attention in school. It is important to have a consistent bedtime, especially on school nights. Be sure to leave enough time before bed to allow your child to unwind before lights out."

Good plan!!

Ramona - posted on 05/25/2012

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If he is good with it, I guess it works. My ds is also recently turned 14, he usually isn't home until 8:30 or 9 pm. He is in school clubs, sports, music and scouts, all that keep him out later! I can't imagine having him in bed so early.

Lakota - posted on 05/25/2012

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Kids at that age need a certain amount of sleep to be healthy (9 to 10 hours). If your son wakes up early, then he needs to go to bed early. Just because he is older, doesn't mean it's ok to not give him a bed time or let him stay up late. That's rediculous. If going to bed at 8:30 keeps him healthy and alert the next day, then good job mom! There are some moms who think it's ok for their kids to go to bed at 10 or later when they have school the next day. They are rediculous. Sleep deprivation in kids is part of the reason kids are obese now a days. You know your child and what his needs are.

Sarah - posted on 05/25/2012

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Okay I think that's too early. My 3 & 6 year old goes to bed at that time. My 9 year old goes to bed at 9:30. When he's 10 then he can go to bed at 10. Just to be honest he gets into his pyjamas and takes a bath, And you think 8 is too early he doesn't sound 14 he sounds 4. Sorry.

Cayla - posted on 05/13/2012

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No way my daughter goes to bed @ 9:30 pm and shed eleven. Hers our rules

In bed by 8pm and lights and TV off by 9:30 pm so that's 1& 1/2 hours to do why she wants go with that.

Sherri - posted on 03/06/2012

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Too Late???? Ummmm no my 14yr olds bedtime during school week is 9:30pm and weekends he doesn't have one at all.

Adreana - posted on 03/03/2012

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I would say it depend on how mature the child is, my daughter is a straight A student , she does all of her chores and never gives us any trouble . She gets up on her own and walks to school and is never late so, she goes to bed beween 10 and 11pm on her own. At this age kids know when they are tired and they should be learning to be independent, I let her decide for her self and if she's tired then she sufferes the natural consequences of her actions. She knows she doesn't want to be tired at school so she goes to bed but, like I said she is very mature. If she were unable to do these things on her own I might still have a bedtime for her however, 8 pm seems early for a teen. My toddler goes to bed at 8 my 9 year old goes to bed at 9 . When I was a teen 10pm was my curfew and I went to bed when I wanted to after that but, I had to stay in my room. If you do the math from 10pm is 8 hours of sleep. I'm assuming at 14 he is in H.S which is getting him prepared for the real world I don't know about you but I would be worried about him being able to adjust his sleep schedule for adult life. Most of us are lucky to get 8 hrs let alone the 10 he's getting now. This is a good time to start weining him off the "child " schedule and allow him to have responsibility for his schedule.Other wise you might find that when he gets his independence he might just explode out of control from not knowing how to handle it properly independently. I would say lose the "bahtime" and " PJ" time and let him decide (with your help of course) what his night time routine should be. As, for my daughter she prefers to do her hair in the morning before school so she takes a quick shower in the morning.. Oh, by the way my daughter won't be 14 until August, she is in orchestra, she does newspaper club, archery and helps wih her younger siblings. She is expected to wash the dishes, keep her room clean and she and her brother take turns taking out the trash. We don't have any charts and she has no schedule for any of these things she is expeced to just do them, and she does. I want to raise independent children, we are getting them ready for the real world and as you now in the real world there are no charts, bedtimes or moms nagging there are just concequences. So in a few years here my 9 year old won't have any of those things either.

Jocelyn - posted on 02/16/2012

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My 13 year old (will be 14 in June) goes to bed at 8pm. Now with that said I have to say she requires sleep. This past weekend she stayed up late for 2 nights and when she came home she was sick from having not gotten enough sleep. I sent her to bed at 7:30pm one night cause she needed it. When she spends the night over at friends she is always the first one asleep! haha...



We let her stay up a little late some nights if we know it's not going to affect her or on weekends, etc. But I don't see her bed time changing when she turns 14 just because of how her body works.



I think how much they need sleep is more of what matters than age. I think it depends on how you think he does...Especially the earlier you get up the earlier to bed, just how it is with that schedule!

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